Fast Times at Ridgemont High - A True Story

School Picture Day

There is a certain smell unique to high school gymnasiums. It’s a difficult aroma to break down exactly, but certainly the three main ingredients are old socks, hardwood flooring, and English Leather cologne. Every year teams of janitors are paid to sanitize gyms everywhere. Still they smell the same.

Today was School Picture Day at Ridgemont. Students were herded in and out of the gymnasium all day long, by class and last names. A professional photographer on the front stage faced thousands of students on Picture Day. Over seventy percent had been cool coached by friends not to smile—no matter what he says—and by the end of the day the photographer would invariably have no voice.

“Smile, please.”

During first lunch, the Ridgemont courtyard was cleared of all trash. Room was made for the entire school. It was School Picture time, a photo of no small importance, and for this the professional photographer would have to step aside and make room for Reader photographer Arthur Chubb. Chubb relished the job. He got to get up on top of the Technical Arts Building with all his camera equipment and take The Big Picture of the entire school. It was the double-page color centerspread of the Ridgemont Rapier yearbook.

Before going out on the courtyard for The Big Picture, Mike Damone mentioned to The Rat an idea he had for a bet.

“How much will you bet me I won’t take off my pants for this picture?”

“Nothing,” said Ratner. “You’d do it anyway.”

“I’m serious. How much will you give me to take off my pants? And face the camera while I’m doing it.”

“And not cover your face?”

“And not cover my face,” said Damone.

“A buck,” said Ratner.

“But you have to moon.”

“Me, moon?”

“It’ll be great. You’ll be immortalized and no one will know who it is.”

“What about you?” asked Ratner.

“Chubb will just airbrush me out. He did it once before in junior high school.”

The Rat thought about it for a second. “It’s a deal.”