Whores for Gloria

9. Gloria

Although buying Dinah's hair had been an escalation of sorts, Jimmy had no intention of taking Code Six's advice literally, buying whores' dirty panties and kissing them (although when a whore talked he thought this is what Gloria would have said, and suddenly he was all attention; when a whore stripped he thought Gloria would have had underpants like this, and then he had to pay for them), of buying whores' dresses and high heels and garter belts, wigs and bras and socks and similar items each representing some woman's physical character like notes of music, which are no less pure, distinct, unique for not meaning anything (as long as the panties that were to become Gloria's smelled like some particular cunt it did not matter which because that was now Gloria's cunt; the only important thing after that was consistent obedience to precedent); certainly he never wanted to go farther like Jack the Ripper and hack off parts of whores' bodies to take home with him, as if through some combination of hubris and sincerity he could construct, however momentarily, his own charnel-Gloria like some Frankenstein's monster lying in his bed and listening for him with black girls' and white girls' ears in its patchwork face and grinning for him with Cecily's teeth and Dinah's teeth and Phyllis's teeth and licking its grey quilt of lips with Melissa's pickled tongue. No, if he'd done that people might have asked about her, although Jimmy was certainly ready to explain if anyone did ask which no one did that Gloria was going through some changes right now so she never did anything in fact she hardly ever talked and if Jimmy went to the bars Gloria would stay home in bed or else she would wait across the street in one of the abandoned cars; whenever she saw Jimmy with other people she hid. But these apologetics would have been embarrassing. Besides, they were unnecessary. Whenever Jimmy needed the smell of a woman or the soft weight of a woman's embrace, why, he had the whores being themselves for Gloria who partook of them all and lived on them all like some sky-goddess feasting upon the smoke from sacrifices. As for the rest of what he needed, the airy loveliness and happiness, he had that always with him; it floated at his arm like a helium balloon; no one could see it or ask about it or take it from him. So, having the hair, he really only needed the memories. Jimmy sat alone in his room, drinking tequila until his lips went numb. That's right honey babe (he said to Gloria) I have you I'm not lying I never lied to you I haven't told the truth for so long now that I've given up lying.