Killing with Confetti

16

The next challenge was meeting the young couple who were due to get married. George insisted that this was necessary and made a lunch date in August at the house in Camden Crescent. His son would be cooking, he explained. Young Ben liked to have a change from sitting at the computer. There was no need to bring a bottle of wine or flowers for Caroline. They preferred to keep the whole thing low-key. ‘We don’t want you going to any expense at all. And don’t come in a suit, for heaven’s sake. They’ll be very casual.’

Difficult. Diamond rarely wore anything except a suit. He was forced to go to Marks and Spencer for jeans and a polo shirt and he got some startled looks in Concorde House when he turned up one morning dressed like that.

‘Change of image, guv?’ Ingeborg Smith enquired.

‘Sort of. Do I look cool? Be honest.’

‘Cool?’ She weighed her words before answering. ‘Different, for sure.’

‘You mean ridiculous, don’t you? People with a shape like mine shouldn’t wear jeans. Come casual, I was told, and I bought these things. I don’t want them to look brand new so I’m getting some use out of them.’

‘What’s the gig?’

‘Come again.’

‘The occasion.’

‘A lunch date.’

‘Nice. Anyone I know?’

‘Not that kind of date. This is a working lunch at somebody’s house. What else could I wear except this?’

‘It looks okay. Really.’

‘The jeans smell of chemicals. Mothballs or something.’

‘That’ll go in time. You could try a pinch of baking soda in the wash if you want to get rid of it. That absorbs the smell.’

‘I dare not wash them in case they shrink. I had enough trouble getting into them. This is a one-off, anyway. I won’t ever wear them again.’

‘You’ll be fine, just fine.’ But anyone could see she was straining every muscle to keep a straight face.

Bath’s building boom at the end of the eighteenth century started with Camden Crescent, said to have the finest of all views across the city. A law of nature states that a good view always means a stiff climb. Diamond planned to use the car until George phoned to suggest it was such a fine summer morning that they should meet at the top of Broad Street and walk up. Not good news when you’re gravitationally challenged.

The DCC was waiting by the traffic lights, suave in a pink button-down shirt, purple cravat and chinos. From Christopher Barry or John Anthony, Diamond decided. A Deputy Chief Constable could afford to shop at classy places.

Diamond was in the problematical jeans. Keith Halliwell, his second-in-command, had suggested ‘distressing’ them by ripping holes in them. Diamond took this as poking fun. Making a fashion statement can bring out the worst in people you ought to be able to trust.

As they toiled up Lansdown Road, the start of the northern slopes, George said, ‘It gets steeper higher up. Will you be okay?’

A bit bloody late to ask, Diamond thought. He said he would be fine.

‘Did you know the course of English history almost changed up there? Queen Anne was leaving the city after one of her visits and the gradient was so steep that her coach started rolling back. She could have been killed. Fortunately some of the Bathonians lining the route saw what was happening and rushed to hold it steady. The place where it happened is a footpath now. They rerouted the road after that.’

‘The only thing I can tell you about Camden Crescent,’ Diamond said, ‘is that Bath’s most notorious murderer, John Straffen, abducted a child from there and strangled her in 1951. She was the first of several child victims. He escaped from Broadmoor and killed another. They decided after that to keep him in maximum security prisons. He was locked up for fifty-five years.’

‘Better not tell Caroline that story. She’s blissfully proud of her address.’ George cleared his throat. ‘I’m glad you agreed to walk up the hill with me. I wanted a quiet word before we show up at the house. When we discuss your role at the wedding it might not be a good idea to mention to the young couple that you’ll be armed on the day. As far as they’re concerned, you’ll be there to lend confidence to the occasion, prepared to step forward only if anything untoward happens.’

‘Okay,’ Diamond said, feeling most unlike a confidence-giver.

‘You and I know you’re fresh from Black Rock and equipped to take on anyone who draws a weapon, but nobody else needs to be told. I hear you had all nine in the target with the handgun. Works wonders for my morale, Peter, knowing I can rely on you.’

Diamond stared ahead and stayed silent.

George chatted on, as if to lift the mood after the talk of a queen in peril and children murdered. ‘They’re full of excitement about the wedding. We’ll have to put up with some toe-curling stuff about hen parties and stag nights, but you and I have been there before.’

‘Been where?’ Diamond’s mood wasn’t lifted one bit. An alarming thought had popped into his head: was he about to be drafted into Caroline’s hen night as well?

‘We both got wed. You said you were married once.’

‘That’s right.’ He’d heard that the only men allowed into these girlie events were male strippers. The hell with that. There was only so much he’d do to keep his job.

‘White wedding?’ George asked. ‘The full works?’

‘Only what we could afford.’ Be serious, he thought. No one would want me to take my kit off.

‘You weren’t in uniform?’

‘No.’ Maybe he should say so now.

‘Morning suit and grey topper?’

‘It wasn’t that kind of wedding.’ Get real. It will never happen.

They finally reached Camden Crescent, built on a slope so steep that parts of the planned structure collapsed at an early stage in the construction and were abandoned, leaving ten houses to the left of the Corinthian columns at the projected centre and only four to the right. It is still a glorious sight from Hedgemead Park, just below, where another 175 properties collapsed in a landslip in 1881. Reader, if you ever think of moving to the northern slopes, hire a surveyor.

The door was opened by a young man wearing a striped apron. ‘Dad? Are you early or am I running late?’

George laughed. ‘We can go away and walk around for a bit if you like.’

‘Don’t be like that.’ He swung the door wider. Ben Brace was tall, with bleached, slicked-back hair. His smile was exactly like his father’s. ‘You must be Superintendent Diamond.’ He wiped his hand on the apron before holding it out.

‘Peter.’

‘Peter it is.’

The interior was distinctly more modern than the Georgian formality of the front had suggested. Glass stair panels, sunken lighting, Mondrian-inspired artwork.

A smiling woman in a pale blue dress came down the stairs.

‘My wife, Leticia,’ George said, and spoke to Leticia. ‘So this is the superhero I told you about, my dear.’

Diamond, uncomfortable already, didn’t need that introduction, but Leticia pressed his hand between both of hers and said, ‘The man himself. I’m thrilled to meet our top detective.’ Straight away he felt two inches taller. He was intrigued to meet the woman who had kept the Joe Irving connection a secret from her husband for so long. Already he could tell she was a smart lady. It didn’t need detective work.

‘Slight change of plan, people,’ Ben said when he’d shown them into a large sitting room with a Persian carpet and white leather sofas. ‘Caroline isn’t here.’

‘You haven’t had a falling out?’ George said.

‘Christ, no. I’d rather be dead. It’s like this. She had a call from her father late yesterday to say he’s coming out a day early.’ He turned to Diamond. ‘You know my future father-in-law’s situation, don’t you?’

George said, ‘It’s why Peter is here.’

‘Well, Carrie left early for the prison. She’s going to bring him here.’

George said after an intake of breath, ‘Here?’

Diamond said, ‘Today?’ The hairs stirred on the back of his neck. He hadn’t bargained for a face-to-face with Joe Irving.

‘They’ll go to his house in Sion Hill Place first, so he can shower and smarten up. We don’t know how long they’ll take, so we’ll eat now.’

‘We don’t mind waiting,’ George offered. ‘We don’t want him thinking we’re not civilised.’

‘The food can’t wait. It’s ready. They’ll get the second sitting.’

‘Does he know about me?’ Diamond asked, thinking fast. ‘Maybe I should leave. This is more of a family occasion.’

Ben said, ‘Not at all. He’ll expect to meet you. Carrie will have told him all about you.’

Diamond heard this with disquiet. What exactly had Caroline told her crime baron father to justify having an undercover cop at the wedding?

‘It’ll be the first time Mum and Dad have met him,’ Ben added.

Leticia placed her hand lightly on Diamond’s arm. She was unusually tactile considering they’d only just met. She said in a tone only he could hear, ‘Please don’t abandon us. George doesn’t show it, but he needs your support. He’s on pins.’

Ben said, ‘Excuse me, or we’ll be eating burnt quiche.’ He returned to the kitchen and his mother followed.

‘Sorry about this, Peter. Not in the script,’ George said, clearly under stress, yet managing to sound like a brave British officer in a film about the war. ‘I knew we’d have to meet the sonofabitch at some stage before the wedding, but this isn’t the way I imagined.’

‘Do you think they planned it all along? Get all the medicine down in one go?’

‘I’m sure they didn’t. This early release comes out of the blue. Someone pulling some strings to make sure there is minimum publicity.’

‘They could have told us.’

‘The fact is, they didn’t. I’m bloody glad you’re here, though, and so is Leticia.’

They were called into another expensively furnished room for lunch. Silver cutlery and bone china plates on a large round table with a lace cloth. All funded, no doubt, from the proceeds of crime.

‘Are you a wine man, Peter?’ Ben asked.

‘He’ll drink whatever you put in front of him,’ George said before Diamond could answer. ‘He blends in with his surroundings.’

‘Which is more than you do, my darling,’ Leticia said. ‘I told you the cravat was OTT and you wouldn’t listen.’

There was a choice of quiches and they seemed to have been homemade. Diamond helped himself to two slices, with a spoonful of new potatoes. His blending-in didn’t extend to sampling any of the exotic-looking salads.

‘You’re not a salad man, Peter?’ Leticia said. ‘You’d better have more quiche.’ And she heaped another slice onto Diamond’s plate.

With the four seated at the table, Leticia to Diamond’s left, the talk got on to the wedding. Ben told the others that his best man was a university friend called Kevin and that Caroline had chosen her three bridesmaids, all aged under eleven, from a cousin’s family on her late mother’s side. Most of the family guests would be Braces. Caroline — the organiser — had drawn up a list she’d hand Diamond later.

‘The wedding’s at two in the afternoon, right?’ Diamond said.

‘That’s my understanding,’ Ben said.

‘You’d better be one hundred per cent certain, son,’ George said. ‘A bride can be late, but never a groom.’

Diamond was trying to make a point and he wasn’t being deflected. ‘And the reception is seven-thirty.’

‘That’s because we have to wait for the Roman Baths to close to the public. We thought about having what they call a sunset wedding in there, but Caroline wanted the service in the abbey and that’s the slot we’ve got.’

‘That’s what Caroline decided and that’s the way it’s gonna be,’ Leticia said with a smile.

‘Do you see where I’m going with this?’ Diamond persisted. ‘The wedding takes about an hour, followed by photographs for say another half-hour. Where are your guests supposed to go for the next four hours?’

Ben was unfazed. ‘It shouldn’t be a problem. Some who live locally will go home and change into something less formal for the evening. Any staying overnight at hotels can do the same. And we’ll have an open house here for anyone else.’

George said, ‘Peter’s thinking about security.’

‘You mean for Mr. Irving? He’s got his house in Bath. He’ll chill out there, I expect.’

‘So am I expected to chill out with him?’ Diamond asked.

‘Not at all,’ George told him. ‘We want you mingling with the crowd. We can vet the guests, but not the passers-by. That’s where a security issue could arise.’

‘Dad, it’s highly unlikely,’ Ben said.

‘Son, you don’t know this man’s reputation. Peter and I do. He has a fan club of one, and that’s Caroline. Everyone else is a potential enemy.’

Leticia spoke George’s name in a tone that told him to shut up. Turning to Diamond, she said, ‘Empty plate. Have another slice of quiche.’

Soon after, Ben took a text message from Caroline. He looked up and said, ‘I’d better bang some things in the oven. They’ll be here in ten minutes.’

They were all in the sitting room when the sound of the front door opening stopped the conversation. Leticia said in a low voice, ‘Imagine how he’s going to feel, poor guy, coming from where he has and meeting all of us for the first time.’ She got up and crossed the room.

The men stood. George motioned to Ben to be at the door to greet his future father-in-law. Caroline came in first, slim, sprightly and determined to take the heat out of the moment. ‘Hi, guys, meet my daddy.’

Daddy filled most of the doorway. He’d used enough aftershave to launch a spacecraft. He was entirely in black: Lacoste T-shirt, chinos and loafers. A chunky gold chain showed up against the shirt. His forearms were so densely tattooed that they matched the rest of the outfit.

Caroline named everyone in the room and Joe Irving nodded to each. He didn’t go in for handshakes, it seemed, he didn’t smile and he wasn’t much of a talker either.

Leticia said, ‘You must be ready for a good lunch, Joe.’ And then, sensing that this innocent remark might be taken amiss by a man fresh out of prison, she added, ‘I hope you don’t mind. We were told to have ours earlier.’

George said, ‘And it was good, very good.’

Diamond said, ‘I’ll vouch for that.’

Joe Irving didn’t say a word.

This would be more of an ordeal than anyone had imagined.

Caroline said. ‘Ben, my love, I told Daddy what a great cook you are.’

‘Better let him make up his own mind,’ Ben said, apeing the stiff upper lip of his father. He had more need than anyone to get on sociable terms with the crook, but how can you deal with such indifference? He was banking on the lunch to do the trick. ‘It’s about ready. Why don’t the rest of you enjoy yourselves in here while I look after the new arrivals?’

‘Good idea, son,’ George said and spoke for everyone.

Maybe the wine had helped. When Joe came back with Caroline, he was showing the suggestion of a grin. The others had agreed to make the next session less of a confrontation and were playing with a Newton’s cradle Leticia had moved from the mantelpiece to a low table close to Diamond’s chair. She was kneeling on the carpet. ‘Have you seen one of these, Joe?’ she asked, striking two silver balls against the others to produce a reaction from the ones at the end. ‘There’s some law of physics involved, but I just enjoy playing with it.’

Joe’s expression didn’t change.

Caroline said, ‘You’ll all enjoy this more.’ She stooped and released a black and white kitten she’d brought in.

The perfect icebreaker.

‘Ooh, how adorable — when did you get him?’ Leticia asked.

‘Last weekend.’

The kitten was investigating Diamond’s shoes.

‘Are you comfortable with cats, Peter?’ Caroline asked.

‘Got one of my own,’ he said. ‘That’s why this one is interested. What’s its name?’

‘Claude.’

‘That figures.’ Already Claude was testing his claws on the new jeans.

Caroline stepped closer to prevent any damage, but Diamond held up his hand to stop her. ‘Let him enjoy himself. I was told jeans need distressing.’

Then Joe spoke for the first time. ‘Will he come to me?’

‘Daddy, I’m sure he will if you take a seat,’ Caroline said, eager to encourage more. She told the others, ‘When I was growing up we had two tabbies living in the grounds, brothers that had gone quite feral. Daddy put out food for them and called them Reggie and Ronnie.’

‘Little perishers. I think of them sometimes,’ Joe said unexpectedly. ‘I took them to the vet and had them neutered and then returned them to the wild. It’s what you’re supposed to do. They didn’t hold it against me. Kept coming back to feed.’

Caroline said, ‘Our larder was stuffed with cans of gourmet ocean delicacies. Nothing but the best.’

‘Why not?’ Joe said. ‘I’ve roughed it myself from time to time. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy good grub when I can get it... like your partner’s quiches.’

Unsolicited praise. Relief all round.

Ben grinned his appreciation.

‘No pets allowed where I was for the past few years,’ Joe said. Now that his tongue was loosened he was threatening to take over. He’d planted himself on the sofa and, as if on cue, Claude abandoned Diamond and went to inspect this new attraction. In a second, the kitten jumped up and climbed onto Joe’s lap to play with the gold chain.

The crime lord couldn’t have looked happier if he’d just walked out of the Tower of London with the Crown Jewels. The kitten hooked its claws through the T-shirt. Joe didn’t flinch.

‘What will you do with him when you go on honeymoon?’ he asked. ‘He’s too young for a cattery.’

‘Oh, shoot! We haven’t discussed it,’ Caroline said. ‘We’ve had so much else to think of.’

‘He can come to me.’

‘Really? That’s brilliant, Daddy.’

‘Bleeding obvious, I’d call it.’ At this stage Claude had made it to Joe’s shoulder and was nuzzling the bristles on his neck.

‘Listen to him purring,’ Leticia said.

‘Claude or Daddy?’ Caroline said. ‘So now that we’re together, shall we discuss the wedding?’

While this charming scene was being played out, Jack Peace was making wedding preparations of his own. He was in abbey churchyard, the square in front of the abbey’s west door, deciding where to make the kill. The wedding party would emerge to be photographed after the ceremony. This was the obvious place, with everyone lined up for a series of group photos — no different from a firing squad set-up.

Only it wasn’t so simple. Right now, mid-afternoon, was when the bride and groom would appear, followed by all the rest. And right now was one of the busiest times. People used the open space as an assembly point. The area was thronged with tour groups, schoolkids and their teachers as well as sightseers gawping at the abbey front. A wedding would be a magnet, everyone elbow to elbow. You couldn’t use a handgun with confidence that you’d get away.

There had to be a better plan.

From higher up?

Jack was as competent with a rifle as he was with a handgun.

He turned, looked higher, blinked and liked what he saw. He was staring at exactly what he needed — a balustrade along a curved corner of the Roman Baths building. The classic design in creamy Bath stone on a sturdy plinth, balusters like a long row of over-large skittles topped with a solid rail.

That balustrade was a thing of beauty.

It seemed to have been put there with a sniper in mind, on a level only one storey high and within thirty feet of the west door. At either end, and at intervals between the balusters, were piers the size of filing cabinets. Get behind one of those, Jack, my lad, and you’ve got it made. Closeness, cover and the element of surprise.

He crossed the square for a better look.

The balustrade was built over what looked like a room, going by the windows underneath. Was there access from inside?

There was a way to find out. Like any tourist he walked up to the Roman Baths entrance and went in. He didn’t intend to buy a ticket. If anyone asked, he’d say he was planning to meet a friend who hadn’t turned up and he wanted to check if they were waiting inside.

He found himself in a vast, ridiculously grand entrance hall under a spectacular decorated dome with a glazed centrepiece and half-domes at either end. Marble pillars, a high Venetian window, chandelier, polished woodblock flooring. Ahead of him people were joining a line to buy tickets for the Baths and being diverted along a system of barriers that eventually brought them to a counter in the centre where blue-shirted officials were in control.

Jack didn’t need to go anywhere near the ticket people. When he got his bearings, he saw the bit that interested him, up a corridor immediately to the left. Less overblown than the entrance hall, it still had black and white marble flooring, pillars and statuary.

Good thing he’d taken the trouble to check. The windows he’d seen from outside weren’t, after all, part of a room. They were built above a staircase that followed the curve of the wall down to a lower level.

He’d seen enough to know there would be no easy access to the roof. He stepped closer to check for alarms on the windows.

Mistake.

A man was coming up the stairs. He wasn’t in uniform, but he might as well have had SECURITY tattooed on his forehead. Jack knew the type.

‘Can I help you, sir?’

‘No, mate. I’m okay.’

‘You won’t be going down here. It’s staff only.’

‘Isn’t this the toilet?’

‘The other way, my friend. I can show you. You must have walked straight past the signs near the entrance.’

‘Right you are.’

‘If you’re wanting to look round, you need to buy a ticket.’

Fucking cheek. He thought Jack had been trying to sneak in.

Not today, Jack thought. He allowed the guy to show him the toilet and humoured him by going inside. Then he left the building.

Out in the open he stood looking up at the balustrade.

Better than beautiful.

Heaven-sent.

There was space behind where he could crouch out of sight. There didn’t seem to be any CCTV. Could have been made with him in mind. All he had to figure out was a way to get up there with an assault rifle.