From Rags

CHAPTEEN SEVENTEEN

The next morning Connor’s apartment was packed with people. Ollie was cursing with frustration because he hadn’t been able to track down who sent the flowers and chocolates. Richie was exploring the theory that the sender may have been someone who was already in the studio building. Tony was relaying stories he had heard before about past fanatic fans in an attempt to pre-empt what might come next and decide how best to deal with things. Lily was making everyone coffee, constantly signalling to her husband to shut up when his stories became creepy. Anna was again insisting that the police be brought into the matter, especially after what had happened to Louisa. Warren was trying to calm Anna, reminding her that Louisa herself didn’t want anyone to know what had happened; she had seen enough obsessed fan situations to know that giving them attention was often counterproductive. Dane was offering his theory that maybe all this had been Anita’s doing and she either hadn’t left L.A. at all or had sent the flowers and chocolates before leaving.

Connor, however, was unusually mute as he witnessed the torment that an equally mute Jaxx was subjecting herself to as she sat on the sofa with her legs hugged to her chest, glaring at the floor. Nothing he or anyone else had said had made any difference. Not even the fact that Louisa – who was now home under the care of her sister – had phoned and spoke to Jaxx, assuring her she was fine, had helped. He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her as he spoke softly into her ear. “Babe, don’t do this to yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

Oh she knew that. Jaxxon wasn’t assuming all blame for Louisa having been ill; to do that would be to relieve the oddball poisoner of the blame they were due. The reason Jaxxon was feeling sick to her stomach was because she hadn’t listened to Connor and took this matter seriously enough. If she had, maybe she would have been as vigilant and alert as he had advised her to be and then she wouldn’t have ignored her instincts that something wasn’t quite right about those gifts appearing. Also, if she was now to assume that this oddball would happily see her severely ill, was it such a stretch to wonder if this crackpot was going to do something similar again once they realised their plan hadn’t worked?

It was horrible to think that there was someone out there who might actually hate her so deeply. She knew she was a moody cow but was she really hate-worthy? Or was she dealing with one of those bizarre people who thought along the lines of ‘I love you so much I have to kill you’? One thing she could deduce from all this was that, no matter the motive of the oddball in question, she couldn’t be sure that the people around her were safe.

Hearing Tony and Lily propose that she would be better moving back into their annexe, Jaxxon closed her eyes and braced herself for the bloke who had stiffened beside her to turn into a raging bull. Therefore, his reaction surprised her.

Gently Connor turned her face to his and softly asked, “Would you feel safer staying with them?” No one would ever convince him that they could protect her better than he could. Even though he had, without her knowledge or consent, had GPS trackers planted on her phone and car by his security-expert-mate he was still worried as hell about her and he wanted her to stay with him more than he wanted anything. But it was important to him that she felt safe. He had let her down once before when she needed him, though he still didn’t know what he hadn’t protected her from, whereas the three ‘uncles’ had more or less saved her from her old life.

The fact that Connor, a bloke who by nature didn’t accept an answer that didn’t cohere with his own, was actually putting what she wanted before his own wants almost put a lump in her throat, and Jaxxon wasn’t an emotional person. Connor being self-sacrificing…Well that’s new. Even if he hadn’t been, he was what she needed right now. She shook her head.

He rested his forehead against hers. “Good.” He kissed her gently then raised his head and announced, “She’s staying here with me and anyone who doesn’t like it can come talk to me in the other room, but note that I’ll just tell you to shove your opinion up your arse.” He felt her body shake with silent laughter and noticed that Dane and Warren also seemed amused.

“Fine then,” relented Tony begrudgingly, “but you make sure you keep watch over her. That means staying here with her, being -”

“Whoa there, Tone,” interrupted Jaxxon, “no one is putting me on lock-down.”

“It won’t be for long, you’re going to New York in a few days.”

“I don’t care, I’m not going to let some nutter turn me into a prisoner.”

Suspecting that, just for once, he and the overprotective McKenzie would be singing from the same hymn sheet, Tony appealed to him with a look. To his utter shock, the bloke shook his head.

“As much as I’d love to keep her here where no one can get to her, it won’t happen. She’ll crack up. When we were teenagers and she was confined to her room for the weekend she got so bad that, with a fractured wrist, she climbed down the drainpipe just to get out into the fresh air. That feeling of being trapped sends her over the edge.” He heard her giggle at the memory and looked back at her. “It wasn’t funny, Jaxx. I had a panic attack, thinking you were going to fall to your death.” She smiled unrepentantly.

Tony half-sighed half-growled, which made Lily elbow him in the ribcage. After scowling at her he turned back to Jaxxon. “Luv, you can’t deny that you’ll be a lot safer just lying low for a couple of days. Look what happened to Louisa -”

“Not the right thing to say, gobshite,” condemned Lily.

He scowled at his wife again. “Jaxxon, luv, I just want you to be safe.”

“And she will be,” stated Connor, cuddling her to him.

“No way am I hiding, Tony. Me and Anna are supposed to be going out tonight, we’ve had it planned for ages. I won’t see her for months once I go on that tour.”

When Tony switched his attention to her, Anna knew that he wanted her to support his argument and say that Jaxxon should hide. She couldn’t do that. As Connor said, it would drive Jaxxon mental, and she had to agree with Jaxxon that it wasn’t fair to her that she be made a prisoner. It would give the sicko a hard-on. Besides, she really had been looking forward to tonight; the invite from one of the models she worked with to come to her house party had come months ago.

“Where’re you both going?” Connor asked Jaxx as he played with her hair. He didn’t like the idea of just the girls out alone but if he tried to suffocate her she’d likely leave.

“It’s an Ann Summers Party.”

His eyebrows shot upwards. “Ann Summers?” Ann Summers as in the company specialising in kinky lingerie? he didn’t say aloud but knew would be in his expression.

With a wicked smile, she nodded. “It’s kind of like a social event that takes place in the living room where we all drink Champagne and look at a new line of lingerie. Oh and we get a goody-bag of funky toys to bring back.”

Suddenly swallowing was difficult for Connor. He considered that maybe she was just winding him up but, as if she’d read his mind, or he was completely transparent right now, she shook her head. Jesus Christ. He pointed a finger at her. “I get to drive you and pick you up.” Deal made, his mind relaxed. His body, however…it wasn’t going to relax until after he’d got to use those sex toys on that luscious body.

Anna, Warren, Dane and Lily all exchanged knowing smiles. Ollie, Richie and Tony shuddered, intending to expel the past fifteen seconds from their minds.

It wasn’t until forty minutes later that Ollie got the opportunity he’d been waiting for. While Connor was in his bedroom taking a call, Ollie took the newly vacated spot next to Jaxxon. His expression made it clear to her that he wanted this to be private between them. “I’ve been thinking…What if we leave for New York early? I know it’s not the ideal -”

“Alright.”

“What?” He’d been expecting a dramatic argument.

“How much earlier do you want to leave?”

“You’re not going to fight me on this?”

No, she wasn’t, because she was terribly conscious that being around others put them at risk and she was worried sick that something could happen to Connor while she was staying with him. If she had moved into Tony and Lily’s annexe, she would have had them to worry about. The same rule would have applied no matter who she stayed with. “How much earlier?”

“We can leave as early as tomorrow afternoon if you want.” His mouth dropped open when she nodded her consent. “Are you taking the Mick or something?”

“Let’s see how the sick sod gets on following me round the world,” she snickered.

“He might.”

“He didn’t follow me to France though, did he? So I’m thinking maybe his financial situation won’t permit it.” That was something which was concerning her all the more; the nutter would know that her tour starts soon so, with the knowledge that after that he won’t be able to get to her, he might make a desperate attempt to get at her in the next few days. Yeah, the sooner she left the better. Tomorrow sounded like a good idea. “Don’t tell Connor.” Not just because he would likely hit the roof, insisting she didn’t need to change her schedule for some nutcase, but because it would get him in a sulk and she wanted their last night together to be fun, not gloomy.

“I won’t be telling anyone other than Richie and Tony. You do the same. You can always phone Anna after you’ve left, she’ll understand. So will McKenzie.” Actually, he wasn’t so sure about the latter; the last time she went off somewhere without telling him, the bugger followed her. But Ollie had to admit that the bloke had been as sensitive as she had needed him to be today rather than a stampeding, seething elephant.

It was a while before everyone left so she was surprised Connor was still sane, let alone not red in the face. “Sorry about all that, I know you don’t like having people in here.”

“Oi, don’t be daft,” he said as he handed her the coffee that Lily had made her before leaving. He then searched her face as he settled next to her. “You alright?”

She nodded, smiling. She actually felt a bit better knowing that she was acting on what was happening, but she also felt like utter crap knowing that this was her last evening with Connor. “Louisa’s alright, that’s the main thing.”

“Exactly. We grew up around nutcases, what’s one more to add to the mix?”

She laughed. “I count you as one of those nutcases.”

“So you should. But, in my defence, I’m pretty much normal when you’re not around. It’s you who drives me mental.”

“Then I bet you can’t wait for me to get on this tour.”

He rained kisses along her neck. “Actually, I’m dreading it.”

“Dreading it?”

“I’ve told you, I’m totally addicted to you. I can’t get enough of you.” He was beginning to think he would always feel like that, which meant that the decision of when this was over all rested on her. She literally had his soul in the palm of her hand and didn’t even know it. If it hadn’t been for the fact that this was her career they were talking about, not some holiday, he would have asked her not to go. In fact, if he thought he could get away with it he’d go along with her. However, not only would she tell him to sod off, but by that he would be implying that things were getting serious. “Don’t be surprised when I fly out to see you now and then.”

She snorted. “You’ll have a new bed-buddy within a week.”

“Oi, what have I told you? Don’t make out that I think that little of you.”

She might have argued the point with him if she wasn’t conscious of making the most out of their last night. “I apologise oh Lord and Master.”

He chuckled. “You really shouldn’t say that unless you want to be tied to my bed with me fucking you senseless.”

“Maybe I’ll let you do that later when I’ve got my new toys.”

He groaned against her neck. “You do know that I’ve been hard as a rock ever since you mentioned that goody bag you’ll be bringing back, don’t you? Take pity on me and don’t be too long.”

“The party’s only on for two hours.”

“Too long.”

A smile crept onto her face as the temptation to tease him overcame her. “Anna was telling me that she’s heard they give out edible body creams.” He groaned again. “I said as long as it’s chocolate flavoured I don’t mind using it. And you know what? Turns out that they do have that flavour.”

“Jaxx,” he groaned.

“I was wondering whether they’d put some in the bag, or maybe they’ll put in some kind of dildo. Or maybe they’ll put in both.”

He bit her neck. “Keep teasing me and I’ll end up shoving my painfully hard dick in your mouth, I won’t be able to help it.”

“Maybe later,” she whispered. That didn’t seem to help him settle. If anything, it made him worse. He looked so highly strung by the evening that it was a struggle not to laugh. This didn’t go unnoticed by Anna when they picked her up on the way to the party. Jaxxon saw her mouth twitching in an effort not to laugh.

“Remember,” said Connor gravely when he stopped the car outside their host’s house, “don’t come out until I’ve phoned to say I’m here.”

“Yes oh Lord and Master,” she said in a voice just as serious. Anna chuckled quietly.

“You’re so lucky Anna’s in the back of the car or I’d be fucking you right now just for teasing me like this again.”

“We’ll be late if you do that.” Anna hopped out of the car and quickly went to the passenger door to haul Jaxxon out of the car. Connor was kissing her now; it was a sweet yet deep kiss, and it made Anna sigh. Why was the bloke such an idiot? She had thought that over time he’d come to realise how much he cared for Jaxxon and then he’d shape up. But whatever was holding Connor back had a tight rein on him and he wasn’t going to offer Jaxxon anything more. Anna could see that now. He would never have asked her to stay in his apartment if he had thought it might lead to something permanent, just like he would moan about her going on this tour without him if he really wanted there to be more between them. Dane and Warren had agreed with her on that.

Oh Connor would acknowledge his mistake eventually but Anna suspected that by then it would be too late; Jaxxon wouldn’t let him barge back into her life a second time. He might not mean to, but he was going to hurt her in a big way when he waved her off at the airport, which was why Anna intended for the next few months to be utter torture for Connor. She was going to make sure that Jaxxon left this party with plenty of toys and lingerie, and Anna was going to encourage her to use them all Sunday night – her and Connor’s final night together. She wanted Jaxxon to be so stuck in Connor’s mind that he wouldn’t be able to be with another woman without thinking of Jaxxon. If Anna got her way, the torture would be so bad that he would have to buy a new bed if he was ever to get a good night’s sleep again. Well she had warned him not to hurt Jaxxon, hadn’t she?

The host, Nina, ushered them inside the second she opened the door. She was so excited that her words were coming out in a high-pitched voice. Jaxxon had only met Nina two or three times, but she liked the extremely tall auburn-haired girl. She reminded her a lot of Anna, only she was a very confident creature but not to the point of having a swollen sense of self-importance. Jaxxon liked that.

As Jaxxon expected, the gathering of fifteen was females only and all eighteen or over. It soon became very apparent why. Not only was some seriously kinky lingerie and nightwear from the Ann Summers catalogue being passed around by the party organiser, but they were also encouraged to play a number of games that made even Jaxxon blush.

During one game, so innocently named ‘Blind Chocolate’, two pairs got up; one from each pair got blindfolded while the other lay down. Then the blindfolded woman had to find and eat the chocolates that had been laid over the body of their friend who was lying still on the floor. Some of the people who had been placing the chocolates over the women had rested them on some questionable places.

The party organiser also put a whole new spin on the game ‘Pass the Parcel’. Not only were there forfeit slips within some of the layers, but there were also occasionally mini gifts like little tubes of lube. The main prize was one of the newest in the range of vibrators. And guess who won it?! Jaxxon blushed purple when Anna read aloud the product details of this touch sensitive vibrator that could even be used hands-free, repeatedly insisting Connor was going to love it.

With all this craziness in mind, Jaxxon had to give full credit to Nina for having her mother present. Even more credit for having her little old Nan there – who won a tube of lube.

And when the party organiser started passing around the newest vibrators and butt plugs…well Nina’s poor little Nan didn’t know where to look. Nina’s mum was tanked up on as much Champagne as Anna so she had completely lost her inhibitions and even tried to put one of the vibrators into her mouth. Nan shook her head and tutted in disapproval but it only made Mum worse – she tried to cuff the poor woman.

“I want Nina’s mum to be my mum,” slurred Anna as she slouched in the chair next to Jaxxon while they were having refreshments in the dining room. “My mum’s all prissy and uptight. What was your mum like?”

“I don’t really know because she was always doped up so I never saw the real her; just a dozy, often comatose, melodramatic addict. She was funny though.”

“I think you’re funny and I am going to miss you so much.” She threw her arm around Jaxxon’s shoulders and gave her a little squeeze before dropping her arm again. “You will phone me and stuff, won’t you?”

The doubt in Anna’s voice made Jaxxon remember that day that Leah was leaving. Jaxxon gripped Anna by the chin. “I promise I’ll phone, text and e-mail as much as I can, alright?”

“You never promise anything unless you mean it.”

“Well there you go then. You can rest your mind now.”

“Will you miss me?”

“Of course I will.” She wasn’t just saying that either, she honestly would.

“You won’t miss me more than you’ll miss Connor though. Don’t worry, I don’t mind. You’re bound to miss the bloke you love like crazy.”

Jaxxon turned to her sharply, forgetting that Anna had been leaning her head lightly on Jaxxon’s shoulder – the poor girl practically fell in Jaxxon’s lap. She pulled her upright. “I don’t love Connor.”

An ugly snort erupted from Anna. “Oh please don’t join him in The Land of Denial.”

“I’m not saying I won’t miss him a bit or that I don’t care about him but I don’t love him.”

“Are you sure about that? Think about it: why else would you have tolerated his crap? Why else would you have been glad to see him when he turned up in France? Why else would you be staying with him until you leave for the tour? And you’ve never kicked him in the bollocks – that should speak volumes to you.”

More words of denial gathered on Jaxxon’s tongue, but they never came out of her mouth. The truth hit her so hard she felt as though she had been poleaxed. Anna was right. She loved the soft twat. Even worse, she always had. Although inside she was panicking, her body was shock still.

“I wish you could have fallen for someone who wasn’t demented.”

“I wish I hadn’t fallen at all.”

“You don’t know how to face him now, do you,” Anna surmised. When Jaxxon didn’t deny it she sighed. “Well there’s no real getting around that. He’s got your stuff and your dog at his apartment for one thing. And he won’t accept you suddenly ending things without a reason.”

Why does she have to be right? Oddly enough, the one thing that would make him let go of her without a fight would be the truth. If he knew she loved him he’d run a mile.

“Want my advice? I actually don’t care if you don’t, here it is: have at least just tonight with him, go play with your new toys and make it one to remember and then you can stay in my place ’til Monday.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I can look him in the eye now that I know this. It really doesn’t help that I know he doesn’t feel the same.”

Anna gave her a sly smile. “I know how to make sure you can face him. It’s really a very simple tried-and-tested technique. I’ve done it myself millions of times.”

“What?”

“Get smashed.”