The Mysteries of Max: Books 25-27

Chapter 3

One of the disadvantages of being a cat is all of that fur that we carry. Humans did the smart thing and lost most of their fur a long time ago, possibly around the time they learned how to walk on their hind legs, but cats hadn’t made it to that stage—yet.

So there we were, Dooley and I, standing stiff as boards in the middle of that inflatable pool, the sun relentlessly beating down on us from a clear blue sky, and our thick coats of fur doing very little to make our position more agreeable.

“Maybe we can move inch by inch,” Dooley suggested. “In a couple of hours we might reach the edge.”

We both glanced at the edge, which seemed miles away, but when I moved a paw, it immediately lost traction and I almost submerged into the cold waters of the pool!

“Max, careful!” Dooley yelled, horrified at watching an accident in progress right under his nose.

“I’m not moving a muscle,” I announced, thoroughly shaken by my brush with death.

For a long moment, we were both silent, then Dooley suddenly cried, “I’ve got it!”

“Dooley, please don’t yell like that,” I said plaintively. “You’re giving me heart palpitations.” I was indeed starting to feel a little faint.

“Why don’t we make a hole in the bottom of the pool? That way the water can escape and before we know it the pool will be empty!”

It was an excellent idea, and proof that when placed under considerable pressure, the feline mind can come up with some of its best ideas.

“Great idea, Dooley,” I said therefore. “Let’s give it a shot.”

So I extended a claw, and dug in, and since Dooley did the same, I was sure that soon we’d see the water level start to drop precipitously.

Unfortunately between dream and reality there’s a huge chasm at times, and this was clearly one of those times, as the water level wasn’t dropping, precipitously or otherwise.

“The holes probably aren’t big enough,” Dooley said. “Let’s try again.”

So we tried again, and dug in all of our nails in equal measure, giving that thick, slick plastic the full acupuncture treatment.

Alas, to no avail, as ten minutes passed and nothing happened. Probably the pool was pressing down on the lawn too tightly, and the water had no avenue of escape—like us.

“Max!” Dooley said suddenly. “I am starting to feel weird. As if I’m going to pass out.”

“Me, too, buddy,” I said. “But we’ve got to hang in there. We’ve got to survive long enough for Odelia to save us!”

Odelia, or any other human who might pass by. Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any human within earshot, for we’d already given hollerin’ and yellin’ for help a shot, and that hadn’t brought success either.

“I-I can’t take this anymore, Max,” said Dooley all of a sudden, as I could see his legs quaking. “I’m going down.”

“No, Dooley!” I cried, and tried to stop him from buckling under the pressure by sticking out one paw, and balancing on three paws as a consequence. But it was to no avail. Dooley’s legs couldn’t carry him anymore, and I could see him sinking further and further, just like the Titanic on that auspicious night to remember.

Just then, and much to my elation, a familiar male figure rounded the corner and came within view. It was Chase Kingsley, and he was whistling a happy little tune.

“Chase!” I cried. “Help us, please! We’re drowning!”

Chase, even though he couldn’t actually understand what I said, must have understood immediately that the situation was a precarious one, and rushed to our aid. Without hesitation, he stepped into the pool, then bodily lifted Dooley with one hand, and me with the other, and carried us both to safety! And when he set us down on solid ground, both Dooley and I collapsed onto the grass, and panted with relief.

“Chase, you saved us!” I cried, and gave the intrepid cop’s hand a heartfelt lick.

“You saved our lives, Chase,” said Dooley, much chastened by this horrifying experience, and gave the cop’s other hand a lick.

Chase merely smiled, and petted our heads affectionately. “There, there,” he said. “You fellas really don’t like the water, do you?”

“No, we certainly do not,” I said, then shivered at the sight of that inflatable pool. “And now even less than before!”

“You’re all right now,” Chase said, and got up, leaving Dooley and me to recover from our terrifying ordeal.

“Never again, Max,” said Dooley, shaking his head. “Never again am I setting paw in that horrible pool.”

“Me neither, Dooley,” I said. “No amount of Cat Snax in the world will induce me to repeat this experience.”

Cats simply aren’t made for going out on the water, and our most recent brush with death had brought that simple truth home to me once more in all its starkness.

Chase must have told Odelia what happened, for she now came rushing out of the house, and when she crouched down next to us, she was the picture of solicitousness.

“Oh, you guys—were you still in that pool?”

“We were,” I announced, a little stiffishly.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I forgot all about you.”

“I know,” I said, with more than a touch of froideur.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Never let us go near the water again,” I said.

“Oh, dear,” she said, much chastened. “I really blew it, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” I said. But since I can’t watch my human beat herself up for too long, I soon relented and said, “Those Cat Snax would go down really well right now.”

She smiled. “Come on inside and you can have all the Cat Snax you want.”

And so there was a silver lining to our adventure after all: we may have almost drowned, but we didn’t. And once more it was brought home to us that Chase Kingsley is the closest thing to Jesus Christ this world has ever seen. At least to us cats he is.

And we were just snacking happily from that welcome dose of Cat Snax when Marge and Gran and Tex came rushing into the house, brandishing some species of miniature figurine depicting a goatherd, and started screaming to Odelia.

I didn’t have the faintest idea what they were on about. All I know is that it had something to do with a fella named Otto Spiel. But since I was too busy recovering from my recent ordeal by eating my body weight in tasty cat kibble, I paid scant attention.

There’s a time for paying attention to the affairs of men, and a time to snack on Cat Snax, and just such a time to indulge in my favorite treat had now come, so I wasn’t going to let it pass me by because of a girl and her goat.