Further Confessions of a GP

Notes

Several reviewers of my first book suggested that the funniest part was the section on medical notes. I could be a little offended, as this was the only chapter in which I made absolutely no creative contribution. However, given its popularity, I thought I would offer a few more humorous excerpts apparently extracted from genuine medical records:

1. The patient left the hospital feeling much better, except for her original complaints.

2. Patient’s fluid intake is good, mostly beer.

3. Patient has neck veins distended down to ankles.

4. I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.

5. The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis that goes to his feet.

6. Her leaking occurs with coughing, sneezing, and exercise such as running. She would like to do more exercise, but the incontinence inhibits her. She does, however, carry on water sports.

7. She has been informed that she is pregnant by her GP.

8. Kindly see four-year-old James, who has had a cough since yesterday. Also, the family pet dog has had a similar barking cough for the last few days.

9. I should be grateful if you could see Mrs Y, who has halitosis of both great toes.