Dead Famous

DAY FIFTY-THREE. 8.00 p.m.

The chief constable of the East Sussex Police was sick to death of the Peeping Tom murder. “Murder is not what we here in New Sussex are all about, inspector. Here I am, trying to build a modern police service” – the chief constable did not allow the term police force - “a service that is at ease with itself and comfortably achieving its goal targets in the key area of law upholdment, and all anybody wants to talk about is your failure to arrest the Peeping Tom murderer.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but these investigations take time.”

“New Sussex is a modern, thrusting, dynamic community, inspector. I do not like having our customer service profile marred by young women falling off lavatories with knives in their heads.”

“Well, I don’t think any of us do, sir.”

“It’s an image-tarnisher.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Quite apart, of course, from the human dimensions of the tragedy vis-a-vis that a customer is dead.”

“That’s right.”

“And now we have this appalling new development of further threats being made. We are a modern community, a dynamic community and, I had hoped, a community where groups of sexually and ethnically diverse young people could take part in televised social experiments without being threatened with illegal life termination.”

“By which you mean murder, sir.”

“Yes, I do, chief inspector, if you wish to so put it, yes I do! This new threat is making us look like fools! We must be seen to be taking it very seriously indeed.”

“By all means, sir, let us be seen to take it seriously, but I am of the opinion that we do not need to actually take it seriously.”

“Good heavens, chief inspector! A murder has been announced! If the law upholdment service doesn’t take it seriously then who will?”

“Everyone else, no doubt, sir, particularly the media,” said Coleridge calmly. “But as I say, I do not think that we need to. I do not think that there will be another murder.”

“Oh yes, and what grounds do you have for this confidence?”

“I don’t think that the killer needs a second death. One was enough, you see.”

The chief constable did not see, and he did not think much of Coleridge’s enigmatic tone. “One was too bloody many, Coleridge! Do you know that when this story broke I was about to make public my new policy document style initiative entitled Policing The Rainbow?”

“No, sir, I was not aware.”

“Yes, well, you weren’t the only one who was not aware. No one was aware. The damn thing sank without trace. Weeks of work, ignored, absolutely ignored because of this ridiculous murder. It’s not easy catching the eye of the Home Secretary these days, you know.”