Whores for Gloria

20. Melissa

Not long after that, Jimmy met Melissa again at the corner of Hyde and Turk, not far from the Hotel Tony where you had to pay old Lonnie three dollars to get in, and Melissa was looking good, so Jimmy said well how's it been going? and Melissa said ups and downs mosdy downs and Jimmy said yeah well you know all the happy stories you told me were sad but I made them happy for myself just by showing myself dark cool movies of 'em like you used to do when you were a girl, and Melissa smiled and took his hand and said I'm glad now what was your name again?

Jimmy.

By the way Jimmy one thing I forgot to tell you is that once when I went to that movie house — I must have been about seven — I met a child molester and he kept sitting closer and closer to me and he told me I love the way you eat that hot dog and he told me to jerk him off.

Jimmy said no Melissa no don't say that it was perfect for Gloria the way it was please don't change it.

Gloria

What am I going to do? shouted Jimmy soundlessly, down inside his throat.

He went home and drank beer alone until he was calm.

The problem he said to himself is how can I put one foot ahead of the other day after day for the rest of my life?

Goddamn it! shouted Jimmy in the empty room. If she's not there what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm just trying to get by day after day. It used to be, if I wanted a Bud, I drank it. If some cunt walked by and I wanted her box, I bought it. Then I had something special that was changing me, and that was for the best. I never forgot about it. Just too bad it happens to be gone. Get it, Gloria? Get it? Hey, cunt, is my business still your business?

Gloria

That night went by, and so did the next. Jimmy didn't come out of his room except to piss and drink water from the bathroom sink. He heard nothing but silence. He said to himself everything grows out of something. Gloria must have grown out of something. If she's gone there must be something left. But I can't figure out what. — He lay on his bed with the light on until the bulb burned out and then it was dark and he lay there until Pearl was knocking on the door saying Jimmy? and he moaned something until she went away. Then that day was full and over, like a wastebasket full of beer bottles and used rubbers.

I guess you screwed me, all right, he said. Right up the butt.

Well, shit, he said. Things are pretty cheesey since you left. Maybe I'll just pretend you're here. And if I don't tell you won't tell. I have you figured there, don't I? Because if you tell you'll have to come back to do it.

He laughed and said to himself maybe I could use a beer.