You Are Dead

61

Tuesday 16 December

‘Mr Brighton Brander!’ Harrison said and chuckled.

Felix roared with laughter. ‘The Brighton Brander! Oh my God, that is so funny! Mr Brander! I so totally love it! You’re a brand name!’

‘Barker might have been a better word,’ Marcus said. ‘Barker as in barking mad.’

They were watching the 10 p.m. ITV news feature on the serial killer panic gripping the city of Brighton and Hove.

‘How about cutting me a bit of slack all of you?’ he snarled.

‘You’ve got to admit it was funny,’ Harrison chortled away.

‘Go fuck yourself, Harrison.’

‘Well, thank you for the offer. I would if I could.’

‘Want a pineapple up your rectum?’

‘Now now, don’t be so spikeful!’

Felix giggled.

‘You think that’s funny, Felix?’

‘Hey ho,’ Felix said. ‘Listen to me. Chillax, dude! Don’t you see what that clever-clogs copper, Inspector Grace, is trying to do?’

‘Detective Superintendent,’ he snarled back. ‘Yes, he’s trying to make me look cruel and sadistic.’

‘Well, he wouldn’t have to try very hard,’ Marcus murmured.

‘What was that, Marcus?’ He turned and rounded on him. ‘What did you just say?’

‘You see,’ Harrison said, loudly. ‘You’re all angry and upset, exactly where Detective Superintendent Grace wants you. He’s poking you with a large stick, trying to make you angry, can’t you see that? He’s hoping if he gets you riled, you’ll make a mistake — and then where are we all going to be?

‘We are looking for a middle-aged man with local knowledge and a sadistic streak, who appears to be targeting young women of a specific appearance. He’s already made a number of mistakes, which I can’t go into now,’ said Harrison, repeating the news broadcast. He shook his head. ‘Tut, tut, tut. He says you have made a number of mistakes — what are they? I think some serious correction is needed here, don’t we all, team? So what are we going to do about it?’

‘I know exactly what we are going to do about it. That arrogant shit Detective Superintendent Roy Grace is about to receive the Order of the Pineapple. Right up his jacksie. I’ve not made any mistakes. I’ve not put a foot wrong. I’m going to sort that copper out.’

‘Oh yes, how?’

‘Watch this space, guys.’

‘Hey, why not?’ Felix said. ‘We’ve fuck all else to do!’

‘Yes, we’ll watch your next mistake!’ Harrison said.

He glared at Harrison. Glared at the smug face of Roy Grace on the television. ‘You’ll be sorry you said that about me, Detective Superintendent, you’ll be very sorry.’

‘And that’s something we all know you are very good at,’ Felix said. ‘Making people sorry.’

‘True,’ Harrison replied.

‘Yes, very true,’ said Marcus.