Pitifully Ugly

Chapter 5

Try, try again.

I woke up the next morning and realized it was nearly noon.

After soaking my sore girl bits in the bath for an hour, I gingerly

sat at my computer. Newbie had finally responded the night before

when I was out getting hammered in more ways than one.

Hi, P.U.,

I’ve been enjoying the New Orleans flavor a little too much.

I’m gonna have to go back to eating nuts and berries if I keep this

up. So I was wondering, what do you do for entertainment? Do

you have any recommendations?

Newbie

I wanted to write back and say stay away from cosmopolitans

and cheating hairdressers, but that was a topic that I wanted to

fade into oblivion. I’m not sure what got into me, but I decided to

take a chance…

Hi, Newbie,

I’m not really a barhopper, so I can’t give you much advice in

that area, but if you’d like to maybe see some of the sites around

town, I would be happy to show you around.

P.U.

I had a few new messages, but I decided that work needed to

come first, so I put my head down and got to it. I paid invoices

4

Pitifully Ugly

and reconciled two store accounts that kept me until five. I made

myself a salad and took a seat at my computer. My heart skipped

a beat when I noticed a new message from Newbie.

Hi, P.U.,

I really would like to get to know you better, so please don’t

take this the wrong way. I’m not ready to meet anyone in person

yet. I’m still getting comfortable with my surroundings. I hope

you understand.

Newbie

My beat-skipping heart sank. I’d never met this woman, and

our messages were really only small talk, but I felt down in my

bones that this woman might be worth getting to know. She didn’t

shut me out completely, but it was a rejection nonetheless. I didn’t

respond.

Instead, I took another long bath after eating half my salad. I

was in bed by eight and asleep almost immediately.

I got up the next morning, took a shower, and was nursing a

cup of coffee when the phone rang.

“Good morning, sis,” Kalen chirped happily. “How are

things?”

“Things are fine.” I decided to save the happenings at the

Canal Street salon for when she got back. No need to trouble her

with crap while she was sailing the ocean blue. “Are you and

Toad having a good time?”

“I sure am, but Todd is in our room nursing a hangover. I have

video of him doing the robot last night on the dance floor. It was

awful. He’s gonna be so embarrassed when he sees it. I can’t wait

for him to wake up.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing that myself,” I said with a

grin. Todd was the most reserved stick in the mud I’d ever seen.

He must have been trashed.

“I think we need to send Mom and Dad on a cruise for

their anniversary next year,” Kalen said around a mouthful of

something that was no doubt delicious and fattening.

Robin Alexander

“They live in the Keys. Why would they want to go on a

cruise?”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be in the Caribbean. We could send

them on one that goes to Alaska.”

“I’m game if you think we can get Dad off the golf course

long enough to go. Mom will be equally as difficult. She doesn’t

do the cold.”

“Let me work on Mom. She’ll love it if she’d give it a

chance.”

I was glad that we were on the topic of Mom and Dad that

kept her from pressing me about work and badgering me about

my lack of a life.

“Okay, honey, I’m gonna run now. This call is costing us a

pretty penny. Love you.”

“Love you, too, sis.”

On my list of personal things to do, I wanted to have gone on

a date while she was away, so I could show her that I was capable

of finding my own girlfriend. Sadly, I realized that it had always

been that way with us. She was always trying to take care of me,

and I was always trying to show I could do it on my own.

Kalen was the consummate planner for everyone. She was

the one who convinced our parents to retire and move to Florida.

Todd was her high school sweetheart, and she mapped out his

college education, then steered him to a premier architectural

firm. I think she dressed him each day for work. The one thing

she never had success with was my love life, though she tried her

hardest.

I booted my computer and took a look at my new messages.

I weeded out most of them, but there was one that appeared

promising.

Hel o, Pitifully Ugly,

All the profiles on here seem to be the same, but I have to say

your personal note is a standout. I LOVE the picture.

If you’re real y a woman, and you’d like to chat, I would be

very interested in hearing from you.

Charity *smiles*

Pitifully Ugly

Okay, sweet Charity, let’s give it a whirl.

Hi, Charity,

I am definitely a woman…at least last time I checked.

I’m so clever.

Glad you liked my profile. I was at a loss for something to

say, and the picture, well, it was too easy to pass up.

Tell me about yourself.

P.U.

I dug into the bank reconciliation for the Rampart store that

took me through lunch. I was proud of myself for having a few

slices of boneless skinless chicken grilled with a dash of seasoning

and an apple. Then I checked my messages.

Hello again,

About me, okay, here goes. I work at Charity Hospital as

a pediatric ICU nurse, hence the user name. I’m not much of a

party girl, but I do enjoy having a few drinks with friends. I love

being outside, and I spend a lot of time in the garden. I grow all

my own vegetables. I can’t wait for spring. I love reggae music. It

reminds me of another favorite place, the beach. I celebrated my

thirty-seventh birthday in Panama City this past summer.

I’m looking to make a friend first, and if that develops into

something more, that’s fine by me.

Your turn,

Charity

She had me at vegetables.

Hi, Charity,

We’re about the same age, and it sounds like we share some

common interests. I enjoy the beach and outdoors. I also love

homegrown veggies. I don’t grow them, but I love to eat them. I

like the spring and summer the best.

I’m an accountant for a couple of local businesses, and I

work from home. I have the luxury of a flexible schedule. On

Robin Alexander

cold weekends, I’m usual y curled up in front of the fire with a

good book. Old movies are a passion. Anything with Doris Day

or Deborah Kerr is a winner. I guess they remind me of my

childhood. I used to sit curled up on the sofa with my mom as a

kid watching them.

Okay, your turn.

P.U.

Wow, that was really simple. Why didn’t I think like that when

I was writing my profile? I took it as a positive sign that I might

be becoming a conversationalist, even if it was on a keyboard.

I’d been working for an hour when I saw that I had a new

message from Charity.

Hi, P.U.,

I loved Deborah Kerr in The King and I . I’m reluctant to

admit that I’m a huge Rogers and Hammerstein fan. Does that

make me gay?

I work shift work, and I’m off today and tomorrow. Would

you like to meet me for coffee? No pressure.

Charity

Oh, damn. I wasn’t expecting that. I kind of thought it would

play out slowly like it had with Newbie. I took a deep breath. I

could do this. We could meet in a public place, and if things didn’t

work out, we could simply walk away.

Hi, Charity,

That sounds good. How about Café Du Monde around

eleven? I’ll be wearing a green hoodie and jeans.

P.U.

Her response was immediate.

Meet you there. I’ll be wearing a blue peacoat and jeans. I

look forward to meeting you in person.

Pitifully Ugly

And just like that, I had a quasi date. I couldn’t focus on work

any more after our chat. The day was sunny, and I felt like a walk.

I dressed and headed out.

“Feeling better?” Hailey was sitting on a bench in the

courtyard when I walked out. She was bouncing a tennis ball that

Fuzzy caught in midair.

The embarrassment of the previous evening had all but faded

until I saw her. “Yes, much better.”

Hailey scooted over to one side. “Would you like to sit

down?”

I took a seat at the opposite end, and Fuzzy brought me her

ball. I bounced it, and she caught it and promptly returned it to

me. “You’ve made a lifelong friend,” Hailey said with a smile.

“I guess I don’t have to worry about her biting me now.”

“No, she’d never bite, but she will rub that slimy ball on your

pants leg if you don’t watch her. Do you have a pet?”

“Just a stuffed pig that sits on top of my fridge. His name is

Albert.”

This earned me a laugh. I was doing well.

“I suppose that Albert doesn’t shed.”

It was my turn to laugh. “No, but he does balk when I eat too

much of his ice cream.”

“What kind of work do you do? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Hailey turned in her seat and looked at me.

“I work from home. I do accounting for a couple of businesses.

How about you?”

“I’m a senior sales manager for Manheim Pharmaceuticals,

and right now, I’m on vacation.”

“Sounds exciting.”

Hailey took a turn bouncing Fuzzy’s ball when it was dropped

in her lap. “Trust me when I say it’s not, but it pays the bills.”

“So are you happy with your new place?”

“I really am,” she said with a smile. “I wasn’t sure I’d like

living so close to the French Quarter, but now I love it. And my

apartment has a great view of the courtyard.”

“That’s what I love most about this place.” I looked around at

Robin Alexander

the high red brick walls covered in ivy. It was cozy and well kept.

The chimenea was kept with burning logs most afternoons. Each

tenant would add another log to the fire as they came and went.

“The view or the courtyard?”

“Both. I think my apartment is directly above yours, so I

have the same view, and I love coming out here, especially in the

spring when the flowers are in bloom.”

Hailey nodded. “I look forward to seeing it in the spring. I

appreciate being able to walk Fuzzy in the courtyard after dark.

That’s what I was doing when you came in last night.”

She kind of looked at me as if she were waiting for me to

explain what my problem was. I mumbled off, “I kind of had a

problem with my…zipper.”

“And you were lit. I could smell the alcohol on your breath a

few feet away.” She laughed heartily then. “You really shouldn’t

drink and zip, it’s not safe.”

I scratched at my chin. “I think I would’ve found that funnier

when I was drunk.”

“Oh, stop it. It was corny, but you know you want to laugh.”

And I did. She made me feel relaxed, and that was big since

I hardly knew her.

“Your phone has one hell of a vibrator on it. The change in

your pocket was rattling.” Hailey began to laugh, then her face

reddened when she seemed to realize what she’d said.

My face colored, as well. There was no way I was going to

admit that I had pants full of bullets going off.

“Okay, Fuzzy,” Hailey said when the dog began to yip. She

looked at me apologetically. “It’s dinnertime for her. She keeps a

tight schedule.”

“Chicken on a stick again?”

“Actually, that was for me, but I did share.” Hailey stood. “It

was a pleasure chatting with you, Shannon.”

“You too.”

Our conversation truly had been a pleasure, brief as it was. I

had to admit that I’d had a good time talking with Marvin and his

friends the night before, too. I was meeting people on my own.

Not on the arm of a girlfriend who did all the talking or with

40

Pitifully Ugly

Kalen taking the lead. I found it refreshing and a little exciting.

I was reminded of grade school. As long as Kalen was around,

I had friends, but when she was out with the chicken pox one time,

no one talked to me. That was the loneliest week I’d ever had

then. In a way, I always sort of resented her for being so outgoing

and forcing me into the background. But the truth of it was I

never would’ve met anyone if it hadn’t been for her. I was always

clinging to her and hiding in her charismatic shadow, afraid to

speak up and make myself known. The really pathetic part of it

was I’d not only done it as a child, but as an adult, as well.

41

Robin Alexander