The Egyptian

4

On the following day I had to visit the golden house for an audience of the Queen Mother, whom all Thebes now called the black witch. I think that despite her ability and-/isdom she had earned the name. She was a merciless old plotter. The great power she wielded had shriveled every good quality.

When I had returned to the ship, changed into royal linen, and assumed the symbols of my dignity, my cook Muti came from the copperfounder’s house in a great rage and said to me, “Blessed be the day that brought you home, lord, but is it in any way fitting that you should go rioting among the pleasure houses all night without even coming home for breakfast, although I have taken very great pains to prepare the food you like? Moreover, I stayed up all night to bake and roast and have thrashed the idle slaves to speed them with the cleaning of the house, until my right arm aches with weariness. I am now an old woman and have lost my faith in men, nor have you done anything to raise my opinion of them. Come home now, and eat the breakfast I have prepared for you-and bring the harlot with you if you cannot bear to be parted from her even for a day.”

Such were her words although she held Merit in high honor and admired her. It was her way of talking, to which I had grown accustomed. Her acrimony was melodious to me, making me feel that I had come home. Having sent word to Merit at the Crocodile’s Tail, I went with her willingly.

She walked with dragging feet beside my chair and kept up a constant muttering: “I hoped that you had settled down and learned to behave decently during your long sojourn among royalty, but it is plain that you have done nothing of the kind and are as unruly as before. Yet I seemed to read peace and composure in your face yesterday. I was also glad to note that your cheeks were somewhat plumper, for when a man grows fat he grows tranquil. It will certainly not be my fault if you lose weight here in Thebes, but the fault of your own graceless courses. All men are alike and all evil in the world springs from the little tool they hide beneath their loincloths because they are ashamed of it-as well they may be.”

So incessant was her nagging that I was reminded of my mother Kipa. I should certainly have been moved to tears had I not quickly snapped at her, “Shut your mouth, woman, for your chatter disturbs my thoughts and is like the buzz of flies in my ear.”

She fell silent at once, delighted at having teased me into shouting at her and so making her feel that the master had indeed come home.

She had prepared the house very handsomely for my reception. Bunches of flowers were tied to the pillars of the entrance, the garden was swept, and the carcass of a cat that had lain before my door now lay before that of the neighbor. She had hired children to stand in the street and shout “Blessed the day that brings our lord home!” She had done this because she was indignant that I had no children of my own; she would have liked me to have some if they could have been obtained without a wife. I gave the children copper, and Muti distributed honey cakes among them, and they went away rejoicing.

Then Merit came, very beautifully arrayed and with flowers in her hair, and her hair gleamed with perfumed oil so that Muti sniffed and wiped her nose as she poured water over our hands. The food she had prepared for us was sweet to my palate, for it was Theban food. In Akhetaton I had forgotten that nowhere in the world is there to be found such food as in Thebes.

I thanked Muti and praised her skill, which delighted her although she tried to scowl and snort, and Merit complimented her also.

Whether this meal in the copperfounder’s house was in any way memorable or noteworthy I do not know. I mention it for my own sake because it was then I felt happy, and I said, “Stay your course, water clock, for this hour is a good hour. Let it never pass.”

While we were eating, people had gathered in my courtyard: people from the poor quarter, who had arrayed themselves in their best clothes and come to greet me and to bewail their aches and pains.

They said, “We have sorely missed you, Sinuhe. While you dwelled among us we did not value you at your true worth. Only when you had gone did we perceive how much good you did us, and how much we lost in losing you.”

They brought me presents, very modest ones, for these people were poorer than ever because of Pharaoh Akhnaton’s god. Among them was the old scribe who held his head askew because of the growth in his neck; I was astonished to find him still alive. There also was the slave whose fingers I had healed; he held them up proudly and moved them before my eyes. A mother showed me her son who had grown up handsome and sturdy; he had a black eye, and there were scars on his legs, and he told me he could thrash any boy of his size in the neighborhood.

And there was the girl whose eyes I had healed and who ill repaid me by sending to me all the other girls from the pleasure house, that I might remove disfiguring birthmarks and warts from their skin. She had prospered, having earned enough to buy a public bath near the market, where she also sold perfumes and supplied the merchants with the addresses of young and free-hearted girls.

All brought gifts, saying, “Do not scorn our presents, Sinuhe, royal physician though you be and a dweller in Pharaoh’s golden house, for our hearts rejoice to see you, so long as you do not speak to us of Aton.”

I did not so speak but received them one by one, according to their ailments. I listened to their woes, prescribed for them, and gave them treatment. Merit put off her beautiful dress in order to help me. She bathed their sores, purified my knife in fire, and mixed narcotic drinks for those who were to have a tooth extracted. Whenever I looked at her I was glad-and I looked at her often as we worked, for she was fair and shapely. Her bearing was graceful and she was not ashamed to put aside her dress to work, as poor women do, nor did any of my patients wonder at it, being too much concerned with their own troubles.

The day wore on while I received patients and talked to them as in former times, rejoicing in my knowledge when I could effect their cure. Often I drew full breath and said, “Stay your course, water clock; water, cease your flow, for not many of my hours will be so fair.” I forgot the visit that I must pay to the Queen Mother, who had been informed of my arrival. I think I forgot because I had no wish to remember, being happy.

By the time the shadows lengthened, the last of my patients had left the court. Merit poured water over my hands and helped me to cleanse myself. With gladness I did the same for her, and we dressed.

When I would have stroked her cheek and brushed her mouth with mine, she pushed me away, saying, “Make haste to visit your witch, Sinuhe, and lose no time, that you may return before nightfall. My sleeping mat awaits you with impatience. Yes, I feel that the mat in my room awaits you very eagerly-though why this should be I do not know. Your limbs are soft, Sinuhe, and your flesh flabby, nor are your caresses in any way remarkable. Nevertheless, to me you are different from all other men, and I can well understand the feelings of my mat.”

She hung the symbols of my dignity about my neck and set the doctor’s wig on my head, stroking my cheeks as she did so so that despite my dread of the Queen Mother’s anger I had no wish to leave Merit and go to the golden house. But I urged my bearers and my oarsmen until we came alongside the palace walls. My boat touched at the landing stage just as the sun was setting behind the western hills, and the first stars appeared.

Before I speak of my conversation with the Queen Mother I must mention that only twice during these years had she visited her son in the city of Akhetaton. Each time she upbraided him for his madness, thereby troubling him sorely, for he loved his mother and was blind to her character-blind as sons often are until they marry and their eyes are opened by their wives. But Nefertiti had not opened Pharaoh Akhnaton’s eyes, for the sake of her father. Queen Taia and Eie lived freely together at this time and no longer attempted to conceal their lust, and I do not know whether the royal house had ever before witnessed such open shame. Yet I cast no slur on Pharaoh Akhnaton’s origins, for I believe them to have been divine. If he had had none of the late Pharaoh’s blood in his veins, he would have had no royal blood at all. Then he would have been a false Pharaoh as the priests averred, and everything that happened would have been yet more iniquitous and meaningless and mad. I prefer to believe what my heart and my reason tell me.

The Queen Mother received me in a private room where many little birds with clipped wings hopped and twittered in their cages. She had never forgotten the trade of her youth but still loved to catch birds in the palace garden, by liming the branches of trees and by means of nets. When I entered, she was braiding a mat of colored rushes. She addressed me sharply and rebuked me for my delay.

Then she asked, “Is my son at all recovered from his madness, or is it time to open his skull? He makes far too much ado about this Aton of his and stirs up the people, which is no longer needful, since the false god is overthrown and there is no one to compete with Pharaoh for power.”

I told her of his condition, of the little princesses and their games, of their gazelles and dogs, and of how they went rowing on the sacred lake of Akhetaton. She was mollified and, bidding me sit at her feet, offered me beer. She did this not from miserliness but because she preferred beer to wine.

As she drank, she spoke to me frankly and gave me her full confidence, which was but natural since I was a physician. Women tell their physicians much they would never think of confiding to others. In this respect Queen Taia was no different from other women.

Her tongue being loosened by the beer, she spoke thus, “Sinuhe, you to whom my son by some foolish whim gave the name of The Lonely-though you do not appear to me to be so-you are a tranquil man and no doubt in your heart a good man. Though how it profits a man to be good I do not know; only stupid people are good, being incapable of anything else, as I have myself observed. Be that as it may, your presence calms me strangely. This Aton, whom in my foolishness I allowed tc attain power, now makes me very uneasy. It was never my intention chat the matter should be carried so far. I invented Aton in order to depose Ammon, so that my power and that of my son should be increased. To be precise it was Eie who thought of him, my husband as you know-unless you are too simple to know even this. However, he is my husband although it has not been possible for us to break the jar together. This miserable Eie, then, who has no more virility in him than a cow’s teat, brought Aton from Heliopolis and stuffed the boy’s head with him.

“I have no notion what my son fancies he sees in Aton. Even as a child he was given to daydreams, and I can only suppose that he is mad and that his skull should be opened-and what can ail him that his wife, Eie’s beautiful daughter, bears him girl after girl, though all my dear sorcerers have done their best to help her?

“Why do people hate my sorcerers? They are treasures, black though they be, and though they wear pins of ivory through their noses and stretch their lips and lengthen their children’s skulls. Yet I know the people detest them so that I must keep them hidden in the recesses of the golden house. I cannot do without them, for no one can tickle the soles of my feet as they do or prepare me potions that enable me to enjoy life still and take pleasure. But if you think I have pleasure in Eie any longer you are greatly mistaken, nor do I rightly understand why I cling to him so when it would be better to let him fall. Better for myself, that is. My dear Negroes are now my only joy.”

The great queen mother giggled to herself as the old washerwomen in the harbor giggle together over their beer, and went on, “These Negroes of mine are doctors of great skill, Sinuhe, although through ignorance the people call them magicians. Even you might learn something from them. Since you are a physician and will not betray me, I will tell you that I take pleasure with them now and again, for they prescribe this for my health-moreover an old woman like me must have some distraction. I do not indulge in this in order to experience something new, as do the women of the court who in their depravity enjoy the Negroes in the manner of rakes who have tasted all things and are jaded, and affirm that rotten flesh is the most savory. It is not thus I love my Negroes, for my blood is young and red and needs no artificial stimulant. To me they are a secret that brings me nearer to the warm sources of life-nearer to the sun, the soil, and the beasts.”

Her manner was now more somber. She drank no more beer but resumed the braiding of the bright rushes. Not daring to meet her eyes, I kept mine on her dark, nimble fingers.

As I remained silent, she went on, “Nothing is won by goodness; the only thing in the world that signifies is power. Those whc are born with it do not perceive its worth, but only those who like myself were born with dung between the toes. Indeed, Sinuhe, I can estimate the value of power. I have done everything for its sake, to preserve it for my son and for my son’s son, that my blood might endure on the golden throne of the Pharaohs. I have shrunk at nothing to achieve this. In the sight of the gods my deeds may be evil, but truth to tell I do not concern myself unduly about them since the Pharaohs stand above them. When all is said and done, neither good nor evil deeds exist: good is that which succeeds, and evil that which fails and is discovered. Nevertheless, my heart quakes at times, and my bowels are as water when I reflect on my actions. I am but a woman, and all women are superstitious. But I hope that in this matter my Negroes will be able to help me. It tears at my heart to see Nefertiti bearing one daughter after another. I feel each time as if I had thrown a stone behind me, only to find it lying in the path ahead like some attendant curse.”

She muttered invocations between her thick lips and shifted her feet uneasily on the floor, but all the while her nimble fingers knotted the bright rushes into a mat. As I looked at them, my heart was chilled. For the knots she tied were those of a fowler, and were familiar to me. Yes, I knew them; they were peculiar to the Lower Kingdom. As a child I had seen them in a sooty reed boat that hung above my mother’s bed.

When this had flashed upon me, my tongue was frozen and my limbs numb. On the night of my birth a mild west wind had been blowing, carrying the boat down the flood waters and bringing it to rest on the shore near my father’s house. The thought that dawned on me as I watched the Queen Mother’s fingers was so outrageous and terrible that I strove to put it from me, telling myself that anyone might use fowler’s knots in making a reed boat. Yet fowlers plied their trade in the Lower Kingdom, and I had never seen such knots tied by anyone in Thebes. As a boy I had often examined the sooty boat with its broken strands and marveled at the knots that held it together, though at that time I was unaware of its link with my own destiny.

But the Queen Mother never noticed how I suddenly stiffened. She expected no answer but plunged into her own thoughts and memories. She said, “I may appear to you an infamous and repulsive woman, Sinuhe, now that I have spoken thus openly. Do not judge me too sternly because of my deeds, but seek to understand. It is not easy for a young fowler girl to enter Pharaoh’s women’s house, where everyone despises her for her dark skin and broad feet-where she is pricked by a thousand needles and has no refuge but a whim of Pharaoh and the beauty and youth of her body. Can you wonder if I did not look too closely into the ways and means to be used when I sought to bind Pharaoh’s heart to me-when night after night I accustomed him to the strange practices of the blacks until he could no longer live without my caresses, and until through him I ruled Egypt? In this way I defeated all intrigues in the golden house, avoided all snares and tore aside the nets that were spread about my path, nor did I shrink from revenge when I had cause for it. I stilled all tongues with fear and ruled the golden house according to my will-and my will was that no other wife should bear a son to Pharaoh until I had done so. Therefore, no other wife did bear him a son, and the daughters that were born I married off at birth to eminent men, so strong was my will. Yet I dared not bear children at first lest I become ugly in his sight, for in the beginning I kept my hold over him by my body alone and had not yet entangled his heart in a thousand other nets. Moreover he was aging, and the embraces by which I dominated him made him weak so that, when at last I judged the time ripe for breeding, I bore him, to my horror, a girl. This daughter is Baketaton, whom I have not yet married off; she is another arrow in my quiver. The wise keep many arrows in their quiver and never trust to one alone. Time passed, and I was in great agony of mind until at last I bore a son. I have taken less delight in him than I had hoped since he is mad, for which reason I fasten all my hopes on his son, though yet unborn. So great is my power that not one wife in Pharaoh’s household bore him a son during all those years but only daughters. As a physician, Sinuhe, must you not acknowledge that this magic art of mine is remarkable?”

Trembling I looked into her eyes and said, “Your magic is of a simple and despicable order, great queen mother: your fingers braid it into the bright rushes for all to see.”

She dropped the work as if it had burned her, and her beer-reddened eyes rolled in her head in dismay as she exclaimed, “Are you also a magician, Sinuhe, or is this matter known to all the people?”

I told her, “Everything is known to them at last. Although none may have witnessed your actions, yet the night has seen you-the night wind has whispered of your deed in many ears. Though you could silence the tongues of men, yet you could not stifle the night wind’s utterance. Nevertheless, the magic carpet beneath your fingers is exceedingly handsome, and I should be grateful for it as a gift. I would set great value on it-certainly a higher value than anyone else to whom you might present it.”

As I spoke, she grew calmer. She continued to work with fingers that trembled, and she drank more beer. When I had stopped she gave me a cunning look and said, “Perhaps I will give you this mat if I ever finish it, Sinuhe. It is a beautiful and precious mat since I have made it with my own hands-a royal mat. One gift deserves another. What will you offer me, Sinuhe?”

I laughed and answered indifferently, “As a gift in return, Queen Mother, I will give you my tongue although I would be glad if you would let it stay where it is. It will not profit my tongue to speak against you, therefore, it is yours.”

She muttered to herself and shot me a sidelong glance, then said, “Why should I accept as a gift that which is already in my power? No one would stop me from taking your tongue. I might take your hands also so that you could not write what you were prevented from uttering. Furthermore I could take you to my cellars to greet my dear Negroes, whence you might never return since they like to use humans for their sacrifices.”

But I said to her, “Clearly you have drunk too much beer, Queen Mother. Drink no more tonight lest you encounter hippopotamuses in your dreams. My tongue is yours and I hope to receive your mat when it is finished.”

I rose to go, and she giggled as old women do when tipsy.

“You divert me greatly, Sinuhe-you divert me greatly!”

I left her and returned unmolested to the city, and Merit shared her mat with me. I was no longer quite happy. My thoughts ran on the soot-blackened reed boat that hung above my mother’s bed, on the dark fingers that fashioned a mat with fowler’s knots, and on the night winds that carried the fragile boats downstream from the walls of the golden house to the Theban shore. I. was no longer quite happy, for what increases knowledge increases vexations, and this was a vexation I could well have dispensed with, being no longer young.