Napalm and Silly Putty

BULLETS FOR BELIEVERS

I don’t worry about guns in school. You know what I’m happy about? Guns in church! This is a terrific development, isn’t it? And finally it’s here! I’m so happy. I prayed for this. Oddly enough, I actually prayed for this. And I predicted it, too.

A couple of years ago I said that pretty soon there’d be some fuckin’ yo-yo Christian with a Bible and a rifle who’d go apeshit in a church and kill six people. And the media would refer to him as a “disgruntled worshiper.” I had no idea it would be a non-Christian. That’s a really nice touch.

And my hat is off to the people of Texas for once again leading the way when it comes to the taking of human life. Texans are always in the vanguard of this important activity, and here they are again, setting a good example, showing the way. And finally they’re going after the right people: the churchgoers. Let’s face it, folks. They’re askin’ for it. They just want to be with Jesus. Give them a helping hand.

“Wanna see the Lord?” BANG! “Off you go!” BANG! “Are you a Christian?” BANG! “Say hello to Jesus!”

Give’em a Christian helping hand. Don’t think they wouldn’t do the same for you. They don’t call themselves “Christian soldiers” for nothing.