The Killer Cat Runs Away

6

So Spank My Bum

So spank my furry little bum, I didn’t say goodbye to Ellie. I meant to. That’s why I went back up the stairs and into her bedroom. That’s why I jumped up at her side and started to purr in her ear.

Then I saw what she was looking at on her computer screen.

Kittens!

Cute baby fluff-balls. Sweet little winsome things with huge eyes staring out. You wouldn’t believe their names. Sugar-Pie. Binty-Minty. Pansy-Wansy. Prissy-Missy. (Excuse me while I stick a paw down my throat.)

Ellie stopped at the photo of a kitten called Titania. (I ask you! Titania! For a cat!)

‘Look, Tuffy. Isn’t she cute?’

Sometimes I think it’s a good thing that I can’t speak. Because if I could, I would have told young Ellie just what I think of idiotic, brainless balls of fluff that can’t clean their own fur or creep up on anything taking a quick nap in a nest. Why, some of them can’t even find the way to the litter tray on their tenth day.

So it’s a good job I don’t talk. I wouldn’t have liked the last few words that I exchanged with Ellie to be unpleasant.

So I never said goodbye.