Xenophobe's Guide to the Italians

Obsessions

Outsmarting other Italians, who can then be mocked as slow and gullible (or fesso), is central to the Italian psyche, and is generally regarded as a positive virtue, as long as it is successful. Thus Italians rather admire and even envy the clever dick (il furbo) who connives to get to the front of the traffic jam and then jumps the red light and goes roaring off ahead of everyone else.

If he is seen by the traffic police, chased and stopped, the furbo will then swear blind that his wife is about to give birth, and that he has to get home as fast as possible to get her to the maternity hospital, and go roaring off again, with a police escort. Anything goes in the pursuit of outsmarting others, from the bending of rules whenever possible, to the telling of lies. Italians grow up knowing that they have to be economical with the truth. All other Italians are, so if they didn’t play the game they would be at a serious disadvantage. They have to fabricate to keep one step ahead.

Not getting away with something is the main risk involved, but it is generally regarded as an acceptable one. After all, that ticket for shooting the lights might never need to be paid, especially if the driver’s cousin who works in the police department reminds the traffic policeman that they both support the same football team and lets him know that the driver just happens to have a spare ticket for the big match on Sunday afternoon.

Losing face is considered far worse than being found out, and Italians will often make and accept a whole series of what seem to be completely unnecessary or highly improbable excuses in order not to be seen to be at fault. Convenient euphemisms like, “I mislaid your phone number” or “Your letter never arrived”, are so much easier to say than admitting that you underestimated the importance of a swift reply, and thus appearing a complete fesso.

Italy has the greatest number of taxes and some of the highest rates of taxation in Europe, but this is not a problem because Italians are famous for not paying them. The government takes this into consideration when calculating their demands. This has led to some misunderstandings. When Trieste passed from the Austro-Hungarian Empire to Italy in 1918, the people paid the taxes they were asked to pay. The tax inspectors immediately asked them to pay double the next year, working on the principle that people never paid more than 50% of what they could pay.

By and large salaried workers are unable to avoid paying taxes as these are deducted at source. Freelancers and the self-employed however do their best to avoid declaring anything more than minimal earnings, which enables them to benefit from Italy’s welfare system which is weighted in favour of those with lower incomes.

Servicing the Italian national debt is no easy job, and the government often has recourse to financial amnesties to bring in revenue; for example, a building amnesty permitted all those who had broken the laws relating to construction to regularise their position by paying a fine. These amnesties are quite successful in raising money, but the reverse side is that they tend to encourage others to risk breaking the law, so the cycle continues. They also help to explain the building speculation, often executed with an almost total absence of planning permission, which has ruined some of Italy’s most beautiful beaches.

It is estimated that up to a third of Italy’s economic activity is carried out unofficially and so is outside the reach of the official statistics and thus, by implication, of the tax office. This economia sommersa (hidden economy) is made up of nero (black-work, i.e., moonlighting) at all levels (not only the plumber, but the surgeon, too, will work in nero whenever possible) and of income from criminal activities (drug smuggling, cigarette smuggling, prostitution, bribes). It explains why though their country is always on the verge of bankruptcy, Italians manage to look so affluent.

Italians are obsessed with security. They have to be for crime is rampant. In Turin alone a car theft can occur every hour, a bag snatching every hour and a half, and a burglary every two hours. These days pickpocketing in the cities has reached levels the Artful Dodger would be proud of, and street robbery and break-ins are too commonplace for comment. So Italians invest in wonderful alarm systems and padlocks, turning their houses and shops into miniature fortresses.

Yet there are often weak points. Incredibly well-secured doors will only be held in place by the flimsiest hinges, and that car alarm, which is so sensitive even a light shower of rain will set it off, may never be switched on.

Love is taken very seriously by Italians – 99% of all their songs are about love – and it is endlessly thought about and debated, for after all, what is life without amore?

The debate covers a large number of key issues: What effect does falling in love have on your diet? Is love good for your health? Is love possible without sex? Is sex possible without love? Is universal love possible? And what about free love? Whole television series are devoted to couples in love, couples out of love, couples looking for love, children and love, elderly people and love, and so on. The subject has endless scope and involves the entire nation.

Italian men are expected to behave in a certain way. The very popular former President, Sandro Pertini, was a happily married man whose private and public morality nobody would have dreamt of criticising. When, in his mid-seventies, while admiring the latest Alfa Romeo sports car he was heard to say: ‘What a beautiful car – not for one’s wife, of course!’, he was just being very Italian.

Whether or not Latins really are dynamic lovers, Italians bask in the glory achieved by their forebears and millions of people continue to think that they are. However, it seems that trying to live up to their reputation causes widespread problems. Long articles appear now and then in the press with statistics on the high numbers of male Italians who suffer from impotence. But help is at hand with high performance wonder drugs like viagra whose Italian sales are breaking all records.

Most verbal insults are related to sexual behaviour. Men will accuse women of free and easy sexual morals, calling them puttana (whore) and so on. When and if women swear, they tend to attack the virility of men by calling them gay, old, or impotent. Nevertheless, the legend of the Latin Lover lives on, and Italian males can read other articles in the newspapers with greater satisfaction, like the one reporting the comforting fact that Italian condoms are half a centimetre longer than those used in other countries.

Love is linked to another national obsession, betrayal. Betrayal, or rather fear of betrayal, is what keeps relationships passionate in Italy, and what is love without passion?

Magazines such as Italian Cosmopolitan regularly reveal that large numbers of Italian husbands betray their wives, and vice versa. Despite this, betrayal is still a dangerous game in Italy: enraged fathers, brothers, uncles and cousins will not think twice before resorting to violence to defend the honour of the family. Italians are famous for la vendetta, and many a blood feud is begun which can continue for generations, or at least until the original cause has long since been forgotten.