The Killer Cat Runs Away

9

The Wild Cats’ Chorus

This time I was smart. I walked up a nice-looking road and found a nice-looking house with a nice-looking lady unloading nice-looking groceries from her nice-looking car.

She looked a tiny bit familiar. But then, I get about. I’ve met a lot of people. So anyhow, I thought, This place will do.

First thing: get introduced. I wrapped myself round her legs, all the time purring madly.

The woman reached down to stroke me. Suddenly she looked a little nervous. ‘Hang on,’ she said. ‘Haven’t I seen you before? Wasn’t it you who got in a flying fur fight with another cat in our school playground once, and upset all my tiny Year Ones?’

Uh-oh! Now I remembered who she was! Ellie’s head teacher!

But I was hungry, and they were nice-looking groceries. So I turned the purring up to Regulo 8. It worked a treat. ‘Oh, no,’ she said. ‘I must be wrong. You’re such a sweet and friendly cat, and that one was downright horrible. Why, our school crossing guard still has a scar where that vile animal scratched her.’

I tried to look sympathetic as I followed her inside the house. I kept up the heavy purring while she put away her shopping. Then she bent down to feel around my neck.

‘No collar.’

Of course, no collar. I am a good deal smarter than that!

She sighed. ‘Oh, dear. I suppose I’d better feed you.’ She shook a finger. ‘But it’s just this once!’

Just this once? Ho, ho, ho. Everyone knows if you feed a cat once, it has you on a string for life. So I was in. She fed me tuna from a can, and picked me up to carry me around. I didn’t struggle at all. It was an act of will, but I kept purring.

Even when she showed me her parrot.

‘Look,’ she said, pointing to his cage. ‘Meet Gregory.’

Gregory the Parrot gave me the blink, and I blinked back.

‘I hope you’ll both be friends,’ she said.

I purred my hardest.

‘Gregory’s very clever,’ she told me. ‘I’m going to shut you in the kitchen. But if you hear lots of odd noises and voices while I’m out, you mustn’t be afraid. That’ll be Gregory imitating things he’s heard.’

I purred and nodded.

‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now I’m afraid I have to nip back to school to sort out a few things for the special “My Wonderful Pet” show we’re holding on Thursday evening. I’ll find your owner tomorrow. But just for tonight, you can stay here.’

She picked up her briefcase and left.

So I sat in the kitchen.

Just a kitchen.

Boring. Dead boring.

Then Gregory started up. First he did ‘creaking door’ and ‘the wheelie-bin rumble’. After that he did ‘Fireworks Night’. Then he did his owner saying, ‘Oh, Gregory! You know I get headaches from horrid noises. Can’t you do something quiet and nice?’

OK, OK. So boil me in bunny juice! I taught him The Wild Cats’ Chorus. I yowled it from the kitchen, and Gregory the Parrot picked it up in no time. Soon we were yowling away together so it was twice as loud, and he learned how to do that too. And by the time I’d had enough of singing along with him, Gregory could sound like four cats singing, not just one, all by himself.

Stellar!

The problem was that he was so excited with his new trick he kept it up for two whole hours after Ellie’s head teacher came back.

So naturally I got thrown out.