The Undiscovered Chekhov

TO SPEAK

OR

BE SILENT:

A TALE

ONCE UPON A TIME in a distant kingdom there lived two friends, Krueger and Smirnov. Krueger had a brilliant mind; Smirnov, on the other hand, was not so clever: he was unassuming, meek, and weak-willed. Krueger was talkative and eloquent, Smirnov tight-lipped.

One day, while traveling on a train, both men tried to win the affections of a young woman in the compartment. Krueger took the seat next to her and ingratiated himself with her, while Smirnov sat silently, blinking, lustfully licking his lips. At the next station Krueger got off with the young woman and didn’t return for quite a while. When he came back, he winked at Smirnov and clicked his tongue.

“You’re so smooth!” Smirnov said to him, full of envy.

“How do you do it? You hardly sat down next to her, and that was that... Lucky you!”

“You keep letting opportunities slip through your fingers! You sat right next to her for three hours, and not a word! Silent as a log! In our world, my friend, silence brings you nothing. You have to be quick on the draw, talkative. Nothing works for you—and why? Because you’re a milksop!”

Smirnov agreed with these arguments, and decided deep in his heart to change his ways. Within the hour, overcoming his timidity, he was sitting next to a gentleman in a blue suit and striking up a lively conversation with him. The gentleman turned out to be extremely talkative and immediately began asking Smirnov all kinds of questions, principally of a scientific nature. He asked him how he liked the land, the sky, was he satisfied with the laws of nature and with society, touching on European trends of free thinking, the status of women in America, and so on. Smirnov answered with wit and enthusiasm.

Imagine how surprised he was when the gendeman in the blue suit grabbed him by the arm at the next station and, smiling spitefully, barked out: “Follow me!”

Smirnov followed him and disappeared. No one knew where he was. Two years later, pale, emaciated, scraggy, like the skeleton of a fish, he ran into Krueger. Smirnov smiled bitterly and told him all the hardships he had been through.

“You mustn’t be an idiot and blab so much!” Krueger said. “You have to know when to hold your tongue!”