Fast Times at Ridgemont High - A True Story

Blow-Job Lessons

A new girl from Phoenix, Arizona, had transferred into Stacy’s Child Development class. She looked a little scared standing at the front of the class. When Mrs. Melon placed her at Stacy’s table, Stacy decided to make friends with her.

Her name was Laurie Beckman. She was a doctor’s daughter. She wanted to raise horses. She was a friendly girl, if a little shy, and she wore braces.

Stacy had introduced her to Linda Barrett, and the three had taken to eating lunch together. It wasn’t long before Laurie realized what a gold mine of sexual expertise was sitting before her every lunch period. Within two weeks she was already into the hard stuff.

“Did you see that movie Carrie?” asked Laurie. “Do you know when John Travolta gets that girl to give him a blow job?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you do that?”

Stacy looked at Linda.

“Of course,” said Linda. “Don’t you know how?”

“No. Not really.” Pause. “They don’t talk about it in sex-ed.”

“It’s no big deal,” said Linda. “Bring a banana to lunch tomorrow and I’ll show you.”

The next day, Laurie Beckman brought a banana to school. The three girls sat down together on the very outskirts of lunch court. Linda peeled the banana and handed it back to Laurie.

“Now, what you’ve got to do,” she instructed, “is treat it firmly but carefully. Move up and down and hold it at the bottom.”

“When am I supposed to do this?”

“Do it now.”

“Give it a try,” said Stacy, in fine deputy form.

Laurie looked casually to the right, then to the left. Then she mouthed the banana.

“Is that right?” she asked.

Her braces had created wide divots down the sides of the banana.

“You should try to be a little more careful,” said Linda. She watched as Laurie tried again, with similar results.

“I have a question,” said Laurie. “What happens?”

“What do you mean?”

“What happens . . . I mean, I’ve never asked anyone about this, right, and . . . and don’t laugh at me, okay . . .”

“Just say it, Laurie.”

“Okay, like when a guy has an orgasm . . .” Laurie sighed heavily. “You know . . . I’ve always wondered . . . how much comes out?”

Linda leaned forward and stared Laurie in both eyes. “Quarts.”

Laurie’s eyes popped. “Quarts?”

Stacy slugged Linda. “Don’t do that to her.”

“Okay . . . not that much,” said Linda. “You shouldn’t worry about it. Really.”

Laurie looked relieved as she stared down at the peeled banana still in her hand. From the two opposite ends of lunch court, Steve Shasta and Mark Ratner watched the blow-job lesson. The Rat had no idea what was going on. Shasta had a wide grin on his face.