You Are Dead

54

Monday 15 December

A fine mist of rain fell silently and steadily, soaking the gathering mourners, and glossing the grey, stark, neo-Gothic edifice of St Peter’s. The imposing building was the largest church in the city, and had been chosen for today because of the number of police officers and support staff who had expressed the wish to attend.

That morning Grace had brought the team briefing forward again to 7.30 a.m. and left a small core of officers continuing with the investigation, under the leadership of his deputy SIO, Iain Maclean. He was planning to return to Sussex House immediately after the service and committal.

Everything about this Monday morning felt grey, he thought. Even the sky was tombstone coloured. He was attired — a little uncomfortably — in the formal dress uniform he had not removed from its dry-cleaning bag in over four years. The last time he had worn it was also for a high-profile funeral — a Sussex Police officer who had died in tragic circumstances.

Shortly after 10.30 a.m. he walked with Cleo, the two of them huddled beneath an umbrella, down from the rear car park of John Street police station, where he had been fortunate to have been given one of the few available parking spaces, towards London Road. Neither of them spoke much, as he rehearsed what he was going to say in his mind. They were entering what had once been one of the scuzziest areas of the city, but was now up and coming. Normally, out of habit, he would have been checking the faces of everyone he passed, but today his thoughts were elsewhere, mostly focused on the funeral that lay ahead, but frequently switching back to the disappearances of Logan Somerville, Ashleigh Stanford and, possibly linked with them, Emma Johnson.

Cleo held his hand tightly and he was comforted and more grateful than he could ever say for her support. He could not remember the last time he had felt so nervous. He was shaking as he walked, butterflies going berserk in his stomach. He’d been in many dangerous situations in the line of duty, in the past, but nothing he could remember had ever made him feel this way. Above all, he was terrified of cracking up when he reached the pulpit.

‘You’ll be fine, darling.’ She kissed him.

He patted his inside pocket for about the seventh time to check that his speech was there, panicking for a moment that he might have left it behind. He tugged it out and checked it, just to make sure, then carefully replaced it, and checked again that it was safely tucked in.

The approach to St Peter’s was lined with motorcycle police officers. Beyond them stood the guard of honour of uniformed officers, already in place, as well as a contingent of fire officers, despite there being twenty-five minutes to go. Swarming around them were press photographers, TV camera and radio crews.

As they neared he saw Cassian Pewe, in full dress uniform, engaged in conversation with Tom Martinson, also in dress uniform, and Nicola Roigard, like Cleo and most of the other women, all in black. Rainwater dripped from the edge of her broad-brimmed hat.

The trio greeted Grace and Cleo with respectful nods. Then Cassian Pewe extended his hand and gave him a limp handshake. ‘You know how sorry I am, Roy.’

The problem with Pewe’s whiny voice was that anything he said, even condolences like this, sounded like he was sneering, Grace thought. ‘Thank you, sir,’ he said, stiffly. ‘I don’t think you’ve met my wife, Cleo.’

Pewe shook her gloved hand and simpered, unctuously. ‘What an absolute delight. I’m told you are sorely missed at the mortuary. Are you enjoying life as a mother?’

‘Very much,’ she said. ‘But I plan to be back at work again soon.’

‘Not soon enough, so far as I’m concerned.’ He smiled, his lips curling to reveal a viperous set of incisors.

Grace remembered that ACC Pewe was outside the burning building where DS Bella Moy had died, remaining there all day until her body was brought out. He did at least respect his old adversary for that.

‘A difficult morning for you, Roy,’ Nicola Roigard said.

‘Yes,’ he said, his voice choked. ‘This is my wife, Cleo.’

The two women shook hands. As they did so, Pewe stepped out of the line-up and said to Roy Grace, quietly, ‘Any developments overnight?’

Grace saw, heading towards them, the Argus reporter Siobhan Sheldrake.

‘Nothing since my update of yesterday evening, sir.’

‘Excuse me, gentlemen!’ Siobhan Sheldrake interrupted them, holding out a small microphone. ‘Could I get a comment from each of you about the tragic death of Detective Sergeant Bella Moy?’

Roy Grace had to listen, close to vomiting, as Cassian Pewe launched into a sickly, glib list of superlatives about the diligence, dedication and outstanding courage of the fallen officer. Pewe finished with the words, ‘Detective Sergeant Bella Moy was quite one of the most remarkable police officers it has ever been my privilege to work with.’

Except, Roy Grace thought, stifling his anger, Pewe had never worked with her. But this was neither the time nor the place for trying to settle scores. He let Pewe finish, said his own piece into the microphone, then led Cleo towards the entrance of the church, where Glenn Branson was standing next to Guy Batchelor, who was accompanied by his blonde, attractive Swedish wife, Lena.

They smiled at each other, politely, but none of them felt like talking. Grace noticed a faint smell of cigarette smoke on Batchelor and could have happily slunk away for a quick smoke himself right now to calm his nerves. Glenn put his arm around him and gave him a hug. Grace sniffed, pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose.

‘Good luck, mate,’ Branson said. He balled his fist and touched knuckles with Grace. Grace always wondered what it would feel like for anyone on the receiving end of a punch from his friend’s fist; it felt as if it had been hewn out of rock.

The almost ethereal silence across the city was shattered, suddenly, by the Doppler wail of sirens, as an ambulance threaded its way through the clogged-up London Road traffic. Once it faded away into the distance, an even greater silence followed. It was as if the entire city of Brighton and Hove had ground to a halt. Even the seagulls were quiet. The only sound that could be heard, for several minutes, was the clop-clopping of horses’ hooves.

Then the cortège came into sight. The coffin was clearly visible, draped with the Sussex Police flag and a policewoman’s hat, surrounded by flowers, through the glass windows of a carriage drawn by four black horses. It was followed by a black limousine. Both pulled up outside the front of the church.

Roy Grace put his arm around Cleo and led her inside, accepting the two service sheets that were handed to him, and headed down the aisle, nodding in acknowledgement at faces he knew. As they sat down, Bella’s mother, a frail lady with a Zimmer frame, and several others of Bella’s family members, including three children, sat down on the pew in front of them.

Roy handed a service sheet to Cleo, then stared at the photograph on the front of his. It was an angelic young child with golden curls, the dates of her birth and death beneath. Bella Kathleen Moy. She was just thirty-five when she died. He opened it and ran his eyes through the order of service, noting the hymns that had been chosen, glad to see that one of his own favourites, the rousing ‘Jerusalem’, was among them.

Cleo had told him she believed in God, although she never went to church to worship. They’d had a number of discussions about faith, particularly in the days following Noah’s birth, and whether to have him baptized. Cleo wanted it; she liked traditions, and the idea of godparents. Grace was not really sure how he felt. Part of him would have preferred not to have a christening, and to let Noah decide for himself when he was older. But if it was what Cleo wanted, he was happy to go along with it.

There had been a time, too, when he had believed. Then he’d gone through a period of being almost a militant atheist, partly prompted by the death of both his parents, and Sandy’s absolute cynicism about religion, and then had arrived at where he was today, open-minded. He found it hard to believe in the Biblical notion of God, but equally, he was uncomfortable with the modern atheists like Dawkins. If he had to nail his colours to the mast, he would have said that there was a bigger picture, and human beings weren’t — as yet, anyhow — smart enough to understand what it was.

But whenever he entered an impressive church like this one, he could understand something of the mystical spell cast over people. He remained seated in the pew, breathing in the smells of wood and musty fabric while Cleo unhooked her kneeler, laid it down and knelt on it, her face buried in her hands in prayer.

He followed suit, opened his hands and pressed them against his face. He tried to remember the words of the Lord’s Prayer, which he had said every night throughout his childhood, and into his mid-teens.

‘Our Father which art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name,’ he murmured, self-consciously, and stopped, as the next line suddenly eluded him.

Then music began playing. John Denver’s ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’.

Suddenly, all around him, people were getting to their feet. He and Cleo stood, too.

As the music played on, the pall-bearers carried the pine coffin down the aisle. He turned, along with everyone else, to see four sombre men, one of them Norman Potting, tears streaming down his face, slowly approaching the altar. Then they placed it, carefully, on the catafalque.

The congregation sat again. As the service commenced, officiated by Father Martin, who only a short while ago had officiated at their own wedding, Roy Grace pulled his speech from his pocket and read through it once more. The vicar said a few words of introduction, then they stood again for the first hymn, ‘Abide With Me’. As it drew to an end, the vicar gave a reading from 1 Corinthians 12. Then Norman Potting stood up, slowly made his way towards the pulpit and entered it.

His face was wet with tears and there was total silence in the church. It took him some moments to compose himself. ‘This is about Bella,’ he said. Then his voice faltered. ‘The music she loved. The people she loved. No one ever loved her more than I did.’ He began to sob. After several moments, dabbing his eyes again, he said, ‘Throughout the time I was lucky enough to know Bella, and for her to become my fiancée, there was one Sussex Police officer who knew all along just how damned good she was.’ He pointed straight at Roy Grace. ‘You, sir. Roy. Please come and say a few words — I–I can’t — I can’t say any more.’

As he stumbled down from the pulpit, Grace stood and walked towards it. When he reached Norman Potting he stopped, gave him a hug and kissed him on both cheeks. Then he climbed into the pulpit, took out his speech and laid it on the lectern, and waited for Norman to find his front-row seat and settle into it before commencing.

‘The police have come in for a lot of criticism in recent years,’ he said, catching Cleo’s reassuring expression, then scanning the congregation of almost one thousand faces. ‘Fair do’s to the press for highlighting the idiots in our forces, the wrong’uns. There are over one hundred and thirty-five thousand police officers in the UK. In any body of people that big, you are bound to find some bad eggs. Maybe they number about one per cent, although I would guess the figure is lower even than that. So what about the other ninety-nine per cent? Bella Moy was one of these. She worked as one of the most valued members of my team on many cases. During all the time I knew her, despite her obligations caring for her mother, she never threw a sickie, never moaned, never went home early, never took a single day off that she wasn’t entitled to. Sussex CID was her life. A life that very recently and for far too short a time, in which she found true love with Norman.’

He paused, faltering, as he caught the Detective Sergeant’s eye, and had to take a deep breath to compose himself. He stared again at the sea of silent but attentive faces, most of whom were familiar. ‘I’ve been privileged to serve Sussex Police for twenty-one years, and I’ve met and know many of you here today. There are few officers in our force, or in any other police force around the nation, who have not, at some time, been in a situation where their life has been on the line. Whether it’s confronting, single-crewed, a scimitar-waving drunk at three o’clock in the morning in Brighton’s Lanes, approaching a car in a dark country lane, with a suspected armed robber inside, entering a brutal pub brawl, or crawling out on a high-rise window ledge to try to talk down a potential suicidal jumper. What I do know is that all of you officers here today would go into that situation with barely a moment’s thought for your own safety, to do your duty in serving the public.’ He fell silent, to let the words sink in, before continuing.

‘Bella Moy died doing just that. What makes her death even more poignant — and heroic — is that she was off duty. There was a burning building, and she could have driven right by. But she didn’t, she stopped. And when she learned that there was a small child trapped inside, she went straight in — and saved that child. The fire services had not arrived at this point and it is likely that if Bella had not gone in, that young child would have died. It was an act of bravery that cost her her life. She knew she was taking a very big risk entering that blazing building but she didn’t actually have time to make much of a risk assessment. She knew there was a chance of saving a child, whatever the risks to herself.’ He paused to take a breath, then went on.

‘I think the words of this American author, Jack London, could have been written about Bella Moy:

His voice just held out. ‘Bella used her time, and it ran out on her. We are all the poorer for that. But the richer for having known her.’

He stepped down and, blinded by tears, made his way back to his pew.

Ten minutes later, after the words of the last hymn, ‘Jerusalem’, faded, everyone kneeled again. The vicar gave his final blessing. And suddenly, very different music started. Feargal Sharkey’s ‘A Good Heart’.

The pall-bearers and Norman Potting shouldered the coffin and carried it back out, followed by Bella’s family.

Slowly, Roy Grace climbed to his feet and held out his arm for Cleo. Then he picked up his umbrella and followed them along the aisle, struggling to keep his composure.

Outside, among the throngs of people standing in the bitter cold, a young woman in black, with a small pillbox hat over a tangle of fair hair, and accompanied by a small, rather sullen child, suddenly came up to Norman Potting. ‘Excuse me — Mr — Detective Potting?’

‘Yes?’ Potting nodded.

‘My name’s Maggie Durrant. Your fiancée, Bella, I–I just wanted to let you know that she saved Megan, my daughter — and she saved our dog, Rocky, too. I–I don’t know what to say — I just — I just wanted you to know how grateful I am and how sorry I am.’ She sniffed, tears trickling down her cheeks.

‘Thank you,’ Norman Potting said, his voice choked with emotion. ‘Thank you.’ He looked down at the little girl and gave her a tearful smile, and she gave him the faintest trace of a smile back.