Napalm and Silly Putty

PEOPLE I CAN DO WITHOUT

• Guys in their fifties named Skip.

• Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with a platinum credit card.

• An airline pilot wearing two different shoes.

• A proctologist with poor depth perception.

• A pimp who drives a Ford Escort.

• A gynecologist who wants my wife to have three Quaaludes before the examination.

• Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats.

• Anyone who mentions Jesus more than 300 times in a two-minute conversation.

• A dentist with blood in his hair.

• Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals.

• A funeral director who says, “Hope to see you folks again real soon.”

• A man with only one lip.

• A Boy Scoutmaster who works at a dildo shop.

• People who know the third verse to the “Star Spangled Banner.”

• Any lawyer who refers to the police as “the federales.”

• A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin.

• Guys who have their names printed on their belts.

• A brain surgeon with BORN TO LOSE tattooed on his hand.

• Couples whose children’s names all start with the same initial.

• A man in a hospital gown, directing traffic.

• A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand.

• People who have large gums and small teeth.

• Guys who wear the same underwear until it begins to cut off the circulation to their crotch.

• Any woman whose arm hair completely covers her wristwatch.