Crystal's Heart

Chapter Tenth

"Good to see you," Jenny said as she held the door open. Crystal stepped through and into the therapist's office.

"How ya doing, Doc?" she asked, heading for the recliner.

"I'm well, Crystal. You seemed to be enjoying yourself at the game Saturday. Where do you want me to sit?"

"Uh," Crystal looked at the couch, then at the bean bags. "I dunno." Shrugging her shoulders, she looked at the therapist. "Wherever you want, I guess."

"You don't like to make decisions, do you?"

Crystal watched Jenny take a seat on the couch, the ever present clipboard on her lap. "So what are we gonna talk about today?"

"Is there something you feel the need to talk about?" Jenny asked. "You said last week you weren't sure what you were going to do about your job at the strip club. Have you made your decision?"

A smirk came to Crystal's face. "Oh yeah," she said. "I'm not there anymore and Michael showed me how to screw drywall into place and he told me he'd show me how to use a paint sprayer when it came time."

"Sounds like he has confidence in your ability to adapt to change and learn new things." The knowing smile on Jenny's face caused Crystal to frown. She hated that look because she knew what it meant.

"I dunno. I guess."

"That's what it looks like to me. You're very good at adapting, aren't you?"

"So you tell me, Doc," Crystal answered in a bored tone. She looked down at her fingernails. "I need the job so I learn how to do things. It's not a big deal." Feeling stiff, Crystal moved out of the chair and flopped down on the floor, her back pressed up against the red beanbag. "I do what I have to."

"It's one of your survival skills," Jenny pointed out, moving forward until she was barely on thee.g.of thee.g.of the couch. "You've learned to adapt to what's going on around you."

"Yeah, whatever," Crystal said, staring up at the ceiling. "I did what I had to do in order to get by. This time it's something useful. I can always put down on a job application that I know how to handle a screw gun. That'd look a lot better than saying I'm a stripper."

"That is true but you have gained skills from all your experiences, good and bad."

"It all goes back to that, doesn't it Doc?" Come on, give me a break. Crystal allowed her eyes to follow the jagged pattern of the acoustical tiles. "Everything we talk about goes back to my rotten childhood and the shit that happened to me."

"I didn't say anything about your childhood this time," Jenny pointed out. "You know what tells me? It tells me something is on your mind." "I dunno."

"I told you no excuses, no bullshit in here." Setting the clipboard on the couch, the therapist pulled the blue beanbag over and settled herself on it. "You can stare at the ceiling all night if you want to."

Great, Crystal thought to herself. You're a real pain in the ass, Doc. Fine. "I told Laura." She knew Jenny was waiting for elaboration. "I I told her what happened when I was a kid."

"And how did telling her make you feel?"

Crystal didn't have to turn her head to feel the therapist's eyes upon her. She continued to stare at the ceiling. Shrugging her shoulders, she used her familiar defense. "I dunno."

"I dunno is not an answer. Try again. When you first began to tell her, how did you feel?"

"Nervous," Crystal admitted, shifting her position to put her hands behind her head. "When I started, I was worried she'd freak out and not want to talk to me anymore or something."

"And when you realized that wouldn't happen?"

Crystal swallowed, wishing now she had made herself something to drink when she arrived. "It felt

I dunno, good I guess. She didn't look at me weird or anything. I don't think she did anyway. I didn't really look at her too much when I was talking." She looked over at Jenny, thinking back to what Laura had told her about their breakup. "She talked to me too about things." Crystal paused. "I guess that made me feel good too."

"How did it make you feel to share your story?"

Crystal looked at the ceiling again. "It was scary at first. My heart kept pounding, like I was worried he'd come in and catch me talking about it or something." Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly and gathered her thoughts. "She just let me keep talking and talking, no matter how stupid I sounded. You know what the best part was?"

"What?"

"She believed me." Crystal shifted again, leaning her elbow on the beanbag and looking at Jenny. "No matter what I told her or how I said it, Laura believed me."

"You will find as you fill your life with healthy people there will be people you can trust. Friends who will believe anything you tell them and won't judge you. Those are the ones you need in your life. Not the toxic people."

"You mean my old friends."

"As you grow up your friends change. Growing up in not something that happens when you turn eighteen and become a legal adult. Throughout your life you will find what I call the special friends."

"Like Laura," Crystal said. "After that talk with her, I feel like I can tell her almost anything."

"It's a good feeling to build trust with another person, isn't it?" Jenny asked.

"It felt good to tell the truth about what happened." Crystal was only willing to give a little, feeling a speech about trust coming up. To her surprise, Jenny had a different idea.

"And every time you tell your story to another person, you take some of that load off your shoulders. You lessen the power it has over you." "It doesn't have any power over me. I'm in total control," Crystal protested.

"You are, are you?" The annoying smirk returned. "When was the last time you rode an elevator alone with a man and not had a panic attack? When was the last time you had a good night's sleep that wasn't drug or alcohol induced? We haven't even begun to look at any sexual dysfunction that might be going on." The words hit home and Crystal knew it showed on her face. She scowled and looked away but her therapist and friend continued to talk to her. "You haven't had control over anything except how to stuff your feelings away by whatever means possible. Whether you want to admit it or not, you act and react based on your experiences and until you let go of the past, you can't move forward. Crystal, I want to talk to you about joining a group that meets here on Tuesday evenings."

"A group?" What the hell are you talking about? Sitting up and turning to face Jenny, Crystal gave the therapist her full attention. "There are a group of women who meet here every week to talk to each other about their feelings and experiences. It's for survivors of rape and sexual abuse."

"You're kidding. Sit in a room with a whole bunch of strangers and tell them about what happened?" Crystal shook her head vehemently. "Not a chance."

"What about that scares you?" Jenny asked. "Every woman in there is a survivor just like you are."

"Not a snowball's chance in hell, Doc. No way, no how."

"You could just sit there and listen. You're not obligated to say anything. The only thing is that the same rule applies to group as it does to our sessions. No drugs, no alcohol beforehand. Many of these women are in recovery from substance abuse as well." Jenny stood up and walked over to the couch, picking up her clipboard before sitting down on the leather cushion. Crystal's eyes followed her progress, wondering what the therapist was up to. She got her answer. "Do you remember what you wrote in your journal" Jenny looked down at the composition book and checked the date. "Friday night?"

Crystal's eyes widened as she tried to remember what she had written. The journal had become her nighttime ritual done while having her last cigarette before bedtime. Very often she would forget that Jenny would be eventually reading it and just let her mind flow with thoughts and feelings transcribed to the paper by her hand. "I um

I try not to think about you reading it when I'm writing."

"I see that," Jenny said. "You say some very powerful things in here but what keeps striking me over and over again in your writing is the need you have to feel like you belong somewhere."

"Huh?" Without thought Crystal moved forward, taking up Jenny's old position on the blue beanbag next to the couch. "I never said that." "You didn't?" Jenny held her finger against the page. "Right here and I quote 'sometimes I feel like I'm looking in on the rest of the world' and back here

" The pages were flipped. "You wrote quite a bit this day. Let me find it

yes, right here. You wrote 'I feel like I'm all broken and no one can help me get back together again. No one understands'." Crystal could only nod, the truth there in her own messy handwriting. "I want you to take the next step, Crystal," Jenny said softly.

"I'll think about it," Crystal said, resting her elbows on her knees. "I'm studying for the GED at night too so we'll see."

"You are? You didn't tell me about this. When did you start that?"

"Laura found a web site with all this information and stuff on it. She printed out all these tests and has been having me take them so we can see what I need to learn," Crystal said excitedly. "I've been doing better than she thought I would."

"Laura's helping you?"

"Yeah. She's playing teacher, grading my tests and all that." Crystal tried to figure out what the odd look on Jenny's face meant but before she could the therapist stood up and walked over to the vacant beanbag.

"That's very good," Jenny said. "It's a step in the right direction. You should include writing about that in your nightly journals. You haven't mentioned it at all."

"I wrote about it in last night's entry but you haven't had a chance to read that one yet," Crystal said. "I was pissed off because I couldn't remember all these formulas Laura keeps trying to make me learn." She shook her head. "I don't know, Doc. Sometimes I think I can do it and other times I think I'm an idiot and I'll never learn it."

"It's very common to have self doubt, especially with something that seems such a high goal. I've had doubts myself when I was in school." "You did?"

"Of course. Everyone has doubts, Crystal. The goal is to face your doubts and continue on. If you fail once, that doesn't mean you'll always fail. Remember we talked about learning from your life experiences? Your mistakes as well as your successes?"

"Yeah, I remember," Crystal said grudgingly. "I feel like I'm going in twenty different directions and I'm not sure which one to take." "And when you feel like that, what do you do?"

"Besides heading for the nearest bar or my pipe?" Crystal said only half jokingly. "I dunno. I guess I talk to you or Laura." "I suggest you do more of the latter and less of the former."

"I thought you weren't going to nag me about my drinking?" Crystal asked, mentally preparing herself for a lecture on drinking. "I'm not yet," Jenny said. "I just made a suggestion, just like you going to that meeting on Tuesday."

"No. I don't need to be around a bunch of women all talking about the bad things that happened to them."

"I'm pretty sure just going won't kill you," Jenny said. "I promise you don't have to say anything if you don't want to but I strongly recommend you attend it, even if it's just one time. Just try it."

Crystal grumbled under her breath, not wanting to keep the topic going but not wanting to admit defeat either.

"Enough of that for now. You feel like talking about your journal?"

"Not really but I don't suppose that matters, does it?" Crystal said, sinking down into a comfortable position against the beanbag. "That's the spirit," Jenny said sarcastically. "So Thursday you went into great lengths about your tenth birthday. Why don't we start with that?"

When Crystal returned home, she found Laura in the kitchen, mouthwatering smells wafting through the air. "Hey there. It smells great," she said, hanging her keys on the appropriate hook lest they have another talk about the proper uses for a entry table. Hefting the bag in her hand, Crystal made her way into the kitchen.

"About five more minutes and everything will be ready," Laura replied, closing the oven door. "I thought garlic bread would be better than biscuits." "Fine with me." Setting the bag down on the counter, Crystal reached inside it and pulled out a bottle of beer. "Man, what a day. It took half the day to figure out where the chargers were for the cordless drills and then I had a hell of a session with Jenny a little while ago." "How did it go?" Laura held her hand out for the bottle cap then motioned at the kitchen table. "Let's sit while we're waiting." "It was brutal," Crystal sighed, sinking into the padded chair. "She wants me to join some group of women that sit around and talk about what's happened to them."

"Well if she feels it will help"

"How can that help me? Listening to them will only make me think of my own stuff and what good is that?" Shaking her head, Crystal brought the bottle to her lips. "I'm trying to forget about what happened to me, not relive it," she said before tipping the bottle and taking several long swallows. "That's not even the worst of it. She got me talking about some of the stuff I put in my journal." Looking up, Crystal saw Laura looking at her patiently. "I forget sometimes when I'm writing in there that she's gonna read it. I put in a bunch of stuff about how I felt when I was a kid and she wanted to talk about it."

"She wanted you to talk about it, you mean," Laura said. Crystal nodded, surprised to feel her roommate's hand cover her own on the table. "She's not kidding when she says talking about it will help make it feel better."

Crystal continued to look at the hand resting atop her own. "Maybe but it's not something I feel all that good about, you know?" She withdrew her hand, curling her fingers around the brown bottle. "She had me almost to tears at one point. I even picked up one of those spongy balls and threw it, can you believe that?" Shaking her head, Crystal took another drink. "Next thing you know she'll have me hitting a punching bag and visiting my 'inner child' or something stupid like that."

Laura stood up and leaned over until her lips were near Crystal's ear. "Nothing is stupid if it helps," she said. "I'll check on the chicken." The writer turned and walked over to the oven, leaving Crystal to her own thoughts.

Nothing is stupid if it helps, huh? Cute Laura, real cute. You know you sound like her sometimes? Crystal looked at the woman whose back was facing her. Sometimes you do but other times you're just like an old friend that I can trust to tell anything to. Crystal was so lost in thought that she missed the phone the first time it rang.

"Can you grab that?" Laura said. "I've got the roasting pan."

"Sure." Not one for using the phone, it took Crystal a second to figure out where the ringing was coming from and pick it up. "Hello?" "Laur?"

"Um, no this is her roommate." Crystal could barely hear the male voice over the background noise. "Who's calling?"

"Is she there? It's her brother Bobby. I need to find her right away." It was then Crystal realized the background noise was that of a hospital intercom system.

"Yeah, hang on a second," she yelled into the phone. "Laura, I think it's your brother. You'd better take it."

Laura set the roasting pan down on the cooling rack and wiped her hands on the dishcloth. "It's Bobby?"

"I think so." As she handed over the phone, Crystal felt a sense of dread. She could only watch helplessly as Laura took the call.

"Hello? Bobby? Speak up, I can barely hear you. Where are you?" The loss of color in Laura's face confirmed Crystal's suspicion. "What happened? What? Wait, I can't hear you." There was only a momentary pause. "Bobby, just stay there. I'm on my way. No, don't call the rest of the family. I'll call them if we need to. Yes, just stay right there. I'm on my way." Laura shut the phone off and gripped the side of the counter.

"Is it your mother?" Crystal asked.

Laura nodded, obviously trying to maintain her composure. "I um she he's not sure what happened." She shook her head. "I have to get there."

"Do you want me to drive you?" Crystal offered, taking the phone and hanging it up. "I don't think you should be driving yourself." "They're at the Med Center."

"Near the bypass. I know where it is." Crystal glanced at the stove, making sure everything was shut off. "I'll grab my keys." "Wait." Laura reached up and took her set of keys off the hook. "Let's take the Jeep."

"Good idea, at least it's legal," Crystal said, taking the keys from Laura's hand. Oh man, her mom is sick. What am I supposed to do? Putting her arm awkwardly around Laura's back, Crystal gave her roommate a quick squeeze. "It'll be all right, Laura." To her surprise, Crystal found herself buried in a firm hug, Laura's arms wrapped tightly around her.

"I don't know what to do," the distraught woman's words were muffled. "When Dad

Mom took care of everything."

"Shh. Let's just get there and find out what's going on, okay?" Crystal guided Laura toward the door. I'll call Jenny from the hospital. She'll know what to do. I'm no good at this comforting stuff. But Jenny wasn't there at the moment. It was just her and Laura. I can't let her go through this all alone. Unsure what to say, Crystal remained quiet as they got to the Jeep. Once Laura was in the passenger seat, Crystal made her way around to the driver's side. "Well, this should be interesting," she said as she put the key in the ignition. "I've never driven one of these before."

"Crystal?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't care if you speed this time," Laura said quietly.

"I'll get you there as fast as I can," Crystal promised, turning the key and smiling as the engine came to life. Must be nice not to worry if the damn thing will start up each time, she silently mused as she backed the Jeep out of its parking space and headed for the medical center.

It took only a few minutes for Crystal to maneuver her way through traffic and reach the entrance ramp for the bypass. "If we go this way we'll save about ten minutes with the traffic," she said, hoping for a response from Laura but none came. Well I guess we take the highway then since there's no objections. As she followed the curve of the entrance ramp, Crystal pressed down harder on the gas pedal, curious how fast the late model vehicle could go. "Do you want to listen to the radio?" She looked over just in time to see Laura shake her head. "You feel like talking?"

"About what?"

"Anything." Crystal shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Whatever you feel like talking about."

"I can't think about anything but Mom right now."

"That's okay. Tell me a story about you and your mom." Crystal glanced at the side mirror before pulling into the left lane and passing a package van. "Tell me anything."

"I remember when I fell from my bike and broke my arm. I came in the house and Mom took one look at me and knew something was wrong. I didn't have to say a word." Laura sniffled and reached into her pocket, retrieving a handkerchief. "She always knew when one of us was hurt."

"Yeah?" That's it, Laura. Keep talking. Don't think about what might be at the hospital. Crystal half listened, putting most of her attention on the traffic ahead of her. She was at least twenty miles over the limit but the exit she needed was still several miles away. Silently praying for the cops to be more interested in donuts than speeders, Crystal took the chance and pressed down even harder on the pedal.

Fortunately for all concerned, the police did not take notice of the speeding Jeep. Crystal even managed to find a parking space near the emergency entrance of the hospital. She had barely shut off the engine when Laura bolted from the vehicle and dashed to the entrance. "Hey, wait for me," Crystal called, freeing herself from the seat belt and running after Laura.

Eighteen year old Bobby Taylor sat on one of the orange plastic chairs in the waiting room, looking forlornly at the floor. His blond hair was tousled about his head and when he looked up and saw his sister, Crystal saw the puffy red rimmed eyes. Damn, this isn't going to be a good one, she thought to herself, stepping aside as the siblings ran into each others arms.

"What happened?" Laura said, her hands gripping Bobby's. "Did she have a heart attack?"

"I don't know. The doctors are in with her now. I can't believe this is happening," he said. "We had breakfast together and everything seemed fine. Well, she seemed a little tired but not like really tired or anything." Bobby sat down again. Laura sat down next to him and motioned for Crystal to take the empty seat next to her.

"Did she ask you to bring her here?"

Bobby shook his head. "No. I thought about having them take her to Saint Thomas but the ambulance guy said the Med Center was closer. I'm glad you're here, Sis. I don't know the answers to half of the questions on those forms."

"Don't you worry about it. I'll take care of them," Laura assured. "So go on. What happened?"

"She said she was tired and wanted to lay down before the news came on. I went in to wake up around six and that's when I saw her all puffed up like that. I couldn't understand what she was saying so I called 911."

"You did fine," Laura said, putting her arm around the young man's shoulders. "Has the doctor said anything yet?"

"He asked if I was the only one here for her, had me sign a few forms then went back in there. I told him you were on your way." Crystal saw the opportunity to help. "Laura, why don't I go let the doctor know you're here?"

"I'd better go find him," the writer replied, rising to her feet. "Can you stay here with Bobby?"

"Sure," Crystal said. "Are you sure you're okay to do this? You want me to call Jenny?"

"Let's not call her until I know what's going on," Laura said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Once Laura left the room, Crystal stood up. "I'm going outside for a minute."

"I'll go with you," Bobby said. "I've been stuck in here for two hours now. Fresh air sounds like a good idea." Standing up, he towered a good four inches over her.

"I don't know how fresh the air will be, I'm going to have a cigarette," she said.

"You got an extra one?" he asked. "I left mine at home and I could really use one right about now."

"Does Laura know you smoke?"

"No. Mom doesn't either unless she does and hasn't said anything yet." He pressed the button to open the double doors. "Please tell me you smoke menthol."

"Light menthols." Crystal reached into her pocket and pulled out her battered pack. Laura knows you smoke even if you don't think she does, she thought to herself, remembering the conversation she had with the writer the day of Bobby's graduation party. What the hell. He's eighteen. If he wants to smoke I'm not going to stop him. "Help yourself," she said, holding the pack out.

Bobby took the cigarette and fished his lighter out of his pocket. "Thanks." He held out the lighter and waited until Crystal's cigarette was burning before lighting his own. "Oh, that's much better," he said as he exhaled. "I was going nuts in there all by myself."

"I bet. A couple of years ago a bunch of us were bar hopping and the guy driving got in an accident. We were at the hospital for almost six hours." It was Crystal's only adult experience with hospitals and most of it was a drunken blur. "He only had a broken wrist."

"I should have brought Mom's purse," he said as he walked over to the decorative half wall that lined thee.g.of the hospital's everlasting garden. Crystal followed and sat a foot away from him.

"You can't be expected to remember everything at a time like that."

"I should have, though." Bobby stared off at the parking lot. "When I got here they wanted her insurance card and they wanted to know if she was allergic to anything. I don't know any of that." He took a long drag, making the end of the cigarette burn a bright orange. "I'm the man of the family now and I don't have a clue how to handle this."

"Has this ever happened before?"

Bobby shook his head, his profile barely visible beneath the sodium lamp. "When Dad had his heart attack no one was home. Laura was in college and I was at school. Mom said she came home from shopping and found him in the chair." Bobby continued to gaze out at nothing. "Laura was on her way home by the time I found out what happened. The two of them handled everything."

"You were pretty young then, weren't you?" she asked.

"Eleven. But I was so upset I just spent most of the time crying." He flicked the half finished cigarette into the darkness. "I guess I always figured they'd both be around to take care of everything. Look at me. My mother is dying and I have to call my sister for help."

"You don't know she's dying," Crystal said although from the little she had heard the comment might not be far off the mark. "And you did take care of your mom. You're the one who called the ambulance." She heard the sniffle and instinctively inched closer to Bobby. "What if you hadn't been there?" Crystal received another sniffle as an answer. "I know what it's like to have an older sister."

"You do?"

"Yeah." Dropping her cigarette to the ground, Crystal watched it slowly burn away. "I used to always depend on her to take care of everything but then one day she was gone and I had to take care of myself. I know what it feels like." Why am I telling him all this? Looking over at him, Crystal realized her answer. Because I know how he's feeling right now and he's Laura's brother. When she had been scared and alone, no one was there to help her. "I understand," she said softly. "You want another smoke?"

"Not now, thanks," he said, pushing himself off the half wall. Crystal hopped down and began walking with him back into the hospital. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her pack and mentally guessed how many cigarettes she had left. Maybe half a pack. Deciding he probably didn't smoke as much as she did, Crystal pulled four cigarettes out of the pack and nudged his arm. "Here. In case you want one later." She held her hand out and smiled slightly when he took the offering. "Just don't tell your sister I gave them to you," she added.

"No prob," he said, tucking the cigarettes into his shirt pocket. "Thanks."

Crystal nodded and followed him through the brightly lit entrance. As they turned the corner she saw Laura standing in the hallway talking with a man that Crystal assumed was the doctor. When Bobby saw them he ran down the hallway to join them. I think I'll wait in here, Crystal said to herself, stopping at the entrance to the waiting room. She was about to go in when she saw Laura and Bobby turn and walk toward her. I hope it's good news. "How is she?"

"They're admitting her," Laura said. "Let's talk in here."

They settled into a corner of the waiting room, moving the chairs so they formed a triangle. As Crystal took her seat, she noticed a change come over Laura. The dark haired woman sat straight up in her seat, her face betraying little emotion. When Laura spoke, it was in a very controlled tone. "They're calling in a cardiologist."

"Did she have a heart attack?" Bobby asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"No," his sister replied. "Doctor Stevens said it was pulmonary edema. She filled up with fluid. They have her on an IV and he said she has to stay here for a few days." Laura looked around quickly, then at Bobby. "You didn't bring Mom's purse?"

"No," he said. "I didn't think about it. The only number I knew by heart was yours."

Laura stood up and walked over to the table covered with magazines. "We have to call Aunt Elaine and Mom's doctor. I'm sure his name and number are in her address book." As she spoke, Laura's hands were busily straightening out the mountain of magazines. "I need her papers. They're in the top drawer of the file cabinet in the den. That's where Mom kept all the insurance and important papers."

"I'll go get them," Bobby said. "Can I take your car? I rode in the ambulance with Mom."

"Are you sure you're up to that?" Crystal spoke up for the first time. "I can drive you over if that would make it easier."

Laura stopped her frenzied stacking for a moment and looked at the two of them. "That's a good idea. Bobby, you can always drive Mom's car back here and Crystal can follow in mine. I'll make a list of the things you need to bring." She looked around again. "I need something to write with

Crystal, there's a daily planner in the glove compartment. Would you get it for me please?"

"Sure." Anything to help. Crystal stood up and felt her pocket to make sure the keys were in there. "I'll be right back."

Walking out to the car gave Crystal some much needed private time to think. While she had only a bare understanding of what was wrong with Laura's mother, she knew it was something serious and things would be crazy for the next few days. She'll probably want to call Jenny to come be with her. She's better at that stuff than I am. When she reached the car, Crystal unlocked it and quickly found the planner. Better make sure there's a pen in there in case she needs to write something down. Undoing the snap and opening the planner, Crystal confirmed there was both a pen and a pencil nestled in their appropriate slots. Should have known with her. As she went to close the glove compartment, Crystal noticed a roll of quarters. She might need those for phone calls or coffee from the machine. Shoving the roll into her pocket, Crystal locked up the car and headed back into the hospital.

When Crystal returned, she found Laura and Bobby in the waiting room. A quick glance around showed all the magazines neatly stacked on the various tables. "I've got it," she said, holding the planner up. "I grabbed a roll of quarters you had in there too in case you needed it."

"That's a good idea," Laura agreed, rising to take the planner and roll of change. The writer immediately opened the planner up and flipped through the pages. "I have to call Mom's sister and let her know. I should stop the newspaper delivery while she's here too." She paused briefly to rub her eyes. "There's so much to do. Someone has to take care of Bobby and the house."

"I can take care of myself," the eighteen year old protested. "I can pick the paper up morning and handle the mail."

"Let him help," Crystal urged softly. "You'll have enough to do."

"No, he shouldn't have to do it. I can take care of everything," Laura said, finding the page she was looking for. "I'd better get started on the phone calls."

"I'll take him home and we'll be back in a little while, okay?" Crystal asked. "Or do you want us to wait until Jenny's here?" "No, you two go on ahead. I'll be all right."

While Laura sounded confident, Crystal wasn't so sure. She debated about insisting but in the end nodded her head. "Okay, we'll be back in a little while." The trio walked into the hallway, stopping when Laura reached the pay phone. Unsure what prompted her to do so, Crystal reached out and squeezed Laura's shoulder. Moving closer, she leaned over and whispered in the writer's ear. "We won't be long." She felt a hand clasp over hers.

"Thanks," Laura said. "I appreciate it."

"Of course. That's what friends are for, aren't they?" Crystal asked, giving the shoulder one last squeeze before nodding at Bobby. "Ready?" "Yeah. Oh wait." He patted his pockets and frowned. "I was in such a hurry I didn't grab my keys."

"The one with the green ring on it is the key to the front door," Laura said. "I never gave back my key when I went off to school." The dark haired woman turned and began feeding quarters into the pay phone. "Don't forget the papers from the file cabinet."

"We won't," Crystal said, turning to follow Bobby down the hall.

The walk to the parking lot was a quiet one, broken only by Crystal pointing out where the Jeep was parked. Once inside with the engine running, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "I guess Fall is starting early, hmm?"

"Seems like it," Bobby replied. "Guess I'd better dig out my letterman jacket out soon."

"What did you letter in?" she asked, keeping an eye on the traffic as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Which way do I go?" "Take a left. I lettered in track just like Laura."

Crystal followed his direction and was soon zipping in and out of traffic. "I didn't know she was into sports."

"I don't think Laura really cared if she made varsity or not. I think it was just one of those things she did because her friends did." "Is that why you did it?"

"Well, I'm not the genius like Laura. She could get the straight A's. I hoped to be good enough to get an athletic scholarship. I just squeaked through. What about you?"

Noticing the drops beginning to appear on the windshield, Crystal fumbled around for the wiper controls. "Um

I didn't finish high school."

"Oh," he said. "I didn't know. Too much of a drag, huh?"

"Something like that," she said before taking a long drag of her cigarette. "I was never one for following the rules."

Bobby snorted. "Funny you hooking up with my sister then."

"Um" Crystal wasn't sure how much he knew about his sister's life. "We're just roommates."

"You know that's what Mom used to call them when I was younger. Like I wouldn't understand my sister is gay." Bobby laughed. "I figured she was with living with Jenny all those years and bringing her every time she came over to the house. I was probably about fifteen when I saw her and Jenny arguing and told them to kiss and make up. Laura looked like she swallowed a hot pepper and Jenny just laughed at her." He sighed and leaned his head against the glass. "Sometimes I think Laura thinks I'm still a little kid." He fished into his pocket and pulled out one of the cigarettes Crystal had given him.

Crystal debated about correcting him again about her relationship with Laura but decided it didn't matter at the moment. "Do I turn up here somewhere?"

"Go up about three more lights and take a right." Turning onto the side street, Crystal followed the twists and turns until Bobby pointed at the house at the top of the hill. "That's it right there. You can pull into the driveway but don't block the garage. My car needs a new clutch but Mom's is working fine."

After handing the keys to Bobby, Crystal followed him inside the old house. She stopped just inside, her eyes following the multitude of framed pictures lining the walls. Guessing they were school pictures, Crystal looked at the image of a young Laura with pigtails and braces smiling at her. Her gaze moved from one picture to another, watching the years go by and Laura transform from a young tomboy to a high school beauty and then a college graduate. Looking at the opposite wall, Crystal noted that equal space was given to Bobby's photos. He opened a set of double doors. "Here's the den," he said. "The file cabinet is unlocked. I'll go get Mom's purse and keys."

"Okay. I'll get the papers for you." Crystal watched him ascend the stairs before she entered the den and walked past the large wooden desk. As she had been instructed, the file cabinet was unlocked. Several thick folders filled the top drawer. Unsure which one was needed, Crystal grabbed them all. Now how to carry all of these, she thought to herself. A quick look around revealed a battered briefcase sitting next to the desk. It took some maneuvering to squeeze all the folders into the case. There. Now I know I've gotten the folder she needed. Hearing Bobby still wandering around upstairs, Crystal took a minute to look around the room. A lighted display case in the corner carried a variety of ribbons and trophies. Looking closer, Crystal realized most belonged to Laura's father but one shelf contained a neatly organized stack of trophies all proclaiming Laura Taylor as the winner of one tournament or another. I wonder if my mother ever kept anything we did in school. On the wall next to the trophy case, Laura's high school and college diplomas sat proudly in ornate frames. Surrounding them were other awards Laura had won growing up. Crystal reached out and touched the wooden frame of the high school diploma. Look how proud they are of you, Laura. Even though you don't live here anymore they have all your things still out. They probably have your finger-paint handprint buried in a box somewhere. Standing alone in the den, Crystal swore she could feel the love the Taylor parents had for their children. You're very lucky, the blonde thought to herself. Hearing Bobby heading down the stairs, Crystal picked up the briefcase and switched off the lamp.

"Did you find them?" he asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Yes, I think so. I just grabbed all the folders in the top drawer." Crystal held up the briefcase.

"Good idea. I think that was Dad's case."

"Oh, I didn't know," Crystal apologized.

"Don't worry about it. It's not like we can't use it or anything," he said. "I was going to take it with me to college if Mom didn't get me a new one. Bring it. It might make Laura happy to see something of Dad's."

By the time they returned to the hospital, Laura was sitting in the waiting room hunched over her planner. "We're back," Bobby said, announcing their arrival. He walked over to an empty chair and slumped down, emotionally drained from the day's events.

"Good." Laura looked up, surprised by the briefcase in her roommate's hand.

"I didn't know which folder you wanted so I brought all the ones I found," Crystal explained, handing over the case. Laura set the case down on the table and opened it.

"It would have been okay if you looked inside the folders to see what they were," the writer said as she did just that. "This one is all my important papers and I bet that one is Bobby's papers. A quick check confirmed her guess.

"Yeah well

I figured you'd be better off doing that," Crystal said as she pulled a chair over. It's not my place to snoop through your family's personal papers. Laura opened one of the bigger folders and began looking through the papers. "Do you want some hot chocolate or coffee from the vending machine?" she asked, looking for something useful to do while they were waiting.

"No, not yet thanks," Laura said without looking up from her task.

"Did you get a chance to see your mother?"

"Briefly. She's resting right now." Laura paused and looked up at Crystal. "I see why Bobby was so worried. She looks fifty pounds bigger than she usually is. The doctor said it was the fluid building up in her system."

"But they can take care of it, right?"

"They think so. He said it depends on how she responds to the IV they're giving her." Laura tried to sound hopeful but there was something in her voice that made Crystal believe her roommate was putting on a front.

"Did you call Jenny yet?"

Laura shook her head. "I called the relatives but told them to stay home until we know more. I figured if things got worse then I'd call Jen. You are going to stay here with me for a while, aren't you?"

Crystal nodded, secretly pleased that Laura wanted her there. "I'll stay as long as you want me to." She was surprised to feel the writer's hand touch her knee.

"Thanks," Laura said. "I'm glad you're here." She looked back at the papers and exhaled loudly. "I'd better get back to this. Fortunately Mom has everything organized. These first papers are about her insurance. The stuff in the back is things from her lawyer and about the house." Several papers were removed from the folder and set aside.

"Hey, why don't you sit back and relax for a few minutes?" Crystal offered.

Laura shook her head. "I can't. I have to take care of everything." She looked over at her brother. "I can't ask him to do this." "He's not a baby, you know," the younger woman reminded. "He's going to college in a few weeks."

"That's right, he is," Laura said. "What am I going to do with her? Someone has to stay with her now." She began shuffling through the papers. "Does her insurance cover home care?"

Crystal felt woefully out of place. Hospitals were places she visited rarely and dealing with the possible loss of a parent was not something she ever worried about. She briefly let her mind wander, wondering if her parents were still alive. The thought naturally led to wondering about her older sister and Crystal was lost in another time when Laura tried to get her attention. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I asked if you minded getting us something from the machine? I think I could really use something with zip right about now." "Hot chocolate or coffee?"

"Hmm, caffeine and sugar or chocolate, caffeine and sugar. I'll take the hot chocolate."

"You got it," Crystal said, standing up. "Bobby, do you want something?"

"Coffee with cream and sugar would be nice," he said.

"I'll be right back," she said softly to Laura, taking the offered handful of change. I'd better get a coffee for myself too. Looks like it's gonna be a long night.

Crystal had been correct about it being a long night. It was after two and Laura showed no sign of wanting to leave the hospital. Several times the Taylor siblings went in to check on their mother while she quietly kept watch of their belongings in the waiting room. Bobby was now sound asleep across several chairs while Laura continued to look through the family papers. "Maybe you should go home and get some sleep," Crystal said after noticing yet another yawn from her roommate.

"No. I want to be here in case Mom wakes up."

"They told you she probably wouldn't wake up until tomorrow."

"They've been wrong before. I don't want her to wake up and be alone," Laura said firmly.

"At least give yourself a break from doing all that stuff with the papers." She pushed a steaming cup of hot chocolate toward Laura. "You let your last cup get ice cold before you drank it. Sit back for a minute and have some before this one gets cold too." Deciding that subtle wasn't working, Crystal picked up the cup and held it in front of her roommate. "Drink."

"I don't"

"Drink," Crystal repeated firmly. Her persistence worked as Laura finally took the cup and drained half of it before setting it on the table. "Happy?"

"Yes." And it was true, Crystal was happy Laura was listening to her. It was an odd role reversal for the blonde and she hoped she was capable of being the supportive friend Laura needed. Looking over at the sleeping teenager, Crystal remembered the talk they had in the car. "Laura, you know Bobby can take care of whatever needs to be done with your mother's house while she's here."

"I can handle it," the dark haired woman said without looking up from her stack of papers. "He needs to worry about getting ready for college." "What does he need to do? He already graduated from high school. He's been accepted wherever it is he wanted to go." "Union. He got accepted at Union."

"Union. So what else is there for him to do? Pack up the things he needs for his dorm room? No reason why he can't pick up the morning paper and the mail. He probably does that for your mom already. He's not a little boy anymore."

"It's not for him to take care of things." Laura picked up her pen and scribbled a note in her planner. "I have it all under control." "Whatever." With a sigh, Crystal gave up and leaned back in her chair. You're too stubborn.

"Where is" Laura flipped through the papers. "I can't find it."

"Find what?"

"Mom's other policy. She's supposed to have supplemental insurance to cover what the Army benefits don't. I can't find it but it has to be here somewhere."

"Are you sure she has it?"

"Of course she does. When Dad retired he bought the policies himself. Maybe it's in the folder with his papers." Laura opened the briefcase and pulled out the other large manila folder. "This is why Bobby can't do it. He wouldn't have thought about the supplemental policies."

"I wouldn't have thought of it either," Crystal admitted.

"Well I should have thought of it earlier but oh, there it is. Right in Dad's folder." Laura shook her head. "I can't believe Mom didn't think to put this in her folder."

I can't believe anyone would even have a 'folder', Crystal thought. She was surprised when Laura put the pen down and sat back, fully expecting her roommate to spend all night looking through the mountain of papers.

"Well that's done. I just have to give the billing office the policy numbers and Mom will be all set as far as that goes."

"Do you want to go check on her again? I'll stay here with him and keep an eye on your stuff."

Laura couldn't suppress a yawn. "Oh, sorry about that. What time is it?"

"Almost two thirty."

"Good thing tomorrow's the weekend. I'd hate to think of you trying to get up early and go work a full day for Michael."

"If I had to, I would," Crystal said. "Go on. If he wakes up I'll tell him where you are."

Laura gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks. I won't be long."

"Take all the time you want." Crystal watched her roommate leave the waiting room and head down the hall before putting her feet up on the small table and settling herself into as comfortable a position as she could on the hard plastic chair. Another reason I hate waiting rooms. The chairs suck. Crystal yawned and rubbed her eyes. I could go to sleep right now. I can't believe how tired I am. I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes while she's gone. She was sound asleep within minutes.

Crystal awoke to the feeling of someone shaking her shoulder. "Crystal? Crystal, wake up."

"Huh?" Sitting up and rubbing her eyes, it took the blonde woman a few seconds to remember where she was. "Oh, sorry Laura. I guess I dozed off."

"I figured you would. I was gone almost an hour."

Crystal moved her legs to let Laura get to her own seat. "How's she doing?" she asked, still trying to come to full wakefulness.

"She was awake for a little while." Laura looked over at her sleeping brother. "She looks so weak and she couldn't stop coughing. The doctor said that's a good sign."

"What? That she's coughing her brains out?"

"Actually yes. He said it meant the medicine they're giving her is working. It's getting the fluid out of her lungs and that's what's causing the coughing."

"So that's good, right?"

"That's what they tell me." Laura sighed and shook her head. "She says she feels too sick to be poked and prodded by the doctors. They're moving her up to CCU in a few minutes."

"CCU?"

"It's the cardiac care unit. They want to keep for a few days until they get the fluid out and they want a cardiologist to look at her." She looked over at her brother. "He was just a kid when Dad died."

"He's not a kid now," Crystal said. "He understands what's going on."

"I know," Laura conceded. A polite cough caused them both to turn and see a tall man dressed in a white lab coat. "I'll be right back." Laura walked out into the hall and spoke with the man, returning a few minutes later. "They said we should go home now and come back tomorrow. I'd better wake him up. He can sleep on the couch."

"You mean you're having him come back to our place?"

"He probably doesn't want to be alone right now," Laura reasoned. "At a time like this, the family should stick together." I wouldn't know about families sticking together, Crystal thought dourly. But I guess that's what a normal family does. "So we'll go home and you'll come back tomorrow?"

"As soon as I wake up. I don't want Mom to be here all alone too long." Laura sank into her seat and exhaled slowly. "I still can't believe this is happening." Her fingers quickly wiped away an errant tear that began to fall down her cheek. "S-she's only fifty four."

Crystal realized immediately that the control Laura had been showing all evening was slipping. Unsure what else to do, she held her arms out and accepted the distraught woman into an awkward embrace. "It's gonna be all right," she whispered, slowly rubbing her hand up and down Laura's back. She felt the body against her begin to shake as the tears came more freely. Oh no, she's really crying now. "Shh, come on now, Laura. It's all right. Your mom's gonna be okay. Shh." Crystal wasn't sure who initiated the rocking motion but she made no effort to stop it. She used her right hand to hold the dark head close to her chest while her left hand continued to slowly rub Laura's back. "It's gonna be okay." Crystal knew how to deal with angry people but upset people were a different matter. And when the upset person was one of her best friends, Crystal felt even more helpless. "I don't know what else to do," she whispered, pressing her cheek against the top of Laura's head. She felt the wetness of tears soaking through her shirt and the almost painful grip of Laura's hands around her back. What the hell do I say? Long minutes passed as she continued to hold Laura in her arms. Spotting movement out of the corner of her eye, Crystal looked up and noticed Bobby sitting up and rubbing his face. He looked at her sister worriedly. "She's okay," Crystal said, easing the young man's concern. "Laura?" she whispered. "Laura? Bobby's awake now." As she expected, Laura released her hold and sat up, trying hard to regain her composure.

"Sorry," Laura said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her handkerchief. "I guess I just needed a good crying jag." She wiped her eyes and looked at her brother. "They're moving Mom to CCU and said we should go home and come back tomorrow."

Bobby yawned and stood up, raising his arms high above his head to stretch after being cramped across the hard plastic chairs for so long. "Ahh, I didn't think I would fall asleep."

"Don't worry about it," Crystal said. "I zonked out for a few minutes too." She absently wiped at the wet tear stain on the front of her shirt and looked at Laura. "You ready?"

"Yes," Laura said, putting most of the papers back into the briefcase and closing it. "I just need to stop at the desk and give them Mom's insurance information and then we'll be all set. Bobby, do you want to swing by the house and pick up some clothes or do you want to wait until tomorrow to do that?"

"Pick up some clothes? I can stay at the house while Mom's here," he said firmly, looking to Crystal for support.

"Um, Laura? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Tugging lightly on the writer's elbow, Crystal led them to the far end of the room. "He doesn't want to stay at your place," she said in a low tone. "Why not let him stay home alone?"

"He's too yo" Laura stopped herself, seeing the sparse blonde stubble that had formed on her bother's chin.

"He's not too young," Crystal reminded her.

Laura sighed and reluctantly nodded. "All right." Turning to Bobby she said "I'll see you tomorrow then. Make sure you lock all the doors and don't let anyone outside the family know you're home alone."

Bobby cocked his head and gave his sister a look. "I'm not twelve, Sis."

"I know you aren't." Walking over to him, Laura put her hands on his shoulders and smiled thoughtfully. "But no matter how old you get, you're always going to be my little brother and I'm going to worry about you, okay?" she asked, reaching out and mussing up his already unkempt blond hair. "But you win. I'll see you tomorrow. Drive carefully."

"I always do."

"That's why you already have one speeding ticket. I managed to avoid one of those until I was twenty."

"What can I say Sis?" he said with a grin. "I guess I just developed faster than you did." He pulled the keys out of his pocket. "I'll bring Mom's afghan tomorrow."

"Good idea. I'm sure she'd be happy to have something familiar here with her." Laura patted his arm and watched her younger brother turn and leave the waiting room. Turning to Crystal, she nodded and they too headed home.

Daylight started to lighten the sky outside, seeping into Crystal's room as if to taunt the young woman with the fact that sleep refused to come to her. With an annoyed groan she rolled over in her bed and reached for the ashtray and cigarettes sitting on the night stand. Might as well give up on that, she thought sourly as she put the cigarette to her mouth and lit it. After coming home from the hospital, Crystal had spent the better part of an hour sitting on the couch while Laura moved about the living room, cleaning things that didn't need to be cleaned and talking nonstop about her mother. Good thing she's into keeping the place clean or it'd never get done. Damned if I'd spend the time polishing the legs of the coffee table. It's not like dust ever has a chance to settle around here with her constant cleaning. Still despite the lack of sleep Crystal felt surprising good. Laura's mother was ill but while serious, it seemed to be something the doctors were confident could be brought under control. Taking a long drag, Crystal stared at the abstract painting on the wall. I still don't see what Laura sees in that thing. The painting appeared to be nothing more than several brightly colored brush strokes forming a starburst pattern. A five year old could do something like that. Crystal continued to gaze at the painting while her cigarette burned down, reflecting back on the events of the previous evening. She understood the need to drive Laura to the hospital, her roommate being far to upset to have been able to do it herself but was confused Crystal was that Jenny was never called. She had been certain that Laura would have called her ex-lover for support immediately. It's not like I was that much help. I was just . Crystal shrugged, not understanding how that could possibly have helped Laura. Still, she was glad that she had been able to give at least some comfort to her roommate.

Stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray, Crystal left the bed and headed for the bathroom. If I can't sleep I might as well get up. As she made her way to the bathroom, she wondered idly if Laura would remember there was a softball game today. Not that we'll be going. I wonder what time she wants to head up to the hospital. Then the thought came to her that perhaps Laura wouldn't be needing her company today. Quickly taking care of her most urgent need of the morning, namely getting rid of all the coffee and hot chocolate she had drunk the night before that now sat uncomfortably in her bladder, Crystal made sure the door was locked and turned on the shower. Pulling back the clear shower curtain, she noted once again how it never seemed to cloud up with soap scum. I bet she scrubs it down after each shower, she thought as she stepped under the warm spray.

Knowing Laura was sound asleep and likely to stay that way for a while, Crystal indulged herself with an extra long shower, letting the warm drops of water cascade down her body. While enjoying the steady spray, Crystal's curiosity got the best of her and she reached for the multi-head shower nozzle. A quick turn and the water changed from its gentle spray to a hard pulsating burst. "Ooh," she yelped, reaching up to protect her nipples from the stinging water. "I won't do that again." Turning around to let the water massage her back, Crystal enjoyed the luxury for a few minutes more before rinsing off and stepping onto the fuzzy blue mat. The shower had been invigorating but she learned her lesson and vowed not to play with the nozzle again at least not while it was pointed at sensitive areas of her body. "Shit." There was no need to look around for her to know that in her tired state she had forgotten to bring any clean clothes in with her. The panties she had worn into the bathroom were now draped over the shower rod. At least Laura's still sleeping. Throwing the towel over the shower rod, she ran the brush through her hair and studied her reflection in the mirror, noting with some disappointment that her breasts didn't appear to be quite as perky as they usually were. Great, I'm starting to sag at twenty five, she thought glumly. Makes sense, they're too big to stay up there forever. Leaning forward, she peered into the reflection, looking at her forehead and around her eyes for wrinkles. Finding none and feeling rather foolish for even looking, Crystal quickly finished brushing her hair and teeth. In the process of returning the toothbrush to its holder, Crystal's eyes fell upon the shell shaped soap dish. "Ah hell," she muttered. She had somehow managed to splash some water onto the dish and the three rose shaped scented soaps nestled within it. Jerking her towel off the rod, she quickly dried the soaps and dish, taking care when putting the soaps back that the now rounded side faced down. Why the hell does she have soap in the bathroom if no one is supposed to use it? If she just wanted the scent she could have put an air freshener in here. It was just another tolerable annoyance that the roommates shared. Laura didn't like the clear shower curtain or the way Crystal used the shower rod as a drying rack for her underwear and she didn't like the 'do not use' soaps, the fuzzy seat cover or the hard as sandpaper toilet paper her dark haired roommate insisted on buying. You have your quirks and I have mine, Crystal thought as she placed the last soap in the dish. It's just that mine aren't as annoying as yours. Tossing the towel haphazardly over the shower rod, she opened the door and glanced to the left to make sure Laura's bedroom door was shut before she darted bare assed back to her own room.