Emily: Or, the voluptuous delights of a once-innocent young lady

CHAPTER 7

I slept. Defensively I slept and yet it was a slumber brief but deep. The bottom sheet was sticky under me as I awoke, saw Jane. She bent to me and kissed my brow. I scanned the room for my assailants, then sank back again. 'Was it nice?', she asked with laughter in her voice, drew down the bedclothes, saw my swollen nipples, brown on cream, and sighed. 'It looks to be; we are all tidy now. You may get up. Come, let me brush your hair'. 'I hate them all', I bleated. Quite exhausted from my spillings, I had not even felt myself put into bed. 'Pleasure can be resented, I suppose, if it should come from those we do not like, and yet… Pleasure is pleasure, darling. Once you have succumbed, you may again'. 'Shut up!', I blurted, then sat up and swung my legs from out the bed. My stockings were all wrinkled up. 'Did you?', I asked her pertly, and got up, having my naked bottom patted with affection as I did.

'Oh, as to that… but do get dressed. We are all tidied, as I said, and all is orderly by now. No one will remark upon your absence.

When penalties are to be paid, the bill is often quickly offered up, and best it were it should be paid without remorse. I never really have remorse myself-not when my cunny tingles still'. 'I don't doubt that', I mumbled, but she tickled me, caused me to giggle all despite myself, then saw to my attire and helped me dress. 'The world is upside down', I said. 'Oh, silly, it is never that, but we are, sometimes. When you are trestled, then you really feel it so'.

'Trestled?', I asked, sat at my dressing table while she brushed my hair. 'Oh, I forgot, of course, how distant you have been to some things here. Yes, Emily, a trestle with a cushion on the top.

There is one in the corner of the stable you have never seen. Covered with green baize it is when not in use. When hung upon it, one's legs dangle down, bottom upraised and head hung low. Impossible to touch the floor with toes or reaching fingers, though one tries. And then the tawse-maybe the cane or birch-stings deep into one's nether cheeks and… OOOH! Her hips wriggled as she spoke. I stared at her reflection in the glass, suppressed the utterance I might have made and said instead, 'Oh, Jane, please stay with me!' 'In your new, married state, my love? Did you hear what Constance did to Arnold downstairs-oh! How docile he becomes in female hands! His prick is really reedy, darling, thin and long. Perfect for bottom-tupping, though! Stay with you? May I? Yes, my love. Mama said that I might; I asked, you see. She had the thought of it already in her heart, and Papa…'

'What? What did he say?'

'That we might take such roads as we may find. He is persuaded of our good sense and our carefulness- did not say so in such words, but I read it in his eyes'. 'You read as well as I, Jane!'-Papa's voice. He entered, closed the door, stood with his back to it. I heard a scuttering of feet outside and knew it to be Adelaide returning from devotions, no doubt dressed again. The thought was catty, and I stroked its fur. Hers would be moist. Were we then somehow kin, or were all females so beneath the skin? 'Jane is brushing my hair', I mumbled like a child. 'And well she does it, Emily. As to you, my love, the trap is closed and yet is open. Such are the paradoxes we encounter in the world'. I sprang up, and the hairbrush clattered down. 'Why did you make me, then-why did?', I flared at him. Gold-ringed, my slim heart-finger waved in a remonstrance. 'May I sit down?', he asked and took a chair close to the dressing table, knees against my knees. 'I have to tell you now, to tell you both, that our finances are not quite what they once were. Your father-in-law is wealthy and will shower you with delights, as I cannot henceforth. And Jane will be no less well-served, I'm sure.' I gaped, knees slackening. Jane stared at him as well.

'You mean, we would be poor?', I asked. 'Not quite-not that.

Not that as yet, at least. We shall retain the house, dismiss a servant here and there, but you have need, my pets, of furs and dresses, ballgowns, fancy underclothes and jewelry-all that becomes young ladies of your class'. 'I do not need…' I clenched my fists. 'J do', said Jane, and laughed the tinkling laugh she always laughs, one with no malice in it but a summer's chime.

'Oh, you', said I. Papa rose, took my hand, said many were the roads that led to Rome. His eyes were just a trifle tearful, so I thought, but took it for a trick of light. 'Arnold is foppish, weak. Your allowances-yes, for you both-I have arranged already. They are large. You will neither of you need to wheedle for the things that you will need, my dear. A covenant is signed, the ink is dry'.

'You mean, Papa, that we are being sold', I said. I turned my back to him. He spun me around again. I thought of his discovery of James and me and felt unkind. He had not birched me as he might have done. 'All things have price. One pays with words or gestures, gifts, or kind, yet we lose nothing in the giving if we give with a free heart. Is that not so?' He drew me to him, kissed me on the mouth in sight of Jane. 'I do not know', I mumbled, pulled my lips away, stared at the floor but clutched still at his arms.

'Perhaps…', said Jane. She stopped; she had no words to follow her perhaps. A laugh, a crash of glasses from downstairs, brought us apart, I fiddling with my dress and silent then. I had a need to be caressed, my bottom to be soothed; it fretted me. Stir of my hips; they saw my hips a-stir. Jane breathed out softly; Papa turned away, moved to the door and hesitated, as he often did when in my room.

'Perhaps -yes. All things are perhaps', he said.

'We shall come down', said Jane. Her tone was crisp, brought order to my mind, a suddenness of some decision that I gathered up.

'My room-I wish it kept', I said. 'Of course. What else?' He gazed at me, was gone. I touched my wardrobe, knew its old, blank stare. The long and time-stained mirrors on the door, surrounded by fancy scrolls of wood, would hold my image ever on. When someone stood before them, they would see me there. All was propriety downstairs, as Jane had said. Only two cushions tossed upon the floor showed evidence of wanton play. I wished to examine them as might a scientist, but went to Mama and received a kiss. Her lips were over-moist, as too were Eveline's. Arnold stood pale and wan, top-hat in hand. I could not imagine him with riding crop, as Papa sometimes carried, nor a gun. Farewells were said, James kissed me on the eyes, which I thought sweet. His trousers were not fully buttoned, though, were twisted at the front where he, in haste, had missed a buttonhole.

I whispered to him so; he blushed. 'Come, chaperone', I said to Jane. I had a merriment of slight hysteria. All stared at first, then laughed in turn. 'I will take your arm', said Arnold. Suddenly he came to life. His Papa, I believe, had frowned at him. 'No, thank you, Arnold, I have Jane's', I said. Our bodies moved like leaves that drift in a slow breeze. The servants bowed to me upon the steps, the sunlight-dreaming of past summers-shone. 'The carriage is not clean', I said to Arnold. Jane sat with me of a purpose, and he forced to face us both. 'Ah, no', he uttered-had no more to say, save for such spinnings in his mind as might occur but could not, would not be produced. The gravel chinked and grated underneath the wheels as our procession moved. Mama waved, Papa waved, and Eveline. Julie had not come, alas, though much had wanted to, had been transported off to Paris, but would soon return. I wondered if she had said her prayers in French these past few days, and were her stockings straight, as mine had been. 'Shall we play croquet later, do you think?', Jane asked. I stared at her, and Arnold gaped. 'Two balls and a stiff stick', she murmured in my ear, then bit the lobe of it, made me say 'Ouch!' 'I say!', said Arnold. -'Oh, be quiet', said Jane to him.

I laughed; the laughter welled up from within, threw my head back till tears came in my eyes and Arnold's face became a perfect blur such as I wished it ever to remain.