Dead Famous

DAY FOURTEEN. 10.45 p.m.

“I’m fookin’ coming with yez,” said Moon.

David and Moon stormed into the confession box together, where David made it clear that he had drawn the same conclusion that Layla had done earlier in the evening.

“You’ve betrayed us, Peeping Tom,” he said. “You know we did our best with Woggle. But we saw the banners out there and the people all shouting for him. They think we’re shits.”

“It’s not a question of betrayal,” Peeping Tom replied, Peeping Tom being Geraldine, of course, who was frantically scribbling down her replies and handing them to her “voice”, a quiet, gentle, soothing lady named Sam, who normally did voiceovers for washing-up liquid commercials.

“The public have simply seen something in Woggle that they find attractive,” the soothing voice continued.

“They find him attractive because that’s how you must have made him look!” David snarled. “I’m a professional, I’m in the business, I know your tricks. Well, let me tell you I’ve had enough! I didn’t come in here to be manipulated and made a fool of. I want out. You can get me a taxi because I’m leaving,” he said.

“Me fookin’ too!” added Moon. “And I reckon the rest’ll go too, and then all you’ll be left with is the plague pit with Woggle in it. It’s fookin’ obvious you’re taking the piss.”