Incomplete And Utter History Of Classical Music

IF I HAD A HAMMURABI

I say old. Hammurabi almost certainly died young but, nevertheless, he presided over a period which saw huge leaps forward in all walks of life: he put laws in order, as it were, establishing what is almost certainly the first structured legal system, and with it, the first crackdown on 'drink-charioteering'. He did similarly well with the medical system, too. But his successes in the music business are what concern us here. In Hammurabi's time, music really came on. Good things happened to it. New things. This 'West Semitic' period, as it's often known, saw existing instruments become much more portable - a great deal smaller and almost certainly lighter. No doubt the fashion concept of being 'so last dynasty' was introduced, as were brand-new ways of playing instruments. Hammurabi's time introduced a new lyre, again smaller and lighter, which you held with the soundboard against your body and which you plucked with… wait for it… a plectrum! Jeepers creepers. I mean, although it would have been originally just a little piece of quill, you can imagine the scene when that little puppy was introduced into the temple. Hammurabi: What's this? Musician: It's a plectrum, your suspended floraness. Hammurabi: A what? Musician: A plectrum,? Euphratic one. Hammurabi: And what do you do with it? Musician: You pluck the lyre strings with it, sire. It stops your fingers getting all hard and calloused, and means the lyre player can play for longer… Hammurabi: I'm not sure that's any real use to me… Musician:… er, which means shorter drum solos. Hammurabi: Order me a thousand.^ Just in case you don't consider the plectrum to be musically significant enough to justify Hammurabi's inclusion - and let's face it, these days some rock stars get by very well using their teeth - he did also oversee the time which appeared to give birth to the kettle drum (timpani) and the cymbals. So, whenever you sit through a performance of'Rule Britannia', just think: that drum roll and cymbal crash that comes on 'Rwuuuuk… [roll]… Britcmn-ya… [CRASH]… Britannya, rule the waves…'

… remember: we owe it all to Hammurabi and his ilk. Ironic, really, to think that the scoring of 'Rule Britannia' owes its existence to what is now a small, desolate place nearly 90 kilometres south of Baghdad, central Iraq.