Emily: Or, the voluptuous delights of a once-innocent young lady

CHAPTER 22

After desire has been fulfilled, I prefer to be alone, to huddle up beneath the warm enclosure of enfolding coverings, reliving in my mind that which has been.

Harkness stirred from me and was gone, giving my legs a lingering caress as if in truth he would have stayed and threaded me again.

Lumley remained a moment just to kiss my cheeks, tip of my nose, my sticky mouth. 'Rest for a while, then we shall eat', he said and with a bow as if in homage went. Beyond the closing door, however, I heard a sudden, laughing 'Oh!' from Jane who evidently approached all in a rush. I heard a kiss-I thought I heard a kiss-some whispers, then she drifted in and closed the door and clapped her hands, appearing to my astonishment all gay. 'How naughty they all are!', she laughed and threw herself beside me on the bed. 'Ooooh, sticky-wicky, naughty Emily!' Her arms enfolded me. I tried to stir- felt pettish, but she would not leave me be. -'They did it to me as well', she said, as though that were an accolade. Then came another entrant-Esmeralda.

Seeing us all a-cuddle like lost babes, she smiled and sat upon the bed and smoothed her gown. 'What wretches they are-Lumley and my brother', she declared. 'Your brother? Harkness is your brother?', came from Jane. I tried to cover up myself, but twixt women nudity is quite a common thing. 'Out of the bag the cat is let?

Oh dear, oh dear, my tongue runs loose sometimes, but both of you are such sweet dears-and ladies, too. Come, Emily, dress and let us be downstairs-provided you are not put out with us?' 'I think you are horrid, all of you', said I, but bore no rancour in my tone, and got up flouncing, tripping round the bed to don my clothes while Jane lounged back and Esmeralda stroked her legs. 'She does not really. I'll wager you have a lovely warm bottom now, Emily', Jane laughed, which caused our companion to rise up from the bed and feel that portion of my person while I looped my arms in my chemise.

'Did he do it up between your cheeks?', she asked, making me wriggle as she put her finger in my furrow. 'No!', I said sharply, but my pettishness sounded silly and I blushed and kept my back to her in putting my gown on again. 'I like to be held down', said Esmeralda, adding, 'Darling, let me brush your hair. 'Twas all a silly, foolish game, you know, and done in too much haste, perhaps. But even so, but even so, to be up-ended sometimes, in a rush, and put to it by males who are not cruel or harsh… He kissed you nicely, did he not?' 'A strange way to talk of your husband and your brother', I replied, and was pressed and guided to the dressing table while we spoke. 'You are not really shocked; you would have screamed. A girl should be petted, guided-lured, I say. We do it slowly sometimes-hours on end-until the girl is ready for the cock. We knew you, though, for two sophisticates, despite the modesty of your attire. What fun it was! Oh, say you are not cross!' 'She is not really, no-no more than I', said Jane and sprang up from the bed to ease her way appealingly between my stool and the dressing table. I knew that careful pose of hers as she knelt down. I pulled a face. 'I am', I said. The brush sloped down my hair. 'Story you are' said Jane, 'You always look like this, all flushed and silly afterwards'. I wanted to spring up, but Esmeralda leaned her hands upon my shoulders, held me down. I wanted to be doleful and to brood, but I could not. The little flames of mischief stirred and would not be suppressed. 'Ho, I am not as you, Jane-why, you let Papa…' I bit my tongue. The roof should fall on me, I thought.

'And what of that?', asked Esmeralda and bent my head right back.

Her face was upside down, her mouth a perfumed haunting over mine.

Both her hands were underneath my chin. Jane's head was resting in my lap. I wanted her to cry or laugh. I had committed a dire sin. Her hands lay placid on my thighs. I would run from there, would fly-become a bird, and never speak again. Esmeralda's upstretched thumbs pressed to my cheeks and made my lips to pout. My neck strained, but she held me tight. 'Now, listen to me, Emily', she purred, 'When the cunnylips are puffy with desire, the cock at a full stand, the balls a-churn with waiting sperm…' 'D… don't!', I choked. She would not loose her hands. 'Listen to her, Emily, you must', said Jane. Her voice was far away and soft. Her lips pressed to my garter through my dress. 'Don't want…', I bubbled, then my tongue was still. Full lips splurged down on mine, were soft, were moist. They brushed from side to side. Words burred and buzzed against my lips. 'Thus as I say it is, and often have you known it so, your nipples all a-sparkle, were they not, and bottom heavy on caressing hands? A dreamlike ecstasy is all you know. The cock probes gently. First you start away, yet urgently are drawn to feel it there, tickling your cunnylips to the proud crest, unable to escape the moment of desire, belly to belly or your bum out-thrust to seeking loins, and then when, in the sticky spell, your rose enfolds the conqueror, the tingling plum. 'Oh, stop!', I gasped. I forced her hands away, jogged Jane's chin with my knee and then sprang up.

Jane rose. 'She was never whipped', she said, and had a proud look on her face. 'Don't say such things! How could you, Jane!', I gasped, yet the hypocrite in me grew insubstantial as I spoke and all but vanished in a puff of smoke. 'Oh, as to that, we may all say what we will. Such things are said, such things are done. The world is not the worse for it', said Esmeralda, putting down the brush as one who underlines her sentence with another sound. 'Well, I don't care to talk of it', I said. The moment would be solemn ever on or would break with laughter. I knew that. Such moments come upon us all at times. One waits for others to smile first. A cowardice? Yes, perhaps it is. Jane laughed, Jane would. I loved her for it, though. 'If Papa whips you, you will know better how to be', she said. She did not smile at that. I wanted her to smile. 'I shan't', I said and tossed my hair. 'Sisters indeed! And how well matched! Come, children, no more bickering. What is to be will be. I may today eat beef and declare my everlasting love for a good roast.

Tomorrow it may be eggs and I shall say that I hate meat. Qui sait?

Who knows? We all say this or that, and change our minds. The world turns still. In mist the sun looks duller yet behind the mist it shines as brightly as it ever does. I never make my word my bond, nor should you two. Come, or the cook will be dismayed and throw a far worse tizzy than you will attain to in your silly quarrelling. Be as you will, and happy be the day!', said Esmeralda throwing open the door and standing there until we passed without. The carpets all were purple-rather grand, I thought, and stretched from wall to wall wherever we walked. In the drawing room, which had a cheerful air and was not too cluttered, Lumley rose to greet me first, affording me a brotherly kiss on both my cheeks. 'You are not too put out with us?', he asked. I did not answer, and I dared Jane with my eyes to hold her silence, too-the which she did. Harkness, as I thought of him, came forward next and bowed and kissed my hand. 'May I, too, be included in your sweet mercy?', he implored. He had changed his garb and wore a fine, black suit. 'There are no tears, my dears', said Esmeralda, beaming on us all, whereat there came a knock and a female servant of some girth appeared, a white cap crooked on her head, an apron stained. 'Meal 'as bin ready this past hour', she said, and took us all in balefully. 'Cook, dear, you do exaggerate. You mean that it is really ready? Well, we shall come in.

I have no arm to hold, but will follow on our guests'.

'H'exaggerates, do I?' Well, I shan't stay a moment longer in this 'ouse. All ups and downs, it is-all ups and downs!', the cook declared and slammed the door, bringing a heartfelt sigh from Esmeralda. 'The dear thing has been saying that each day for five years now', she yawned. 'Come, let us to the feast, if such it be. I suspect that it is rabbit once again, and fish before. The silly woman always will have fish before. You may toy with it only if you do not care for it'. The meal, in fact, was utterly delicious. Lumley sat beside me and caressed my thigh. 'Are we forgiven yet?', he asked and clearly brought some real anxiety into his words. 'Of course you are. And anyway, you did it to me first', said Jane.

'Sometimes it is nicer not to be forgiven, but to wait and see', she added, which caused me to put my tongue out at her, whereat there was laughter and a general easing of the atmosphere. 'I had best tell you, my pet, quite plainly, that I married Lumley for two things-his money and his virility, and in that order', Esmeralda said.

'There are no better reasons', her brother said. His name was really Mark. I liked the name. 'In your case, dear, only the latter would apply', she answered, bringing a laugh and flecks of fish upon her lips from Jane. 'Did he apply to you for references in the latter instance, Esmeralda, then?', she asked, and threw a glance at me which caused me to tip out my tongue again. 'My dear, the ink never ran dry-if ink it may be called. Being fostered, we enjoyed ourselves just as we might. Parents as such are such a bore-sometimes', she added carefully, and then as if to throw a crumb to Jane, went on, 'Indolence and summer days-even the wintry nights when the fires burn in the bedrooms-all beget a stirring of desires.

Mark being found one day at play with me, his cock a-working in my nest (such innocence, so sweet, you know!), we were taken to bed by our elders to advance our studies, as it were. Being a rampant little devil as he was, Mark soon enjoyed himself between his foster-mother's legs, and then the amourous arts were fully taught us. Oh, many a time there were four of us together on a bed, all coming joyfully. Such fun! There… I have told you almost all, dear Jane, dear Emily.

Now-as to you?' 'Tell her', said Jane. Perhaps I wanted to.

I needed to unburden myself to careful listeners, as they proved to be, and spoke of my disastrous marriage, veiling much, but even so expounding on the naughtiness. At this, Esmeralda's face took on a solemn look. Lumley even ceased to fondle me, and took a cloud himself upon his face. 'There is a covenant-a marriage settlement, is there not?', he asked. Mark nodded his approval;

Esmeralda, too. I felt I was surrounded by close friends who drank upon my every word, savoured the sugar and the salt therein and measured each grain carefully. 'Yes, but since I have left…', I said, and felt quite lame. 'Have you declared the most positive of intentions to remain apart? No. It follows, then, that the contract is not broken. Any lawyer worth his salt would say the same. A mere interval has obtained that is of itself of no importance, Emily. Your wretched husband first must buy a house, and that you must demand-one separate from his family; close to yours, I would suggest', said Mark, and gave me a most loving look. 'I do not wish to live with him', said I, and put a pout on once again. 'You foolish angel-nimble-hipped one, pretty as you are, you have no need to live with him. Share the same bed, I mean. May not Jane live with you and- what was your cousin's name? Ah, Julie, yes. And your Papa could keep a carriage there-to show authority, I mean', Esmeralda then declared.

'We could', said Jane before I had a chance to speak. I did not wish to for the moment, anyway. Arnold was weak-could be manipulated on his own. My allowance would continue. It was possible-just-yes.

'I s'pose…', I said, and then we all laughed as if a huge bubble had been broken and much chatter rose as to the ways and means, and many of them subtle, others plain. At moments I showed doubt-at others was quite bright. Seeing me pensive at one point, Esmeralda asked me playfully, 'You have not committed adultery, dear? There is naught to lay against your door?' 'Why, goodness, no!', I uttered laughing. Lumley's hand returned then to my thigh and fumbled up my dress a little underneath the tablecloth. 'It is time then that she did', said he. 'No, no, my pet, for you would tire the poor girl out, working your engine in her tunnel. Either one of them, in fact! Later, perhaps. Dear Arnold need never be told', said Esmeralda with mock solemnity. 'And, by the bye-Emily and Jane-we use no crude words here no more than are used in your own household. A girl is never fucked, but creamed, bedewed, or spouted in. There are a dozen names for it-all quite pretty and acceptable. There are entertainments, as I call them, here occasionally-when a suitable maiden can be found'. 'Oh? Is she treated then as I?', I asked, then added, 'Jane, too', as my sister stared at me. 'Oh, goodness no! Well-rarely, anyway. After all, we felt you part of us, and that is something other. Here, when a girl is put to trials-brought by an uncle or a guardian, perhaps (for such they often like to call themselves) she is much flattered, cozened, cuddled even. I may take her first into my bed and warm her up. Then Lumley or Mark-and never the two together at first-will dip her briefly, dip their cocks, I mean, and hold her till she quietens, then draw out and leave her to me once again. She has then had her taster, as we say, and will not moan nor quiver half as much when put beneath her sire, her uncle, or her guardian. Some girls become quite lewd, some others remain shy, when first alone with us. In bed, that is. Lumley and Mark are perfect dears: once in her nest, they let her feel it throbbing deep, but do not stir the rod and never do they come. That first pleasure is reserved for others. If she must be birched, then so be it. I wield a stinger when it is necessary, my dears. Some men prefer a bright-red bottom offered up to them. It makes the maidens wriggle more, but brings them to obedience. We all must be obedient when the moment comes. It is the fate of womanhood'. 'Do they not struggle, at the end? I mean when they are really put to it?', asked Jane of our hostess. Her curiosity hung like a flag upon the air, as did in truth my own. So often the story is the same, yet it renews itself. 'Am I strict, d'you mean? Yes, very strict, when I am called to be. You will perceive, if you look carefully, two iron eyelets in the wall of my boudoir up above. They are placed high up, and to a purpose.

Sometimes when teasing girls in bed, kissing their nipples, lips, their nests, I tell them who is to sperm them first, and some-a few-become quite wild at that. I do not have my failures, dears, and hence a wholly rebellious girl is tied up to the wall, her arms stretched up, a bolster pushing out her tummy from behind her bottom, and her knees a little bent. 'Thus held, I darken up the room and tickle their cunnies with a feather first. They beg, they plead, they sob, I kiss their tears. Then finally they sprinkle and hang limp, their cunnies oiled and ready for the cock. The posture is absurd and lewd, and yet I love to watch the shadowy forms. The male comes naked, ready for the fray. Her nipples stiff, her slit prepared, she cries out wildly, twists her torso agitatedly, but all in vain. A shimmering cry, a squeal (for she has recognised him even in the dark), he nests his knob in her and holds, clasping her bottom cheeks and lets the bolster fall. 'Oh! I can almost see it!', murmured Jane and let her head fall on Esmeralda's shoulder. 'We all can, sweet', said Esmeralda, caressing Jane's firm breasts, 'The act is slow; I will not have it otherwise. A groan, a grunt, and he embeds himself, nibbles her nipples, floods her face with kisses while she wildly moves her head this way and that. But Nature tells… ah, Nature tells. At the sixth or seventh stroke of his cock, she starts to yield. Her lips will mew out briefly under his, escape, and then return again, their thighs a-slap, their bellies rubbing up. When she is brought to such a point, I then release her arms. He turns her, limp and sobbing, still embedded in her slit, and falls upon the waiting bed, with her beneath, her feet sprawled wide apart upon the floor. Ah then, the puffing and the panting that ensues, for she is lost to it at last- may even moan the naughty words that I have taught her in the past few days. She is ridden lustfully, is fully creamed-will ne'er say no again, I swear to that…' Her voice trailed off. Her lips met Jane's. They kissed luxuriously. My thighs were plundered underneath my dress. The long and amourous day began anew…

Envoi 'Esmeralda was right, you know. It is best to be obedient-or almost so', said Jane with female cunning as we journeyed home the following day, 'I'm glad we met her-are you not?

Shall you follow their advice? Oh, do! Then we can really stay together, can we not, and you will both be married and yet not. Say yes!' 'Papa will have to say so first, though, Jane'. 'I know-but really all the fault is his, and if he keeps a carriage there, at your own house, I mean… I thought that quite an inspiration, absolutely, Emily. Arnold is too timid to say nay. The constant sight of it will keep him tame and, oh, we can have fun, I know we can'. I knew it, too: sun breaking through the clouds. I had taken the actual marriage contract lightly-had not thought too much of it and had not scanned the document at all. I thought of frosty lawyers, rolltop desks and solemn words, and wanted not too much of that. But better to be married and to sin than live suspended inbetween a marriage and divorce. 'Arnold must have a separate bedroom, then', said I. Jane clapped her hands and hugged me as the carriage rolled and sent up spumes of dust along the lane. 'A whole corridor at least from yours, and we will even lock him in each night!' 'Oho, you wicked thing!', I laughed. More bubbles burst and freedom waved its flags. Arnold could be inveigled to become an officer, be sent to India or some such, I declared. Momentum grew again around our thoughts. Mad as they were, I knew they could succeed. Surrounded by myself and Jane and Julie, Arnold would be kept suppressed-told what to do. A role that he enjoyed in any case, I told myself. Bubbling thus with hope and new-made plans, we made our re-arrival. Ah, dear blessed home whose walls were so familiar and whose many family portraits on the walls looked so benignly down on us! Mama and Papa were out visiting, we learned. Of this I was glad, for I wished an hour or two to settle first before I broached the news to Papa of my hopes. James bustled like a bird whose lost nest has been found again, and was much put out that Jane and I spent so long with Eveline in her room, answering or fending off her endless questions. Brighter were her eyes-more sultry were her sweet young lips, and I did not doubt that she herself had been well-creamed by now. Indeed, Jane showed as much curiosity about her as she to us, and I left them whispering to encounter James in waiting by my door.

'I am going to change my dress, James, then I will talk with you', said I. My shoes were dusty and I needed much to bathe. I felt skittish in his presence suddenly and made to go past him, but he seized my arm. 'Emily, how I have longed for you', he uttered with that wild look that young men so often have, and which wise young women try to mollify. 'I am so tired from journeying, James. Not now', I begged. 'You must not say such silly things, besides', I added foolishly. I had halted for a moment in the doorway to my room and made to press myself within, but he followed me and pressed me to the wall, hand seeking round my thrusting breasts. -'No, James!', I begged, then came a skittering down the stairs from the servants' quarters up above and Mary, basket-laden, halted for a second, stared within at us, half-curtsied, blushed, and knew not where to look.

'It's nice to see you back, Miss'. 'Mary-yes'. James would not take his hand away. One knee was thrust between my legs. He grinned a stupid grin at her. I thrust him off and gave him quite a bitter look. He had the grace to blush in turn and knew not where to put himself. I moved away and carefully undid my dress, but held it close together at the top, waiting for him to leave. 'I'll dust your room out, Miss, when you have changed'. 'Yes, Mary, do.

James-help her with that basket, if you call yourself a gendeman. The poor girl has too much to do'. 'All right', he said and slouched away to take the linen basket from her hands while Mary and I exchanged such small quick looks of warm complicity as only women can.

James in any case was not defeated- only quashed. I gave him a hesitation of a smile, a nod, as I closed my door. James was impetuous-no more than that. A woman learns to fend away obsessiveness, for love that is obsessive spoils itself, and she who allows herself to be smothered by a single male loses her freshness, her alertness, her elan-loses the challenge of the meeting of new eyes, new lips, new minds. The cock knows no conscience, it is said-but neither does the quim when the veins throb. Esmeralda had not said that we would meet again, and yet I had imbibed the simple wisdom of her words despite my seeming mulishness at times, and which she well understood as a defense to my desires. Perhaps I was different now, I told myself, and peeled my clothes off-looked down at my bed and saw the ghosts, the recent ghosts, of love, saw myself lying with my legs apart, my mind afloat the while my body warmed to tickling fingers, lips that pressed upon my own and underneath my slit. Perhaps it was more furry now? Such foolish, errant thoughts invaded me. Were my breasts larger-was my bottom plump? A knock sounded and I snatched my dress up. It was only Jane. 'Jane, is my bottom fat?', I asked. I dropped my gown and stood all droopy in her sight. 'You know it's not; you seek for flattery, my pet. Its rondeurs are exquisite. Are you in a broody mood again? James has been naughty with Eveline, you know'. 'I guessed he would be-and with Mary, too, I think. He had his arm around her on the stairs', I fibbed, and then as if to cover up my sins asked her to help me dress.

I would not bathe, I said, until the night. I felt too lazy; so did she, she said, and we whispered once again what we would tell Papa. Or I said 'we', at least. She would not have it so. 'No, dear, you must tell him on your own. I will divert Mama, just tell him firmly what you wish to say. He will be pleased, I think. You never know'.

'Perhaps', said I. I felt more doubtful then, and wondered how I might begin and how my sentences would form, and what I should say first, and ever on. 'Don't pout', said Jane, and helped me do my hair. She had changed already and looked fresh and sweet, but then pleased me by telling me I also did. I put my wedding ring on once again. Jane said it would be a sure sign to Papa. I thought her right. -if he notices', I said, and licked my finger to smooth my eyebrows down, then put my tongue out at my own reflection which Jane said was the best of signs that I had my spirit up. 'Hmmm…', I said doubtfully. I felt all tremulous at the thought of my forthcoming 'interview'. I had stood in Papa's study several times before when he had lectured me. I swallowed bravely, though, and went down to the drawing room with her where James sat quietly, said Jane had on the nicer dress, but that was just to spite me, so I thought. Jane told him to be quiet-was on my side. I had a wicked thought of seeing him between her legs, to wreak his vengeance. Even so, it would be quite a luxurious and naughty sight-but I kept that to myself and veiled my eyes. I was still young then, after all. I had such thoughts as all young females do of trying to appear mysterious when in reality one merely simpers or looks quiet, and not at all as one would wish to look. The wished-for image in one's mirror fades and is replaced by everyday reality… 'I do not wish to be ordinary, Papa'. Those, to my vague astonishment, were the first words I uttered to him when late towards the evening he appeared and I had inveigled him into the garden by my side, with Jane's quick-bustling help as she and a complicitous Eveline took all Mama's attention. 'You were never that, my dear', said Papa. Then we both spoke at once and I said, 'Sorry, Papa', and I held my tongue, the birds of my intended words all flown. 'I have decided, my pet, that there shall be a dissolution of your marriage', I then heard. 'A d… d… d…?', I stammered. In my ignorance I had not known that such a thing was possible. 'A separation of the parts-the condition of casting loose from due restraint. I have spoken with clergy in high places.

Such is possible-and shall be done. The hearing will be quiet, discreet. I alone shall attend with you. Such matters can arrange themselves by force of influence. You have no need to see your husband ever more. You will be free, my dear, be free. The ring you wear upon your finger may be cast off as an old glove is, and laid aside and never to be worn again'. The brisk, bright table-talk of Lumley, Esmeralda, Mark, had vanished on the wind. The grass beneath our feet assumed a darker shade of green as dusk fell. On we walked. The gate to the paddock swung and jarred. A rough turf came beneath my feet, caused me to stumble. Papa placed his arm around my shoulders while my questions twittered, nervous and excited as they were. The matter would be over in a month, he said. Mama was pleased. Was I not, too? 'Ecstatic, Papa! I cannot believe it yet! I thought I would have to go and live with him again, and that life would be horrid. Oh, how wonderful!' 'I who was the cause of all the grievous happenings, Emily, have now at least resolved my sin'. The ground rose slightly. To one side, a small and darkling clump of trees. Before us stood the stable. Its door yawned. Two crows flew-long complaining- then were gone. 'How happy Jane will be as well, Papa. I must go and tell her. May I not?' I made to turn. His arm still held me firm. The stable loomed before us. Glimmering within, an oil lamp shone. A labourer appeared and made me start. 'I tidied up, sir.

Will you need me more tonight?' 'No, Smithers. I will douse the lamp'. 'Yes, sir. Goodnight, sir-and you, too, Miss Emily. A lovely night it is-a fair old night'. 'Goodnight', I said, and knew a quaver in my voice. The floor within was rough, straw-covered.

Papa closed the doors and barred them and I stood all of a sudden trembling, then felt his hands upon my shoulders and leaned back to him. 'A fair night, Emily, and one to celebrate', he said with gentle quietness in his tone. His hands sleeked to my hips and held me thus. And I said yes, said yes, and closed my eyes. Before me, underneath the hanging lamp that slowly swung, was a huge bale of straw-a piece of sacking cast across its width. Nearby was a trestle, and across it hung a thin, black whip.