Napalm and Silly Putty

TICKET TO NOWHERE

And actually, I think people should look forward to death. After all, it’s our next big adventure. At last we’re going to find out where we go. Isn’t that what we’ve all been wondering? Where we go?

“Where do we go?”

“I don’t know.”

“We must go somewhere.”

“True.”

“Phil says he knows.”

“I know he does. But take my word, Phil doesn’t know.”

Where do we go? Maybe it’s nowhere; that would be interesting. On the one hand, you’d be nowhere, but on the other hand, you wouldn’t know it. So at least you’d have something to think about. Or not.

Personally, I think we go wherever we think we’re going to go. What you think is what you get. Have you ever heard one of those guys who says, “Don’t even bother prayin’ for me, I’m goin’ straight to hell; I’m goin’ to hell to be with all my friends”? Well, he is. He’s going to hell, and he’ll probably be with all his friends. What you think is what you get. If you keep saying you’re going to heaven, chances are you’ll get there. But don’t look for any of your friends.

In my own case, I expect I’ll be going to a public toilet in Honduras. And by the way, should you be interested, I can tell you on good authority that when Monty Hall dies he will be spending a lot of time behind door number three.