From Rags

CHAPTER TWENTY

Connor had never actually talked to a dog before, not like this. It turned out that they were good listeners. Bronty had lay on the sofa peering up at him with an almost worshipping look as if every word that came from Connor’s mouth was a pearl of perfect wisdom. Even better, there was no judgmental crap. He could easily tell the dog how he was missing Jaxx, how he couldn’t look at his kitchen counter without thinking about the time he lay her on it and shagged her senseless, how a shower was no longer relaxing because it only made him think of the mornings they’d spent in it, how every time he sat on the sofa he remembered the time she’d rode him on it so hard his dick should have snapped. Worse, he couldn’t stop dreaming about her night after night. He’d wake up sweating and aching for her and hard as a rock. Christ, she’d only been staying here a few days and the whole place was marked by her and memories of her.

Anyone else would have told him to shut the hell up moaning, but not Bronty. What the dog couldn’t help him with was the answer to the question of whether this was normal: Was this what it was like when you were trying to get over someone? At first he’d thought that this all must just be part and parcel of it all. But it had been five weeks now and if anything he felt worse. It was like he was grieving and no matter what he did, he couldn’t make peace with the fact that she’d gone. He couldn’t find it in him to accept the situation and move on.

Only one thing in his life was separate enough from her that it didn’t make him think of her: racing. Or so he had thought until he got to the test track and all of a sudden he remembered how she cute she’d looked that time when he’d sat her in an old sports car that was perched outside of a car museum.

He couldn’t even go the gym without talking to someone who ended up eventually asking ‘You still seeing Jaxxon Carter?’ Not once had he said no. The word never came out. He couldn’t bring himself to disclaim her, to say she wasn’t his, to face the fact that it was over. Somehow there was comfort in thinking that no one yet really knew the truth, it was nice to be around people who thought the status quo hadn’t changed because then he could pretend for just a while. Jesus, this really was like grieving. But was it normal?

He also wanted to know if this was how Jaxx was feeling. Or had she moved on like she’d said she would? Did she think about him? Did she miss him? Did she still love him? Was she happy? As much of a bastard as it made him, he hoped she wasn’t happy without him. He wanted her to be missing him as much as he was her. He knew that was cold and selfish but he didn’t want to believe she could cut him out as effortlessly as she’d made out she could.

So many times he’d had her number up on his Blackberry screen with his thumb hovering over the call button but never could he pluck up the courage. Then one night he finally pressed it…only to discover that she’d changed her number. That just made him feel even more like crap; knowing that she genuinely didn’t want to hear from him.

On top of all that, he had the knowledge that she was as far as Australia right now. The other side of the world from him. He was sorry he’d asked Warren to find out her location from Anna. He’d thought it would make him feel better to at least know where she was, but he’d come to the conclusion that nothing could make him feel better short of having her there in front of him.

The knock on the door had him groaning. As per usual, Bronty didn’t bark. Weren’t dogs supposed to go mental when someone invaded their territory? Shrug. The dog could do what the bloody hell he liked for being such a good listener. It wasn’t a surprise that the visitor was Dane. His judgmental frown wasn’t a shock either. And this was why he liked Bronty better.

“I didn’t see you at the gym, thought I’d pop round, see if you were alright.”

“Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

“Oh I dunno,” he said as he lounged in one of the chairs and Connor returned to the sofa. “Maybe because you’re spiraling into a state of depression all because you haven’t got the bollocks to go to the land down under and see her.”

“Oh don’t start, Dane.”

“I only speak the truth.”

“I’ve already told you, she told me not to go see her anyway.”

“What’s that got to do with anything? And why is there a brown stain all up the leg of your pants? Don’t tell me that’s dog shit.”

“Oh it’s, um, chocolate spread. I dropped it and some went on my pants.” Or, more accurately, he threw it in a rage when he found it under the bed and some of it splashed him as the tub burst.

“Why’s the dog still here?”

“Tony turned up the day Jaxx left but I said I’d keep him here.”

“And why would you do that?”

Maybe it would make sense for him to get rid of Bronty and anything else that reminded him of Jaxx, but even though having it all around him was torture, he didn’t want to let go of her. He didn’t want to forget her or the laughs they’d had.

“You do know Jaxx will want him back, don’t you?”

Connor’s voice was like a whip. “Don’t call her that.”

“Really bothers you that, doesn’t it? Soon enough she’ll be someone else’s Jaxx so get yourself ready for it.”

Slapping his hand over his face, Connor groaned. “Dane if you’ve come here to try to wind me up then just -”

Dane ignored him. “It’s not like you’ll get to enjoy the bliss of ignorance. It’ll be all over the papers, magazines.”

“Dane.”

“And if she does have that Elvis wedding the photos will be everywhere.”

“Just out of interest, what did I do to you to deserve to listen to this?”

Luring him into a false sense of security, Dane quieted for a moment, letting Connor think the torture was over. “What are you going to do if you hear she’s pregnant?”

Connor’s eyes shot to his. “I’ll support the kid obviously.”

“I never meant with your baby you dumb dick. I meant with whoever she walks down the Elvis isle with.” As Connor took a long guzzle of his beer Dane saw just how much the idea of that pained him. “Why haven’t you flown out to see her? Don’t tell me it’s because she asked you not to. You jetted off to the Alps without hesitation, why not now?”

In a low, toneless voice he replied, “She said she loved me.”

“Let me guess, you still wouldn’t take things beyond casual.”

“You guessed right.”

“Relationships are such frightening things are they?”

They were to him. “I’m not made for all that.”

“And just what exactly did you think it was that you and Jaxxon had? You were faithful to her, you went on holiday with her – although, granted, it was a holiday you gatecrashed – and for Christ’s sake you even had her living with you. It might have only been for a few days but still. Was all that really that scary?”

“Why the hell are you here, Dane?”

“To hammer the truth home, mate. Why else?”

“The truth?” he echoed with a snicker.

“Be honest with yourself, Connor. This is about you being worried you’ll turn out anything like your parents.” When Connor’s gaze whizzed sharply at him Dane nodded. “Oh yeah there were a lot of things you told me that night when you got rat-arsed on Jaxxon’s fifteenth birthday. You’re nothing like your dad. You haven’t got it in you to hurt a woman or a kid. If I didn’t fully believe that I would never have made you godfather of my son.”

“I’m like him, Dane.”

“No. Being a bad-tempered bastard does not make you anything like him. Just like being able to drop people from your life doesn’t make you like your mum. Does Jaxxon know all about him and what he did?”

He shook his head. He might have told her after she revealed all that stuff about Crawley and that Matthew if she hadn’t followed the story up with and now I’m leaving.

“Go see her, Con. Not just because you want to see her, not just because you miss her, but because you genuinely can’t function without her here, can you?”

Connor buried his face in his hands, groaning. “No,” he admitted. The feeling that he needed another person wasn’t something he’d ever thought would happen. But Connor really did need Jaxx. He’d always seen her as his Achilles’ heel, but now that he thought about what the past five weeks had been like without her he realised she was also his biggest strength.

“It wouldn’t be because you love her, would it?” Dane’s voice was heavy with sarcasm.

“Yeah, I love her,” he said in the quietest voice.

At last, thought Dane. “It strikes me that you can, either, carry on believing what’ve always believed about yourself and let your parents mess this up for you…or you can stop being a dick, get off your arse and go get her. Maybe you’ll end up like me and Niki and you’ll get married one day and have some sprogs. On the other hand maybe you’ll bugger it up. But ask yourself: Do you want to go through life not knowing? Do you always want to have that ‘what if’ hanging there? More to the point, do you want to go through life without her?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Then what are you going to do about it, you daft prick?”

Ticked off, Jaxxon was totally and utterly ticked off. She hadn’t slept one bit last night. The guests sleeping in the hotel suite above her had humped all night long. No matter what she jammed over her ears all she could hear was ‘harder’, ‘faster’, ‘say my name’, ‘who’s your daddy’, and ‘I love you, David!’ It turned out her suite was below the Honeymoon Suite. The newly-weds’ activities only served to remind her that her own body was crying out for sex.

If only seeing to that problem was simple. But Jaxxon didn’t do one night stands; she just wasn’t built that way and she didn’t trust people easily enough to hand her body over to a perfect stranger. At the same time, however, she didn’t want a relationship. Not right now anyway. That only left her with the option of a casual fling.

Oh wonderful, more casual crap.

The biggest problem of all was that her body just didn’t seem in the slightest bit interested in anyone she met. Oh it was as horny as all hell but it just didn’t respond to anyone. Anna said some crap about Jaxxon currently going through a transitional phase. In other words, her body was having withdrawal symptoms from her once pretty active sex life of a month ago.

So here she was, half asleep and moody, in a large drugstore in Perth, Australia – a place that was fantastic apart from the fact that it was roasting hot and so she was in a dress. Yes, a dress. She still wasn’t a big fan of those things. Of course Ollie didn’t care that she was irritated, it made her eyes feral the way he liked.

Just as they did in every All-Sorts store they stopped in – the store that the Allure products were exclusively available at internationally – as part of the tour, she stood on a platform with Ollie while he rambled on to the frighteningly big crowd about the essentials of skin-care and big tips on make-up. Naturally his every solution included the use of one of the Allure products, and the crowd were swallowing up every word like he was the king just as the crowds did wherever they went.

Once his mini lesson was over Jaxxon had to say a few words, as the face of the campaign, and then it was question time while some small Allure samples were passed around. Once it was done, they were bombarded with people who wanted photos or autographs. Both she and Ollie obliged anyone who was within easy reach as they made their way down the cordoned off area that led them behind the shop floor. Minutes later they were sneaking out of a private entrance/exit and jumping into their black limousine, returning to their hotel.

Jaxxon snuggled back into the seat and closed her eyes. A little doze would do her the world of good right now.

“Are you and Anna going to spend your last day in Perth tomorrow going off to see the sights?” asked Ollie. “I can arrange a driver for you.”

“I don’t know yet,” she said tiredly. Anna had been flying to and from London to see Jaxxon every couple of weeks for a few days. Richie probably wouldn’t have allowed the disturbance on Anna’s schedule if he and Ollie hadn’t been concerned about Jaxxon after the whole Sean thing. Apparently the fact that she hadn’t had some sort of breakdown was worrying the hell out of them. The Sean thing she could move on from without being tempted to dwell. In fact, instead of it feeling like a terrible event, it all actually gave her a sense of peace. Maybe that was because she finally felt as though she’d fought back against bastards like him, or maybe it was because now she could relax knowing that he wouldn’t be terrorizing any of the people she cared about while she was gone.

“I noticed you and Anna talking to that rock band last night who’s staying in our hotel. They’re on their own tour, right?” At her nod, he continued, “The lead singer’s taken a shine to you.” A real shine to her, but much to the bloke’s disappointment she hadn’t been responsive which he’d attributed to her being with McKenzie – the world hadn’t yet clicked on that their ‘relationship’ was over, which was good because it was giving her time to heal. But what concerned Ollie was that she wasn’t healing. She was still her normal blunt, rude, playful self…but something was missing. He wasn’t sure if he most wanted to pummel McKenzie or demand that he come and fix what he’d broken. “Oi, did you see the most recent FHM magazine addition?”

“I can’t say one of my pastimes is reading men’s mags.”

“You got the top spot on the Hottest 100 Women.”

She shot him a skeptical look. “You’re taking the Mick.”

He giggled at her incredulity. “Luv, may God strike me down dead now if I’m lying. You’ve heard of that actor who seems to be Hollywood’s favourite right now, Aiden Roberts, haven’t you? Well, when he was asked in an interview what celebrity he would love to date, he said you.”

She sighed. “Ollie, stop with the Cupid crap. I’ll bother with a bloke when I can be arsed.”

“If this was Anna you’d be just as -”

“Oh for the love of God, Ollie, will you shut your gob so I can sleep!”

He fought the urge to laugh. “Shutting up right now.”

But Jaxxon didn’t sleep. Most of the time she managed not to think about Connor. She had accepted it was over and knew that spending time thinking about him was counterproductive to healing. Her mind understood that and was clear about moving on. Her body and soul were lagging behind. Was it possible to force yourself to stop loving someone? She wasn’t optimistic considering that she had spent the past eight years in that state over him. Would it take eight years to dig herself back out of it? Could she? Realising what she was doing, she gave herself a mental slap. Hadn’t she promised herself that she wouldn’t pine over him, that instead of treating it as an ending she’d look at it as the beginning of something new? In so many words that was what Ollie was hinting at, wasn’t he – move on, make a fresh start with someone else. It was the ‘someone else’ part of his solution that she had trouble with.

In spite of the fact that every bone in her body was exhausted, she was strides ahead of Ollie as they exited the limo and headed into the hotel. Bed. She was going to go to her room, munch on chocolate, then collapse into bed. And if her upstairs neighbours decided to talk a bit more about who the daddy was or cry again about how much David was loved, she’d go up there and give them something to really bloody cry about.

Jaxxon abruptly stopped in her tracks as a tingle spread down her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck bristled. Someone was staring. It didn’t feel wrong the way it did when Sean had watched her, but there was something intense about the gaze locked onto her. Like the time at the charity event. Like the time in the restaurant at the Alps. Slowly she turned…and hitched in a breath. There Connor stood about ten feet away from her in a simple get up of a dark blue t-shirt and blue jeans; he was still so gorgeous, masculine and tempting that it hurt. A rush of heat and hunger assailed her as her body leapt to attention.

So long, it had been so long since Connor had last been able to soak up just the mere sight of her. His pulse was racing; not just with the craving he had for her or the anticipation he was feeling at the prospect of touching her, but with just being near her again and breathing the same air as her. He wanted to go to her and touch her, but she was looking pretty cheesed off. In fact, she’d looked like that before she even seen him. Now…it was bad. Her eyes were more feral than he’d ever seen them, but it only made his dick jerk.

As she watched him advance on her, Jaxxon’s heart went into hyper-drive. It was pulsing just as wildly as her clit. Her entire body throbbed and ached for him which just made her want to kill him. She despised herself for the fact that she was happy to see him and tempted to feel his hands on her. Fortunately for her, she had enough anger curdling inside to fuel a decent rejection. She could do this; she could think passed her need for him and her jolt of happiness at seeing him, tell him to sod off and walk away a third time. She had to.

“Hi babe,” he whispered as he dropped his forehead to hers and inhaled the scent of her. She was wearing her usual perfume and it was playing with his senses and triggering memories that were only increasing his hunger for her. He didn’t dare kiss her, she’d probably slap him. Worse still, it wouldn’t make him stop ravaging her lips; if he started he would not stop.

“You promised me no contact,” she hissed.

“Actually, if you think back, you’ll find that I didn’t promise anything.” He twirled a chocolate-brown curl around his finger. God he’d missed these wild ringlets. “I’d known deep down that I’d never be able to keep that promise.”

So he’d just stayed quiet and let her believe what she wanted? “You devious little -”

“Not devious, babe, just someone who won’t give my word on something unless I’m positive I can keep it. Just someone who really needed to see you.”

She bit back a growl. “I’m not one of your women who’ll hop, skip and shag you whenever you turn up. Go home, Connor.”

Seeing that she was about to walk away, he sighed. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be reasonable.” He shrugged. “You only have yourself to blame for this.” With that he scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing?! Put me down!”

“Can’t, Jaxx, sorry. We need to talk.” As he headed for the elevator he noticed Ollie gawping at them. Connor raised an eyebrow, daring Ollie to intervene. The bloke just shrugged and sighed as if defeated.

“If I wanted to talk to you I’d have phoned!”

He smiled when he felt her reaching down under the waistline of his jeans, searching for his boxers. “You’re wasting your time on that one, I’m going Commando. You’ll also notice that I fastened a belt around my jeans so you couldn’t pull them up the crack of my arse.” Cursing him, she kicked her legs and beat his back with her fists. “As much as I love feeling you rubbing against me like this, you should know that the more you squirm the higher your dress is riding up your thighs. I don’t mind getting a flash but I’m not sure you’ll want everyone else to get a good look at your Brazilian.”

She growled as he stepped into an elevator – an elevator that wasn’t empty! Although she stopped squirming she resumed punching his lower back, then took to scratching him under his t-shirt.

“Mmmm. That’s it, babe, I love it when you scratch me.”

“We’ll see if you love it when I ram the heel of my shoe up your rusty bullet hole!”

“Dirty talk already, Jaxx?”

She continued to struggle. “Connor Lee McKenzie -”

“I’m getting my full title? You must really be fuming with me right now.”

Growling, she got to work on his lower back again. Then she jerked and gasped in shock as a hand came down hard on her arse. “You just spanked me!” she said disbelievingly. And in an elevator in front of people! Oh she was so going to kill him.

“God I’ve missed doing that.”

“You’ll be missing your balls as well!”

Exiting the elevator on the fourth floor, he took long, quick strides to the luxurious suite he’d checked into only minutes ago. Once inside he advanced straight to the bedroom and plonked a still struggling and cursing Jaxx on the huge double bed. Before she had a chance to launch herself at him he flipped her onto her stomach and pressed his body weight down on her while he secured her wrists with the cuffs he’d had waiting on the headboard.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhh you sadistic twat!”

He then slid down her body, keeping his weight over her, until he reached her ankles which he also cuffed to the bed, leaving her in a fantastic starfish pose. “Sorry, Jaxx, but I had to be prepared in case you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“You think this will make me want to listen?”

“Well no but it does mean you’ll have to.” He settled down beside her but she turned her head away. Propping himself up on one elbow, he drew circles on her back through her dress – a dress that had a long zip that stopped at her pelvis, begging to be lowered.

“Don’t touch me!”

“I’m just trying to relax you, babe.”

“Just tell me what you want. Oh hang on, let me guess, you were passing by and thought you’d drop in for a quickie.”

“Actually I’ve just got off a very long flight to here from London to see you.”

“Why? Haven’t you got over that addiction yet?” She snickered, trying to veil just how her body was responding to his touch. “Or was it that you heard some rumour about me being with another bloke and felt compelled to come and scare him off with the caveman routine?”

“I’ll be honest and say that it has been playing on my mind that you might be with someone, and I just can’t have that, Jaxx.”

“Oh so you get to have as many bed-buddies as you like while I have to live the life of a bleeding nun?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since you.” Needing to taste her skin again, he kissed her shoulder.

She snorted. “Like I’d believe that.”

“It’s true.” He trailed kisses along her shoulder to her nape. Her answering shudder relieved him. She was still responsive to him even if she wished she wasn’t.

“Stop kissing and touching me.”

“I can’t, babe, I’ve missed you so fucking much. Everything in that apartment reminded me of you and having the dog didn’t help.”

“I told Tony to take him.”

“I kept him.”

Shocked, she almost laughed. “Why?”

He buried his face in her soft, silky hair, loving the scent of her strawberry shampoo. “He was all I had left of you and I didn’t know how to let go. I didn’t want to either.”

That had her backpedalling. The combination of his words and his relaxing touches – that were, unfortunately, still managing to feed her craving for him – had her melting into the mattress and calming. It was nice to know she wasn’t turning frigid. “It’s not enough that you missed me, Connor.”

“I know, I know.” Unable to stop himself, he slowly lowered the zipper on her dress.

“Connor, no -”

“Please, babe, I need this, I need to touch you.” Lightly he ran his fingertips along her back.

“If you know it’s not enough then why are you here? On the off-chance that I might be up for a one-off shag?”

After a deep, preparatory breath, he said, “You remember I told you that my sister died? What I didn’t tell you was that my dad killed her.” Her head instantly whipped round to face him, her expression one of shock. “He used to knock my mum and me and Selina about all the time. One day, she was eleven, he took it too far. Me and my mum walked in as he was finishing her off, he was so smashed he didn’t even realise how much damage he’d done.”

“That’s why you always hated him so much,” she whispered, recalling the times she’d tried to get him to stop wasting energy on hating him.

He nodded. “The reason my mum found it so easy to dump me onto social services when her boyfriend asked was because she couldn’t bear the sight of me. She said I looked too much like him, I reminded her of him. And I had his temper. You know what? Before that she was a good mum, a good person. What he did just messed her up. He messed up her life and mine and, worse, ended Selina’s. I was terrified she was right and I was like him; that I might have it in me to hurt a kid or a woman or mess up people’s lives.”

“So you decided not to have a family.”

“I didn’t cry when Selina died, you know. Or when my mum dumped me. I came close but never did. I don’t ever remember crying much as a kid. I thought if I couldn’t even cry when my own sister died then I couldn’t have really loved her, and if I couldn’t love my own sister then I was someone who just couldn’t love at all. That was what I reasoned.”

She really wanted to say something. The bloke had just told her some major stuff, had just confided in her to an extent that he never had before. But nothing came to mind.

“I’m not telling you so you’ll feel sorry for me or to soften you up,” he stated as he kissed his way along her spine. “I just want you to understand that the reason I tried to keep things casual wasn’t because I didn’t care about you. I honestly didn’t think I could give you anything more or feel anything more.” He slid his hand under her dress and palmed her arse. “But as it turns out, I’ve been a blind prick.”

She couldn’t help but close her eyes and moan as he clutched and massaged her arse. She’d missed him and missed his hands on her. Then his words filtered through. “Blind prick?”

He glided his hand along her inner thigh, loving the way she quivered, and slid his finger passed her thong and between her slippery folds. “Jesus, babe, you’re already wet for me.”

“Stop.” The protest was so weak she might have slapped herself for sounding so pathetic if she wasn’t cuffed to the bed. So caught up in the sensations, she couldn’t even open her eyes. “Connor, don’t. I told you I can’t move on if you walk in and out like this.”

“I don’t want you to move on. You’re mine, Jaxx. You always were.”

“I belong to no one.”

“Wrong.” He slipped his finger inside her and her walls gripped him and moisture coated his finger. He thrust his finger in and out at a leisurely, teasing pace. Her low moans were eating at his control. “I worked it out, Jaxx; the way I hate you being away from me, the way I can’t stomach the thought of anyone else touching you, the way sex is so different with you…” He draped himself over her and peeled up her dress. “I’d convinced myself I was just addicted to you, but you know what Jaxx?” He snapped her thong, ragged off his belt, and shoved down his pants. “The truth of it is, I love you.” Then he slammed himself home, groaning at that blissful, familiar feeling of her muscles clasping him like a vise.

She’d forgotten just how much he stretched her, forgotten how good the burning and stinging felt. The bliss of it all almost distracted her from the conversation. “You what?”

“I love you.” Thrust. “You’re mine.” Thrust. “And you’re not leaving me ever again.” Thrust. “I really am so sick and tired of trying to live without you.” THRUST. He then raked a hand in her hair, brought her face to his and began roughly pounding into her as he ravaged those sensual lips. His longing for her, everything he felt for her, spilled out of him in a furious, manic pace that was punctuating everything he’d said. “I’ve missed this.”

“Oh my God,” she moaned into his mouth. She couldn’t keep quiet: she was moaning, groaning, whimpering, and coming dangerously close to crying with the perfection of it all. She probably should have been doubtful about a bloke suddenly claiming that he loved her, but she knew Connor well enough to know that if there was one thing he would never lie to her about, it was that. And the knowledge that he loved her just made this all the more amazing. Every ruthless thrust was a stab of pure bliss. She was burning from the outside out, heading closer and closer to her orgasm.

Her noises were killing Connor. He wouldn’t last much longer, not when he’d been starved of her for so long. He slid a hand beneath her and palmed her breast before sliding it down to her clit. He teased and circled it with his finger and she sobbed into his mouth. “That’s it, babe, isn’t it? That’s what you like. Tell me you love me. Tell me, Jaxx, I need to hear it.”

“I love you,” she rasped.

“Tell me again.”

“I love you.” Feeling her climax closing in on her, she cried, “Connor, I’m going to come.”

He roughened his pace and pounded harder. “Scream my name for me, babe. Now.”

He pinched her clit and Jaxxon was gone; a violent climax like nothing she’d ever known before crashed into her and rippled through her reverberating, frenzied body.

The combination of her walls closing in on him and his name escaping her lips in a scream had his dick practically detonating: his come fiercely jetted out of him. “Fuck.” It wouldn’t stop, his cock seemed to just keep pulsing inside her, filling her with every last drop he had. Then, totally and completely sated, he collapsed beside her and nuzzled his face in her hair.

When he could finally form a sentence again, he murmured, “I’m sorry I took so long to sort my head out.”

“Mm,” was all she managed in response. She heard him chuckle and then there was a lot of fidgeting and bouncing of the mattress. Then her arms were free and next her legs. She still hadn’t when he joined her on the bed, not even to retract her arms; she was utterly spent and had no real intention of moving just yet. Connor snuggled against her side and played with her hand, kissing it and fiddling with her fingers.

“I knew it would fit.”

She frowned. “Mm?”

“It fits.”

Lazily opening one eye, she gazed at her hand which he was still fiddling with…and the white-gold diamond ring that now surrounded her third finger. Instantly both her eyes were wide open. “Connor.” She swallowed hard. “What’re you doing?”

Connor’s lips twitched in amusement at the way she spoke to him in a calming tone like he was an insane person who might need to be talked down from a frenzied state. “I picked white gold because I knew you liked it better than yellow. I wanted to get you a big, bulky diamond but I knew you’d never wear it. But no chance was I going to get anything as understated as you would have chosen, so I’d say that’s a good compromise.”

What the hell was the mental bugger doing? “Um, Connor -”

“I wanted to ask you while I was in my favourite place.” He slipped a finger inside her, indicating what he meant. “But I figured that if I did that you’d think I’d only asked you because I got carried away while we were shagging.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I admit I do get carried away when I’m inside you.”

“If this is some sort of gesture -”

“No, no gesture. I’m 100% serious.”

“But you just told me about why you never wanted any of this.”

“I also told you I’ve been a blind prick.” He maneuvered her so she was fitted against him; face to face, chest to chest. “I love you, Jaxx,” – kiss – “and I want to marry you” – kiss – “and I want my kids to grow right here.” He stroked her stomach gently. “And if you say no I’ll put the cuffs back on and keep them on ’til I can get you to change your mind.” He wasn’t kidding.

“I didn’t end this because I wanted you to ask me to marry you. All I wanted was to know that it could happen one day.”

“Good. We’re ahead of schedule then.”

She was so tempted to relax into him and the moment, but she couldn’t quite get her head around his complete change of intentions for the future from permanent bachelor to committed husband and dad. “I don’t want you to force yourself to do this and then end up changing your mind later.”

“If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t ask you, would I?”

“Technically you haven’t asked at all.”

Realising she was right, he smiled. “Marry me, Jaxx.” Not that she really had a choice. He wasn’t living without her, he couldn’t.

“You’re sure this is what you want?”

“Positive. The question is: Is it what you want as well?” As the seconds dragged on and she remained silent he was about ready to panic, but then her lips curled into a cute, little smile that plucked at his heart.

“Yes you dick,” she whispered. Without missing a beat his lips landed on hers and he took her mouth in a soul-wrenching kiss. In record time both their clothes were off and he was inside her again. It had started off slow and sensual but the fact was they just weren’t ‘slow’ people. Before long he was hammering into her at his usual feverish pace that they both revelled in and then she was screaming his name while he was growling hers.

They were still panting and shuddering with the aftershocks when her mobile began ringing. As she was comfy sprawled over Connor with him still inside her she didn’t bother getting it. But then it rang again. And again. Huffing she reached over the bed to where he had dumped her bag and dug out the still chiming phone. It was Ollie. “Hello.”

“Jaxxon, there’s, er, someone here who says you know them and wants to, er, see you.”

“Who?” Her mouth dropped open wide at his answer. She sat up abruptly. “Where?”

“In the reception area, but if you want to do this and you want some privacy we can meet you in my room.”

“Alright. I’ll be five minutes.”

“What is it?” asked Connor the second she finished the call. She didn’t shout her answer until she was in the bathroom. He swore at the news and jumped up. As she’d locked the door, he stood outside it. “Why wasn’t your response ‘fuck off’?”

Little more than twenty seconds later she was back in the bedroom redressing with Connor following her about the room like a lost kitten. “What happened to my shoes?”

“Jaxx, you don’t have to do this,” he said as he quickly threw on his own clothes.

“Stop panicking.”

“I don’t want you upset.”

“Who says I’ll be upset?”

“Her pastime was upsetting you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Finding her shoes under the bed, she slipped them on. Now fully dressed – bar her thong which Connor had destroyed – she made her way to the door.

“Babe, you don’t owe her this,” he said as followed her out of the suite toward the elevator. “She left you -”

“So did you,” she said softly and non-judgementally. “And I’ve just said I’ll marry you. If I can do that, then I can give my sister two minutes of my time, can’t I?”

He supposed that was a fair comment. He hated that it was a fair comment. He was still tormenting himself over leaving her. But this was Leah they were talking about; the one who had spent years picking at Jaxx’s self-esteem until she didn’t even see herself as the beautiful person she was, inside or out. What’s more, she was the one who had let Jaxx think for the past eight years that he’d spent their time in foster care shagging Leah, that he’d loved Leah. What he knew now was that even back then he’d loved Jaxx. It still ticked him off knowing that she’d spent all that time they’d been apart angry with him and believing that of him. And it was all Leah’s fault.

He wasn’t exactly surprised that she’d made a reappearance now that Jaxx was a celeb. Nor was he all that surprised that she hadn’t come earlier. She had probably spent the past few months resenting Jaxx and being bitter as hell. Obviously she had now calmed down and was ready to use emotional blackmail or some other technique to get herself money or something. And he absolutely despised the thought of Jaxx being manipulated or used. He just wanted to sweep her up and take her back to his suite. As they reached the door to Ollie’s suite he sighed. “If it was the other way around, she’d tell you to sling your hook. You know that, right?”

“Connor, calm down before you hyperventilate. I’ll be fine, I’m not fourteen anymore.”

He combed his hands into her hair. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m sure. Now move.” It was only seconds after she knocked on the door that Ollie opened up, looking as awkward as he’d sounded on the phone.

“Er, why don’t you go in. Me and McKenzie will wait out here.”

Connor huffed. “Oh no, I’m going in with -”

“No, you’re not.” And with that, Jaxxon swung the door shut. Taking calming, steady breaths, she strolled leisurely through the suite. She found Leah in the small kitchenette, washing out a coffee mug. She looked so different. It shouldn’t have been such a shock considering it had been years but the transformation was pretty dramatic. Her long, straight blonde hair had faded to a mousey shade and was just above shoulder-length. She’d put a little weight on and actually had boobs. Jaxxon never thought she’d ever see Leah look smart, but she did in that black pencil skirt and lavender blouse. Not like a business woman, but like…a housewife. Jaxxon’s flicked a glance at Leah’s left hand and there was both an engagement and wedding ring. Whatever she’d expected, it hadn’t been this.

“Oh my God,” said Leah as she turned. Usually when you saw a celeb up close without the abundance of make-up or camera tricks to hide the blemishes they weren’t as stunning. But Jaxxon was even more-so. She could see the apprehension and hesitation in Jaxxon’s eyes and it broke her heart. Leah knew it was only what she deserved though. “Hi.”

“Alright,” Jaxxon greeted quietly. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, actually. You?”

Jaxxon nodded. “Yeah, great.”

“You look really well.”

“What are doing in Australia?”

“I live here. Me and my husband migrated here a few years ago. I couldn’t believe it when I first saw you in a magazine. My baby sister.”

If there was one thing that Leah had never referred to Jaxxon as before, it was that. ‘My sister’, yeah. But the affectionate ‘my baby sister’, never. “What do you want, Leah?”

A fond smile crept up onto her face. “Still blunt as anything. I think you were born blunt.” She drew in a long breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m not here to ask you for anything, but I don’t blame you for thinking I might be. Actually, I want to show you something.” She dug into her pocket where she’d placed the item she was anxious to show Jaxxon.

Still apprehensive, Jaxxon took what was a photograph from Leah’s outstretched hand and looked at it. Whoa.

“He’s the image of you. He’s got my nose and Alan’s eyes. Alan’s his dad, my husband. But the rest – those chocolate curls, the olive skin…it’s just you.”

She was right. This little toddler looked exactly as Jaxxon did when she was that young.

“His name’s Riley. He’s adorable but he’s going through the terrible twos at the minute so he’s driving me up the wall. You know, he’s got so many of your expressions. He really looks like you when he’s upset. And it makes me think of all the times I put that look on your face.” Tears welled up then. “Jaxxon, I’m here to say sorry.”

Instantly Jaxxon’s head snapped up. This was unexpected to say the least, and she couldn’t help but feel suspicious. Her instincts told her she didn’t need to be, but still she was a little.

“I know you probably couldn’t give a damn. But I am. I was messed up over what mum did. I know that’s no excuse – she was your mum too and you didn’t let it turn you into a bitter cow. But I was nowhere near as strong as you and, I’ll admit, I was jealous of you for that. And for how people seemed to automatically like you. It always amazed and frustrated me that you could have been the most popular girl in school but you didn’t want any of that whereas me…I wanted it so badly. I needed to feel liked, I can’t explain why. I envied you so much and I hated myself so much and…well I was a bitch. You might not believe it, but I hate myself for it, Jaxxon. I really do. Because I did and do love you. Every time I look at my son I think of you and how I treated you…” She trailed off as the tears finally flowed over.

Words failed Jaxxon. First Connor’s appearance followed by the ‘I love you’ and then the proposal. Now this. Hearing her sister had come here had been surprising enough.

“What I said about Connor…Again I was jealous. He never showed any interest in me but you he’d have done anything for. I’m glad that you two got together.” She gestured to the beautiful ring on the hand that was holding the photo. “I take it he gave you that.”

Jaxxon, still utterly speechless, just nodded.

“Congratulations.” And she meant it. “I won’t lie and say I planned to come and see you. It wasn’t until I knew you were in Australia that I really thought about it. I was just so ashamed of myself. I hadn’t even told Alan you were my sister, I didn’t want to have to tell him why we’d lost touch and why I was too scared to try to see you. But then I broke down one day and told him everything. He convinced me to come, said if you were anything like the person I’d made you out to be then you wouldn’t turn me away without letting me talk to you.”

“How long have you been married?”

“Four years now. He’s a kind of handy man – electrician, plummer, computer expert. Geeky, really.” She laughed. “Never thought I’d fall for a geek.”

“No, I didn’t see that coming. But then, I never would have thought I’d have gotten into modelling either. I thought if either one of us was going to be a celeb, it’d be you.”

Smiling, Leah waved away the comment. “I was never going to be famous. I just craved attention so bad. It was pathetic really. I’d never have been secure enough to survive that world – one critical comment and I’m thrown. Not like you.” She braced herself for a snort. “This might sound stupid, but I’m proud of you. It must be weird for you to hear something like that from me – or any kind of compliment.”

“I’m glad everything’s worked out for you. I can’t believe you’re a mum.”

“I panicked when I found out, whining to Alan that I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body. But I’d like to think I’m doing a good job. Not making any of the mistakes our mum made. Keep that photo, I’ve got thousands. I can’t stop taking pictures of the little bugger.” Bracing herself for the rejection she deserved, Leah went to Jaxxon and offered her a slip of paper. “That’s my address and phone number. Just in case you ever feel like getting in touch. I know you’ll probably be too busy to visit but…” She literally sighed in relief when Jaxxon took it. “My e-mail address is on there too, just in case you use e-mail more than phones...”

“I’ll want more pictures of Riley e-mailed to me,” said Jaxxon with a smile.

She laughed – it was dripping with relief. “Like I said, I have thousands, I can send you loads.” She squeezed her sister’s hand tight, hoping this wasn’t the last she ever saw of her. “Take care of yourself, Jaxxon.”

Jaxxon nodded. “You too.” At that, Leah grabbed her handbag and left the suite. Jaxxon just stood there staring at the photo, engrossed by the sight of her nephew who could easily pass as her son.

“Jaxx.”

She turned toward the voice; it was soft, cautious, concerned. As was Connor’s face. He had no need to be. She felt a million times lighter. She hadn’t realised how much her strained relationship with her sister and her lack of answers as to why it had ever been strained had affected her ’til now. That fourteen year old girl in her was as high as a kite; Connor McKenzie loved her and had proposed; Leah did love her and was happy for her. And that was why Jaxxon could do something she’d never been able to do before. She flung himself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, like the young girl in her wanted.