From Rags

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Is this who the Eastenders’ character Ian Beale is based on? Jaxxon wondered as the cockney bloke in front of her heading for the Bunny Hill shot her what he seemed to think was a come-get-me smile that actually came across as I-am-so-creepy-so-stay-away-for-your-own-safety grin. He was obviously one of those blokes who had a wealth of experience in the art of freaking women out. Oddball.

She knew he didn’t recognise her or Anna as celebrities. How could he when they were each snug in several layers: long thermal top and bottoms, an additional long-sleeved t-shirt, a fleece sweater, ski jacket, ski pants, ski socks, neck warmer, helmet, goggles, a pair of waterproof winter gloves, and ski boots. It all gave them an anonymity that they needed right now. The fact that Jaxxon was a female was apparently all that was needed to inspire him to flirt so sleazily and poorly.

Only an hour after Anna having suggested the skiing trip they had booked their one-week holiday over the internet, booking a flight for the following morning, completely disregarding both their work schedules. Although Ollie hadn’t been thrilled, when Jaxxon mentioned that it was just them, no Connor, he had all of a sudden become very accommodating and supportive. Even to the extent that he offered to take Bronty in while they were gone.

Due to Anna’s love of alcohol and vibrant night life, they had settled on staying in Meribel, France – the centre of the Three Valleys with Courchevel and Val Thorens on either side – where the revelry could start as early as late afternoon within some bars and could carry on until ridiculous hours of the morning. In addition to that, Méribel has 150km of pistes and even had a few decent snowparks as well as lots of non-ski activities.

Earlier – literally two minutes after arriving at their challet – Jaxxon and Anna had had a little something to eat and then wrapped up warm in the clothes they had bought on their emergency shopping trip the night before. If they hadn’t been so excited about hitting the slopes, it would have been a struggle to leave their challet behind. It was amazing. Contemporary. Spacious. Lavish. Jaxxon’s favourite room was the living area which featured two leather sofas, a coffee table that was actually a varnished sledge, an open fire, and a 42' flat, wall-mounted widescreen T.V-DVD with UK Freeview and cinema surround sound. Happy days.

There was a very large, modern kitchen – all marble and chrome and immaculately clean – a dining area with a long slim oak table and chairs to match the solid oak flooring that ran throughout most of the challet. There were six bedrooms, all en-suite – yes they were being greedy booking something huge for just the two of them but they were determined to get something spacious…and that was exactly what they got. Naturally she and Anna picked the most luxurious bedrooms; both with a gigantic sumptuous bed, modern furnishings, a wall-mounted flat screen T.V, a separate area for dressing, a balcony, and a stylish, pristine-white en-suite bathroom that had heated flooring. There was even a garage for their rented car. And then there was the icing on the cake…a Jacuzzi hot tub and sauna inside and outside. The views from the south and west facing terraces and balconies were absolutely breath-taking.

As they had ventured out to rent some ski equipment and arranged a beginner’s lesson, Jaxxon had soaked it all up; the ambience, the ethos, the views, the comfort and the idyllic blend of mountains and snow and the beautifully blue sky. Little by little all the tension had left her body and been replaced with excitement and anticipation. Though Anna had been skiing before, she didn’t consider herself above intermediate level and hadn’t wanted to leave Jaxxon so came along to the lesson. After going over the basics with them, the instructor decided they were ready to try the Bunny Hill. Although they had fallen a few times the instructor thought they were brilliant because neither feared falling so were quick learners.

“If he smiles at you one more time I’m going to whack him with my ski pole,” said Anna, gesturing to the Ian Beale lookalike in front of them. “He’s severely creeping me out.” She shuddered, and it wasn’t from the cold temperature. “Not that I’m at all complaining but why did you slap his helmet?”

“He said he loved my voice and asked if I worked for a sex hot line.”

Anna gasped. “The cheeky git!”

“Want to see me ski backwards?” he asked.

“Nope,” replied Jaxxon as Anna said, “Not even a little bit.” He didn’t seem deterred, not even when their instructor, Todd, directed an impatient glare at him. Jaxxon might have snapped at him if she hadn’t been distracted by the cute sight of a bunch of kids snowballing-to-death a man dressed up in a reindeer suit, or at least she was assuming it was a bloke. She remembered the time she had been in a military type snow fight with Leah and Roland and –

She let the thought stop dead right there.

The Bunny Hill, Jaxxon soon discovered, was a small slope that had a chairlift to take them to the top. As they waited in the loading area, she saw that Anna was nervous. “What’s up?”

“I don’t like these things. There was a rope tow when I last used a Bunny Hill. Then the first time I went to a beginner’s hill and used a chairlift I couldn’t pluck up the courage to push myself off.” And then she had been embarrassed as shit when someone from Ski Patrol stopped the lift and helped her down.

“That’s because you didn’t have me to bitch-slap you into moving your arse.”

Anna laughed. “It might actually come to that.” Even with Todd’s encouragement, Anna found herself fidgeting apprehensively. Side by side, she and Jaxxon waited for a chairlift to come around and then, holding both poles in one hand, smoothly sat on it, allowing it to take them up. Like Jaxxon, she kept the tips of her skis pointing upwards as they moved up. “Bugger, bugger, bugger,” she chanted nervously.

“Anna, do you really want to go home and tell Warren you got stuck on a moving couch?”

That was all the motivation Anna needed to straighten her shoulders. As she had told Jaxxon, it kind of intimidated her to know that Warren was an Olympic medal winner. She had never been into sports, and even though she was a celebrity the same as him she wasn’t doing a job that meant she represented her country or that people looked up to her. Mostly people just drooled over her. She didn’t want Warren to think that that was all there was to her; that they couldn’t enjoy the same things. And after him telling her that he loved skiing and would love to take her himself some time, she was determined to get some good practice in so that she didn’t make a fool of herself. Anna told Warren about the holiday but swore him to secrecy; he was not allowed to tell Connor a single detail. He swore he wouldn’t. In fact, it didn’t take much convincing. He seemed to like the idea of Connor being subjected to a little torture. Those boys loved winding each other up. Only one thing concerned her: Warren was a very crap liar.

“Remember,” said Jaxxon as they neared the unloading station, “point your skis forward and push away as the chair goes around.” After wincing at the sight of the creepy sod on the chair in front making a daring jump off the chairlift and ending up colliding with another skier, the pair glided off the lift and to the side, clear of the upcoming chairlifts.

Anna made a rejoicing sound. Funny how being set on impressing your boyfriend could make you face your fear. At last they came to the slope, and just in time to watch the creepy bloke do an elaborate toss over and become closely acquainted with a tree. She flinched at the spectacle. “Do you think that was an attempt at suicide?”

Jaxxon shrugged. “If it was, it was ill thought out. Someone should have told him a run-up is always advised. On a lighter note, it’s our turn.”

“Right, you go first.”

Remembering all that the instructor had told her, Jaxxon ensured her hands were through the straps on the poles which she held at her sides, she bent her knees and leant forward slightly, careful not to lean too far forward or else her skis may get all squirrelly. Then she assumed the ‘pizza’ position; her skis pointed together and heels pushed out, making a wedge with an open point.

She drunk in the view; admiring the enormous mountains and hills and trees and the way it looked as though a soft white marsh-mellow blanket covered everything. After taking a moment to appreciate the weird, nerve-wracking yet exciting feeling of being poised on the edge, she slowly began sliding down the slope. To pick up a little speed, she narrowed her pizza position, loving the liberating feeling that came with the descent. Knowing that she could so easily fall was unsettling but at the same time made the whole thing exhilarating. All of a sudden she felt invigorated.

As Jaxxon reached the bottom of the slope she widened the angle of her position which finally brought her to a smooth halt. But she didn’t express her delight with herself until Anna reached her side, also having executed a smooth slide down. They giggled like a pair of kids in a playground; overwhelmed by exhilaration and relief and a delicious adrenalin rush.

“Well done,” praised the creepy bloke appeared out of absolutely nowhere. “You’re both naturals at it. Looked like goddesses the way you did that so gracefully.”

And then he made the biggest mistake of his life: he attempted to touch Jaxxon. Having reached her limit with the randy bastard, Jaxxon leant toward him slightly. “Do you see this pole? If you don’t stay out of my face, I’m going to rip you another arse hole with it. Understand?” He gulped and nodded before awkwardly skiing away.

Anna sighed in relief. “Thank the Lord for that.”

After a few repeats at a smooth glide down the Bunny Hill, Jaxxon and Anna tried doing turns during their descent. When Todd eventually decided that they were ready to try a beginner’s hill, they went for a little something to eat and drink to boost their energy levels before then hitting the other slopes.

By the time they were ready to head back to their challet, Jaxxon found that although she was physically exhausted, having used muscles that she hadn’t known she had, her mind was energised. The whole experience was so strange…like being in some kind of suspended reality. With all the breathtaking views and the snowy mountains and the cold air and the wintery trees and the luxurious challet there was nothing to remind her of home. She found that she could literally forget everything; her stresses, her problems, even the rest of the world. With each day that passed all those pressures eased more and more.

Connor grunted and slapped down the set of cards. When did he get so bad at poker? Probably about the same time as he started abusing the test track and overdoing it at the gym and walking around with a permanent hard-on. All of which was brought on by the reappearance of –

No, no, no – he wasn’t going to think about Jaxx.

But, then, he didn’t really have to think about her for him to undergo any torture. It was now four days since he had last seen her. It was five days since he had last been inside her. He had planned to give it at least seven days before seeing her again purely to prove to himself that he didn’t need her so badly, but he wasn’t sure he was going to last much longer. The fact that he was spooked by how he was absolutely addicted to her wasn’t so important now that the raging need was taking over again. His dick was hard and hurting like a twat. Worse, he didn’t feel whole. In short, his mind, body and soul were pining for her. He knew it. He ignored it. Or at least he tried to. And the harder he tried at it, the rottener things got.

Once he’d calmed down after their argument he’d started to feel like a right bastard. In truth, he had been angrier with himself than her; maybe it could be said that he had created this situation. If he had gone back to see her at least once, he would have seen that she was alone and hurting over Leah and he could’ve done…well he didn’t know what exactly, but he could have done something. Then maybe she wouldn’t be closed off from him the way she was now. At last he knew why she wanted things to be nothing more than casual.

Despite how painfully horny he was, not once had Connor even been tempted to relieve the ache using anyone else. Obviously he would never have given into any such temptation if there had been one. The point was that there had been no temptation. There was one thing he had come to understand in the past few days without her: It wasn’t lust that had consumed his blood, it was Jaxx. That was why he couldn’t escape from the need to see her or be with her or be inside her.

In sum, she had bloody ruined him. He belonged to her as much as she belonged to him and it terrified him. When she eventually walked out of his life – even the thought of that had his gut twisting – he wouldn’t be whole ever again. And yet he knew he couldn’t keep her. She would never settle for someone who couldn’t fully commit to her, and even if she was prepared to try it he would never let her. She deserved better than that. She deserved to start the family she had grown up without. For the first time ever, he wished he had something more to offer someone. All he could really do was make the most of the time he had with her. With that in mind, he had to question why on Earth he was sat playing – well, losing at –poker and not spending time with Jaxx.

Decision made, he went into his kitchen to phone her mobile. No answer. He tried her home line. No answer. He tried her mobile again. No answer. He tried her home line again. No answer. Half an hour went by and nothing. No answer from either phone, no returning his calls, no answering the voicemail messages he’d left. Unfortunately Ollie had gotten himself a new secretary and she was not easy to charm like the last one so that got him nowhere.

“Oi, Warren,” he said, a thought forming. “Where’s Anna tonight?” Because wherever she was, Jaxx was likely to be close.

That had Warren licking his lips nervously. He’d been dreading Connor might ask him about Anna in case he accidentally said too much. “Oh, er, she’s, um, in…Europe.”

Connor frowned. Europe? Hmm. Had to be a modelling thing. He was sure he’d heard Jaxx say something about Anna going to Paris and Milan a lot. He checked his Blackberry; still no messages.

“Waiting on a phone call?” Dane tried to hold back his amusement. It was obvious that Connor had finally cracked and wanted to see Jaxxon again. Warren had told Dane all about the holiday and how Anna had sworn him to secrecy, but he forgot to do one thing: he forgot to make Dane swear to keep it secret from Connor. Dane had absolutely no intention of holding back the fact that Jaxxon was in a whole other country where males of all ages could flock around her and there wasn’t a thing Connor could do about it. He was going to go off his rocker. Boy this was going to be so much fun.

Connor said nothing to Dane’s question and shoved his Blackberry back into his pocket. A few minutes later he fished it out again and returned to the bedroom to try Jaxx’s mobile again…still nothing. Home line…still nothing. Secretary…still not charmed. He growled. Jaxx didn’t play ‘ignore the ring tone’. She’d sooner answer it, tell him to sod off, and then hang up if she didn’t want to speak to him. In which case, he had to assume that she hadn’t seen his attempts to contact her. He should be able to shrug and think ‘she’ll phone when she can’. But it was doing his nut in wondering when, exactly, he should expect a response. Was this how she felt when he didn’t give her any idea of when he’d next be in touch? On re-entering the living area he caught the latter part of Dane’s sentence:

“…doesn’t bother you she’s on holiday without you?”

“Who’s on holiday?” When Dane and Warren exchanged an odd look, Connor frowned.

Warren cleared his throat. “Anna.”

“Oh so it’s not some modelling job she’s away doing?”

“No,” said Dane. “A last minute booking wasn’t it, Warren?”

“Er, yeah.”

Dane folded his arms across his chest. “I’m surprised you didn’t go with her, even if three is a crowd.”

“Another time I will.” Warren sighed internally. He wasn’t going to pull this flippant act off, not while Dane, whatever his game was, seemed like he intended to let it slip to Connor that Jaxxon had gone with her.

“I wouldn’t like it if it was me,” said Dane gravely, shaking his head.

“It’s just a holiday, she’s not relocating.”

“Yeah but still…Just the idea of Niki that far away from me…I think I’d lose my head.”

“How far away are we talking?” asked Connor.

“France.” Warren internally winced as he realised he’d released a detail of the holiday.

Dane tskd. “It’s still a foreign country which means it’d too far away for my liking. Even worse, the French are supposed to be right smoothies. And women love those European accents, don’t they?” He sighed. “Personally, I’d be a paranoid wreck.”

“I trust Anna.” That hadn’t stopped him being worried though.

“Yeah, but do you trust the smoothies around her? That’s the question. You told me Anna loves her drink. One weak moment, one very smooth smoothie…” Dane jiggled his head. “At least she’s not on her own and there’s someone to make sure she’s got her wits about her.”

Connor was starting to feel as though he was missing out on something important.

“What about you, Con?” asked Dane. “If it was Jaxx, would you be alright with it?”

“Did I say you could call her Jaxx? She’s my Jaxx, she’s Jaxxon to you.” Then it occurred to Connor that Dane had spoken in a very odd tone. Suddenly, as snippets of the conversation flicked through his mind, it all came together. He took a deep breath, determined to maintain his composure. Then he slowly swerved his head to look at Warren who was looking awfully nervous and awkward. “Warren, who’s Anna on holiday with?”

“A mate,” he said flippantly.

“Would that mate be Jaxx?” His voice was deceptively patient. Warren’s twist of the lips and hesitation to speak told Connor what he needed to know. “When did they leave?”

“Monday morning.”

“Monday morning? What, and you never thought to tell me?” When he heard Dane giggling quietly he turned on him. “You’ve known all this time as well, haven’t you.” The giggling stopped.

“No need to have a panic attack,” said Dane. “They’ll be back on this Monday coming.”

“Monday.” He couldn’t wait that long to see her. Nor did he want to. What he wanted to do was grab her, yell at her for sodding off like that and then shag her senseless.

Dane kept all amusement from his manner. “Now, see, you haven’t really got a right to go all nuts, have you? Okay so Jaxx – sorry, Jaxxon – didn’t tell you she was going on holiday. Should she have to tell someone who only shows up when he feels like shagging her?”

Connor knew what Dane was getting at and he knew he was right but it still didn’t take the sting away of her buggering off without a word. “Where in France?” he asked Warren.

“Oh I can’t pronounce it.”

Dane laughed. He had to admire Warren for his never-ending loyalty to Anna’s promise.

“Is it in the North, South, what?”

Warren scratched his head. “Um…”

“Is it near Paris?”

“I’m really not comfortable with these questions.”

Connor pinned Dane with his serious gaze. “You know where, don’t you?”

“Come on, mate, don’t get yourself all worked up. She’s probably not into the French accents.” It was killing him not to laugh. “It’s just the tourists you’ve got to worry about. You can’t blame them if they try sniffing around her. I mean, come on, you would have. Even believing she was in some high publicity relationship with an insane twat you’d have still tried your luck. I bet you’re glad you and her made that agreement about not shagging other people. Tell me, though, did you specify if kissing or touching or oral sex was allowed?” Connor growled. Dane faked a horrified gasp. “Tell me you definitely specified no anal sex.”

As much as Connor knew that Dane was trying to get a rise out of him, he couldn’t help but give it to him. The idea that she was so far out of reach… “How would you like it if it was Niki, eh? If I knew where she was and wouldn’t tell you?”

Dane smiled. “Ah, but Niki’s my wife. What is Jaxxon to you again?”

Completely exasperated by his two mates Connor dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Alright,” he bit out. “You’ve made your point, Dane.”

“And what point’s that?”

It made him ache to have to say this. “I haven’t got any rights over her and I haven’t got the right to know everything that goes on in her life. There. I said it. Now where is she?”

“I’m not so sure I’m comfortable passing on this information.”

“Dane…”

“Not until I at least know what you’re going to do with it.”

“Only the same thing that you’d do if it was Niki.”

“Now hang on a minute,” Warren quickly interrupted. “You can’t go over there and butt in on their holiday.” But he saw by the determined expression on Connor’s face that that was exactly what he was planning to do.

“I’ll tell you what,” Dane said to Connor, “I’ll tell you where she is if you admit why it is you want to see her so bad.”

“This isn’t some game,” he retorted.

“If you can’t admit it to me, how are you going to admit it to Jaxxon? She doesn’t strike me as the type of person who’ll be okay with you turning up like that just for a shag or to prove the immature point that you can always find her. If she thinks that’s the kind of crap she’ll have to put up with she’ll end it right there. So, get some practice in, admit why you want to see her so bad.”

As a last ditch effort to finding out her whereabouts without putting himself out there, Connor looked at his other mate.

Warren shook his head. “I happen to agree with Dane.”

“Well?” Dane raised his brows, waiting.

Connor sighed. “Do you have to be such a twat?”

“It’s genetic, sorry. Do you want to know where she is or not?”

He slumped onto the couch and covered his face with his hand, sighing again. When he finally plucked up the nerve, he released his face. “I miss her, alright.”

“And not just shagging her?” Dane wanted Connor to hear himself say it aloud.

“No. Although I do miss that. I miss her. Happy now?”

“Meribel, France.”

“She’s gone skiing?”

“I’m not sure where exactly they’re staying, but Warren knows.”

Warren groaned. Why oh why did he mention the holiday to Dane? “Anna’s going to have my balls for this.”

Dane smiled. “Well it seems to me, then, that you should go with him. You’re both going to have a lot of explaining to do. Might be best to have each other to lean on for strength.”

Warren shook his head. “You’re loving all this, aren’t you?”

“I told the pair of you that I would get you back for the shite you pulled at my bachelor bash and my wedding night. Oh and let’s not leave out the stuff you put in the best man’s speech just in case Niki didn’t already know I’d been a bit of a slut in the past. Excuse me for finding some sweetness in revenge.” He smiled, unashamed. “Go on then, get your arses on a plane and go see your girls.”

At the risk of entering the world of stalking, Connor immediately booked a flight to take him to Jaxx.