Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

Going to Siberia

Elmwood Springs, Missouri

April 3, 1973

For dinner, Norma had tested several recipes out of The Neighbor Dorothy Cookbook. She had told Macky that she just felt like trying something new for a change, no big deal, but he knew she was trying out dishes to fix when Baby Girl came home. She knew he knew but they both played along. He had been served: Minnie Dell Crower’s “Meatloaf Delight,” Leota Kling’s “Lima Bean and Cheese Casserole,” Virginia Mae’s “Scalloped Turnips,” John and Susan Tate’s “Light as a Feather Potato Puffs,” Lucille’s “Fly off the Plate Rolls,” Gertrude’s “Bing Cherry Salad,” topped off with “Chocolate Peanut Butter Bunt Cake” from Vernelia Pew.

Everything passed muster with the exception of the turnips. Whoever Virginia Mae was, she was destined not to go to good-recipe heaven. After that, Macky could hardly move and was stretched out in the living room watching television. Norma was in the kitchen listening to the last of the turnips being ripped to shreds in her new garbage disposal when the phone rang and she picked it up.

Five minutes later she came in the living room with a dejected look on her face, sat down, and looked at Macky. “She’s not coming.”

“Why?”

“She was so disappointed.… You should have heard her.”

“What happened?”

“Well, she said she had planned on coming in tomorrow but decided to come tonight instead. She had made all the arrangements to come on the late flight to Kansas City and was going to call us from the New York airport, so we would be sure and know exactly what time she would be in. She was packed, had her ticket, had already called a taxi, and was headed out the door, was actually in the hall, when the phone rang. And she said she could just kill herself for even going back in and picking it up. Because wouldn’t you know it, it was her boss and he was frantic because there was this very important interview already set up out of the country and the reporter that was supposed to go had a sudden attack of malaria, right at the last minute, and couldn’t go.”

“Malaria?”

“Yes, he got it when he was doing a story in some jungle—and you know that’s recurring—so anyway, she didn’t have a choice because the plane was waiting at the airport at that very moment. Bless her heart, it’s a wonder she had time to call us at all with them jerking her all the way to Siberia. It’s a good thing she did call, though; I reminded her to take a coat. You never know, she could have gotten over there and frozen to death in a snowstorm.”

“Siberia? Who is she going to interview in Siberia, I wonder.”

“She doesn’t know; she said that it was so important and evidently so secret that they didn’t even tell her. Really, though, as bad as it is, it was a blessing she was already packed and ready to go, but she probably just packed her light clothes thinking she was coming here. Well, at least I made her take a heavy coat.”

Macky went over and started pulling down the big green Colliers World Map and Atlas book off the shelf. “Norma, are you sure she didn’t say Sicily or Sardinia or something?”

“No, I’m sure she said Siberia. Why do you think I told her to take a coat? I wouldn’t tell her to take a heavy winter coat to Sicily or Sardinia; I can tell the difference between Sardinia and Siberia.” Norma suddenly looked alarmed. “I just thought of something. Aren’t you supposed to get a vaccination when you travel out of the country?”

Macky’s finger found Siberia on the map. “Yes, but I wouldn’t worry. I don’t think a germ stands a chance up that far.”

“What about her passport, do you think she forgot it, being in such a hurry?”

Macky shook his head. “No, honey, with the way they have to go at a moment’s notice, they probably have four or five of those things. She probably keeps one in her purse.”

He was studying the map. “Whoever she’s interviewing, you can bet your bottom dollar he’s a Russian. Come here and look at this, it’s perched right on the border.”

Norma saw where Siberia was. “Oh my Lord! Isn’t that behind the iron curtain? Do you think she’ll be safe? You don’t think they would kidnap her or shoot her or anything?”

Macky shook his head. “No, listen, if anything were to happen to her, everybody in America would know it. They don’t want to fool with a famous television star, believe me. She’s probably safer than anyone in the world. Did she say she might be able to come after she gets back from this trip?”

“No, she can’t, she said this was the only time that she could have taken off.”

“Well, it’s a damn shame the way they work her like they do. She hasn’t had a vacation since she started working there. That girl works too hard.”

A half hour later, when Macky was in the kitchen fixing the percolator for their morning coffee, Norma said, sighing, “Well, I guess I better call Aunt Elner and let her know she’s not coming.”

“She never knew she was coming in the first place, Norma.”

But she was not listening and had already dialed. “Aunt Elner, are you still up? It’s Norma.” She said, louder, “It’s Norma, go get your hearing aid, dear.”

She waited. “Well, now the tale can be told because it’s not going to happen. You will never guess who was coming home for a visit. And was going to come over to your house and surprise you. Guess … Well, I know you don’t know … but guess. No, even better than Wayne Newton.”

Macky laughed.

“Baby Girl, that’s who. No, she’s not coming now. I know it would have been wonderful, but just at the last minute when she was headed out the door, her boss called her and she had to go and interview somebody and fly all the way to Siberia to do it. Siberia.” She spelled it out. “S-I-B-E-R-I-A; yes, that’s the one. Macky thinks she’s going to interview some big Russian mucky-muck. I feel so sorry for her I could just cry. They just send her hither and yon but the news waits for no man, as they say. Oh, yes, she was; disappointed is not the word. Heartbroken is more like it. She was trying to be brave but I could tell by her voice that she was on the verge of tears. I mean, we are all terribly disappointed but just imagine how horrible she must have felt. Here she had her bags all packed and ready to walk out the door headed for Missouri and winding up in Siberia instead.”