Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

Plan D was stop-motion animation. In stop-motion animation, you shoot a single frame of something, move the characters slightly and maybe also the camera, shoot another frame, move things again, etc. It’s painstaking and time-consuming. On the plus side, it allows you to use LEGO Darth Vader.

We wanted Rachel to watch a bunch of evil people talking about how much they love leukemia, and get pissed off at them, and be inspired to fight back. This led to some terrible filmmaking.

INT. LEGO DEATH STAR — NIGHT, WHICH IT ALWAYS IS IN SPACE

Elevator music. LEGO stormtroopers are wandering around in the background.

DARTH VADER

singing to himself

La la la. I am a jackass. Doot di doo. Big, big jerk.

looking at camera

Oh! Hello! I didn’t see you there. My name is Darth Vader, and I’m the president of Evil Villains In favor of Leukemia, a.k.a. EVIL.

Appearing in the lower left-hand corner:

Evil

Villains

In favor of

Leukemia

DARTH VADER

We just think leukemia is the greatest. But don’t take my word for it! Here’s some testimony from some annoying pirates!

EXT. LEGO PIRATE SHIP — DAY

PIRATE KING

Arrrr! ’Twas a day the likes o’ no other, athwart the starboard bow upon the rottin’ maggoty beard o’ Davy Jones hisself!!! Upon the horizon did Two-Eyepatch Bill not espy the hideous sucker’d limbs o’ the mighty Kraken—fast amidships all cannons astern and swab the decks, ye filthy motherless bilge rat SWINE!!!!!

INT. DEATH STAR — NIGHT

DARTH VADER

Uh . . . sure.

INT. GREG’S DESK — DAY

PLASTIC FIGURINE OF SERPENTOR

with a snake accent

I am Serpentor, Cobra Emperor, of the evil Cobra Command! Leukemia is my favorite thing in the world! Now, because I love leukemia so much, I am going to go make out with my sister, the Baroness Anastasia DeCobray! You can tell she’s evil because her last name has the word “Cobra” in it!

BARONESS

I love making out with my nasty-ass brother! Because I’m disgusting as hell!!

SERPENTOR

How do we kiss again?

BARONESS

My goddamn mouth won’t open.

SERPENTOR

Neither will mine.

BARONESS

The hell we supposed a do now.

INT. DEATH STAR — NIGHT

DARTH VADER

We sure do love leukemia! Don’t believe me yet? Why don’t you ask this spinning tarantula paperweight?

INT. GREG’S DESK — DAY

The tarantula paperweight is a dead tarantula encased in glass. The magic of stop-motion animation is causing it to spin around in a circle.

SPINNING TARANTULA PAPERWEIGHT

with a German accent for some reason

Nothing makes me happier than leukemia.

Christ.

So this was Plan D. Maybe it would have been good. I don’t know. I doubt it. What I do know is, it took forever to do, and a few days before Thanksgiving break, Rachel and Denise decided that they were done with chemotherapy, and being in the hospital, and getting treatment. They were just going to let things run their course, they decided.

At that point I didn’t really know what to do.