Palace of Desire

93

Following the departure of al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad, the group went back upstairs. Khadija led the procession, her face sullen and pale with angry resentment. The others knew that harmony was still nothing more than a remote possibility for their household. They were apprehensive about what was building up behind Khadija's silence. For this reason, Khalil and Aisha accompanied Khadija and Ibrahim to their apartment, although the racket from Na'ima, Uthman, and Muhammad clearly suggested that their parents would soon need to return home. After they had resumed their seats in the living room, Khalil took the pulse of the situation by saying to his brother, "Your final remarks were decisive and brought good results."

For the first time since the tribunal, Khadija spoke out, passionately: "It brought a truce isn't that so? A truce that humiliated me more than ever before…."

Ibrahim said somewhat critically, "It's not humiliating to kiss my mother's hand or to ask her forgiveness."

His wife answered cavalierly, "She's your mother but my enemy. If Papa hadn't ordered me, I would never have called her Mother. Yes, she's only Mother on Papa's orders. Papa's orders alone!"

Ibrahim leaned against the back of the sofa and sighed dejectedly. Aisha was anxious, for she did not know what impression her failure to testify had made on her sister. Her anxiety was increased by Khadija's refusal to look at her. She decided to speak to prompt Khadija: o reveal her true feelings. So she remarked gently, "There is no humiliation in the affair, since you parted friends. You mustn't remember anything but the happy ending."

Her torso rigid, Khadija glared angrily at Aisha. Then she said sharply, "Don't speak to me. You're the last person in the world who deserves to talk to me."

Aisha pretended to be astonished and, looking back and forth between Ibrahim and Khalil, asked, "Me? Why, God forbid?"

In a voice as cold and penetrating as a bullet, Khadija replied, "Because you betrayed me. Your silence testified against me. You chose to placate the other woman instead of helping your sister. This is treachery pure and simple."

"I don't understand you, Khadija. Everyone knows my silence worked to your advantage."

In as vicious a tone of voice or worse, Khadija retorted, "If you had truly had my best interests at heart, you would have testified for me, even if what you said wasn't exactly true. But you preferred the woman who cooks for you over your own sister. Don't speak! Not a word! We have a mother who will have something to say about this."

Shortly before noon the next day Khadija went to visit her mother, even though the roads were muddy, with pools of stagnant water in low-lying areas. She went to the oven room, and her mother rose to greet her warmly and happily. Umm Hanafi approached, jubilantly welcoming her. But Khadija returned their greetings with a only few terse words. Her mother gave her a searching, inquisitive look.

Without any preliminaries Khadija announced, "I've come to see what you think of Aisha, for I don't have the strength to put up with any more."

Amina's expression revealed her interest and her distress. Motioning with her head for Khadija to precede her out of the room, she said, "What's happened, may God requite us? Your father told me about the events at Sugar Street, but what role did Aisha play in them?"

Then, as they climbed the stairs, she continued: "Lord, Khadija, how many times have I asked you to be more understanding? Your mother-in-law is an old lady. You need to respect her age. The very fact that she went to the store alone in the weather we had yesterday is clear proof of her senility. But what can be done about it? How angry your father was! He couldn't believe you would ever say a spiteful word. But what did Aisha do to make you angry? She kept silent, didn't she? It wasn't possible for her to say anything."

They settled down side by side on a sofa in the sitting room where the coffee hour was held. Khadija admonished her, "Mother, please don't join forces with them. My Lord, why is it that I can't find anyone in this world to help me?"

The mother smiled reprovingly and remarked, "Don't say that. Don't even imagine that, my little daughter. Just tell me what you think Aisha did wrong."

Punching the air as though it were an enemy, Khadija answered, "The worst. She testified against me. So I was miserably defeated."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything."

"Praise God."

"The catastrophe was a result of her silence."

Smiling fondly, Amina asked, "What could she have said?"

As though her mother's question was more than she could stomach, Khadija frowned and replied bitterly, "She could have sworn I never attacked the woman. Why not? If she had done that, it wouldn't have been more than a sister's duty. She could at least have said she didn't hear anything. The truth is, she favored that woman over me. She deserted me and let me fall prey to a malicious schemer. I'll never forget this about Aisha so long as I live."

Feeling hurt and apprehensive, her mother said, "Khadija, don't frighten me. Everything should have been forgotten by morning."

"Forgotten? I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned, and my head seemed to be on fire. Any disaster would have seemed insignificant, had it not come from Aisha. From my sister? She agreed to team up with Satan. Fine! Let her have what she wants. I used to have one mother-in-law. Now I have two. Aisha! Lord, how many times have I shielded her! If 1 were a traitor like her, I would have told my father about the streak of improper conduct running through her life. She wants to be thought of as a noble angel while I'm cast as a devil deserving to be pelted with stones. Certainly not! I'm a thousand times better than she is. My reputation is spotless". Her tone became increasingly strident as she added, "If it weren't for my father, no power on earth could have brought me to kiss my enemy's hand or to call her Mother."

Amina patted her daughter's shoulder gently as she said, "You're angry, always angry. Calm down. You'll stay here with rne and we'll have lunch together. Then we can have a quiet chat."

"I'm in full control of my intellect. I know what I'm saying. I want to ask my father which is better: the wife who stays at home or the one who visits all the neighbors and sings to them while her daughter dances?"

Amina sighed and said mournfully, "There's no need to ask what your father thinks of this. But Aisha's a married woman, and the final word on her conduct is her husband's. If he allows her to visit the neighbors and knows that she sings when she's with her friends who love her and her voice, then what concern of ours is it? God takes care of everything, Khadija. Is this what you term 'improper conduct'? Does it really infuriate you that Na'ima dances? She's going on six, and dancing is a game for her. You're just angry, Khadija; may God forgive you."

Khadija said determinedly, "I mean every word I've said. If you approve of your daughter singing when she visits the neighbors and letting her daughter dance, do you also approve of her smoking like men? Yes, you're astonished. I repeat in your hearing that Aisha smokes. She's become addicted and can't do without it. Her husband gives her a pack, telling her quite plainly, 'This is your pack, darling Shushu.' I've seen her, myself, take a puff on one and exhale the smoke through her mouth and nostrils. Her nose! Do you hear? She no longer attempts to hide it from me as she did at first. In fact, she suggested I try smoking, on the grounds that it helps calm agitated nerves. This is Aisha. What do you have to say about that? What would my father say? I wonder."

There was total silence. Amina appeared to be perplexed and at a loss. All the same, she decided to continue trying to calm her daughter. She said, "Smoking's a nasty habit even for men. Your father has never smoked. What can I say then about women smoking? But if it's her husband who tempted her and taught her how, what room is there for comment? What can be done about it, Khadija? She belongs to her husband, not to us. All we can do is give her some advice, whether or not it does any good."

Khadija began to gaze at her mother with a silence that betrayed hesitation. Finally she said, "Her husband pampers her so dreadfully he spoilsher. He's made her his partner in all his depraved acts. Smoking isn't his only bad habit. He drinks liquor at home without any embarrassment. There's always a bottle in his house, as though it were one of the necessities of life. He'll get her hooked on drink just as he did with tobacco. Why not? The old lady knows her son's apartment's a tavern, but she doesn't care. He'll serve Aisha liquor. Indeed, I can state categorically that he has, for I smelled a strange fragrance on her breath once. When I questioned her, although she denied everything, she was nervous. I tell you, she surely has drunk alcohol and will become as addicted to it as she is to smoking."

The mother exclaimed gloomily, "Anything but this, O Lord! Have pity on yourself and on me: Fear God, Khadija."

"I am a devout person, God knows. I don't smoke and my mouth does not reek with suspicious odors. I don't allow liquor to come into my home. Don't you know that the other mule attempted to stock this sinful bottle? But I waylaid him and told him with the utmost candor, won't remain in this apartment if there's a liquor bottle in it.' Faced by my resolve, he backed down. Now he leaves his bottle with his brother… in the apartment of the lady who betrayed me yesterday. Whenever I shout insults at alcohol and those who drink it, he asks — may God slice out his tongue 'Where did you come by such fundamentalist Hanbal-ism? Your father's a wellspring of conviviality. His parties almost never lack a drink and a lute.' So you hear what they say about my father in the Shawkat household."

A look of sorrow and anguish was visible in Amina's eyes. She began to clench and release her fist with anxious agitation. Then she said in a plaintive, hurt tone, "Have mercy on us, Lord! We weren't meant for this. God, you're forgiving and compassionate. How men make women suffer! I won't keep still about it that wouldn't be right. I'll take Aisha to task in no uncertain terms. But I can't believe what you've said of her. Your suspicions have tempted you to imagine groundless things about her. My daughter's pure and will remain pure, even if her husband turns into a demon. I'll speak to her quite bluntly. I'll even discuss it with Mr. Khalil himself, if that's necessary. He can drink as much as he wants until God grants him repentance, but I ask God to draw an invisible line between my daughter and Satan."

For the first time Khadija's soul felt a refreshing breeze. She observed her mother's concern with a satisfied eye, reassured that Aisha would soon experience the full impact of the loss her betrayal was destined to bring her. Khadija felt little remorse for having embellished the facts in her exaggerated portrayal of the situation or in its bitter characterization, which had led her to refer to her sister's apartment as a tavern. She knew that Ibrahim and Khalil rarely touched liquor and then only in moderation and that neither had ever been intoxicated, but she was upset and resentful. She repeated the remarks about her father being "a wellspring of conviviality" to her mother with an incredulous tone to make it clear that she rejected them, although long ago she had been forced to accept their accuracy. She had yielded to the testimony of Ibrahim, Khalil, and their aged mother, especially since they had made their comments not in a prejudiced or critical manner but when praising her father's generosity and according him a leading role among the witty people of his era. In the beginning, she had rejected that consensus with a fierce obstinacy. Then slowly, even if she did not admit it openly, doubt crept in. She found it extremely difficult to reconcile these new attributes with the somber and tyrannical person in whom she had believed all her life. All the same, this doubt did not in any respect lessen her regard and veneration, which may have increased, through the addition of wit and liberality to his qualities.

Khadija was not content with the victory she had won. Trying to goad her mother on, she said, "Aisha didn't just betray me. She's betrayed you too". She fell silent to let her words penetrate deep into her mother. Then she went on: "She visits Yasin and Mary am in Palace of Desire Alley."

Staring at her daughter in alarm, Amina cried out, "What did you say?"

Feeling that she had scaled the peaks of victory, Khadija answered, "This is the sad truth. Yasin and Maryam have visited us more than once. They visited Aisha, and they visited me. I'll admit I was forced to receive them. Had it not been for my respect for Yasin, I wouldn't have been able to. But I did it guardedly. Yasin invited me to visit them at Palace of Desire. I don't need to say that I didn't go. They visited again, but that still did not shake my resolve. Finally Maryam asked, 'Why don't you visit us? We've been like sisters since childhood.' I offered various excuses, and she did her best to tempt me. She started to complain about Yasin's treatment, his sneaky behavior, and his neglect. Perhaps she hoped to arouse my sympathy, but I didn't open my heart to her — unlike Aisha, who receives her warmly, kissing her. Even worse, she exchanges visits with Maryam. She took Mr. Khalil with her once and another time Na'ima, Uthman, and Muhammad. She certainly seems happy to renew her friendship with Maryam. When I cautioned her about carrying it too far, she replied, 'Maryam's only sin was that we refused one day to make her the fiancee of our lamented brother. Is that fair?' I asked her, 'Have you forgotten the English soldier?' She replied, 'The only thing we should remember is that she's the wife of our oldest brother.' Have you ever heard anything like this, Mother?"

Amina yielded to her sorrow. She bowed her head and took refuge in silence. Khadija looked at her for a time. Then she resumed her denunciation: "That's Aisha, nothing added, nothing subtracted… Aisha who testified against me yesterday, humiliating me in front of that prattling old woman."

Amina sighed deeply. She gazed at Khadija with tired eyes. Then she said in a faint voice, "Aisha's a child without any mind or substance. She'll always be like that, no matter how long she lives. What else can I say? I don't want to say more and I can't. Does the memory of Fahmy mean so little to her? I can't believe that. Why can't she be stingier with her affections when it comes to that woman, if only for my sake? But I won't let this pass. I'll tell her she's wronged me, that I'm angry and saddened, and then we'll see how see reacts."

Grasping a lock of her hair, Khadija said, "I'll chop this off if she reforms. She lives in a dream world all her own. God knows I'm not prejudiced against her. I've never had a fight with her since I got mamed, not a single one. It's true I've often inveighed against her neglect of the children, her humiliating flattery of her mother-in-law, and other similar things I've related to you over the years. But my attacks have never gone beyond the limits of resolute advice and frank criticism. This is the first time she's upset me so badly that I'm publicly quarreling with her."

Although still looking vexed, her mother entreated her, "Let me handle this, Khadija. I don't want you ever to be estranged from her by a dispute. It's not right for your hearts to be alienated from each other when you live together in the same home. Don't forget that you're sisters… and that you're her big sister. Your heart is not mean, praise God. It's filled with love for all your family. Whenever I have a problem, my one consolation is your affection. Despite her failings, Aisha is still your sister. Don't forget that."

Stung, Khadija cried out, "I'll forgive her everything except her testimony against me."

"She «didn't testify against you. She was afraid of making you angry and afraid of angering her mother-in-law. So she kept silent.

She hates to upset anyone, as you well know, even if her heed-lessness frequently annoys people. She never meant to harm you. Don't expect too much from her. I'll come see you tomorrow and settle accounts with her. But I'll make peace between the two of you, and you'd better not object."

For the first time Khadija's eyes had an anxious, apprehensive look. She lowered them to keep her mother from noticing. She did not say anything for a moment. Then in a weak voice she asked, "You'll come tomorrow?"

"Yes, the situation requires my immediate attention."

As though to herself, Khadija remarked, "She'll accuse me of divulging her secrets."

"So!" Then, sensing her daughter's increasing anxiety and apprehension, Amina added, "In any case, I know what to say and what not to."

With relief Khadija concluded, "That's best, for it's unlikely she'll acknowledge that my intentions are good or that all I want is to help her improve."