Dead Famous

DAY THIRTY-FOUR. 8.40 p.m.

“If she’d shown a bit more spirit like that before, she wouldn’t have been nominated,” said Hooper, who had enjoyed watching Coleridge wincing at some of Layla’s choice of phrases.

“But she’s wrong about the eviction,” said Trisha. “Certainly, Peeping Tom skewed the coverage in Woggle’s favour, but everyone could still see what a slob he was. Layla would have been voted out whatever. The mistake the people who go on these shows make is to imagine that anybody actually cares about them. As far as we’re concerned, they’re just acts on the telly, to be laughed at.”

On screen Layla was beginning to break down. “I think some of my flea bites will leave scars, you bastards! The ones around my bottom have gone septic!”

“Ugh!” said Trisha.

“Too much information!” Hooper protested.

“If I do get ill I shall sue you,” Layla fulminated. “I swear I will! I’m going now, but one more thing: I know you won’t broadcast this, Geraldine Hennessy, but I think you’re a complete and utter shit and I will hate you for ever!”

“Hate you for ever,” Coleridge repeated. “That’s a long time, and it was only three weeks ago. I doubt she’d have got over it yet.”

On the screen Layla went into the girls’ bedroom to get her bag. Kelly joined her. “I’m really, really sorry, Layla,” Kelly said. “It must feel rotten.”

“No, no, it’s fine really…”

But then Layla broke down again, falling into Kelly’s arms and sobbing.

“Kelly is comforting Layla, but what Layla doesn’t know is that Kelly nominated her for eviction,” said the voice of Andy the narrator.

“They just love pointing it out when that happens,” Hooper remarked. “It’s the best bit of the show.”

“You have to be strong, right?” Kelly said, holding Layla close. “Be a strong woman, which is what you are.”

“That’s right, I am, I’m a strong, spiritual woman.”

“Go, girl. Love you.”

“Love you, Kelly,” said Layla. “You’re a mate.”

Then Layla went back into the living area and hugged everybody else, including, even, extremely briefly, Woggle.

Her hug with David lasted nearly a minute.

“The evictees always do that,” said Hooper. “Have a great big hug. Pretending they’re all big mates really.”

“I think while they’re doing it they mean it,” Coleridge said. “Young people live on the surface and for the moment. That’s just how it is these days.”

“You are so right, sir,” put in Trisha. “I’m twenty-five and I’ve never held a considered opinion or experienced a genuine emotion in my life.”

For a moment Coleridge was about to insist to Trisha that he was sure this was not the case, but then he realized she was being sarcastic.

“Layla, you have thirty seconds to leave the Peeping Tom house,” said Chloe’s voice on the television.