Crystal's Heart

Chapter Fifteenth

Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Laura watched in silence as Crystal slept. The sheet hung down near the blonde woman's hips, showing the writer an unhindered view of delicate lines and soft curves, curves that she had explored in detail only hours earlier. Unable to resist, she stretched out next to Crystal and placed a series of soft kisses along the bared back. "Good morning," she whispered, feeling her lover waking. She was surprised to feel Crystal's body tense up. Suspecting her proximity was the cause, Laura shifted back to her side of the bed.

"Morning." Crystal rolled over, rubbing her eyes against the late afternoon sun. "What time is it?"

"Close to three." Laura maintained her distance, unsure if physical contact would be welcomed. "I um

I could make something to eat," she offered, giving Crystal an opening if she wanted it.

"If you want," Crystal said, looking from the rumpled white sheets to Laura and back again. "Not even a morning kiss?" she asked shyly, a touch of insecurity threading her voice.

Laura moved quickly, not about to deny the woman who had captured her heart anything. She poured her feelings into the kiss, trying her hardest to wash away any doubts or fears Crystal might have had. Cupping the young woman's cheeks in her hands, she gave once final peck before pulling back. "Let's try this again. Good morning."

"Good morning to you too," Crystal said, taking advantage of Laura's position to claim a cuddling spot. "Mmm, this is nice. Maybe I'll go back to sleep."

"I wouldn't mind," Laura said. "I like holding you." She paused. "I'm sorry if I spooked you before."

Crystal nodded, giving an embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to waking up with someone touching me," she said, snuggling closer and burying her face in Laura's neck. "I mean, I like it when you touch me. It just took a few seconds to realize that it was you touching me." Laura rubbed her hand up and down the exposed back. "I understand. It'll just take some time." She kissed the top of Crystal's head. "And we've got plenty of time."

Crystal's head popped up. "Oh no we don't," she said, eyes wide. "It's Saturday, right?"

"Right."

"So we have to be at Patty's by six!" she exclaimed, trying to kick the sheets off. "We have to get ready."

Pulling Crystal back, Laura kissed her earlobe. "In a minute," she whispered, her right hand making small circles on the young woman's back. "I just want to hold you for a little while longer, all right?" She felt Crystal nod. It took only a few seconds to get settled into a comfortable position on the bed, Laura's back propped up with pillows while a blonde head rested against the writer's chest. "That's better," Laura said.

"Oh." Crystal's head came up, her eyes wide. "Did I do that?"

Laura looked down, seeing the oval bruises on her arm where Crystal's fingers had gripped just a little too tightly during a moment of passion last night. "I guess so," she said dismissively. "I bruise easy. Always have. Don't worry about it."

But Crystal was upset by the bruises, the sorrow evident on her face. "I didn't mean to do that," she said, kissing each discolored spot in apology. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Laura said. "They'll go away." Seeing that her words were not working, the writer tried another approach. "Crystal, you didn't hurt me, I swear. I didn't even notice they were there until you pointed them out to me."

"I won't do it again," Crystal promised, her blue eyes shining as she stared at the bruises, shame and guilt evident on her face. "It was an accident," Laura said gently but firmly, tilting the young woman's face toward hers. "I know you would never mean to hurt me." "Never," Crystal vowed adamantly.

"Just as I would never deliberately hurt you," the writer continued, letting her hand cup Crystal's cheek. "You mean too much to me." Leaning forward, she guided their mouths together, letting her kiss speak for her. Feeling Crystal's lips part, Laura delved in, ignoring the taste of stale cigarettes. She felt her own body responding to the feeling of Crystal's naked flesh pressing against her. Laura wanted nothing more than to lose herself in the softness of her lover's breasts, to hear Crystal call out her name, to simply love her. When she felt a leg pressing between her own, she knew they would not be getting out of the bed any time soon. Letting her desire come to the forefront, Laura broke off the breath stealing kiss and moved down, tasting the softness of Crystal's neck. "I want you," she whispered, pressing their hips together.

"Yes," Crystal gasped.

Encouraged by urgent hands pushing her lower, Laura kissed her way down to Crystal's left breast, capturing the hardening nipple between her lips and flicking her tongue back and forth. It was not long before she felt the slim hips rising beneath her, silently begging for more. Using her legs to part Crystal's thighs, Laura moved to the right breast to lavish it with attention before covering both with her hands, her fingers rhythmically squeezing the hardened rosy tips.

Keeping her hands where they were, Laura shifted the rest of her body lower, kissing the flat stomach and damp curls before settling herself between Crystal's legs. Closing her eyes, Laura kissed the damp folds, smiling to herself at the tremor her action caused. "You like that?" she asked knowingly, kissing the sensitive flesh again.

"Oh yes," Crystal cried, her legs parting wider.

"I knew you would," Laura murmured, parting the folds with her tongue and tasting the sweetness hidden within. Unable to resist, she searched out the erect clitoris and gave it her full attention, enjoying the sounds of pleasure coming from Crystal's mouth. It was not long before she had to abandon Crystal's breasts, needing her hands to hold the rapidly wriggling hips. The cries became muffled as strong thighs tightened around Laura's head, pinning her in place. Feeling the tremors against her lips, she knew Crystal was close. Increasing the pressure and speed of her tongue, Laura's efforts were soon rewarded as she felt Crystal's body stiffen, followed by the gentle release. She gentled her oral touch, riding out the climax until the young woman jerked away. Laura pulled back and kissed Crystal's inner thigh. "I love you," she whispered in a voice too low to carry.

"Oh God," Crystal huffed. Laura propped herself up on one elbow, still nestled between her lover's outstretched thighs. Assuming a cocky smile, she looked down at Crystal.

"That good, hmm?" Getting on her knees, Laura used her right arm to support herself while letting her left hand wander aimlessly over Crystal's thigh. "I'm glad you liked it." She smiled as she followed Crystal's gaze down to where her fingers were dancing dangerously close to the intimate region. She looked back to Crystal's face, seeing no fear or hesitation, only affection and desire. She entered first with one finger, then two, sliding into the slick sheath with utter tenderness, not wanting to do anything that would startle or frighten her lover. She responded to Crystal's urgent tugging and lowered herself until she was half on the bed, half on the young woman's body. Laura's left leg was hooked over Crystal's right, allowing the writer full access to the treasure she was exploring. "You feel so good," she whispered, kissing Crystal deeply. "I love touching you." "I I

" Crystal tried to answer but Laura's actions apparently made that an impossible task.

"Shh, just relax and enjoy it," Laura said, pressing in just a little deeper. "Yes, that's it so nice." She felt the pressure of the muscles around her fingers ebb and cautiously added a third, watching Crystal's face the entire time for any sign of discomfort. Instead she was answered with hips rising to meet her fingers, forcing them in faster than she had intended. Crystal's eyes were closed, her head thrown back against the pillow, incoherent sounds coming from her lips. Laura closed her lips over Crystal's right nipple and began thrusting her fingers in and out. The cries she longed to hear filled her ears, urging Laura on. All too soon she felt the precious muscles clamping down, trapping her deep inside. Though it took some effort, Laura was able to curl her fingers upward and find the smooth spot she was searching for. Crystal cried out as she orgasmed, her fingers gripping like talons to Laura's right arm, coincidentally enough in nearly the identical location as the bruises left the night before. Laura happily held her afterwards, eventually receiving pleasure of her own under Crystal's touch before the clock demanded that their day in bed be brought to an end.

Crystal watched the road signs nervously. "There!" she pointed. "Take the next right." Laura did so and soon the Jeep was traveling up a pothole filled road lined with utility poles and cracked concrete sidewalks. Dented trash cans lay near the curb and twice Laura had to slam down on the brakes to keep from striking a unleashed dog. "Okay," Crystal said, rereading her handwritten directions. "Up there where the stop sign is take a left, then you go two blocks and turn right." She folded the directions up and put them in her shirt pocket. "The park is supposed to be on the right."

To Crystal's surprise, the trailer park was not as run down as she had expected. The lots were large compared to the narrow ones of the trailer park she had grown up in. The roads were smooth and edged by trees and grass, the homes set back from the roadways. The homes themselves all seemed fairly new, peaked roofs and bay windows showing everywhere. Neat signs indicated the cross streets, making it easy for Crystal to find Pine Lane and from there, the blue and white double-wide with a front yard filled with children's toys and a pair of bicycles laying on their side. "There it is!" she said excitedly, already reaching for the door handle. Laura turned into the white gravel driveway, stopping just behind an older Toyota. Crystal was barely out of the car when the front door opened and the woman who was unmistakably her sister stepped out. "Patty!"

"Crystal!" They collided together, arms embracing tightly.

"I can't believe it," Crystal said, clinging to the reality she thought she never would have. "Oh God, I've missed you so much." Patty pulled back, wiping her eyes. "I just about dropped out of my chair when Mom told me she saw you at the store. I thought , it doesn't matter what I thought. You're here." Patty noticed Laura standing by the car. "And this must be your roommate Laura." Crystal watched as they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you," Laura said, standing just behind Crystal.

Standing at arm's length, Crystal observed the difference time had made in her sister. Youthful skin had given way to fine wrinkles near the eyes and hair that had once been sun blonde was now closer to ash. Patty also sported a body that had seen two pregnancies and not enough exercise. Still there was a vibrance there that could not be hidden by the extra pounds or lines. It was still the same sister Crystal had spent hours playing Monopoly with, sharing secrets and fears, and missed terribly.

"Let's go inside," Patty said, gesturing at the modest porch.

There was no doubt two children lived there, Crystal thought as she stepped around a toy robot and over a doll on her way to the couch where Patty joined her while Laura took a seat in the nearby recliner, immediately straightening out a stack of magazines and papers littered the end table. "So where is everyone?" Crystal asked.

"Mom took Jessica and Thomas out to Happy Mary's for dinner. They've got a playroom there and I wanted some time alone with you without everyone underfoot."

Crystal nodded, thinking it was a good idea, especially when she looked over at Laura, reminding her of the need to tell her sister the truth about their relationship. "Patty? There's something I have to tell you." It was a subject they had never talked about as children and despite her bravado at home to Laura, deep down inside Crystal held a fear that her sister would not approve. "I didn't tell you everything last night on the phone."

"No kidding," Patty said, reaching for the cigarettes and lighter on the coffee table. "We've got eleven years to catch up on. I've got a lot of stuff to tell you too." She lit a cigarette, taking a puff before continuing. "So tell me."

Nervously, Crystal looked over at Laura, seeing her looking back encouragingly. "Laura and I we're more than roommates," she finished in a rush, her eyes never leaving the writer.

Patty's hand stopped halfway to the ashtray and she looked to Laura, then to Crystal. "Are you happy?" she asked.

There was no hesitation. "Yes," Crystal said. "I mean, it's all new but yeah, I'm happy."

"Then that's all that matters," Patty said, knocking the ashes into the plastic ashtray. "Can't say it isn't something I haven't tried once myself," she said with a shrug. "Boy did that blow Mom's mind."

"You mean she knew?" Crystal asked in amazement. "Did she have a fit?"

"Oh yeah," her sister said. "But the thing is I own this place and she can't afford to live anywhere as nice as this on her monthly checks not to mention the extra money she gets from me by babysitting the kids. It wasn't anything serious. I was just curious more than anything after all the shit I've been through with men. Right now I've got too much to worry about with the kids to be looking for Mr. Right somewhere. Oh Crystal, wait until you meet them. Jessie's first grade pictures look almost exactly like yours." She set the cigarette in the ashtray and stood up. "You've got to see it. I'll get the photo albums. I'll be right back."

Once her sister left the room, Crystal found Laura kneeling beside her. "That went well," she said in a low voice, not wanting it to carry down the hall. "Yes it did," Laura agreed. "How are you doing?"

"Good," she said, relaxing now that her biggest fear had been vanquished. "It's so strange to see her after all this time but she's still the same Patty I grew up with, just a little older and I guess I can still tell her anything."

Laura smiled and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad you can." Both heads turned to the sound of a car doors opening and closing. "Sounds like they're back early."

"I can't find the one with Jessie's baby pictures but I found the rest," Patty said, returning with several large binders in her hands. Laura moved back to the recliner just before the front door opened, letting two bundles of energy into the once quiet room.

"Mommy, Mommy. Happy Mary's burned down!" Jessica said excitedly, dropping her pink jacket on the floor just inside the door. "Yeah, and there was big fire trucks there 'n everything," six year old Thomas said, mimicking his older sister's actions with his own jacket. "They were loud."

"Hang your coats up where they belong," Patty said. "I have someone I want you two to meet."

Crystal stiffened at the sight of her mother slowly entering the house. Since they had both been standing still at the supermarket, she had not noticed the pronounced limp in the older woman's walk, or the arthritic fingers that struggled to hold the two brightly colored coats the children handed her. Images of a drunken woman sitting at the table flashed through her mind, bringing with them the old anger and pain. When their eyes met, there was first a look of pleasure, then of sadness, in Margaret Sheridan's face.

"Jess, Thomas, this is your Aunt Crystal," Patty said. "And this is her friend Laura."

"I'm a Crystal too," Jessica said proudly, pushing her younger brother out of the way in their sibling battle to be closest to their newly found relative. "You are?" Crystal asked with surprise.

"Yup. My name is Jessica Crystal Sheridan. Mommy says crystals are special. I've got a whole collection of them in my room, wanna see?" the blonde girl asked, reaching for her aunt's hand.

"Later, Jessica," Patty said. "Aunt Crystal just got here. You can show her all your stuff later." She looked over at her mother. "So what happened?" "I don't know but we saw the smoke from two blocks away," Margaret said, casting a quick look at Crystal before turning away. "I better get some dinner started for these two. Are you girls hungry?"

"No," Crystal said quickly. "Laura and I ate earlier," she lied.

"Thank you anyway," Laura said, sending a subtle questioning look at Crystal. She ignored, concentrating on the coffee table until she heard the swinging doors bumping against each other to indicate that her mother was no longer in the room.

"Aunt Crystal, Aunt Crystal," Thomas said urgently, shoving past his sister. "There was fire trucks there and they were real loud. I covered my ears like this but it still was loud." Unlike his sister, who was graced with the Sheridan blonde hair and light complexion, Thomas apparently took after his father, whom Crystal guessed to be of Hispanic origin. The boy's short hair was a dark brown, matching his eyes, his skin tone several shades darker than her own. Without hesitation he climbed onto her lap, forcing Crystal to put her arms around him to keep him from falling off. "Gramma wouldn't let us get close but I got watch the firemen put their hoses on the fire hydrant."

"You did, huh?"

Thomas shook his head up and down. "Yeah. And there was lots of people running around and Jessica pushed me once and I almost fell down."

"Jessica," Patty said in a gentle but disapproving voice. "What have I told you about pushing your brother?" She set the photo albums down on the coffee table and knelt down in front of her daughter. "You know better. Do you want me to take your bike away for a week?" "No Mommy, but he wouldn't get out of the way," Jessica protested.

"That's still no reason to shove him. He could have hit the sidewalk and gotten hurt." Patty shook her head and looked at her sister. "I don't know about these two sometimes. We were never like that."

"Are you kidding?" Crystal asked. "Don't you remember when you pushed me down that muddy hill?"

"You pushed me first," Patty protested. "I didn't know you'd fall down the hill."

Thomas giggled, squirming on Crystal's lap. "Mommy pushed Aunt Crystal down the hill," he said in his childish voice.

"And don't you go getting any ideas, young man," Patty said in the unmistakable mother tone. "Now both of you change into your play clothes and you can ride your bikes until dinner's ready." She pulled Thomas off Crystal's lap and pointed him in the direction of the bedrooms. "Scoot. And put on your old sneakers too. I want those kept clean for school."

"Okay Mom," he said. "Jessica, race you."

"No running," Patty said but it was too late as both children went tearing down the hall, their laughter and footsteps echoing through the home. "The twin tornadoes will be coming back out in just a minute," she said as she resumed her former seat on the couch. "I don't think either of them knows the meaning of walk."

"They're great," Crystal said, turning toward her sister. "They seem really happy."

"They are," her older sister said. "Sometimes they're a handful but Mom really helps when they get to be too much."

Crystal reached into her pocket and pulled out her cigarettes. "I still can't believe you live with her," she said, lighting one. "No way in hell I could."

"She's changed," Patty said. "She's much better now that she's not drinking." Crystal felt her sister's arm go around her shoulders. "Give her a chance, you'll see. She really misses you," she added in a lower voice.

Crystal took a long drag on her cigarette, looking over to Laura. "Damn this is hard."

"If it's too much for you," Laura began but Crystal shook her head.

"No, I can do this," she said, looking over to her sister. "I can't just accept her as a loving mother, but I'll be civil."

"She really has changed," Patty said, looking toward the hall at the sound of a door opening. "The children really love her," she added.

"Yeah," she said, understanding the unspoken message, don't be hostile in front of the kids. "I'm gonna take this outside." She held up the cigarette. "I don't want to smoke around them."

"Aunt Crystal," Jessica said as she ran down the hall. "Wanna watch me do a pop-a-wheelie with my bike?"

"Put your helmet on," Patty said. "Mrs. Catcher told me she saw you riding around without it."

"Sure," Crystal said. "I was just going to step outside anyway."

Minutes later Crystal and Patty were sitting at the round picnic table in the front yard. Laura was kneeling on the roadway, watching Jessica and Thomas riding their bikes back and forth. The sun was setting, only the upper third still visible over the tops of the neighboring mobile homes.

"So how long have you two been together?" Patty asked.

"Not long," Crystal said. "In fact, um well, last night was our first time."

"What? You're kidding." Patty playfully nudged Crystal with her shoulder. "Lucky you. But you've been living together for a while, right?" "About four months," she said, waving as Jessica rode by. "Laura's a writer. She writes lesbian mysteries. She's also a great cook," she added.

"Well, I'm glad you're happy," Patty said. "All these years I wondered where you were, how you were doing. I didn't even know if you were still alive." She shook her head. "I even thought about hiring a private detective but I never could afford it."

"I worried the same about you," Crystal said. "Funny thing is I never left the county. I got down to the city and guess I just got lost in there. I didn't tell you this on the phone but

I worked the strip clubs for a long time."

Patty lit a cigarette and stared out at the roadway where Laura and the children were. "When I first got off the bus, I thought it would be easy to find a place to live and work. Pretty stupid for a seventeen year old. I was out of money in three days."

Crystal nodded, taking a long drag on her own cigarette. She did not have to ask how her older sister had survived. There was only one way a young girl could make quick money on the streets. Still, she felt saddened at the confirmation of what she had long suspected. "I'm glad you weren't out there long," she said.

"Long enough to get pregnant with Jessica," Patty said. "Her father was just another john who didn't have a condom with him. It wasn't like I could get the pill or anything either so it was bound to happen."

"I guess I was lucky," Crystal mumbled around her cigarette. "I never got pregnant." Exhaling slowly, she watched the white line of smoke trail upward. "I was such a mess I wouldn't have been any good as a mother anyway." She nudged her chin in the direction of the bicycling children. "You seem to have done good with those two."

"Thanks," Patty said. "It's important to me to be a good mother for them."

"Giving them what we never had," Crystal said, shooting a bitter look at the kitchen window.

Patty dropped her cigarette to the ground and crushed it under her foot. "You're right about that," she said. "It took a while after he died for her to get into treatment and learn how to be a parent, even if it was too late for us. She loves those children and would do anything for them." Crystal felt the anger well within her and gripped her cigarette tightly, crushing the filter. "She used to sit at that table and do nothing while he beat the shit out of us or don't you remember that?"

"I remember," Patty said. "Believe me, I remember. But she's changed. She goes to her meetings, sees her counselor every other week and hasn't had a drink in years. It's been really hard on her not knowing what happened to you."

"I don't feel sorry for her," Crystal said. "She put us through hell and let him do even worse. You don't know what he was like after you left." She drew a hard long drag on what was left of her cigarette before tossing it to the ground. "You forgive her if you want. I'd rather have nothing to do with her." Closing her eyes, Crystal took a deep breath, willing her body to calm down, her fingers to uncurl from the fists they had become. She felt Patty's hand squeeze her shoulder.

"If you need to hate her, then do it," her older sister said. "But we've lost so many years. Isn't it time to let go of the past and move on? I don't want to lose you again, Crystal."

"You're not going to lose me," she said, lifting her head to look at Patty. "I'll work it out." Shaking her head, Crystal gave a small smile and reached for her cigarettes. "No wonder I'm in therapy, hmm?"

Patty laughed and squeezed her shoulder again. "I think everyone needs therapy."

Crystal gave a snort and lit another cigarette. "Poor Jenny. That's my therapist. It's gonna be a hell of a session when I see her Tuesday." She shook her head. "I still can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you."

"Same here," Patty said. "You're taller than I thought you'd be. You were always so much shorter than me."

"Only because you were older, but even though I was shorter I could still keep up with you, couldn't I?" Crystal asked.

"Yes you could," her sister admitted. "Those two are no different," she said, looking in the direction of the children. "Thomas is always trying to beat Jessica in whatever they do."

"Just like us," Crystal said, forcing the serious expression off her face when she saw the trio heading their way.

"Did you see my pop-a-wheelie, Aunt Crystal?"

"Yes Jessica, I did," she said, grateful for the distraction to end the conversation. "So are you any good with Monopoly?" The girl shook her head. "I've got Twiddles the Caterpillar game for the computer. I'm good at that."

"Oh, I don't think Laura has that on her computer," she said, looking at her lover.

"No, can't say that I've ever seen it," Laura said.

"Mommy, can I show Aunt Crystal and Laura my game?" Jessica asked.

"Is your room safe to enter?" Patty countered.

"I'm sure it can't be any worse that your sister's," Laura said.

"Hey." Crystal gave her a playful shove. The smile left her face when she caught movement through the kitchen window. "Come on, Jess. Show us your game," she said, reaching out for the child's hand. She did not have to look at either of them to know they saw what she had seen. I can do this, she thought to herself as she followed Jessica up the steps. To be with her only sister and the children, she could handle being in the same room as her mother, she decided. After all, I'm an adult now. What can she do to me? Still as they moved through the living room, Crystal pointedly kept her eyes averted from the kitchen.

After the children finished their dinner, they sat on the floor in the living room while Patty and Crystal took up the couch and Laura claimed the recliner. When Margaret came out of the kitchen, Laura stood up to offer the older woman the seat but Crystal's mother held her hand up and slowly made her way through the living room. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed early," Margaret said.

Crystal said nothing, her eyes looking everywhere but at her mother as the children got up and gave their grandmother hugs goodnight. "I'll see you in the morning," Patty said, holding the photo album on her lap. She gave Crystal a gentle nudge with her elbow but it was ignored. Only when she heard a bedroom door close did Crystal look up. "You know she did that because of you."

Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal reached for the photo album. "I know," she said. "Come on, let's see the pictures."

The rest of the evening progressed smoothly, the years of separation melting away as photos and memories were shared. Thomas, who had little interest in looking at pictures, kept Laura occupied by showing off his prowess with his modest video game collection. Jessica alternated back and forth between the two activities, joining in to help her mother tell a story or to show Laura how to play a particular game. By selectively ignoring any references made by her sister or niece, it became easy for Crystal to relax and pretend that her mother did not even live there. When the time finally came, she found she was reluctant to leave, wanting to spend just a few more hours with her beloved sister. It was with shining eyes and fierce hugs that they parted, promising to call each other and get together again soon. Laura even received hugs from the friendly Jessica and Thomas, who wanted her to come back and play more games with them. A quick jockeying of the cars to move Margaret's car out of the way and the visit was over.

"Do you want to talk?" Laura asked as she guided the Jeep out of the mobile home park and onto the street, going slow to minimize the bump of the potholes.

"No," Crystal said, reaching for her cigarettes. "Thanks for coming with me. I'm glad you were there even if I did spend most of my time with Patty and left you to keep the kids occupied."

"I didn't mind," Laura said. "After all, you went so you could spend time with her. I was glad to help with the kids."

Crystal watched the tendrils of smoke illuminated by the passing street lights. "You know, I don't understand why she acts like nothing ever happened," she said.

"You mean Patty?" Laura clarified.

"Yeah," she said. "I know she wants me to make peace with her but I won't. I don't have to forgive her for what happened." Crystal's eye caught a bright yellow billboard extolling the smooth flavor of a popular whiskey. "That looks good right now," she muttered.

"What?"

"That billboard back there." She sighed and took another drag. "Never mind." She stiffened at the sudden touch of Laura's hand on her thigh and had to reach out quickly to stop any retreat. "No, it's okay," she said, putting the hand back where it was. "I guess I just got a lot of stuff on my mind." "Care to share?" her lover offered.

Where to start? Crystal could not get her thoughts clear enough to understand them much less explain to another person. How angry she was to see her mother being so nice to Patty's children? How it bothered her to see Patty showing concern toward the woman that allowed them to be beaten and terrorized? How two lousy months made the difference between life with her sister and life on the streets? How somewhere deep inside a young girl still cries out for a mother that will never be there? The reasons swirled but the result was the same, intense anger roiled through her and refused to be tamped down. "I can't explain," she said finally, squeezing Laura's fingers with her own. "I just want to get home."

"We should be near the highway soon," Laura said, withdrawing her hand as she neared the entrance ramp to the highway. "Do you feel up to a late movie on TV?"

Crystal stared out into the darkness of the night. "Yeah, sounds good," she said without any enthusiasm.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Crystal stared out the window for several moments before speaking. "I just don't get it," she said. "How the hell can she just forget what happened?" The emotions continued to churn within her, bubbling closer and closer to the surface. Crossing her arms over her chest, she balled her hands into tight fists. "How can she stand to be around that woman? Let her near the kids?" She jerked in her seat, slamming her foot down hard on the floorboard. "Do you know what she said to me? She told me it was time to let go of the past and move on. Can you believe that? Forgive that bitch?" She shook her head firmly. "No way. Not after all the shit I was put through. If Patty wants to forgive her, fine. I'm not." "You don't have to," Laura said. "If it's too much for you to see her, make arrangements with Patty to come over to our home instead." Laura's hand returned to Crystal's thigh. "Do whatever you need to do to be happy."

Feeling the anger ebb, Crystal laced her fingers with Laura's and brought them to her lips. "Thanks for going with me tonight," she said, kissing the writer's knuckles. She smiled when she felt their joined hands being pulled over to Laura's lips. Looking around, Crystal recognized the stretch of highway they were on. "If you take the next exit and turn right at the light, there's a park about a quarter mile or so down the road. Feel like taking a moonlit walk?"

"Are you sure that's safe?" Laura asked even as she turned on the directional signal and moved into the right hand lane. "The walking path is fairly well lit and the cops patrol the place pretty frequently," Crystal said. "We'll be fine. Come on, it's a beautiful night."

Fallen leaves crackled beneath their feet as they walked side by side along the windy cobblestone path. There were relatively few people out despite the mild temperatures, allowing Crystal the privacy she was hoping for. Laura gave only a token protest before slipping her arm around Crystal's back, agreeing that the dried out leaves would alert them if anyone approached. The walkway curled around the duck pond where there were fewer lights, taking the couple into near darkness and fueling Crystal's newfound romantic streak. "Come here," she said, tugging Laura off the path.

"This isn't safe," Laura warned before Crystal's mouth covered hers.

"Safe enough," she answered between kisses. "Even if someone did walk by, they wouldn't see us back here." Pressing Laura between her and the tree trunk, Crystal enjoyed the feel of arms holding her gently while the sounds of the residents of the duck pond gave life to the night. "I like this," she admitted, squeezing her arms around Laura's waist. She buried her head into the writer's neck, inhaling the scent of pine from the nearby tree along with Laura's own natural scent. "Somehow even being together in the car wasn't enough." She sighed when Laura's grip tightened, pulling her even closer. "I guess I just needed to be held, that's all."

"Well then it's a good thing I love holding you, isn't it?" Laura whispered in her ear. "In fact, the offer is good for the rest of the night if you're interested."

"Are you going to fold my clothes again?" she teased lightly.

"That depends," Laura said. "On whether you take them off or not."

Crystal stopped her nuzzling of Laura's neck and straightened up, though she maintained her hold around her lover's body. "What if I wanted to sleep with you but I didn't feel up to doing anything more?" she asked.

"Then I would curl up around you and hold you until morning if that's what you wanted," Laura said, reaching up and cupping Crystal's cheeks. Crystal smiled and brushed her lips over Laura's. "Why are you so good to me?" she asked, enjoying the warmth of the writer's fingers on her face. "Because," Laura said, her fingers now tracing Crystal's jaw line. "I love you."

Closing her eyes, Crystal let the words wash over her, wanting to believe them with every fiber of her being. "I

I never" Her voice catching in her throat, she had to swallow and start again. "I never believed anyone would ever love me, not if they really knew the truth about me." Feeling Laura's hands moving down to her hips, she brought her own up to wrap around the writer's neck. "And you know." "Yes, I know," Laura said softly. "I know that you can't get the newspaper back in order after you've looked through it. I know you squeeze the toothpaste in the middle and you're allergic to putting the toilet paper on the roll. I know your clutter drives me nuts and I know that I do love you."

"Despite all that, huh?" Crystal croaked, fighting the sting in her eyes.

"Maybe because of it," the writer whispered. "They say opposites attract."

"Can't get much more opposite than us."

"No, not much," Laura agreed.

"I love you too," Crystal said in a rush, afraid the words would somehow get stuck if she went any slower. "It has to be love. I never felt like this before." Bringing back her left hand, Crystal rested her forefinger on Laura's lower lip. "I've never liked kissing anyone before but" Unable to resist, she leaned forward and flicked her tongue over the soft mouth. "God, you're a good kisser."

"Mm, so are you," Laura murmured.

Crystal felt the bark scraping against her knuckles and knew it had to be uncomfortable for Laura's back but every time she tried to pull back she found herself held tighter. The turmoil of the evening slipped away, replaced by the surety that no harm would come to her within these loving arms. "What were we talking about?" she asked dazedly when their lips finally parted.

"You were telling me you loved me," Laura said, her hands keeping Crystal firmly secured against her. "And I was telling you that I love you. Nothing else matters, not tonight."

And after one last kiss in the darkness, the couple returned to the path and leisurely made their way back to the parking lot. While her reunion with her family had created a whirlwind of emotions, walking arm in arm with Laura on a moonlit night gave Crystal the anchor she needed to weather the storm.

"So what's going on?" Jenny asked as she closed the door. "It's not like you to ask for a short notice appointment."

"It was a hell of a weekend, Doc," Crystal said as she slumped onto the bean bag. "I saw Patty."

"You sister? How did that happen?"

Crystal briefly went over the details, carefully omitting any mention of her intimate relationship with Laura. She talked about her newfound niece and nephew, how she could still make out the Patty she knew from over a decade before in her sister's adult face, and a dozen other details that stood out vividly in her mind. When she finished, she looked over to see Jenny busily scribbling down notes. "Trying to keep the names straight, Doc?"

"Oh, I know who's who," Jenny replied. "There were just a couple of things I wanted to go back and touch on."

"Such as?" Crystal drawled, crossing her arms defiantly and knowing full well what her therapist was going to pounce on. "How did it feel to see your mother again?"

"How do you think it felt?" Crystal said, the muscles in her jaw tightening. "I couldn't believe I was just standing there in the store and there she was like some warped nightmare or something, acting all sad and missing me and stuff."

"You don't think she missed you?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal looked off at nothingness. "Doubt it. Why should she? She didn't pay attention to me when I was there." She began wiggling her foot back and forth. "You should have seen the way she was acting, all nice-nice, making dinner for the kids and all."

"Does it bother you that your mother is doing things for her grandchildren that she didn't do for her own children?" Jenny asked. "It's all an act," Crystal said angrily, the tempo of her foot increasing. "Just like when she looked at me before going into her room." "How did she look at you?"

"Like she was all sorry and hurt that I wouldn't talk to her," she said. "Let Patty forgive her, I'm not." Feeling too much energy to stay put, Crystal stood up and walked over to the window. "I don't know how she does it. I can't stand to be in the same room with the woman much less live with her." Her fingers gripped the wooden frame of the window. "After all the things our mother did to us, let happen to us. How the hell can Patty do that?"

"Did you ask her?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I asked her. She said our mother has changed, that she's not the useless drunk she was. I guess I'm supposed to feel sorry for her now that she's all crippled up with arthritis or whatever the hell is wrong with her." Turning her head, Crystal focused on the long punching bag near the far wall. "So many nights so many times I wished for her to come in and protect me, to stand up to him for her kids, to do something, anything to show me she loved me. Why wouldn't she?" Her anger needing an outlet, she stormed across the room and swung a hard left at the bag. "Why? What the hell was so wrong with me that she couldn't do that simple little thing?" The punching bag swung under another emotion-filled blow. "And she thinks I'm going to forgive her?" Thud. "Just because she wants me to?" Thud. "Because Patty wants me to?" Thud. "No." Thud. "I don't have to." Thud. "I won't." Thud. "I won't." Thud. "They can't make me." Thud. "I'm an adult." Thud. "If Patty wants to live with her and pretend everything is perfect, fine. I don't care." Thud. "She doesn't know what it was like after she left." Her knuckles sore from the repeated poundings on the bag, Crystal flopped down on the padded mat and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly as she watched Jenny move closer, the therapist now sitting only a few feet away on the mat. "She doesn't know," she repeated. The fight was slowly draining from Crystal's body and with it the harsh tone to her words. "She wasn't there to protect me from him anymore. That left only our mother and she didn't lift a finger to help me so why should I do anything to help her? Let her live the rest of her life knowing her daughter hates her, I don't care."

"The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference," Jenny said. "She's your mother, Crystal. She's the one who was supposed to love and protect you and what you're feeling is the pain of not having that. We've talked about this before."

"Yeah, many times, Doc. I know," Crystal said. "But it's one thing to not see her, to not know where she is or what's happened to her and it's another to know she's living with Patty and making the family we never had." Bowing her head, Crystal took a deep breath. "It's like all it took was me leaving to make everything better for them or something. The bastard has a heart attack, Patty comes back home, and then my mother decides it's time to stop being a drunk." Shaking her head, she squeezed her eyes tight and took a deep breath. "When I needed her to be my mother, she couldn't. Now that she wants to be, I don't need her or want her."

"And what is your anger at your sister about?" Jenny asked, causing Crystal to jerk her head up.

"Mad? At Patty? No way, Doc. Weren't you listening? I hate my mother, not my sister." Releasing her knees, Crystal folded her arms over her chest, using the wall to support her back.

"I didn't say hate," Jenny said. "I said mad. It's obvious you're angry at Patty."

"And why would I be mad at the sister I've been trying to find for over a decade?" Crystal said, standing up and putting some distance between her and the therapist. "You know how many times I thought she must be dead? All this time she's just been a local call away, living with our mother." Standing behind the recliner, Crystal gripped the soft leather cushion. "All this time she's been living the life we should have had. She's got the good job, two beautiful healthy kids and a nice place to live. I'm the one that struggles to get through the day without getting drunk off my ass, the one that used to take her clothes off to earn money." She snorted and gestured at Jenny. "Hell, I'm the one that needs to see a therapist because I'm so fucked up. And me? I go and pick the one therapist that can't talk to me about one of the things I need to talk about the most." She shook her head. "Could I make my life any more complicated?"

"Crystal, you knew going into this that we couldn't talk about Laura," Jenny said, rising from the mat and crossing over to the couch. "But I didn't know how I was going to feel about her," Crystal said. "I didn't know then that we'd" She caught the look of first surprise, then disbelief in Jenny's eyes as the therapist figured it out for herself. "I didn't know that I'd end up loving her," she said quietly, wincing inside at the pained look on the other woman's face.

When Jenny spoke, it was in a tone carefully devoid of any inflection or tone. "So you and Laura are lovers?"

"Yeah," Crystal said, finding she could not maintain eye contact with Laura's ex-lover.

There was a long pause before Jenny spoke. "Our time is almost up," she said despite there being almost fifteen minutes left. "Doc," Crystal began.

"Make sure you keep up your meetings and writing in your journal," Jenny said, rising to her feet. "I'll see you on Friday." "Wait." Crystal reached out and grabbed Jenny's shoulder. "You're upset," she judged correctly.

"If you want to explore a relationship with someone, it's none of my business," Jenny said. "Please Crystal, I have some paperwork to catch up on before my next patient arrives."

"I thought you said bullshit wasn't allowed in this office, Doc," Crystal said, pulling her hand free. "You're right that I need to figure out why I'm mad at Patty. I didn't realize I was until you pointed it out. Maybe that's what I need you most for, to help me see the obvious when I can't." Wrapping her fingers around the door handle, Crystal paused and looked back at Jenny. "So let me tell you what I see right now, Doc. I see someone who still has feelings for Laura. You can hold onto those ethical guidelines all you want but this is something we're going to have to talk about." She opened the door. "See you Friday, right?" She waited for Jenny's nod before leaving the office, emotions swirling as they so often did after an intense session.

Not wanting to go right home, Crystal turned onto the highway and headed south. With the directions etched into her mind, she followed the signs until she ended up on the pothole filled road that led to the mobile home park where Patty lived. To her disappointment, the only car in the driveway was the one she recognized as belonging to her mother. She thought about turning around and leaving but then the screen door flew open and Jessica came running out. Knowing she was spotted, Crystal put the car in park and shut off the engine, steeling herself for the sight of the woman she so despised.

"Aunt Crystal, Aunt Crystal," the nine year old yelled as she bounded down the steps and ran over to the car.

"Hi Sweetie," she said, now wishing she had stopped along the way and picked up some little toys for her niece and nephew. After all, she was their only aunt and there were many birthdays and holidays to make up for. "How was school?"

"Mrs. Trudeau yelled at me."

"Oh yeah?" Crystal picked her niece up and carried her over to the picnic table. "Why?"

"Because I punched Melissa Goldman in the arm during lunch."

"And why did you do that?"

"She hit me first," the child said defensively.

"Did you tell the teacher that?"

Jessica nodded. "Uh huh. She yelled at both of us and we had to stay in during recess." The child's head turned at the sound of the screen door opening. "Gramma, Aunt Crystal is here." The smile that had been on Crystal's face quickly disappeared when her mother appeared in the doorway.

"Jessica, go change into your play clothes if you're going to be outside," Margaret Sheridan said.

"Do I have to?" the girl whined. "I won't get them dirty."

"You know what your mother said about wearing school clothes to play in," the gray haired woman reminded. Jessica made a disappointed face but climbed down and scooted into the house.

Crystal stood as well and walked over to her car, reaching through the open window for the cigarettes sitting on the dash. "I have nothing to say to you," she said, feeling the older woman's eyes upon her. Angrily lighting her cigarette, she shoved the lighter back into her pocket and leaned against the hood of her car, her back to the older woman.

"Crystal"

"I don't want to hear it. You had your chance years ago." She brought the cigarette to her lips, surprised at how her hand trembled. Calm down, she thought to herself, knowing Jessica would be back out any minute.

"I've missed you," Margaret said sadly.

"Yeah?" Crystal snorted. "Funny, I haven't missed you one bit." Tasting the venom in her tongue, she took the opportunity to lash out. "What I miss is something you never were and never will be." She heard the sniffle, then the screen door opening and closing. "Good," she muttered, taking pleasure in the knowledge that her words could hurt the other woman. Now alone, she walked over to the picnic table and resumed her seat.

Jessica came out a few minutes later, now dressed in faded jeans and sneakers that would never again be white. In her hand was a paper, the "A" in red marker clearly visible. "Aunt Crystal, wanna see what I got on my test?"

"I see, very good," she said, carefully schooling the residual anger out of her voice. "What time does your mommy come home?" "Mommy comes home at six," Jessica said as climbed up on the bench. "Are you gonna stay for dinner?"

"I don't think so," Crystal said. "I have to go home soon. Laura will wonder where I am."

"You could call her," Jessica suggested. "Gramma will let you use the phone."

Not a chance, she thought to herself. "Maybe another time," she said. "Where's Thomas?"

"He's at swimming class. Can I come to your house some time?" Jessica gave her aunt her best pleading look but all Crystal saw were shadows of her sister a generation before. The young girl's hair was the same shade of blonde and her button nose was unmistakably a gift from Patty's genes. "Sure," Crystal said, knowing with certainty that she was going to be one of those aunts who spoils their nieces and nephews. "Maybe we can even find a movie to go to."

"Oh!" Jessica said excitedly. "I wanna see Dragons and Wizards."

"Isn't that the one with all the blood and stuff?" Crystal asked, wrinkling her nose at the memory of the previews on television. "Besides, I think that movie is rated R."

"I've seen R rated movies before," Jessica said.

"How about we ask your mother?" Crystal smiled as the look on her niece's face told her exactly what Patty's reaction to such a suggestion would be. "Uh huh, I thought so. You were trying to pull a fast one on your Aunt Crystal, weren't you?" Jessica giggled and squirmed as Crystal reached over and began tickling her. "I knew it, you're just like your mother when she was a kid."

The pair were still chatting away when Patty's car pulled in behind Crystal's hatchback. The passenger door opened and three feet of energy came bounding out. "Aunt Crystal!"

"Hi Thomas," she said, turning on the bench to catch the boy as he jump at her lap. "Did you have fun swimming?"

"Yeah," he said with a smile. "Mr. Sherman even let me jump off the diving board once."

Patty approached them carrying a bright blue roll bag. "Thomas, give Gramma your swimming trunks and towel so she can get them washed for Wednesday," she said.

"Okay Mommy."

Crystal stood up and accepted her sister's hug. "Hi."

"Good to see you again," Patty said. "Come on in and stay for dinner. Did you bring Laura?"

"Laura's home," Crystal said. "I was just out driving and thought I'd stop by for a few minutes. I can't stay."

"Well it's still good to see you," her sister said, pulling back but leaving one arm around Crystal's shoulders. "At least come inside for a few minutes."

"I can't." Crystal took a step toward her car. "You know why."

Patty glanced at the house, then at her daughter. "Jess, go inside and help Gramma with dinner, please."

"Okay Mommy. Can I come back out when I'm done?"

"Is your homework done?" Patty asked.

"Most of it."

"Then you know what you'll be doing after dinner then, don't you?"

Crystal had to smile at the pout on her niece's face. "I'll come back soon to visit," she promised, bending down to hug the child who had come running over.

"Bye Aunt Crystal."

"Bye sweetie."

The sisters remained quiet until the screen door closed, each lighting their own cigarette. Patty spoke first. "I wish you would try to get along with her."

"Not a chance," Crystal said. "You want to pretend nothing happened and she was mother of the year, go right ahead." "Look, I know you blame her for some of what happened to us but Crys, it was years ago."

"Oh, and that makes it all right?" Crystal walked over to her car and leaned against it, forcing Patty to follow her or have to speak loud enough for the words to carry through the open kitchen window. "She was all that stood between him and us and she did nothing, not one damn thing to help us."

"All right but he was the one, not her. You want to hate someone, hate him." Patty said angrily. "He's the one I hate."

"I hate him too but you can't just pretend she's innocent in all of it," Crystal said, her voice rising to match Patty's. "She's just as guilty and I can't figure out why the hell you can't see that." Pulling the keys out of her pocket, Crystal walked around the front of the car to the driver's side. "I'd like to see you and the kids," she said. "But I'm not going to put up with her."

"This is her home too," Patty said. "I can't just ask her to disappear whenever you want to stop over."

Jerking the door open, Crystal shrugged. "Fine. Then come over to my place because nothing is going to get me to make peace with her." She started the car and began backing up the second Patty moved away.

Speed was not a concern for Crystal as she whipped through the side streets on her way back to the highway. Once on the wide open road, she moved into the left lane and pushed the old car well over the posted limit. Only the rushing wind kept her thoughts company and it did nothing to help steer her away from the darkness that beckoned. At the intersection at the end of the exit ramp, Crystal came to a complete stop, the time having come for her to make a decision. To the right were the bars that offered oblivion, the escape from the anger and pain swirling around inside her. To the left, the scenic townhouse complex and Laura. Making her decision, Crystal turned the steering wheel and stepped on the gas.

Laura was waiting impatiently in the living room when she heard Crystal's car pull up. "It's about time," she said as she headed for the door, throwing it open just as Crystal was getting out of the car. "Where were you? I called around noon and Michael said you took the afternoon off."

"I went to see Jenny then over to Patty's," Crystal said, meeting Laura halfway up the walk. "And I'm not sure I should have done either." "What happened?"

Crystal sighed and leaned against her. "Long story, both of them."

"All right, let's go inside and you can tell me all about it," Laura said, putting her arm around Crystal's waist. "I'm sorry if I sounded agitated. It's not like you to leave work in the middle of the day."

"I couldn't concentrate at work," Crystal said as they entered the townhouse. "I thought if I talked it out with Jenny that I could make sense of it but that just added to the problem."

"Wait a minute, I'm confused. How did talking with Jenny make the problem you have with Patty worse?"

"Not that," Crystal said, tossing her keys on the side table. "Though in Doc's usual way she gave me a lot to think about." She shook her head. "I don't know how to explain it."

"How about if we go over to the couch and I hold you until you figure out a way?" Laura suggested, using her hands on Crystal's shoulders to guide her lover in the direction she wanted.

"Why is it everything in my life always ends up being so screwed up?" Crystal huffed as she flopped onto the couch. "It's like I have some sort of warped Midas touch or something."

Believing Crystal would explain in her own way, Laura sat down and began gently rubbing her back, patiently waiting out the long moments before the young woman spoke again.

"I went over to see Patty and we got into it over the old woman," Crystal sighed. "Again. I don't know why she even bothers trying. It's not going to change the way I feel. I told her from now on she should come over here with the kids instead of me going there."

"Did she agree with that?" Laura asked.

Crystal shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. I was so pissed by then that I just jumped in the car and took off." She shook her head. "I guess Doc was right when she said that I was mad at Patty because she defends the old woman." She reached for her shirt pocket where the half-empty pack of cigarettes were. "I need a smoke," she said. "Can we go outside?"

"Sure," Laura said, standing up and reaching for Crystal's hand. Together they walked through the kitchen to the deck. They sat down on the chairs, Laura saying nothing while Crystal lit her cigarette and took several drags.

"I told Jenny about us," Crystal said, finally breaking the silence. She looked down at her hands. "She's not happy about it." "Why do you say that?" Laura asked.

"The way she reacted when I told her we're lovers." Crystal took a long drag. "Maybe you should talk to her."

Shifting her chair closer, Laura put her arm around Crystal and pressed her lips to the blonde forehead. "Was she mad about it?" "Not mad," Crystal said. "I think she was hurt."

"Oh." Laura said, rubbing her lover's back and trying to figure out how to handle this latest problem. While her breakup with Jenny had been extremely painful for both of them, she thought that was all in the past. "I'll talk to her if you want me to," she said, tracing the outline of Crystal's ear with her finger. "But I want you to know something." Tipping Crystal's face up to hers, Laura bent her head and brushed their lips together. "What Jenny and I had is in the past. We're close friends and hopefully will always be that way but we could never be lovers again. You're the one I want, the one I love." She saw the shadow of doubt still lingering in the soft blue eyes. "What is it?"

"What if Jenny wants you back?" Crystal asked in a small voice, letting her insecurities show. "You gotta admit, she's a better" "No," Laura said quickly, pressing her fingers to Crystal's lips. "Don't do that. I don't want Jenny back. I want you. If you believe nothing else, believe that. No matter what Jenny says or does, it's not going to change how I feel about you."

Minutes after Crystal left for work, Laura jumped into the Jeep and drove across town. As she had hoped, the orange Thing was still in its parking space when she pulled into Jenny's apartment complex. It was a meeting that Laura did not want to have but for Crystal's sake, one she knew she must. Hoping for the best, she walked to Jenny's door and knocked. Seconds later the door opened to reveal Jenny still in the sweatpants and tshirt she slept in.

"Morning," Jenny said, stepping back to let Laura inside. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," Laura said.

"About?" Jenny said without enthusiasm as she gestured at the couch.

"You know what about," Laura said. "Crystal and I. I understand you weren't exactly happy about the news when she told you." "How I feel about it is irrelevant," Jenny said, crossing her arms and leaning against the low counter that separated the living room and kitchen. "Not when it affects Crystal," Laura said, leaning forward to rest her forearms on her knees. "She thinks you still have some feelings for me." Jenny raked her fingers through her short brown hair and turned away. "You don't want to go there, Laura," she warned. "Why?" Laura asked, though she suspected she knew what it was that had Jenny so riled up.

"Oh don't play that with me," Jenny snapped, raking her fingers through her hair. "How could you?"

Three years of living and loving the woman standing before her had taught Laura well and she knew that at this particular moment, she and Jenny were about to have quite an argument. "You make it sound like I defiled some virginal maiden," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back. "It was consensual."

"And you didn't do anything to encourage her just like that bitch in Colorado, right?" Jenny said, storming across the living room to the reproduction fireplace where a picture of her and Laura rested on the mantle. "Just another notch in your belt, right?"

"Crystal means more to me than that and you know it," Laura said defensively. "I love her."

"You told me you loved me once too," Jenny said, still staring at the picture and refusing to look at her ex-lover. "How long before you're sleeping around with some horny fan?"

"I won't," Laura said, rising to her feet.

"Like a promise of fidelity from you means anything," Jenny scoffed. "Or is that only promises you made to me?"

"What's this about, Jen? The fact that Crystal and I are lovers or that you and I aren't?" Laura asked. "I tried to get you back for almost four years and you shot me down each time. The best I could ever hope for was the occasional sleepover."

"How could I ever trust you again?" Jenny asked. "Do you think it was easy for me to walk out on three years of my life?" "It seemed easy enough from where I was standing," Laura said, trying hard to keep her voice from rising with the increased tension. She stood behind Jenny and put her hands on the therapist's shoulders. "I know it's my fault but it hurt like hell when you left," she admitted.

"Yeah well it hurt like hell when I came home to find that message on the answering machine too," Jenny said, shaking off the gentle hands and walking over to the couch.

"I know," Laura said quietly. Following Jenny's lead, she took a seat in the nearby chair. "Jen, this isn't the first time I've been with someone since we broke up. Why now?"

"You weren't serious about those other women," Jenny said. "You'd go out on a few dates, tell me all their shortcomings and why you couldn't possibly maintain any kind of a relationship with them, then move on to the next one."

"And I'm not moving on this time," Laura finished for her.

"I remember when you used to call me up practically screaming about your roommate from hell," Jenny said. "I thought you were going to have a stroke over the shower curtain."

"I remember," she said, leaning forward so her elbows were resting on her knees. "I even threatened Peter with bodily harm for ever sending her my way."

"So why?" Jenny looked down at the carpet. "Why her over all the others?"

"I've asked myself the same question," Laura admitted. "And I've tried to chalk it up to a dozen things from loneliness to some sort of misplaced caretaker complex." She chose her next words carefully, knowing Jenny would be hurt by them and wanting to minimize that as much as possible. "But the simple truth is that I love her. I didn't plan on it happening but it did and I can't change the way I feel."

"You didn't plan on sleeping with that girl in Colorado but you did," Jenny pointed out angrily, her eyes glistening. "Does Crystal know about your wandering eye or did you keep that little bit of information to yourself?"

Laura bristled at the accusing tone. "I told her," she said evenly. "And it's not the same thing. I didn't have feelings for Lisa. I love Crystal." Jenny gave a small snort and looked away. "There you go again, Laura. Don't you understand that there's more to a relationship than love?" "I know that," Laura shot back defensively. "But I think it's a good foundation, don't you?"

Jenny turned to her. "What about trust?"

"You'll never forgive me for that, will you?" Laura said, leaning back in the chair. "Jen, if I could go back in time and change what happened, I would."

"And if you had gotten home first and found that message, you would have erased it." Jenny raked her fingers through her short brown hair. "Don't you understand? After that happened, the trust was gone between us and without trust, there could be no relationship. I would always be wondering if you were telling me the truth or trying to cover up another affair. I couldn't live like that."

"Jen, I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah but you did," Jenny said quietly.

Laura nodded and moved over to the couch, putting her arm around Jenny's shoulders. "I did," she admitted. "And there's nothing I can do to change that. I'm lucky you chose to remain friends with me. I'm sure many ex's wouldn't." She felt Jenny lean against her and tightened her grip. "You're very important to me, don't ever doubt that."

"That goes both ways," Jenny said. "I don't want to lose you from my life."

"And you're not going to," Laura said. "Being with Crystal isn't going to change that. You're still my best friend." Jenny's watch beeped, alerting them of the time. "I guess I'd better let you get ready for work."

"I didn't realize it was getting so late," Jenny said, looking at her watch. "My first appointment comes in at nine."

"Are we okay?" Laura asked as they stood up.

Jenny nodded. "Yeah, we're okay," she said. "I just have some of my own stuff to work out, that's all."

"Come over tomorrow for dinner?" Laura offered. "I'll call the boys and we can make a little dinner party out of it."

"Sounds good," Jenny said. "Now go on and get out of here. I have to hit the shower."

Laura pulled her into a quick hug. "I'll see you then," she said.

"Be good to her," Jenny whispered before stepping back.

"I will," Laura promised, knowing she was referring to Crystal. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Crystal arrived home from work to find Laura in the kitchen making dinner. "Hmm, smells good," she said as she kicked off her work boots and set her keys on the side table. "What are we having?"

"One of my mother's favorite recipes," Laura said, closing the oven door. "Creamy chicken and rice casserole."

"I hope you made a lot," Crystal said as she entered the kitchen. "My nail gun jammed first thing this morning and it took almost a half hour to clear it. I ended up working through lunch to catch up." She moved closer and smiled when she saw Laura's arms open for a hug. "It's been a long day." "Well then you go sit down and relax," Laura said. "It won't be ready for another fifteen minutes or so."

"Do I have to?" Crystal asked, enjoying the feel of Laura's body against hers. "I'm comfortable right here." Resting her head on Laura's shoulder, she inhaled the faint scent of perfume. "Yeah, this is nice." She felt the arms around her tighten.

"It does make it hard for me to check on dinner," Laura joked.

"Uh huh," Crystal said, letting her hands slip down to Laura's hips. "You said we had fifteen minutes."

"And that's not enough time for what you're thinking," Laura said, though her own hands were beginning to wander restlessly along Crystal's back.

"What makes you think I'm thinking about anything?" she teased, taking advantage of her position to kiss Laura's neck. After years of believing she had no sex drive, Crystal was surprised by the strength of her desire. Moving her hands between them, she reached for the top button of Laura's shirt.

"The fact that you're trying to undo my shirt?" Laura said, though she made no attempt to stop Crystal's progress.

"It's hot in here," Crystal said as the button came free and exposed bare flesh. She heard Laura's sharp intake of air and smiled to herself, knowing her wandering hands were the cause. "I love you," she whispered, releasing another button and kissing the exposed vee of skin. Tracing the lace e.g.of Laura's bra with her lips, she slipped her tongue out to taste the soft swell of skin.

"I love you too," Laura said, her voice huskier than usual. Her grip tightened, pulling Crystal's hips against hers. "And you're the reason it's hot in here."

"Do you want me to stop?" Crystal asked, tugging the shirt free from Laura's jeans. She was answered by Laura's mouth coming down upon hers, the kiss adding fuel to the fire burning inside.

"No," Laura murmured between kisses. "Don't stop."

"What what about dinner?" she asked, her hands sliding up Laura's back to toy with the bra fastening.

"Keep that up and we won't be eating dinner until ten o'clock," Laura said, her own hands sliding under Crystal's shirt.

Closing her eyes as she received another one of those wonderful kisses from Laura, Crystal used her fingers to release the two hooks that held the bra together. Now with nothing to impede her progress, she flattened her hands and moved them around to the front, gently cupping Laura's breasts, her thumbs gently moving back and forth over the hardening nipples. She answered her lover's moan with one of her own when she felt her bra being unhooked. Reluctantly she broke off the kiss. "The couch," she suggested.

"The couch," Laura agreed, gently nudging Crystal toward the living room.

Crystal was grateful for Laura's steadying arms around her when the back of her legs bumped against the couch. Raising her arms, she allowed Laura to lift off her shirt and bra, smiling tolerantly when the writer folded the clothes and set them on the nearby chair. "You know," she said as her hands pushed the shirt over Laura's shoulders, "You worry too damn much about keeping everything neat."

"I know," Laura said as she folded her own shirt and bra, placing them neatly on top of the others before taking Crystal in her arms again. "It's one of my little quirks."

Crystal slipped her hands beneath the waistband of Laura's jeans, pulling her closer. "I suppose since you're so insistent on folding our clothes, we should just get them all off and out of the way right now."

"I like that idea," Laura said, her hands moving to the button of Crystal's jeans.

"Me too," Crystal said, feeling the button of her jeans being undone while Laura's lips sought out her own. She moaned softly when she felt her jeans being lowered along with her underwear over her hips. Laura's hands squeezed and fondled her rear, sapping all strength from her legs. "I can't stand up any longer," she managed between the breath stealing kisses. They stayed together as Laura lowered her to the couch, the writer's warm body covering her own. Her legs pinned by the jeans still halfway up her thighs, Crystal began squirming to try and push them down.

"You're gonna knock me off the couch," Laura warned.

"I can't help it," she said, "I can't stand feeling trapped."

"Sorry," Laura said, rolling off and reaching for the waistband of the jeans. "Let me."

Crystal felt vulnerable as the last of her clothing was removed and she was left lying on the couch, naked to the daylight. Laura turned back from folding the clothes and knelt next to the couch. Looking up at her, Crystal knew now why her need to touch and be touched had been so strong. It was more than mere desire, it was the want, no, the need to connected in an intimate way with the person who held her heart. "I love you," she whispered, blinking away the sting of emotion in her eyes. Reaching up, she cupped Laura's cheek and guided her closer until their lips were only inches apart. No further urging was needed as Laura took control and closed the remaining distance.

The fear of being defenseless and exposed vanished under the loving kiss. Crystal felt the gentle touch of fingers caressing her abdomen, moving in ever growing circles while Laura's kisses continued to leave her breathless. Following the line of Laura's spine, she ran her fingers down the bare back until she reached the denim covered hips.

"Mmm," Laura hummed as she moved from Crystal's mouth to her jaw. "You're so beautiful

" Crystal could only arch into the gentle series of kisses down her throat, her body tingling with the realization of where those lips were headed. She moaned and squeezed the jean covered rear when Laura's roaming fingers found her triangle of curls. "So soft" the writer continued, touching Crystal's nipple with the tip of her tongue.

Crystal could only moan and squeeze Laura's rear harder while her other hand held her lover's mouth to her breast. "Oh God feels so good," she sighed.

"Mm hmm," Laura agreed, moving to the other breast. In the process, her own breast came within reach of Crystal's mouth and the young woman happily parted her lips to accept the gift being offered to her. Eyes closed, Crystal suckled heartily, her tongue flicking the hardened nipple between her teeth in a matching rhythm to the feelings on her own breast from Laura's mouth. Feeling Laura's hand on her thigh, Crystal parted her legs, letting her right foot rest on the floor. Raising her hips to urge Laura on, she was surprised to feel the breast she had been loving being pulled out of her mouth. Her protest died on her lips when she felt Laura's hand on her right knee, spreading her legs wider. "Oh Laura, yes," she said when Laura moved between her thighs and she realized what her lover intended. Soft kisses on her inner thighs teased her briefly before Laura's lips focused on her center. She jerked at the first touch of Laura's tongue on her outer folds, knowing she was about to be taken higher than any drug could ever hope to. It seemed that Laura was touching her everywhere; knowledgeable hands moving over her thighs, hips, and breasts, lips and tongue moving at a maddening pace over her most intimate area. Laura's tongue felt cool at first compared to her overheated center. Crystal's head lolled from side to side and she hooked her leg behind Laura's head as the writer's fingers began to tease and torment her nipples, squeezing in a matching rhythm to the strokes of the tongue brushing over her clitoris.

For endless minutes Laura took her spiraling upward until Crystal was certain she could go no higher. Laura's hand left her breast and moved down, around her hip and back over her thigh. Two fingers slipped smoothly inside, stealing Crystal's breath away as she found herself being taken higher still. When at last her world shattered away in a wave of pleasure, Crystal cried out Laura's name and clung helplessly as aftershocks throbbed through her. "Shh 's okay

I've got you," Laura murmured into her ear. There were other words but Crystal found it hard to concentrate on much more than the warmth and comfort of Laura's body against hers. It was a haven she had no interest in leaving. The first time Laura tried to pull back, she gripped tighter, silently conveying her need. Her hand moved over Laura's back, once again finding the waistband of the jeans.

"I can't believe you still have those on," she said, slowly moving out of Laura's embrace and into a sitting position.

"I was a little busy," Laura said, moving in for a quick kiss. "Oh, my knees are killing me."

"Maybe I should kiss them and make them better?" Crystal offered, putting her hands on Laura's elbows and standing up, bringing the writer with her. "Of course I can't do it through these," she said, tugging on the waistband. "They'll just have to come off." Slipping her hand between the denim and cotton, she pushed the jeans over Laura's hips.

"Oh they do, do they?" Laura asked, her hands moving restlessly over Crystal's back and shoulders. "What if I wasn't finished with you yet?" Crystal squeezed the panty covered bottom and rested her forehead on Laura's shoulder. "Damn woman," she huffed. "You're gonna kill me."

"I can't help it," Laura said, wrapping her arms around Crystal's back and squeezing their chests together. "I love touching you," she said, tipping Crystal's head down to kiss her brow.

Taking advantage of her position, Crystal began kissing Laura's throat, then down the writer's chest. "I love touching you too," she said as she lowered herself to her knees. "And right now I plan on touching you until you can't take it anymore." She pushed the jeans down to Laura's ankles, then offered her shoulders for her lover to lean on as first one leg, then the other came free. "Love the sensible white cottons but they've got to go too," she said, kissing the tuft of hair through the panties before pulling them down to join the jeans on the floor. A gentle push and Laura lying on the couch.

"The clothes," Laura said, reaching for the pile near Crystal's knees.

"Leave them," Crystal said, nudging Laura's knees apart.

"But"

"But nothing. In a minute you're not going to give a damn about where the clothes are," Crystal said. Bound and determined to win this little battle, she began running her fingertips up the inside of Laura's thighs. "For once, don't worry about it. Just lie back and feel." Then Crystal set out to give Laura plenty to feel, using her fingers, lips, everything at her disposal to send her lover to pinnacle once and then again, the crumpled clothes forgotten.

"Hey Doc," Crystal said when she opened the door. "Come on in. Laura's in the kitchen." She stepped back to let Jenny in. "Could it get any colder out there?"

"I hope this doesn't mean we're in for a brutal winter," Jenny said, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it on the coat rack next to the door. "You're going to have to trade in that denim jacket of yours for something warmer."

"You know how much a new jacket costs?" Crystal said, moving closer. "Do me a favor, okay?" she whispered. "Don't say anything about it to Laura."

"And just how long do you think she's going to let you get out the door in that thin thing?" Jenny asked in an equally low tone. "Hopefully at least two more weeks. I'm not going to have any extra money until then."

"Hey what are you two talking about in there?" Laura called from the kitchen.

"Don't worry, I'm not telling her all your secrets," Jenny said. "Besides, I'm sure she knows all your bad habits by now."

"Just about," Laura said, moving into the doorway between the kitchen and living room. "Who knows, she might just break me of one or two. Miracles are known to happen."

"You mean someday I'll stop in and find a dust bunny under the couch?" Jenny asked.

"Well let's not push it," Laura said, wiping her hands on her apron. "But I've been convinced it's not a crime to let the clothes go unfolded after I've taken them off."

Jenny looked from Laura to Crystal. "You're kidding."

"Nope," Crystal interjected proudly.

"She caught me at a weak moment," Laura added in her own defense.

"Must have been some moment," Jenny said, patting Crystal on the shoulder. "Now try getting her to go to bed and leave a dish in the sink." "Never happen," Laura said confidently.

"Ah ah ah," Jenny wagged her forefinger. "You forget, don't you?"

Laura gave her a confused look for a few seconds before the memory surfaced. "Oh."

"As I recall you got up in the middle of the night and washed them but I still count it as a victory," Jenny said, her posture relaxed and comfortable, not at all the body swirling with emotions that Crystal had seen at the end of her last session with the therapist. She had asked but Laura said little about the conversation with Jenny, only that she thought it went well. If Jenny's turnabout was any indication, their meeting was a total success as far as Crystal could see. Still there were questions that she needed answered before she would be totally convinced things were completely all right between the three of them.

"Hey Doc, I'm going to have a smoke before the guys get here. Come out and keep me company?" Crystal said, moving toward the sliding glass door without waiting for an answer. As she had expected, Jenny followed her out to the deck, sliding the door closed behind her. "Yes?" Jenny asked expectantly.

Crystal pulled her cigarettes from her pocket and lit one. "So," she said, moving so the smoke blew away from where Jenny was standing. "We still on for our regular sessions?"

"Of course," Jenny said.

"Good." Crystal turned away and concentrated on the blue smoke trailing from the end of the cigarette. "I was worried, you know." "About?" Jenny prodded.

"I was worried you wouldn't want to help me anymore because I'm involved with Laura," Crystal said, shaking her head. "Hell, for a while there I was even worried that you'd try and get her back."

"I would never do that," Jenny said, leaning against the rail and staring out at the leafless trees mixed with pines. "Laura and I just had some unresolved issues, that's all."

"Uh huh," Crystal said. "And they're completely resolved now, right?"

"For the most part," Jenny said.

"You're the one who's always telling me that change doesn't happen overnight," Crystal said, taking another drag off her cigarette.

Jenny turned and gave her a knowing smile. "You know I hate it when my own words are used against me." She paused. "But it's true. Laura and I have a significant history together and it's hard for me to see her with someone else." She moved closer to Crystal. "But I also want her to be happy and she's made it clear that to her, that means being with you."

"Do you think we have a chance?" Crystal asked, nervously flicking her ashes into the wind.

"It doesn't matter what I think," Jenny said.

"It does to me," Crystal said firmly, walking over to the table and extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray.

"Do I think you two have a chance to make this relationship work? Absolutely," Jenny said. "Do I think it's going to be easy? No. It's going to take a lot of sacrifices and compromises to make it work but if you love each other enough, it'll be worth it. Now can we go inside? It's freezing out here."

"Yeah," Crystal said. She took a step toward the door, then stopped. "Hey Doc?"

"Yes?"

"You know

I thought I was so messed up that no one would ever want to be with me much less that I would fall in love." Crystal looked down at the deck, pausing to find the right words. "But

I see things differently than I did four months ago. I've

I've"

"Grown?" Jenny offered.

Crystal shrugged. "I guess so. What I'm trying to say is this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you."

Jenny moved closer. "It was all you, my friend," she said, poking Crystal with her forefinger. "I'm not the reason for your change, I'm just the one who helped you to see that change was possible. Remember, you're the one that came to me looking for help. You took that first step. Now" She put her hands on Crystal's shoulders. "Let's go before I freeze to death out here."

"Thanks," Crystal said. "For everything."

"You're welcome," Jenny said, pulling her into a loose hug. "For what it's worth, I hope the two of you are very happy together." Crystal tightened her hold. "It's worth a lot," she said quietly.

"All right, enough of this," Jenny said as they separated. "Let's get inside."