From Rags

CHAPTER NINE

Awkward – that about described the situation. Jaxxon supposed this was what it was like to have a father sit his teenage daughter down for a ‘talk’. Only in this case it was three blokes. And they were all self-appointed honourary uncles. And she was twenty-two years old.

Tony, the bugger, had ushered her away from his dining table the second she had polished off the Roast Dinner a la Lily and had urged her into a lounge where Ollie and Richie were waiting. Tony had gestured for her to take a seat and now the three men were stood looking down on her with expressions that said they were anxious.

Ollie slapped today’s newspaper onto the coffee table in front of her. “Well aren’t you going to flick through it?”

Instead, she mirrored their posture; arms folded, face twisted in a grimace. She didn’t need to look at the paper. Anna had raced over to Jaxxon’s apartment at a very unreasonable hour of the morning to share all the details about her time with Warren – who she was now dating – and then she had produced the newspaper. There were three photos of her and Connor outside the bar; one of her giving him a wedgie while he was carrying her caveman-style, one of her running from him after she’d played a little with his car, and then one of him holding her close with her legs around his waist while they laughed.

The tabloids, predictably, had blown it out of proportion – suddenly her and Connor were infatuated with one another and in a serious relationship: Connor McKenzie so besotted that his primal instincts have kicked in and, for the first time ever, he is territorial over a woman; and hard-arse Jaxxon Carter is melting under his sensual nature and his utter determination to have her. She could only imagine what Connor must be thinking of all this. The more she thought about it, the more she became convinced that he would want to get out of this now just to set the world straight.

“Will you leave the poor girl alone,” griped Lily, her face a mask of frustration, as she barged into the room. Her short sandy-blonde hair bounced with her harsh footsteps.

Ollie began, “I’d heard the rumours about you and McKenzie, but I didn’t think much of them until I saw these photos. Then Tony tells me McKenzie was waiting for you at the end of your photo-shoot on Wednesday like some sort of weirdo.”

Jaxxon snickered. “He wouldn’t have known where to wait if your secretary had any sense of discretion. A few flowery words and he had my phone number, address and schedule.”

Shocked, Ollie was about to curse loudly but then narrowed his eyes at Jaxxon. “Don’t you change the subject. We’re talking about you and McKenzie.”

“I already know what goes where and that babies aren’t made in a factory so we really don’t need to have ‘the birds and the bees’ chat.”

“I want to know exactly what’s going on with you two.”

She shrugged. “I’m using him for sex.” She heard Lily chuckle.

“Going by the loved-up expressions on that last photo, the tabloids have a different theory.”

“And like most stuff in the tabloids, it can be filed under ‘fiction’, or ‘complete shite’.”

Richie smiled gently. “We just want to be sure that you know what you’ve got yourself into. Connor McKenzie might be handsome and successful but he’s also -”

“A good shag,” she finished. “That’s all I need to know. And anyway, you and Ollie have spent the past how many months jabbering on at me to get in some kind of high profile relationship, and now that the tabloids think I’m in one, you’re fuming?”

Ollie waved his hand dismissively. “McKenzie isn’t like Bruno or that footballer. He isn’t some brave yet ever so foolish soul who’ll be intimidated by you and do as he’s told. He’s a law onto himself. I don’t like that this bloke who’s never chased after a woman has been on your case. He even carted you out of a bar over his shoulder.”

“Is this about you not liking him?”

Sighing, Ollie shook his head. The way she had looked smitten with the bloke had spooked him. He needed her to understand what was to come. “The reason the tabloids are all over this is because you’re both liked by the public for being people who don’t live to please others. You’re entertaining because when you’re angry you show it, when you’ve got something to say you say it, if you don’t want to smile for the cameras you won’t. You’re not interested in putting up an act for everyone, you’re real. And now you’re together – or so the public believes – embarking on an exciting, spontaneous, no-holds-barred relationship: something most people dream of having themselves.”

“I know I do,” grumbled Lily for which she received a frown from Tony.

“Throw in the fact that most blokes would happily be Connor McKenzie and most females would happily be you, and you’ve got a very nice following of fans,” said Richie.

“They will follow your relationship like it’s all a soap opera,” continued Ollie. “That means that when it ends, it’ll end with the world watching. And believe me, luv, it will happen, and it’ll be nasty. You won’t get a happy ending from him, just ask his past lovers.”

Tony held his hands up in a helpless gesture. “We don’t want you to be one of the multitude of girls who have fallen for him only to end up broken.”

Ollie nodded. “You won’t get to keep your pain private, no, because the world will be watching.”

“You’ve said that already,” said Jaxxon in a bored tone. “And for the record, I know that he doesn’t do committed relationships. Do you know why that’s okay? Because I’m not looking for that. So you can simmer down and breathe, Caption Cautious.”

But Ollie couldn’t simmer down at all. He didn’t want to see this girl who he instinctively knew had already been through enough to have to go through what was inevitable if she didn’t end things with McKenzie now. He wiped his face with one hand. “Why couldn’t you have just picked a nice, well-mannered lad like Bruno?”

Jaxxon leant forward in her seat. “Do you want to know what nice, well-mannered Bruno said to me when he was plastered at the charity event? He said that I was even more gorgeous than his dick, and that if I was hungry I could always put my mouth around it.”

Everyone but Ollie burst out laughing. “W-well,” stammered Ollie, “like you said, he was plastered.” He wasn’t going to get through to her, he could see that. At least they had the tour coming up soon. That would get her away from McKenzie for a while. Maybe she would see things more clearly with him far away, or maybe McKenzie would meet someone else while she was gone and this could be over before it got any worse.

Jaxxon stretched. “Well, as fun as this has been, I must go.” She stood and joined her hands as if in prayer. “I promise to file away all your advice, Papa Wolves.”

As she drove back to her apartment, she tried not to think on that advice. Tried really hard. But Ollie had got her thinking. She’d known that she could never come out of all this emotionally unscathed. But she hadn’t given much thought until now into how she would be put under a microscope having every expression scrutinised and dissected. She wouldn’t be allowed to wallow and heal in peace. The public would know the full extent of her pain. And, therefore, so would Connor. That was something she really hadn’t banked on.

Was Ollie right, was it better to put a stop to all this now?

She wasn’t sure that she could. Her yearning for him was just so strong. Even if she did try to end it she doubted Connor would accept that yet. Not when he’d proposed they didn’t see other people – that wasn’t a sign that he was looking to put a stop to this very soon. If he wanted to contest her decision to finish things, he wouldn’t need to browbeat her. No, all he would have to do was show up, nothing more. As soon as he was in close proximity to her, what was left of her will would totally crumble. How sad was that?

So what now? she asked herself as she pulled up outside her apartment building.

She supposed that all she could really do was hope that after a few more shags things would calm down. Obviously she’d have to promise herself that when it was over she wouldn’t curl up like a foetus and pine away. She would do what she did when she was fourteen and realised he wasn’t coming back; instead of treating it as an ending, she’d look at it as the beginning of something new. There was another promise she had to make to herself; if she suddenly developed stronger feelings for him she would put a firm stop to their arrangement. She couldn’t be with someone in any capacity who she loved who didn’t love her back.

It was as she locked the car that she saw the slip of paper jammed behind one of the windscreen-wipers. She pulled the paper free to find that it was actually an envelope with her name on in capital letters. Once in the empty elevator she tore it open and unfolded the white, plain paper inside. Only two words were written on it in black ink. ‘Die Bitch’.

Oh. Well that was not what she expected. She got letters from nutters all the time but never one that was malicious. It shouldn’t have spooked her. Words were just words. But a chill still passed through her, as if the paper was stained with the malice and spite that had seeped from whoever scrawled those two hateful words. Resolved that she wouldn’t let some fruitcake unsettle her, she rolled her eyes, sighed and screwed up the piece of paper and envelope. The ‘bitch’ part I can agree with, she thought with a smile.

She was just feeling a teensy bit more relaxed when the elevator doors opened and she saw that someone was crouched on the floor next to her door. For a reason she didn’t understand, she was weary of this woman. As Jaxxon got closer she saw the look of hopelessness on her face and how she had an arm curled around her stomach. When she stopped in front of her, the woman peered up and smiled. It was a sweet, innocent smile…but there was a falsity to it.

“You must be Jaxxon.”

The American accent surprised her. Was she supposed to know who this woman was? Her expression said she thought so. Jaxxon searched her memory. Yeah, the woman was familiar. A celebrity. If she had to guess, Jaxxon would say she was an actress…?

“My name’s Anita,” she said sweetly. “Anita Donovan.”

Now Jaxxon remembered her.

“I’m Connor’s ex-fiancée.”

That she hadn’t expected.

“Can I come in? I think we should talk.”

Her voice and smile were so sweet and pleading and friendly…and yet Jaxxon had no inclination to agree. Her instincts were going off big time here; they didn’t like this woman. It was a lot to do with that smile. It was beautiful and pure, yes, but there was that tiny curve to her lips on one side that suggested mischief and cunning. She had seen a similar smile on someone else. Leah. “We can talk right here. But make it quick.”

Anita flinched. “You don’t like me very much. I can understand. No one likes their boyfriend’s exes, do they? But I needed to see you.” Gingerly she rose from the floor.

Jaxxon eyed the beautiful woman with a degree of resentment. She had touched Connor – that was all it took for Jaxxon not to like her. And claiming to be his ex-fiancée…She may be his ex-bed buddy, but nothing more. She waited patiently for Anita to speak.

Anita twiddled her fingers, making a show of being nervous and feeling a little awkward. “I’m pregnant,” she lied well. She waited for a reaction. There wasn’t one. “The baby’s Connor’s,” she added, just in case Jaxxon was missing the point. Still no reaction. “I thought it only fair that you should know.” She gave a sad, low laugh. “He wouldn’t have told you, not until his hand was forced.” Finally Jaxxon responded. With a nod. That’s it?

Fairly pissed off about having to stand there while someone told her a barefaced lie and fully expected her to buy it, Jaxxon dug her keys out of her black, leather bag. “See ya.”

“Wait, please, wait,” said Anita quickly. This really wasn’t going how she planned. Jaxxon was supposed to gasp in horror at the news, feel jealous and envious and have an instinctive reaction to want to break it off with Connor.

“Sorry, was there something else?”

Yes, why aren’t you reacting like a normal person?! Anita flashed her that famous, angelic smile that had made her billions. “I just want to be sure you’re okay. I know it’s big news.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m being rude aren’t I. Congratulations on your fictional pregnancy!” With that, Jaxxon swung the door shut on Anita Donovan’s face.

What a bloody day.

The only explanation Connor could find for Dane’s behaviour was that he was determined to terminate their friendship. Why else would he have spent their entire tennis match repeatedly commenting on Jaxx’s body and on everything Warren had told him about last night and on what was printed in today’s newspaper?

‘Infatuated’, ‘besotted’, ‘territorial’ – the tabloids had made him sound like he was…What was that term? Pussy whipped. And it wasn’t great when it was broadcasted that you were in a serious relationship when you didn’t even believe in the concept.

In his experience, any type of relationship was fickle and unstable. His father proved that when he turned into an abusive alcoholic and, with one single act that Connor never allowed himself to think about, ruined the lives of those around him. His mother also proved Connor’s theory when she abandoned him because her new boyfriend didn’t want another bloke’s kid around. His aunt proved it when she refused to take him in even though she was the only other family he had. All those foster parents proved it when they passed him around like a parcel. His impression of people was that their own wishes always came first, no one could be truly counted on or be truly trusted, and they could all drop people so easily. That was why he lived life the way he did.

Dane had been having a whole lot of fun teasing Connor that Jaxx was his Niki; the woman who would end his wayward ways and have him walking down an aisle and being a daddy. Connor wasn’t sure whether he wished that was true or was relieved that it wasn’t. He’d made the decision at just nine years of age to never have any of that. For all he knew, Jaxx felt the same. She always said when they were younger that she could never see herself getting married. She could actually be as anxious as hell right now because of what the tabloids had printed. He doubted it. She had never much cared what other people thought of her. But what if she looked at that photo of them both looking all cozy and lovesick and panicked that he might want more? She had never explained exactly what her own individual reasons were for why she didn’t want anything more than casual sex between them. But how did he ask about those reasons without sounding like he was hinting for more?

As he sat in the car outside the gym waiting for Dane, he took his Blackberry from his pocket. Maybe if he phoned Jaxx, heard her voice, he could put his mind at rest. He’d rather see her, but after asking her to agree to them not seeing other people he didn’t want to do anything that might make it seem like things were now more intense, she would probably bolt. Usually he waited a few days before getting together with her again, so he would do the same this time. Still, a phone call couldn’t hurt.

“Hello.”

Connor tensed. She didn’t sound her usual self. There was a mixture of annoyance, fatigue and fretfulness in her tone. “Just checking to see how you are.”

“Why?”

Was that suspicion in her voice? “Because the tabloids printed an awful lot of crap and I wanted to make sure it hadn’t cheesed you off too much.”

“Oh. Like you said, it was just crap. Look, I’ve got to go.”

“Why?”

There was a huffing sound. “I don’t need to explain myself if I want to end a bloody phone call.” Then the line went dead.

He stared at his Blackberry, stunned. No one had ever hung up on him before. And what the hell had he done other than ask why she had to go? Had he been right when he speculated that she might be spooked by that photo and was ready to end things? Not a chance would he let her do that! He was surprised by the vehemence behind that thought. Of course they would end it eventually. Just not yet. He wasn’t ready yet.

Dane hopped into the car and looked curiously at Connor who seemed annoyed with his Blackberry. “Can’t you get a signal?”

“She put the phone down on me.”

He didn’t need to ask who Connor was talking about. At any other time, he would have smiled at the situation. “I’m not surprised.” Connor’s glare switched to him. “Niki just phoned. Anita just walked in the door ten minutes ago. Apparently she went to see Jaxxon.” A string of curses flew from Connor’s mouth. “Jaxxon didn’t mention it over the phone?”

“No,” he bit out. Why didn’t she tell him? Was that the reason for her mood? Given everything that was going on, there was a very strong chance that she was going to end it between them. Shit. He took off the handbrake, whizzed out of the parking space and sped onto the road, heading to Jaxx’s apartment.

“I take it you’re not dropping me off home first then.”

“If I get anywhere near your house it’s highly likely that I’ll barge in there and strangle that bitch.”

“Oh. Good choice then.” Dane wished that his best mate wasn’t living in a world of delusions. The real reason he was speeding straight to Jaxxon’s was because he wanted to check on her. Dane would do exactly the same if it was Niki. He’d been trying to make Connor see the truth, but he was starting to think that it wouldn’t happen until Connor was ready to face it. What concerned Dane was that it could take his stubborn mate a long time to face facts. Jaxxon Carter was a stunner, she had plenty of blokes admiring her wherever she went. If Connor took too long, he could lose her to one of them. Dane didn’t want to see that happen to this bloke who had done a lot for him over the years.

If it wasn’t for Connor, Dane’s son would never have survived his birth. Niki had abruptly gone into labour and Dane was miles away. Connor had whizzed round to get her and then whizzed her to the hospital. The doctors had told them that any longer and Little Dane would have been stillborn. Never would he forget what Connor had done. It made Dane feel like crap when he was stood there in a room with his family while Connor was stood on his own, even with his newest conquest hanging off him he always looked alone. If Jaxxon Carter could change that then Dane wanted her to stick around.

Jaxxon growled for like the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. Why was it that when you wanted to be alone did you become popular all of a sudden? Her phone had been like a hot line since she walked through the door. First it was Ollie who was oh so sorry if he had seemed abrupt and overwhelming earlier. Then it was Richie with the same apology. Then it was Tony, also apologising for the lecture but then went on to repeat the lecture. Jaxxon had hung up at that point. Then Anna had called; she was going out with Warren for a carvery and had an overpowering urge to share her excitement with Jaxxon. Then Connor…who she really hadn’t wanted to speak to while her brain was so minced up.

She was certain she didn’t have the willpower to follow Ollie’s advice and eject Connor from her life and she was heavily irritated by this. Damn the sod! If he hadn’t turned up they would both be fully functioning people operating on a strictly normal level as opposed to being dominated by a lust so consuming and controlling that it bordered on an obsession.

A hot bath had been the best idea she could come up with to help de-stress and relax. For the first time in her life she had tried bath salts and candles and that soothing bubble bath that Anna had given her to try. Until today, Jaxxon hadn’t actually known that it was possible to get the simple running of a bath totally wrong. The candles wouldn’t stay alight, the different scents didn’t gel, and the bubble bath hadn’t produced more than ten bubbles. Needless to say she hadn’t stayed in it long and had come out more stressed out than what she was before.

Then no longer was she towel-dried and wrapped in her silk, black robe than there was a knock at the door. Absolutely fricking fabulous. It didn’t take a genius to work out it was Connor. She didn’t have the energy for him and his oppressiveness right now. But wasn’t this her own fault for hanging up on him? She couldn’t exactly ignore the knocking. He’d either keep it up until she answered or pick the lock.

“Hi,” her visitor said nervously as she opened the door.

Not Connor. And had she looked through the peephole like she always did, she would have known that, and then she could have ignored the knocking. “Bruno.”

“I know I’m probably not your favourite person right now, but can I come in?”

While she was wearing only her silk robe? Not bloody likely. “I’ve only just got out the -”

“Two minutes. Please? I promise I won’t make any more lewd suggestions.”

She had to smile at that. “Alright.” He didn’t sit down, which made her a little uneasy.

“First, can I just say sorry again for last weekend? I know it’s no excuse but I was absolutely smashed and -”

Jaxxon held a hand up, deciding to put him out of his misery. “Bruno, I’ve heard a lot worse than that over the years. I know you were rat-arsed and messed up over your ex.”

He winced and tucked his hands in the pockets of his navy jeans. “That’s the thing…”

“There’s a thing?”

He sighed. “I was fuming with my ex, yeah, but that’s not all it was Jaxxon. That’s why I’m here. It’s not going to come as a surprise to you that I like you. As more than a mate.”

Actually it did. She didn’t remember him ever being flirtatious or making hints.

“Jaxxon, I work with beautiful people all the time but you’re different…There’s no vanity, you don’t look down on people, you don’t take it all too seriously. You had me roped in from the start. I didn’t do anything about it because when I first met you things were mad with your new job and I knew it had to be hard for you adjusting to everything. I figured that what you really needed right then was a mate.”

And he had been a mate, she remembered. Always quick to offer help or advice or…well, anything, but she had been determined to find her own two feet. Still, why tell her this now? “Bruno, I don’t understand what you’re hoping I’ll do with this information.”

“I’m not expecting anything. I know you’re with McKenzie. I saw the photos.” It had hurt to look at them, and it was then that he’d realised exactly how much he’d come to like her…and what a dick he had been for not telling her. “I want you to know that when McKenzie’s out the picture…” He trailed off again, realising how corny ‘I’ll be there’ would sound. He was striving for another way to term it when there was a harsh knock on the door.

“Jaxx!” The voice was demanding an immediate response.

“Oh bloody brilliant.” There she was in her slinky robe with Bruno in her apartment with her. No prizes for guessing how this was going to play out. And, to be fair, why wouldn’t Connor think something dodgy was going on? It wasn’t going to occur to him to think through it logically, especially when he thought Bruno was her ex. He was just going to immediately assume the worst and react like a crazy person. “Don’t try to tell him nothing’s going on, it’ll only wind him up more if you speak and he’ll pounce on you like a rabid dog.”

“I’m not scared of him, Jaxxon,” he said, snickering.

She gave him a pointed look. “Then more fool you.” As she had anticipated, Connor barged right in. Then of course he turned to ice when his eyes settled on Bruno. “Connor -”

“What is he doing here?” It was only then that Connor got a proper look at her. And what she wasn’t wearing. A red mist seemed to fall over his vision. Rage was pumping through his veins and his lungs felt ready to implode. His stomach was twisting and knotting and his gut burned. His entire body ached with the need to lash out. He heard a voice behind him say ‘Oh bugger’ and realised Dane must have followed him instead of waiting in the car. Connor didn’t even bother looking, he only had eyes for the ponce…who he was about to kick the living shit out of. With. Pleasure.

“Connor, before you all Hulk on our arses, listen to me.” She put as much authority into her voice as possible, but it wasn’t enough. “Connor!” When he started toward his target she threw herself directly in front of this certifiably insane bloke and did the only thing she could think of to distract him. She whipped her robe open. It worked. His eyes dropped down the length of her body. She knew it would only distract him momentarily but that moment to insert some semblance of rationality into him was all she needed. “Now listen to me,” she insisted calmly as she re-tied the robe. “Yes, there’s a bloke in my apartment and, yes, I’m only in a robe but you and me made an agreement, Connor. You know me. Would I go against that? Would I have made it if I never intended to keep it?”

No, she wouldn’t. Not Jaxx. Another woman, maybe. But not Jaxx. A part of him knew that. A part of him knew that it wouldn’t make sense for her to let him in without hiding the bloke if she really had anything to hide. A part of him registered that although she was naked under that robe the ponce was fully dressed and didn’t have the look of a man who’d just had the best fuck ever – and he would have done if he’d had Jaxx. But his brain was spitting images at him of her and Bruno together and it was making him want to kill. His fists were clenching and unclenching and he was grinding his teeth.

“You best think through that haze, McKenzie, ’cause I’m not being held responsible for something that didn’t happen ’cause of what other people have made you think about human nature!”

That had his eyes snapping back to her face. Then he saw the strain there. Not just at how he was acting now. She was stressed and tired and he was just making it worse by insulting her like this. His distrust, how easily he found it to believe she’d do this, wasn’t just offending and annoying her, it was hurting her. He recognised something else too: however he acted now would determine whether he was welcome to ever walk through her door again.