So Now You’re a Zombie: A Handbook for the Newly Undead

Appendix THE ZOMBIE CODE

In the early part of the first century A.D., the zombie movement was plagued with setbacks. Operating without guidelines or responsibilities, our predecessors’ mismanaged terror campaign only led to the demise of a number of zombie hordes. Eventually, they decided to draw up a simple Undead Agreement, known today as the Zombie Code. This code outlines general rules of behavior for the undead.

Unfortunately, many new recruits are unaware of this document. We provide it here as a public service.

I. A zombie shall hunt, fight, and feed on the living.

II. All zombies shall have equal title to fresh provisions, even if they do not take part in the capture or kill.

III. A zombie shall engage in battle with any humans it encounters, whatever the odds. Those who do not are guilty of cowardice, which is punishable by decapitation.

IV. A zombie on fire shall always run directly toward humans, avoiding all other undead.

V. No zombie shall intentionally take a blow to protect another zombie; this show of emotion will lead to decapitation.

VI. A zombie shall not sleep or rest under any circumstances.

VII. A zombie that loses a limb during an engagement shall be given half a brain in compensation.

VIII. No zombie shall speak or attempt to speak any coherent words. If a zombie does, its blue tongue will be removed.

IX. All zombies shall have the right to engage in zed-on-zed violence.

X. A zombie shall work toward the complete destruction of the living, helping to transform the living landscape into the kingdom of the undead.

XI. A zombie shall never follow the laws of man, punishable by decapitation.

After reviewing these articles, you must now swear to them by moaning a garbled affirmation to the following oath:

Only after you have incoherently sworn to uphold your duties will the undead horde accept you. Your body is now the property of the zombie movement. As a member, your responsibilities will be modest but important. Should you want to be released from this obligation, you may do so through decapitation.