Boy Meets Girl

JIFFY-FAX FAX WHILE U WAIT BERKELEY, CA

Dear Mom, Dad, Stuart, Stacy, and Mitch,

Sorry if any of you have been worried about me for the past twenty-four hours. I’m actually fine. I just finally came to a decision about my life, and, well, as soon as I came to it, I decided to put it into action. I didn’t want to wait. But I thought I’d write and let you know that I’m all right. I’m back at Berkeley, actually. I’m with Sarah.

Mom, I know you pulled me out of school because you don’t like Sarah—or don’t like that I love her, I guess, would be more accurate. But a friend of Mitch’s reminded me—Kate, Mitch. She’s really cool. You should try to hang onto her—that Gramps left me some money. I know you always said I wasn’t to touch it, Mom, and that I should save it for a rainy day. But, well, here’s the thing: It’s raining. I’m going to use the money Gramps left me to pay for finishing up school, and then Sarah and me, we’re thinking about starting a kayaking service up in Puget Sound. You know, where the orcas are? Sarah and I just love orcas.

Mom, I know this has probably got you pretty mad, but the fact is, Gramps left me that money for when I turned eighteen, to do with whatever I want. Frankly, I think paying for school where I want to go, and then starting my own business, is exactly what Gramps would have wanted—just like I doubt he minded that Mitch spent his on a trip around the world, or Stacy spent hers on those horses of hers, or that Stuart spent his on . . . Stuart, did you ever even spend yours?

Well, anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’m all right, and no hard feelings, and stuff.

Stuart, I hope I’m still invited to your wedding and all, but if I can’t bring Sarah as my date, I’m not coming.

Dad, call me sometime. You know the number.

Mom. Whatever.

Mitch and Stacy, thanks for everything.

Love to you all,

Sean

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stacy Trent

Re: Sean

She fax you a copy of her letter yet? I’m so proud I could burst. I hope she and Sarah DO come to Stuart’s wedding, whether they’re invited or not. You know they’ll be the only couple there worth talking to.

S

To: Stacy Trent

Fr: Mitchell Hertzog

Re: Sean

Fwd: l Re: You

I wouldn’t count on any of us getting invited. Get a load of the forwarded e-mail.

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stacy Trent

Re: Sean

No fair! I want Stuart to refuse to speak to me, too! You get all the luck.

FYI, thanks to Sean’s letter, Mom’s taken to her bed. She got somebody to refill her script for Valium.

My question is: Where the hell is Dad? I thought he was supposed to be home by now. Oh well.

Stace

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Vivica

Re: Lunch

Oh my God, it was so nice to meet you! You really are just as cute as your picture. I’m so sorry Dale wouldn’t marry you like you wanted him to. You totally deserve to have a nice husband . . . especially after you traded plates with me (who knew bococino meant cheese?) It’s no joke, being lactose intolerant. I can’t even have sour cream on my potato skins anymore!

I’m sorry you won’t consider being a model. Really, it is just loads of fun. And I’m almost positive Ricardo could get you a gig or two. I mean, maybe notVogue, but like, catalog stuff, or something.

Anyway, it was really fun meeting you, and I hope we can get together again sometime soon. I don’t know when, though, ’cause like I said, the band leaves tomorrow for its tour and I’m off to Milan. . . . but I’ll call ya when I get back!!!!!

Love,

Viv

Best Way Messenger Service

Envelope for Kate Mackenzie

The New York Journal

216 W. 57th Street

A Note from

Dale Carter of

I’m Not Making Any More Sandwiches

Liberation Records

Dear Kate,

Look, Kate, I know I’m not your favorite person in the world right now, but I just want to say thanks for not telling Vivica about how I bit off that guy’s finger. I mean, biting off a guy’s finger, that’s like fighting dirty, and I don’t want Vivica to think I’m a dirty fighter. I mean, the guy DID keep shoving his hand in my mouth, so it wasn’t like I had a choice.

But Viv wouldn’t know that. So thanks. Really. For not telling her.

I’m really sorry things didn’t work out between us and all, but I think you’re right about it being better this way. I mean, Vivica is a totally dope girl, and I never would’ve met her if you hadn’t dumped me.

And don’t worry about your security deposit. I feel real bad about all that, and about you losing your job and all of that. So I’m messengering over a check for your share of the deposit and some other stuff. Like, you know, to pay you back for all the shit you bought for the place, like the TV and all. Hope it’ll be enough to help you find a new pad of your own.

Well, okay, I guess that’s it. Peace out.

Dale

P.S. What do you think of this new song?

When the stars come out at night

I call them Vivica

And when the moon, it shines so bright

I call it Vivica

And when the sun comes up, and warms us

with its healing rays

I call it Vivica,

Vivica,

My Vivica.