Further Confessions of a GP

Retrieving the gerbil

Before finally leaving the essential medical subject of funny bum stories, it would be a travesty not to mention the marvellous story of the two gents who ended up in the severe burns unit of a Salt Lake City hospital.

As part of their foreplay, Eric and Andrew frequently enlisted the aid of their pet gerbil Raggot. Eric inserted a cardboard tube into Andrew’s anus and then slipped Raggot in. Normally Raggot would make his own exit, but on one occasion he refused to leave the relative comfort of Andrew’s back passage. While peering into the tube, Eric decided to strike a match, hoping that the light might attract Raggot and lead to his departure. Unfortunately the match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tube setting fire to Eric’s hair and severely burning his face. Raggot the gerbil was also set alight and with his whiskers and fur ablaze went on to ignite a larger pocket of gas further up the intestinal tract. The resulting explosion propelled poor Raggot out of Andrew’s anus like a cannonball. As well as second-degree burns to his face, Eric suffered a broken nose from the impact of being hit directly in the face by a rocket-propelled gerbil. Andrew suffered first- and second-degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. The extent of Raggot’s injuries were not documented.