Incomplete And Utter History Of Classical Music

VAN THE MAN
I

m going to take this opportunity to spend some time going into a little more detail on the next nine years. Just as I did at the last truly intriguing time in music history - the final four years of Mozart - so, now, I'm going to spend a while in the company of Van the Man.

So. 1808. Two years since the Violin Concerto, and Beethoven is on a roll. In the last two years, he's come up with Fidelio, the 'Razumovsky' string quartets, and Symphony No 4. Around him, the world is, as ever, changing. Napoleon, having taken Barcelona and Madrid, abolishes the Spanish Inquisition. Bet they weren't expecting that! Then, for good measure, he abolishes the Italian one, too/ In other disciplines, Kaspar David Friedrich exhibits his painting The Cross of the Mountains, Walter Scott publishes Marmion, and Goethe comes up with a bit of a blockbuster. I think it's fair to say this one will run and run, in oh so many versions: Faust, part 1.

Beethoven himself is still as unlucky in life as he is in love. His 'immortal beloved' is from this period too. 'She' is a mystery woman, never to be categorically identified. Some say it was Giuletta Guicciardi, an Italian countess, who is said to have returned his affections before her father forbade the marriage. It was to her that he dedicated the 'Moonlight' Sonata. Some say it was her cousin, Therese t What Italian one? Why didn't I know about this? Was it a brand extension, franchise operation, what? Malfatti, the inspiration for the Appassionato.. Some even say it was Booboo, the soft toy for whom he wrote the 'Flurble Symphony for Kazoos'©, although these people like to have someone to sit with them and have been largely discredited. And, finally, some say it's a general letter to 'all women'. Personally, I think this is daft. I mean, if it's an open letter to all women, why not have small A5 flyers printed and left in places where women would see them, like make-up counters or handbag shops? See? It only takes a few moments of common sense to discredit a perfectly foolish theory.

Having said all that, picture Gary Oldman as Beethoven, if you can, from the film Immortal Beloved. Strange-looking, bad-tempered, plagued by increasing deafness… and yet capable of stopping a concert audience dead in their tracks. Think how amazing and how violent, almost, the Symphony No 5 must have been when Beethoven let it loose on an unsuspecting public. Up until now, the most amazing thing in the world of symphonies has been Mozart or Haydn. They're both fab, don't get me wrong, but still, nothing in their entire symphonic oeuvre could possibly have prepared anyone for