The Eye of Shiva

CHAPTER 47

Selena lay with her arm across Nick's chest. They listened to the sound of tanks rumbling by outside the hotel.

"I wish we were back home," she said. "It's not much fun waiting for something to happen."

"If I had a dollar for all the times I sat around waiting for something to happen, I could retire."

"You know, we could," Selena said.

"Could what?"

"Retire. I've got more than enough money, you know that."

"And then what would we do? Buy a house in the country? Go fishing?"

"We could buy a yacht. Sail around the world."

"Are you serious?"

She sighed. "No, I'm not serious. You think I'd want to watch you pace the deck all day with nothing to do?"

"I've been thinking," he said.

"About what?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

Outside, they heard shouting. Another tank went by, the treads making a rhythmic, steady clanking noise on the pavement.

"Do you still want to get married?" he said.

There it was. The question she'd been dreading.

"Do you?"

"Don't do that," he said.

"Do what?"

"Answer the question with another."

"But I need to know."

Selena got up. The bandage on her side where she'd been cut was white in the moonlight coming into the room. She wrapped a robe around herself and went to the window. She looked out at the armor going by below, the soulless machines of war. Men in green uniforms walked in the dark alongside the tanks, stretched out in endless lines on either side of the highway. Marching toward an enemy.

"Sometimes I wish I smoked," she said.

"We could start," Nick said. "I don't think we need to worry much about the effects."

She looked at him. He lay on his side, his head propped up on one elbow.

"That's the whole problem, right there," she said.

Nick sat up, pushed a pillow behind him. "You think I might get killed."

"Or I might. Isn't that what you meant? About effects?"

"We wouldn't be the first people to worry about what was going to happen," Nick said. "Sometimes I think that, yeah. Mostly I don't. If I did, I couldn't do what we do."

She went over to the bed and sat down.

"Damn it," she said. "Most people who talk about getting married are worried about giving up personal space, where they'll live, things like that. You and I, though? We wonder if the other person is going to get blown up or shot. You have to admit, sometimes the odds are stacked against us."

"There aren't any guarantees for anyone, no matter what. Anything could happen."

"Please don't say we could be walking down the street and get hit with a meteor."

Nick laughed. Then he got serious. "You haven't answered my question. Do you still want to get married?"

Selena looked down at the covers and plucked at the sheet. "You know I love you," she said.

His face closed down. "Guess I've got my answer."

"I didn't say no."

"You didn't say yes, either."

"Why can't we leave it like it is for now?" she said. "It's worked pretty well."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid. It's just that the whole world seems ready to go over the cliff and we're sitting right on the edge. It doesn't feel like a good time to make plans for the long run."

"Like getting married."

"Like that."

"But you're not saying no?"

"No."

Inside, Nick relaxed a little. He wasn't sure why. Because she hadn't said no or because it meant he didn't have to take that last step.

"Come back to bed," he said.