Pitifully Ugly

Chapter 31

New Orleans can be small at times.

It felt like a delightful case of déjà vu. Hailey and I spent

the morning eating breakfast in bed. Fuzzy lay across our feet

gnawing on the new toy I bought her. Just like I’d imagined sans

the newspaper. We alternated between watching movies and

making love. Fuzzy was fine with the movies but went into the

living room for the latter.

My phone rang for the umpteenth time where it sat in the

pocket of my blazer, which landed on the floor in a heap the

previous night. Hailey groaned as she stretched and looked at me.

“Are you ever going to answer that?”

“Nope,” I said with an impish grin. “That’s Mom and Kalen

wanting to know how our date went. I’m taking great pleasure in

ignoring them.”

Hailey rolled over and rested her head on my shoulder. The

warmth of her naked body stretched out against mine made me

sigh. That was about all I could manage. “Your family is very

important to you, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, we’re all very close, especially us girls. Aside from

wanting to know how my night went, they’re probably already

planning dinner. I hope this doesn’t terrify you, but they’re gonna

want you to come because Mom is going home in a few days.”

“Your mom is sweet.” Hailey drew patterns on my stomach

with her fingertips and watched the muscles quiver beneath them.

“How did she take it when she found out you were gay?”

I grabbed her hand as my body awoke to her touch and held

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it in my own. “She was surprised and upset, though she tried to

hide it. I told her just after Kalen got married, and I think she

was looking forward to planning mine one day. Dad never said

much, but he’s always treated me and whoever I brought home

with respect.”

“And Kalen?” Hailey tried to pull her hand free, but I held

it firmly. She gave up and started running her toes over mine.

I laughed as she ran them across the bottom of my foot until I

released her hand. “Go on,” she said as her fingers danced over

my skin.

“Kalen didn’t take it well at first, but eventually, she came

around like she always does.” Hailey started planting kisses along

my collarbone until I asked about her family. She laid her head

back on my shoulder and draped a hand over my waist.

“I told them about my sexuality the same day I told them

about the divorce.” Hailey sighed and snuggled in tighter. “As

you can imagine, the news wasn’t well received. It was really

rocky for a while, but now they don’t ask me anything about my

personal life, and I don’t mention anything.”

“I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head.

“They’ll come around someday, just like Kalen did.” Hailey

said the words, but they sounded empty and insincere. She rose

up on one elbow and smiled down at me. “I don’t wanna talk

about them.”

“What do you want to talk about? Lunch maybe? Or if we’ll

be sleeping at your place or mine?” I wiggled my eyebrows for

emphasis.

“Your hipbone,” Hailey said as she moved lower. “I’d like to

nibble it.”

I sat straight up and pushed her away. “Don’t you do it, Hailey.

I’m ticklish there…actually everywhere.”

Hailey came after me as I made a dash for the bathroom.

“Your butt is especially ticklish. I noticed how you wiggled when

I ran my nails over it.”

I yelped and hopped around as I tried to escape her grasp.

Fuzzy stared barking and ran around us as Hailey tried to reach

around me. My phone added to the noise as it played the tune

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signaling Kalen’s call. “You have to answer it,” Hailey said with

a grin as she backed away and pulled my phone from my jacket

and handed it to me.

“Yes, Kalen,” I gave Hailey a warning glance as she and Fuzzy

circled me like two sharks. “Hailey and I were running.” I rolled

my eyes and grinned at the accusations. “We like to exercise.”

Hailey made a grab for me as I ducked into the bathroom. “At six,

okay. Need us to bring anything? Okay, gotta go, sis. Love you,

bye.” I snapped the phone shut and plastered my backside against

the bathroom wall.

“We were running?” Hailey said, running her fingertips

down my ribcage. “You are such a liar.”

I clamped my arms at my sides giggling like a child. “We

were running. You were chasing me. I’m going to find your weak

spot and exploit it mercilessly if you don’t stop.”

“Okay, truce.” Hailey held up her hands. “No tickles, I

promise.” She leaned against me and nibbled my earlobe. “I

noticed you said ‘us’ when you were talking to Kalen.”

“You’ve been invited to dinner, and if you don’t stop, you’re

gonna have to go without me and explain to my family that you’ve

loved me to death.”

Hailey insisted on bringing something despite the fact that

Kalen told us not to. She wanted something that Kalen could

enjoy, too, so we skipped wine and decided on pastries.

“Cheesecake?” Hailey looked at the refrigerated section of

the bakery. “Or lemon doberge?

“Anything chocolate will suffice, I promise. What about this

French silk pie?”

“Hailey, I thought that was you.”

Hailey and I turned, and I watched in shock and horror as the

woman’s gaze locked with mine. We both stood mute staring at

each other. Hailey looked between us bewildered. “Is something

wrong?” she asked as the woman stared daggers at me.

“Look, I was having a really bad day,” I started to explain.

“You know each other?” Hailey asked.

The woman pointed at me angrily. “That’s the woman who

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humiliated me at the health club you talked me into visiting.

Thank God I hadn’t already signed up for a membership when

I ran into her.” She tore her gaze away from me and looked at

Hailey. “I’ll see you Monday,” she said before she stalked off.

We paid for the pie in silence, neither of us willing to discuss

the encounter until we were in the confines of my car. Hailey’s

face was flushed as I let her in. I took my time as I walked around

to my side of the car. Taking a deep breath, I climbed in and

waited to hear what came next.

‘“Start stepping, sister,’ that’s what pissed her off the most.

She ranted for two days about it.” Hailey ran a hand through her

hair. “Well now, you’ve already met my boss. Guess I don’t have

to make that introduction at the banquet next year.”

I sank low in my seat and covered my face with my hands. “It

was just such a bad day,” I said, my voice coming out muffled.

The car went silent. At first, I thought Hailey was crying. I looked

over at her with shame and regret to find her head thrown back in

laughter. She was clutching her chest and gasping for air.

“Oh, my God, we laughed behind closed doors for weeks,”

Hailey said between fits and snorts. “She’s such a bitch, and it

was so great to hear that someone cut her off at the knees.” Hailey

wiped at her eyes. “It was worth the ass chewing she gave me for

talking her into visiting the club.”

I half laughed as I relived that embarrassment.

Hailey clutched my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek.

“You’re a hero around the office. I can’t wait to tell everyone that

it was my girlfriend who humiliated Sue Kellerman.”

I felt so relieved that Hailey didn’t want to choke me and even

more elated when she referred to me as her girlfriend.

Kalen’s house smelled of pasta sauce when we let ourselves

in. My stomach growled in anticipation for her spaghetti. When

we walked into the kitchen, Mom was at the stove and Kalen was

at the table with her feet propped up.

“You are pathetic,” I teased. “Making our dear mother slave

over the stove while you lounge around.”

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“Bite me and put the bread in.” Kalen pointed to the garlic

bread awaiting toasting.

I set the pie in front of her. “A gift from Hailey.”

“Oh, Hailey, you’re my hero for the next hour at least,” Kalen

said as she eyed the pie.

Mom smiled and kissed my cheek, then moved quickly to

Hailey and did the same. “Sit down, sweetie,” she said to Hailey

as she pulled out a chair. “Let me get you a glass of wine.”

“Can I help with anything?” Hailey asked.

“No, no, you sit,” Mom said as she coaxed Hailey into a seat.

I smiled over at Hailey as my mom fawned all over her.

I hugged Kalen, who held on to me a bit longer than normal.

“You feeling okay?” I looked down at her swollen feet.

“She’s been drinking Gatorade.” Mom stabbed a spoon in

Kalen’s direction. “Can you believe it? I like to have had a stroke

when I caught her chugging from a bottle.”

“What’s wrong with Gatorade?” I looked at Kalen, who sank

down in her seat the same way I did a while ago.

Mom looked at me like I was insane. “It’s loaded with sodium.

That’s why she’s been so puffy lately. She’s full of fluid.”

“I’ve been throwing up.” Kalen waved her hands in the air. “I

thought I was supposed to replace my electrolytes.”

“She’s on a strict no-salt diet, so if you see her with anything

but water, slap her.” Mom turned back to the pasta and stirred.

“Pour the wine, please, Shannon.”

“It’s nice to see you again, Hailey,” Kalen said as she leaned

on the table. “I’d give you a hug, but I’m grounded and I have to

sit in this chair.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your incarceration,” Hailey said

with a smile. “Can I get you anything to make your stay more

comfortable?”

“Get me a spoon and drag my chair into the den. I’l hold the

pie.”“Don’t be nice to her,” I said. “She’s punished. Don’t let her

get close to the pie either.”

“Hailey, let me give you a word of advice,” Kalen said drolly.

“Don’t ever get pregnant. Everyone tells you what to do. Mom

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and Todd tell me what I can and can’t eat. The doctor tells me the

same, and the baby says eat everything in sight.”

Hailey simply smiled in response.

“Did you girls have a nice time last night?” Mom asked as she

drained the pasta.

Hailey shot me a grin before she answered. “We did. Dinner

was lovely.”

“Yeah,” Kalen drawled the word out. “They must’ve eaten a

lot because they went running this morning. Of course, my sister

never runs unless I invite her to go antique shopping, then it’s the

other way.”

I bumped Kalen’s chair when Hailey’s face began to flush.

“Where’s Toad?” I asked with a wink at Hailey.

“He’s having a boy’s night out,” Kalen said. “He and his

buddies are holed up in some sports bar eating hot wings and

swilling beer.” Kalen rubbed at her stomach. “I hate beer, but I

have the strangest craving for it now.”

“Do you know the sex of the baby?” Hailey asked.

“No, we want to be surprised. Makes decorating the nursery

kind of difficult, though. I’d love to show it to you if Mom will

allow me to leave my chair.”

Mom looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Five minutes and

dinner will be on the table. That’s all you get.”

Kalen stood and rubbed her butt. “Shannon, you come, too.

You haven’t seen it yet.”

Mom nodded. “Go, I’ve got this. Check the room for snacks.

I found a bag of Cheetos in the baby’s dresser.”

The walls were painted a soft mint green, and most of the

hardwood floor was covered with a rug bearing the alphabet.

“This is the coolest bed.” Kalen patted the blond wood that

matched the floor perfectly. “It folds down into a youth bed when

the baby grows out of the crib.”

I opened the drawers of the matching dresser; they were

empty except for the bottom drawer, which was filled with baby

blankets embroidered with teddy bears, puppies, and kittens. I

tried to imagine my new niece or nephew swaddled snugly in

them.

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“Oh, these are so cute,” I heard Hailey say. She picked up

a stuffed giraffe that shared a shelf with what I figured were as

many animals as the New Orleans Zoo.

“Since we don’t know the sex, we decided to decorate in

stuffed animals.” Kalen rubbed her stomach lovingly. “Can’t go

wrong with those. I figure at some point, they’ll all be covered

with slobber, and when Shannon’s through with them, we’ll get

the baby new ones.”

“Ass, I’m gonna tell mom I found a bag of pig skins underneath

the changing table.”

“Oh, don’t you dare.” Kalen grabbed handfuls of my shirt.

“She’s dead serious about the diet. Nothing goes into my mouth

without inspection.” Kalen’s eyes widened. “You have no idea

how bad the cravings are! I’ve been good despite the Gatorade

incident, and for the record, the Cheetos belonged to Todd, but

she won’t believe me.”

“Then I suggest you start being real sweet to me.” I plucked

her fingers from my clothing one by one. “I will be expected to

give her a full report on your diet when she’s gone, and I can

make it real rough on you, sis.”

I kept an eye on Hailey as Kalen and I bantered back and

forth. She seemed to be in a world all her own as she looked at all

the baby things. I left her and Kalen in the nursery when Mom

called for me. Kalen had been friendly toward Hailey, but it made

me uneasy to leave them alone.

“Take the bread out, honey,” Mom said as I walked in. She’d

filled just about all the plates and had the table near about set.

“The nursery is precious, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I agreed. “I’m sure you’ve got the baby shower all

planned out by now.” I was looking forward to the baby, but not

the festivities that always preceded one. I’d never attended a

wedding shower until Kalen’s, and now I’d be expected to attend

a baby shower.

“If you’re over there thinking up ways to skip out on the

shower, give up,” Mom said, knowing me all too well.

“I was thinking about jumping from a fast-moving vehicle.” I

laid the bread out onto the counter and sliced it.

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“I imagine you’ll sneak off to hang out with your father and

Todd anyway.” Mom gave me a playful nudge. “I bet Hailey will

hang out with us girls, though.”

“Judging by the way she’s fawning over the nursery, I won’t

disagree.”

I put the bread into the serving dish and moved it to the table.

Mom gave a nod as she looked everything over. “We’re ready. Go

get the girls.”

When I walked into the nursery, Kalen and Hailey were

teary-eyed and wrapped in each other’s arms. “Kalen, if you’re

jumping the fence, go find your own woman. This one’s mine,” I

said with a teasing grin.

“I hope you can put up with her,” Kalen said as she released

Hailey. “You know she’s adopted, right? My parents found her in

a cabbage patch just outside of Chernobyl.”

“I think I can handle her,” Hailey said with a smile, “but if

not, I’ll call you for backup.”

“Dinner’s on the table.”

“Thank God.” Kalen pushed past me and hurried down the

hall.“You okay?” I asked Hailey as she met me in the doorway.

“Yeah,” she said with a nod. “Kalen and I discovered we had

something in common. I’ll tell you about it later.” I gave her a

quick kiss and led her down the hall.

Kalen had already pulled out a chair. “The bringer of the pie

sits next to me, you and Mom over there.” Mom moved the salt

shaker in front of me. “I wasn’t going to ask for it anyway,” Kalen

said defiantly.

Everyone was quiet as we dug into our salads. Mom was first

to start questioning Hailey. “Where are you from, sweetie?”

“I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but with my dad in

the military, we didn’t stay there long. We’ve lived all over the

country, but I finished high school in Washington.”

“Any siblings?” Kalen asked. “Like a pain-in-the-ass younger

sister?”

Hailey blotted her mouth with her napkin and smiled. “I wish,

but no, it was just me.”

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“You’re lucky then.” Kalen made a face at me. “I had the

world at my tiny fingertips until Shannon showed up and ruined

it all.”

“Don’t let these two fool you,” Mom said. “They’ve been

close since the day Shannon was born. They slept in the same bed

together, even though they had their own. Bathed together and

ate off the same plate until Kalen started kindergarten. It nearly

killed Shannon when we dropped Kalen off each morning.”

“Yes, my loving sister that couldn’t stand to see me go went

home and painted all my dolls green.” Kalen shot me a look.

“And you always left the lids off my Play Doh and dried it

out,” I said.

“Such sweet memories,” Kalen said with a wistful sigh. “I

think my favorite was when we were in college and Shannon—”

“Shut it, Kalen.” I waved my fork at her. “I’ve got a few stories

I could share.”

“Touché. Damn it.” Kalen looked over at Hailey. “How about

you? Are there any humiliating college stories that you’d like to

share?”

Hailey chuckled. “No, you’d find me incredibly boring. I

went to Georgetown on an academic scholarship with dreams of

medicine, and quickly found out that I didn’t have what it took.

The closest I got was pharmacology.”

“I can’t picture you as a pharmacist,” Kalen said.

“I couldn’t either after a year of it. Much to the chagrin of my

parents, I went into sales for a pharmaceutical company. Being

tied to a pill counter was not for me.”

As Mom and Kalen talked to Hailey, I sat back listening and

learning about the woman I had shared most intimate secrets with

the night before. I realized then that there was so much about her

that I didn’t know before jumping into bed and dreaming of a

future together. Nothing that I learned detracted from the way

I felt about her, but I did sort of feel like I was giving my heart

away to someone I only knew half of.

Hailey insisted on cleaning up after dinner, and I was more

than happy to help. The quicker we got out of there, the quicker

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we’d end up in Hailey’s bed or mine. I didn’t care which as long

as we were naked. Kalen put my intentions on hold when she

slapped the kitchen table and practically yelled.

“Oh, my God! I forgot to tell you what Zoe Martinez sent

me.”I pretended not to hear her exclamation, and Mom had to ask,

“What?”

“She videoed Shannon’s speech. Y’all can’t leave until we

watch it.”

“Oh, yes, we can.” I dropped the dish towel on the counter. “I

lived through that once. I don’t want to experience it again.”

“Kalen told me about how wonderful you did, and Angela

raved,” Mom argued. “Stay, I want to see it.”

“I’m tired. Hailey aren’t you tired?” I asked, looking to her

for help.

“I’d like to see it, too,” she said, looking at me and Mom.

I learned another thing about Hailey. She was not good at

picking up on my subtle clues for escape. That was something

we’d have to work on if she still wanted to see me after watching

the video.

“Wow,” Mom and Kalen said in unison as the camera zoomed

in on me at the podium. Kalen looked over at me with a satisfied

grin. “Sis, I think you’re beautiful, but Marvin made you look

like a supermodel.”

I thanked her for the compliment as I cringed, not knowing

what to expect. My memory was still vague about that night, and

I was afraid that I was about to look like a super-ass. The camera

zoomed in closer. My eyes looked like two saucers, and I was

sporting a crooked grin.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s an honor…”

Zoe and someone else were speaking in hushed tones off

camera, but their voices came in clearly over mine. Kalen paused

the video and caught me in mid-blink. My mouth was hanging

open, making me look like I was about to pass out. “I’m going to

choke her. She’s gossiping right over Shannon’s speech.” Kalen

hit the play button.

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“…four successful salons in New Orleans.”

Whomever Zoe was speaking to said, “So that’s the other

Brycen sister.”

“Yeah,” Zoe whispered.

Between Zoe’s conversations, we could only hear bits and

pieces of the speech, but with the camera in my face, there was

no denying that I was half out of my mind. “…specialized service

provided by Angela Kennedy—”

Kalen hit the pause again. “Were you drunk? What’s with the

giggling and pointing?”

“I was nervous,” I shot back.

Hailey came to my rescue. “It’s not so bad, especially for

someone who has never done public speaking.” Mom agreed, and

Kalen pressed that damn play button again.

I could tell that Zoe and her compadre had moved away from

the camera, but the mike still picked up their voices over mine,

which sounded like a blur in the background. Apparently, Zoe

had not watched the video before she sent it to Kalen because of

what she said next.

“I’ve always wondered if there was something going on

between Kalen and Angela, even though they claim to be

straight, but I was wrong about which of the Brycens Angela

was servicing. They were into it hot and heavy the other night in

that bar bathroom. If I hadn’t have walked in when I did, Angela

would’ve been giving Shannon the works.”

The TV screen went black. I looked over at Kalen, who looked

mournfully sad for me. I looked at Mom next, who sat with her

mouth hanging open, then last at Hailey, who had no expression

at all.

“That’s not what happened.” I hoped that Hailey would

believe me.

“No, it wasn’t,” Kalen agreed. “Zoe was pissed because

Shannon rejected her, and she didn’t want to look like a loser.”

I could only imagine how Hailey felt. She smiled weakly.

“We weren’t really even dating then, so I have no right to be upset

even if it were true.”

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“Well, it’s not,” Kalen said. “That asshole. Wait till I get a

hold of her.”

And that concluded our peaceful evening.

In retrospect, I suppose Zoe’s comment was a good thing

because it opened up a very candid conversation between Hailey

and me on the way home. I told her about kissing Angela and why.

Hailey got a kick out of it, but she wanted to know who Angela

was.“She’s a straight sales rep for Natural Beauty and a friend of

Kalen’s. I’m not interested in her, and I can assure you she has no

interest in me.”

Hailey squeezed my hand. “Good because I don’t want to see

other people, and I don’t want you to, either. Does that bother

you?”

“It’s official, we’re a couple,” I said with a smile.

“But I’m not looking for anything serious,” Hailey said,

returning my smile.

“The hell you aren’t.” Hailey’s laugh thrilled me.

“I should tell you something that I told Kalen tonight. I

probably should’ve told you first, but I got so caught up in the baby

talk that it all just came out.” Her tone turned serious, somber. I

waited silently for her to continue. “I had a miscarriage, well,

actually an ectopic pregnancy in the second year I was married. I

was told it was going to be very difficult for me to conceive.”

“Hailey, I’m sorry.” I wished she had waited until we were

home to tell me, so I could take her in my arms. “I wish I would’ve

known. We would have skipped the nursery visit.”

“No.” Hailey shook her head. “If I’m going to be a part of

your life, then Kalen will be a part of mine, and I don’t want

either of you walking on eggshells around me. This is an exciting

time and I get to be a part of it, and that really makes me happy.”

I was truly excited about having a niece or nephew to spoil,

but my own pitter-patter of little feet? No thanks, unless they

were four fuzzy paws. And then a startling thought hit me. What

if Hailey did want a baby and wanted me to carry it? My palm

started to sweat on the steering wheel, and the one that Hailey

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had in her grasp was more than likely doing the same. That was

a conversation we’d save for another day, preferably after I went

through menopause.

The following morning, Kalen and I saw Mom off. We were

all teary-eyed as we said our goodbyes. Kalen promised to read

the labels closer on everything she ate and drank. Mom turned

to me. “Take care of your sister and your new girlfriend.” She

winked. “You’re right about Hailey—she is special.”

Kalen and I stood back and watched her go through security.

She looked over her shoulder and blew a kiss as she headed to her

gate. Kalen sniffed. “I wish she didn’t live so far away now.”

“When your baby arrives, they’ll be here so often that it’ll

feel like they live here.” I took her by the arm and began leading

her through the airport. “You’ll be begging for them to go back

to Florida then.”

Kalen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Was Hailey

upset about what Zoe had to say?”

“Not after I explained to her what actually happened.” I

opened the door to the parking lot for Kalen. “Thank you for

jumping in there and defending me.”

Kalen gave me a sideways glance as she passed in front of

me. “I like her, even though I was poised not to, but she’s sweet

and seems to be very genuine.”

“Thanks, I’m glad she has your approval. Look at it this way,”

I said with a smile. “You and Toad have two babysitters now.”

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