Crystal's Heart

Chapter Three

Ameilia's Pub was on the main thoroughfare with only a small parking lot to try and accommodate its customers. Jenny managed to get one of the last spaces in the lot, much to the dismay of Kelly, who was still circling in search of a place to put her Range Rover. Several other players also arrived at that time, adding to the lighthearted mood. "Hey Crystal," one of the Falcons called. "You gonna take your shirt off again?" Her comment was met with whoops and hollers from her friends.

"Sorry about the children," Laura apologized. "There's a few in every crowd. You stick near Jenny and I and you'll be fine." "You know I'm not some innocent little virgin out on her first date," Crystal said, pulling out a cigarette. "Just because I've never been to a lesbian bar before."

Laura exchanged looks with Jenny. They knew their friends too well. "Just to be on the safe side, stay near us."

Crystal was not surprised to find Carmen holding the door open for them. While it still felt awkward, she was quickly coming to terms with the lustful gazes and attention directed her way. Yup, guess I won't be buying any of my drinks tonight. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure, Sweetie," Carmen said with a flourishing wave of her hand. "Shall we go inside where you can quench your thirst?" Laura had to reach out quickly to catch the door as the Cuban woman followed Crystal inside.

"You know," Laura said while holding the door for Jenny. "Carmen is incorrigible."

"It's not her fault Crystal has the words 'fresh meat' tattooed across her forehead." She stepped up on her tiptoes to look for the woman in question. "Ah, there she is."

Crystal was at the far end of the bar, flanked by Carmen and Alex. "Should we go rescue her?" Laura asked.

"Didn't she tell you that she could handle herself?" Jenny said, guiding the writer toward the pool tables.

"But she's" Laura's protest was stopped by her ex-lover's fingers on her lips.

"No doubt had lots of experience fending off horny men's advances. What makes you think she's incapable of handling the same situation with a woman?" She gestured at the small table in front of them. "Have a seat. I'll get us some drinks."

"It's filthy."

Sighing, Jenny smiled and patted Laura's shoulder. "I'll bring back some napkins. You want club soda or do you feel adventurous tonight?" "Club soda is fine. Add a twist of lime to that please." Laura picked up a nearby napkin and began brushing the spilled ashes off the table. "Don't forget to put our names on the board or you'll never get a table," Jenny said before making her way through the crowd. At the other end of the bar, Crystal pulled out a cigarette only to have Alex hop up and pull out a lighter. "Allow me," she offered. "Since you let this barbarian buy your first drink," Carmen said, earning a snort from the shortstop, "Will you dance with me, Sweetie?"

"Ah, no thanks." The scotch and soda was smooth and went down quickly. Crystal found a certain amount of comfort in the woman's bar, the guard she normally kept up to protect herself from men not needed here. She was certain a simple no would keep the would-be Romeos at bay.

"Yeah, I don't dance much either," Alex said, scooting her chair closer. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a d" Crystal stopped herself, realizing her normal answer of dancer wasn't a goodi.e.after turning the woman next to her down. "uh" She looked at the bar full of rowdy lesbians. I don't think telling the truth is a good i.e.either. There had been enough comments and catcalls at the ball park without them knowing she was a stripper. Shit, think quickly. The bartender arrived at that moment with Carmen's drink. "A bartender," she blurted. "Downtown."

"Oh, that's interesting," Alex said, letting her hand rest on the bar only centimeters from Crystal's. "The Falcon is downtown. That's the bar I hang out at. I think Esther is looking for someone to help out on the weekends. You should go by there tonight and check it out."

"I'm working tonight," she said, thinking only of giving an excuse not to go to the lesbian bar.

"Oh yeah? Maybe I could stop by and say hi. Where?"

"Uh" Fuck, fuck, fuck. Trapped in her own web of lies, Crystal panicked and took the first escape offered. "You know Carmen, I think I will take you up on your offer." I can do this, I can dance with a woman, she told herself as the now happy Carmen stood up and took her hand. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she said to Alex, feeling a twinge of guilt over the crestfallen expression on the shortstop's face. As she was led through the crowd to the dance floor, Crystal began to have second thoughts. Multi-colored lights bounced off the disco ball and the dance floor was divided into different colored panels that lit up in time with the music. The dance area was raised higher than the rest of the bar, allowing it to double as a stage from time to time. Ameilia's bar had been built in the late seventies and apparently the owner saw no reason to update it. At least the disc jockey knew what decade it was and kept the women entertained with the latest dance hits.

When Carmen led them to a spot near the front of the stage, Crystal lost her nerve and started to walk away. "No no no, Sweetie. Where are you going?" Carmen asked, reached out and stopping her with a tanned hand on her arm.

"I can't do this."

"Of course you can, Sweetie." The Cuban woman took Crystal's hands in hers and began swaying to the music, moving their arms to the same rhythm. It was a song the blonde woman was familiar with and she reluctantly admitted that Carmen was a good dancer. Of their own volition, Crystal's hips and legs joined in. "You see, my dear? I knew you could do this," the pitcher said, releasing her hands. They danced through two more songs before Crystal finally managed to beg off and leave the multi-colored floor.

The pool tables were between the dance floor and bar, making it easy for Crystal to solve the problem of Alex by sitting down at Laura's table. "Hi." "Hi yourself," the writer said, setting a coaster down in front of Crystal. "You want a drink?"

"Yeah, scotch and soda, strong."

"Four bucks." Crystal reached into her pocket and pulled out her small wad of bills. She had enough to buy herself one more drink. Better nurse it, she thought to herself. She handed a five dollar bill over and watched Jenny approach, cue stick in hand.

"Oh, so you decided to come down from the dance floor after all? I thought you were going to dance with the girls all night long," the brown haired woman teased.

"I don't know why I did that. I've never danced with a woman before."

"Well, you looked like you were having a good time up there. I didn't see Carmen twisting your arm to keep you there." Jenny sat in the adjacent chair and picked up her beer. "Laura's driving," she offered before taking a pull from the longneck bottle. "So was she?"

"Was she what?"

"Twisting your arm to keep you up on the dance floor?"

"No. I just"

"You dance good for a straight girl."

"Thanks a lot, Doc," Crystal said sarcastically. "You know some of these women are as bad as guys? I get more attention here than in a real bar." "This is a real bar," Jenny corrected.

"You know what I mean. It's weird, that's all." She looked toward the dance floor, spotting Carmen dancing with two other women. "Did you have fun?"

"Well, it" Crystal unbuttoned her shirt sleeved shirt. "Damn, it's hot in here."

"I'm glad you didn't do that on the dance floor," Jenny said. "You caused enough damage at the ball game. If Alex had been playing pool she probably would have knocked the ball through a window." They both laughed at the image. "So answer the question. Did you have fun dancing?"

"Yes. It was different."

"Different from what? Dancing with men?" At Crystal's nod, she continued. "How?"

"I don't know, it just was."

"That's a copout. Try looking at your feelings. What is it about dancing with a woman that's different from a man?"

"I don't know," Crystal began, fidgeting in her seat. "I didn't have to worry about anything but dancing with her." She shook her head, certain that her words didn't make any sense.

"You worry a lot, don't you?" Jenny prodded gently.

"Sometimes," the stripper admitted without looking up. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking comfort in the familiar. "You wouldn't understand." She shook her head. "No one does."

"You'd be surprised at what I understand," Jenny said. "I understand what it's like to spend today worrying about yesterday and being afraid of tomorrow. I understand that a wounded child can't heal if she's never given love."

At Jenny's words Crystal's expression changed. The relaxed posture was gone, replaced by the gruff exterior that showed the day Jenny gave her a ride to the liquor store. "Too late for that, Doc." Laura arrived at that moment, giving Crystal what she so desperately needed at that moment. She drained half the glass before putting it down on the table. This conversation is over, she thought to herself, agitated at how easily Jenny seemed to read her. "Hey Laura, wanna play pool?"

"You have to put your name on the board but I can see if the next person wants to play partners." Without waiting for a reply, Laura looked around. "Hey Kelly, you want to play partners?"

"Hang on." The catcher turned and asked someone wearing a Falcon shirt, exchanging a few words before turning her attention back to Laura. "Sure, Carrie and me against you and who? Jenny?"

"No, Crystal."

"Sure. We'd be happy to kick your ass."

"Are you any good?" Laura asked quietly.

"I spend most of my life in bars and clubs. I can handle myself with a cue stick," Crystal replied. Feeling cocky, she called out to the grinning catcher. "Hey Kelly, you wanna put your money where your mouth is?"

"Where I'd like to put my mouth has nothing to do with money," the catcher replied. That garnered a few comments and hoots from the women around her. "How about a pitcher of beer?"

"Deal," Laura answered for the blushing Crystal. "You rack, we break."

The game progressed but not without several suggestive comments from Kelly and Carrie, especially when Crystal, her upper body covered only with a tank top, leaned over the table to make her shots. For the most part the stripper was able to fend off the innuendoes and occasionally found her roommate coming to her defense. It ended with Kelly sinking the eight ball out of turn, making Laura and Crystal the winners. The two women returned to their table to find fresh drinks waiting for them courtesy of Jenny. Moments later a pitcher of beer was delivered as per the bet made with Kelly. Crystal made quick work of her scotch and soda, her third of the evening, and reached for the pitcher. Laura just as quickly reached picked up a napkin to use as a makeshift coaster, lest any water sweat off the glass and onto the tabletop. The ever charming Carmen came along and talked Laura into joining her one the dance floor while Kelly pulled Jenny into a pool game. Now free to observe, Crystal watched several women slip out a side door. Ah hah. Making sure her lighter was in her pocket, the blonde woman crossed the room and exited through the door.

The side door led to the alley, still lit by the late day sun. Crystal saw the crowd standing on the far side of a dumpster. Most were wearing the red jerseys of the Falcons but two were Airhearts. A red cooler was sitting on the ground next to them, the lid open to reveal several cans of beer chilling oni.e.Jackpot. Beer and weed. "Got room for one more?" she asked.

"Sure," one of the women in red replied. "I'm Diane and this is Liz, Dawn, and Tracy."

"We met at the game," Tracy said as she held out the burning joint. "Crystal, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she replied, taking the offered joint. "Laura's new roommate."

"Oh yeah," Diane said. "The straight one." She took the joint from Crystal and took a long drag. "Well, you seem pretty cool anyway." Gee thanks, the stripper thought to herself. It's not like I have a disease or anything.

"Then again," Diane continued. "Anyone who can appreciate fine herb can't be all bad."

"Spoken like a true pothead," Dawn said. "Keep your eye on her, Crystal. Diane is notorious for plying women with wine and weed." "Yeah, any more notches on her belt and it'll fall apart," Tracy chimed in.

"Fuck you both," Diane joked back. "There's nothing wrong with having a joint or two on auspicious occasions."

"Yeah, like sunset," Crystal said, causing the group to burst into laughter.

"Oh, Blondie has a wit about her, eh? Well fuck you too."

Crystal used the tips of her fingernails to take the remaining end of the joint from Dawn. "Naw, you'd enjoy it too much." The women howled again. "She got you that time, Diane," Liz teased. "That's probably the first time I've seen you not have a comeback."

"You gonna hog it or pass it?" Diane growled good-naturedly. "And as for you," she turned to Crystal. "All I can say is once you've been with me, you'll never go back to a man."

"Amen to that," Dawn agreed. "But then again we can't all be perfect like you, Diane."

"Yup, that's her, all right," Liz said. "Practically perfect in every way. The lesbian Mary Poppins."

"Oh please," Diane said, rolling her eyes. "You see what I have to put up with?"

"Oh yeah, it's real torture," Tracy replied. "Stop griping and pass it around."

Crystal stayed in the alley with the women, smoking their pot and joining in on the jokes whenever she could. It was a sharp contrast to her druggie friends who preferred to spend their time indoors with rock music blasting. She leaned against the dumpster and let the heady feeling of the pot work its way through her body. She relaxed and let herself enjoy hanging out with a new group of people. By the time Jenny found her, Crystal's eyes were little slits and her gait resembled organized stumbling more than walking. Her new friends weren't any better, laughing at her and staggering about themselves.

"It's time to go," the therapist said, putting a hand on Crystal's shoulder.

"I'll give her a ride home," Liz offered.

"I think she wants to get home with all her clothes on," Tracy joked.

"I'll take her home," Jenny said firmly. "I think she's had enough fun for one day."

"Nice meeting you," Crystal said, waving her hand sluggishly. The combination of liquor, beer, and pot had the stripper totally under their control. She made no fuss when Jenny led her back into the bar and over to their table.

"Where'd you find her?" Laura asked, rising to her feet to help Jenny guide Crystal into a chair.

"Outside with Diane and her cronies."

"Yeah, she looks it. How'd she get hooked up with them?"

"I don't know. She must have figured out what they were doing and got herself invited, I guess."

"I've heard of gaydar but potdar?" The writer shook her head. "And you thought it'd be a goodi.e.for her to come out with us. She could have stayed home and gotten trashed or stoned or whatever they call it."

"Trashed looks like an accurate term," Jenny agreed, looking at the semi-conscious woman sitting on the chair before her. "I still think it was a positive experience for her. Come on, let's get her out to the car."

"How do you figure that?" Laura asked while putting an arm around the smaller woman. "Crystal

Crystal, it's time to go. Think you can stand up?"

"S-sssure." Grabbing Laura's arm for support, the stripper pulled herself to her feet. She teetered for a moment before gripping her roommate's arm with both hands. "Damn, guess I drank more than I thought."

"More like smoked, I believe," Laura muttered. "Jenny, you got her on that side?"

"I've got her. Let's go."

"I can walk," Crystal protested, not wanting to be helped out of the bar.

"Walk right into a wall, you mean." Laura let her agitation show through in her voice. Her grip never lessened as she led the trio to the door. "I can see this was a really good experience for her, Jen." She used her hip to push open the door. "Now she has a new place to go get her drugs." "Now you know Diane wouldn't sell anyone pot."

"Sell? Did you see the way everyone acted around her today? If Crystal said she wanted some I'm sure at least a half dozen women would offer to give her some. Oh, there's something positive. Crystal learned she can seduce women into buying her drinks." Laura paused her ranting long enough to open the back door of the Thing. "I thought poor Alex Duncan was going to have an orgasm right there on the infield when Crystal took her shirt off."

"That was pretty funny, wasn't it? I'm just glad she didn't do that again on the dance floor."

"Don't try to change the subject, Jen." Together they helped the lethargic Crystal into the back seat. "How on earth is this a positive experience for her?"

"Think about what you've told me about her nightmares and the way she feels about men," Jenny said, leaning against the side of the orange car. "Do you think she's ever been able to relax this much around a group of people?"

"So in order to relax she has to get drunk?"

"Put the drinking and pot aside for a minute. Last week she wouldn't even come out of her room when you had company at the house. Today she came out to the ballfield with minimal fuss and even went to a lesbian bar. She relaxed and had fun, even before she started drinking." She looked at Crystal, who was struggling to sit up on her own. "I think I'm going to ride in the back with her."

"Good, that way you can warn me if she decides it's time to redecorate the upholstery." Laura opened the driver's door. "You are spending the night at my place, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I've had a few beers. I don't want to take the chance. Scoot over, Crystal. I'm going to ride back here with you." Laura started the Thing and exited the parking lot.

"Is Laura pissed at me again?" Crystal mumbled.

"Why would you say that?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Crystal pulled out a bent cigarette from her rumpled pack. "I dunno."

"Yes you do. Why do you think Laura would be angry with you?"

"She usually is, espec-cally when I'm drinking."

"Why did you drink so much tonight?" Jenny glanced up to see Laura taking the onramp for the highway.

"Felt like it." The little slits widened slightly. "Oooh."

"What?"

"Look at that." Crystal pointed at the lights of a Ferris Wheel off in the distance.

"Hmm, looks like the carnival is back in town. Do you always drink when you feel uncomfortable?"

"What? You think I'm an alky, Doc?"

"Do you think you're an alcoholic?"

Crystal's brow furrowed. "N-no, I don't think so. I never really thought about it. I just drink."

"Does it help?"

"Sometimes." She looked off to her right again, her eyes focusing on the carnival lights. "I haven't been to the fair since I was a little kid." She watched in silence until the lights could no longer be seen. "You trying to play shrink with me, Doc?" She turned to look at Jenny. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."

"If you told me something was the truth, Crystal, make no mistake about it, I would believe you."

"Yeah, shame you weren't around when I was a kid," she said bitterly. "It doesn't matter now."

"If it causes even a moment's discomfort for you, it matters now." Jenny turned in her seat to face Crystal. "One of these days all the beer and pot in the world isn't going to keep those demons at bay. What are you going to do then?"

Laura pulled the Thing into the parking space. "Think we should put the top up?"

"No, it'll be fine," Jenny said. "So do we wake her?"

"Unless you want to carry her."

"Not a chance." Jenny nudged the sleeping woman's shoulder. "Crystal, we're home."

"Hmm? Oh." She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine."

Laura groaned as she got out the car and stretched. "I feel like I've been run over by a truck."

"You were," Jenny said. "Remember, you, Dawn, home plate?"

"I don't know about you two but I'm going in, peeing, and going to bed," Crystal said, leaning against the car. She looked at the front door blearily, mentally calculating her chances of successfully navigating the walk. Taking a step forward, she felt the ground beneath her shift and all sense of balance disappear.

"Grab her!" Laura yelled, catching Crystal's arm to keep her from falling. Jenny quickly took position on the other side and together they walked the drunken woman into the house.

Despite being too drunk to walk on her own, Crystal was in a good mood and quite agreeable to the therapist's suggestion of going to sleep. When Jenny came downstairs, she found Laura in the kitchen pouring steaming hot water into two mugs.

"I thought you might like some chamomile."

"Oh, that sounds good." Jenny kicked off her sneakers and settled herself at one end of the couch, her feet resting on the middle cushion. "I haven't had that in months."

"Probably not since the last time you spent the night." Taking up a similar position at the other end of the couch, Laura took a sip of her tea. "Where did you want to sleep tonight?"

"You mean you're asking instead of hinting?"

"Keep it up and you can sleep out in the Thing."

Jenny smirked at the empty threat. "We're too old to be playing around in the back seat anymore. Since when has there been a question about where I sleep when I'm over here?" Knowing her ex-lover all too well, she immediately guessed the problem. "Because of Crystal? Laura, I don't think she'll drop dead of shock if she found out we slept in the same bed. After all, roommates have to respect each other. Speaking of which"

"I still don't think this is going to work out, Jen. She's just too different."

"Why?"

"Aside from being a druggie?" Laura set her cup down and flexed her fingers. "Let's see she's moody as hell."

"And you never have moods? Might I remind a certain someone of fifty pages of story that disappeared forever when you let your writer's block get to you?"

"That's different," Laura defended. "I was under a lot of stress then."

"Do you think it's stressful waking up from nightmares every night?" She watched Laura fidget. "Or not knowing where you only sister is?" Jenny received a heavy sigh in reply, her point made. "So what else?"

"That damn shower curtain. Did you see it? Why on earth would anyone want a clear shower curtain? I get a great view of the toilet while I'm showering."

"Well, at least you get to admire your fuzzy seat cover."

"Ha! It doesn't occur to her put the seat down when she's done. I'm surprised she remembers to flush." She smiled at Jenny's attempt not to laugh. "I just can't figure out why she'd want a clear one."

"I don't know," Jenny said thoughtfully. "What else can you see besides the toilet?"

"Nothing. Just the sink and door." She shook her head. "Why would she want to see that?"

"Why indeed?" She leaned forward, going into what Laura affectionately referred to as her therapist mode. "Alone, naked, vulnerable. I can't imagine why she's want to be able to see the door at all times."

"So she needs to see a locked door?"

"She needs to feel safe, whatever safe means to her." Reaching out, she put her hand on Laura's knee. "Just like you feel safe when things are neat and orderly."

"I don't like the drugs, Jen. Her last apartment caught fire. She said she was sleeping. What if she set the fire during a hallucination?" "From what I've seen, she doesn't do hallucinogens. She wants to feel numb, not space out and stare at things that aren't there." "Oh yeah, that's much better," the writer scoffed. "She still has a problem with drugs."

"You have to look past the symptoms to see the real problem." Jenny said, leaning back and picking up her teacup. "People who have been severely abused will do anything they can to protect themselves, no matter how irrational it might seem to others." Seeing that Laura wasn't convinced, she tried a different approach. "Think about it this way. She grew up with an abusive father and her only comfort apparently was her sister. Think about being fourteen and having the one thing you depended on most in your life ripped away from you. Then imagine living on your own, with no support, at the age of fifteen."

"It's so hard to believe a man could be so cruel to his own daughter."

"Daughters," Jenny corrected. "And what do you think he was like after Crystal's sister ran away?" Setting the now empty cup on the stand, she twisted around until her head was lying on Laura's lap. "Is it any wonder that she never learned how to properly deal with her emotions and problems?"

"I don't think she has many friends." Laura said. "I mean, how many people would put up with her?"

"Not many," Jenny agreed. "Most would probably just write her off as a lost cause." She gave her ex-lover a meaningful look. "Just turn their backs and walk away."

"You don't play fair, you know that?" She leaned down and, brushing the light brown bangs out of her way, planted a soft kiss on Jenny's forehead. "All's fair in love, war, and trying to get you to see my side of things," Jenny said with a grin. "Now, you have any of that lavender bubble bath left?" "Yeah, there's some upstairs in the linen closet. Why, you thinking of taking a bath?"

"Right after you do."

Laura raised her left arm and sniffed. "I guess I could use one."

"Guess? After running around right field all day and then being in that smoke-filled bar a bath is a requirement unless you want to sleep on the couch tonight." She sat up and stretched, groaning as stiff muscles protested the movement. "Besides, I could use a good long soak about now."

"You go first then. I'll catch up on my email and get some writing in. Do you want the blue or red pajamas?"

"Blue. It's too hot for flannel."

"You could go with au natural, you know." Laura wiggled her eyebrows lecherously. "I wouldn't mind."

"Oh, that's subtle," Jenny said sarcastically. She put her hands on Laura's shoulders and pointed her in the direction of the stairs. "Maybe you should take a cold shower instead of a bath."

"Brrr, you're no fun."

"You just go up there and get your mind on writing instead of in the gutter."

"Yes Mother."

"Keep it up," Jenny warned playfully. "My threat to make you sleep on the couch still stands." She picked up the empty cups. "And don't think I won't."

Crystal thrashed about her bed, the blanket becoming tangled around her legs. In her dream, her father was coming closer, screaming obscenities the whole way. Feeling trapped, she struggled harder, the frantic movements finally bringing her to wakefulness. She looked about the room, momentarily disoriented. "Damn" Taking a deep breath, she rubbed her face with her hands and tugged her legs free of the blanket. Sleepy eyes barely open, she slowly got up from bed and trudged her way into the bathroom.

When she was finished, the half-awake women shut the light off and turned left, opening the door and stepping inside. Only then did she realize her mistake. Get lucky tonight, Doc? The two women were facing away from her, Jenny's arm wrapped protectively around Laura's waist. Crystal started to leave but found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the sight. I thought that only happened in the movies. She had seen a man and woman sleeping in the same bed but never had she seen two people cuddled up so close. It wasn't a case of having nowhere else to sleep, it was obvious the women wanted to be with each other. Upset by the nightmare and envious of the love Jenny and Laura shared, Crystal finally turned away and headed back to her own room.

Well this sucks. Now awake with nothing to do, Crystal looked around her room. Where is it? She kicked the blankets out of her way, turning up a boot and a sock but not the missing remote. There's probably nothing on this late anyway. She opened the vertical blinds and looked out at the night sky. The moon gave little light, barely enough to see the outline of the trees separating the complex from the lake. She retrieved her cigarettes and lighter before opening the sliding glass door and stepping out onto the balcony. Misjudging where the chair was, Crystal ran into it, the metal legs scraping against the wooden deck.

"Huh? Whazzat?" Laura mumbled, picking her head off the pillow. Jenny's hand came up and gently pressed the dark head back down. "Shh. I think Crystal is on the deck." Jenny's voice was clearer, having been awakened a few minutes before by the sound of the toilet flushing and the bedroom door opening. "You go back to sleep, Honey."

"Hmm? Wha time is it?"

"Time for you to relax. I'll go see if she's all right."

Laura mumbled something unintelligible and promptly fell back to sleep. Jenny waited for a minute then slowly slid out from between the covers. Crystal turned her head at the sound of the door sliding open. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I'm a light sleeper," Jenny said as she stepped onto the deck and pulled out the empty chair. "So what gets you up at this hour?" "I had to pee." She frowned as the therapist sat down and put her arms on the table between them.

"That's always a good reason." Hoo, hoo, hoo. "Sounds like we're not the only ones awake," Jenny observed. "Good evening, George." As if recognizing his name, the owl hooted a reply. "Whenever I was in a melancholy mood, I'd come out here and listen to him."

"You?" Crystal snorted with disbelief. "Come on, Doc. I can't see you being like that."

"Everyone has a rough day or night," she added.

"I didn't say I had a rough night."

"You didn't have to," Jenny said. "I'm a therapist, remember?"

Crystal ran her fingers through her hair, straightening out the wild blonde locks. "I told you I'm not into deep chats."

"No, you like to keep everything bottled inside," Jenny challenged. "You know what the definition of insanity is? It's doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Crystal bristled at the words. "And you think talking about is the answer. Patty told and she got the crap beat out of her. All of your therapy isn't going to change what happened." She roughly ripped a cigarette out of her pack and lit it, throwing the lighter down on the table. "So you're just going to keep existing instead of living?" Jenny shook her head. "You're stronger than that."

"What would you know about it?" The orange glow of the cigarette grew, then dimmed behind gray ash. "You don't know what I went through, what Patty went through." Growling with frustration, she threw the cigarette over the rail. "Can you make the nightmares go away?"

"No," Jenny began.

"I knew it." She threw her hands in the air and stood up.

"Only you can make the nightmares go away, Crystal."

Her hand paused on the door handle. How? She leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the cool glass. "I've tried," she whispered, the words sounding strange to her own ears. "Sometimes

" Sometimes it hurts so much. "They won't go away."

Jenny rose and stepped behind her. "They will if you face them." The therapist's hand touched her shoulder and Crystal flinched involuntarily. "Don't let the past keep controlling your present."

"I

" The hand on her shoulder squeezed encouragingly. Crystal tried but couldn't remember the last time someone had been so gentle with her. Her heart pounded in her chest. "I don't know if I can."

"You may not know but I do," Jenny said softly. "It's scary to take that first step but believe me, it's the most important." Her hand, which had stilled, now began moving in small circles on Crystal's back.

"How can I talk about this with a stranger?" Crystal's body stiffened when Jenny's hand began moving, relaxing only slightly when the hand stopped and rested against her shoulder again.

"Start with baby steps. You don't have to take a giant leap. I can recommend several good therapists who specialize in childhood abuse issues." Crystal stiffened again and this time Jenny removed her hand.

Crystal turned around. "I thought that's what you did."

"I do but I don't think it would be appropriate for me to counsel you. You're Laura's roommate and she's my ex-lover."

"So?"

"There's a confidentiality that could be compromised in that situation and I won't take that chance. I don't want to have to worry about what Laura and I talk about and if you and I have both a social and a professional relationship, I don't want that line to accidentally blur." "Oh." You tell me I need help and then you refuse to help me? Bullshit. You just don't want to deal with my fucked up life. Crystal grabbed the door handle. "Whatever. Don't worry about it."

"We can still be friends and if you ever need to talk"

"That's what the therapist is for, right Doc?" She jerked the door open and stepped inside. "Night." She closed the door and blinds, leaving Jenny standing on the deck. A few seconds later Crystal heard the other sliding door open and close, followed by muffled voices, then silence. That's right, Doc. Go curl up with your girlfriend. You don't have to worry about me. She flopped on the bed, only then remembering that her cigarettes and lighter were sitting on the table outside. Fuck. Shutting the light off and rolling over, Crystal punched her pillow twice before settling down. Jenny's words played themselves over in her mind.

"If you ever need to talk"

"I need to talk," she whispered into the darkness.

Crystal pulled the cord, alerting the bus driver that she wanted to get off at the next stop. Looking at the paper torn from the phone book, she double-checked the address and stepped off the bus. The multi-story office building loomed just before her, the large stone numbers on the front confirming it was the right place. It was then that fear rose its ugly head. I can't do this. I can't tell her what happened. Realizing that she looked odd standing in front of the doors, Crystal turned and began walking up the street.

This is stupid, she thought as she moved further away from the building. What good would talking about what happened do anyway? She turned left at the corner, oblivious to her surroundings. Jenny can't make everything all better. She can't take away the pain. So what does she do for her patients? They wouldn't keep seeing her if she didn't do something to help them. Maybe talking does help. She replayed the late night conversation with Jenny over in her head, aimlessly turning corners and realizing with a start that she had simply walked around the block, ending up in front of the building she was so afraid to enter. Lighting a cigarette, Crystal paced nervously outside for several minutes before finally entering and going to the second floor.

The sign on the frosted glass quiet and discreet, J. Foster, CSW, CAC, Licensed Acupuncturist. I don't know. With great trepidation, Crystal pushed down on the handle and stepped inside.

"May I help you?" the receptionist asked kindly.

"Um, I have an appointment with Miss Foster at three o'clock." She looked nervously at the clock on the wall. Five minutes before three.

"You must be Miss Peaks," the receptionist said. "Have a seat. Miss Foster is running a bit late today." The redheaded woman picked up a clipboard with papers attached. "You can fill these out while you're waiting. We need your insurance information and some other vital data."

"I don't have insurance. I'm paying cash."

"Oh, that's fine. We have a sliding scale fee schedule. Make sure to fill out section three."

Crystal sat down in a chair and began filling out the form. She had used her stage name to secure the appointment but put Sheridan down on the form, knowing Jenny would recognize her instantly. She left the emergency contact information blank, painfully aware she had no one to list. No one cares if something happens to me, she thought sadly. She handed the clipboard to the receptionist and returned to her seat. It was obvious from the reading material in the waiting room that Jenny's clients were all female. A small display on the table held brochures educating women how to do monthly breast exams. The magazines were all oriented toward women and several self-affirmation posters adorned the pink walls. Crystal picked up a copy of Lady Sports and was reading an article about a female basketball player when Jenny stepped into the room.

"Crystal?"

She tossed the magazine on the table and stood up, now more nervous than ever. "I um"

"Let's go into my office." Jenny opened the door and stood aside, her face revealing nothing of her mood..

Crystal entered the office to find it not at all what she expected. The desk was tucked neatly into a corner, facing the wall. An overstuffed leather couch facing a matching chair were the only other real pieces of furniture. Several brightly colored beanbags were scattered along with nearly a dozen throw pillows. On the wall were several diplomas, the name Jennifer T. Foster clearly visible.

"Have a seat wherever you'd like," Jenny said in a gentle tone. Crystal chose the recliner, pushing the beanbags away sitting up stiffly. The brown haired woman noticed and sat down on the couch. "Do you want some water or juice?"

"No." What am I doing here? She must think I'm a flake. I shouldn't have come. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here." She started to rise from the chair only to stop when she saw Jenny's raised hand.

"Wait. You might as well sit down. You still have forty-five minutes."

"Well"

"Crystal, I told you I could recommend several good therapists but I

"

"I know what you said," she interrupted. "But" She looked away, focusing on the bright green beanbag. "I can't do this with a stranger. I don't know if I can do it with you," she added in a voice just barely above a whisper. Her heart was beating faster and the urge to run was growing. "Maybe I should leave."

"You can't run forever, Crystal. There comes a point when it's harder to keep running than it is to stand up and face your demons." The therapist leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. "I can't take you on as a client. It wouldn't be fair to you."

Fair? The fear was overshadowed by her rapidly growing temper. "Fair? You want to talk about fair?" She forcefully sat back in the chair and hugged her knees to her chest. "I haven't had a fair day in my life since I was fucking born! Everyone I've known has fucked me over so why not you too? Do you think it's fair that he got away with all the shit he did? Do you think it's fair that he drove Patty away? Do you think it's fair that I get punished just because you and Laura like to play between the sheets?" She angrily kicked her legs out, blinking back stinging tears. "It's not fair." A lone tear slipped through and she turned away, this time staring at the red beanbag. "Dammit."

"You're right," Jenny said after a long silence. "What happened to you was not fair and it wasn't your fault." She treaded gently, aware of the stripper's vulnerable state. "I'm not trying to hurt or punish you in any way." She paused. "Trust is an important issue with my clients. Even the appearance of impropriety has to be avoided."

"If I wasn't living there, would you help me?"

"Of course. It's not that I don't want to help you, Crystal, I do."

"So I'm just fucked again," the stripper said dejectedly, slumping further into the chair as the fight drained out of her. "It's all right, Doc. No biggie." "Let me get you the names of some very qualified"

"Don't bother," Crystal said dismissively. "I knew I was stupid to think about doing this." She wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve and stood up to leave.

"No, not stupid," Jenny said, motioning for her to sit down. "Courageous." She set the clipboard aside. "It takes courage to heal." She paused, waiting for Crystal to look at her. "If I agreed to see you, there are certain rules that have to be made clear right from the start." The stripper swallowed hard and nodded, her emotions too raw for her to trust speaking. She didn't want to do or say anything that would dash the tiny glimmer of hope.

"The most important thing is knowing that whatever is said in this room stays in this room," the therapist continued. "It's a safe place for you. Nothing you tell me will ever be repeated unless you threaten to harm yourself or others. You can cry, scream, yell all you want. The walls are insulated so no one in the waiting area can hear you."

"Okay, Doc." Like I'm going to cry or scream, she thought dubiously, frowning when she remembered that only minutes ago she was on the verge of breaking down.

"I have certain expectations as well."

Crystal inhaled deeply and readied herself to protest. Jenny stood up and walked over to the desk, opening a drawer and removing a small, thick book. At first Crystal thought it was a bible until she saw the flowers and birds on the cover.

"This is a daily meditation book. I expect you to read the appropriate passage each morning and again at night." Crystal took the offered book and opened it. Each page was labeled with the month and date, but no day.

"You want me to meditate?"

"I'm not talking chants and yoga," Jenny said. "Take ten to fifteen minutes in the morning to read and think about the day's topic."

Topic? Curious, Crystal looked closer. Each day focused on a different feeling or problem. Discouragement, self-worth, shame, guilt, and anger were the topics for the next five days. "Looks like real fun reading," she said sarcastically.

"It's not meant to be fun, it's meant to be thought-provoking. This isn't going to be easy, Crystal. If you want to change then you have to make some changes." The stripper continued to flip pages while Jenny continued. "Remember, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

"You like that phrase, don't you Doc?"

"I like many phrases. That happens to be one of my favorites." She leaned back on the couch and tucked her feet up beneath her. "So how does this work? Do you ask me questions and I answer them or what? I've never done this before."

"You're not in the principal's office here, Crystal. We'll do it whatever way is comfortable for you, to a point."

"To a point?"

"Change is uncomfortable and scary. I'm not going to let that fear keep you from growing. I may push you from time to time but it's done only out of compassion and concern, not any desire to cause you pain." A slight smile curled her lips. "I get the feeling, Miss Sheridan, that you can be stubborn as hell when you want to be."

"And I get the feeling that you can be a pain in the ass when you want to be," Crystal countered with an equal smile. "Sometimes Patty would push me to do homework or something and I'd call her every name in the book. Wish I'd listened to her then."

"Your sister encouraged you to do your homework? Where was your mother?"

That question earned a derisive snort from the blonde. "My mother? Oh, you mean the lush that stayed in the bedroom all the time with her cable and doggie dew."

"Doggie dew?"

"Mad Dog twenty twenty and Mountain Dew. Nasty shit."

"It sounds it," Jenny agreed. "Did your father drink too?"

"Case after case of whatever was cheapest that week." Crystal heard thee.g.in her own voice and took a deep breath. "After Patty left, he started with the whiskey." And me, she added silently.

"Let's go back for a minute," Jenny said. "Help me make sure I have my facts straight. Your sister ran away when she was ?"

"Seventeen."

She nodded. "And you ran away when you were"

"Fifteen and a half."

"What grade were you in?"

"Halfway through ninth grade. I should have been in tenth but I got held back a year."

"Did you ever go back?"

Crystal looked at the diplomas on the wall and shook her head. "I was too busy trying to live from day to day to worry about school." She studied the stitching on the chair, too ashamed to look at Jenny. "I didn't do good when I was there so why bother? I can read and write. I get by just fine." "Is getting by all you want to do? Just make enough money to get from week to week with no future?"

"It's all I've got!" Crystal snapped. Don't you fucking get it? I'm nothing. "I take my clothes off for money because that's all I'm good for. I can't make better money somewhere else."

"Then you need to do whatever it takes to make that possible. You're what, twenty-four?"

"Twenty-five."

"Twenty-five. How many more years do you think you can keep stripping? How long before stripping won't be enough to pay the bills? What are you going to do then?"

Crystal gripped the arms of the recliner, her defenses kicking in to the challenge in Jenny's voice.

"Come on, Crystal. What things have you done for yourself that keep you from ending up just another statistic?" Jenny waited a few seconds for an answer, then continued. "All right, what changes are you going to make so you don't end up a statistic?"

"I don't know."

"Another rule, Miss Sheridan. I don't allow cop outs and I will call you on them. Let's try again. What changes are you going to make so you don't end up dead somewhere with a needle in your arm?"

"I'm too old to go back to school."

"Wrong. You can study at home for the equivalency test. Pass that and it holds the same weight as a high school diploma. You can even download research materials off the internet."

"I don't have a computer."

"They have them at the library," Jenny countered. "I don't allow excuses either."

"I didn't come here to be lectured into going back to school," Crystal said. What does that have to do with the fucking nightmares? "So why did you come here?"

"What?" You know why I came here. Why are you pushing me like this?

Jenny repeated her question. "Why did you come here? What are you hoping to accomplish?"

"You know."

"Tell me."

"You know," Crystal repeated angrily.

"Say it."

"I want it to stop," she snapped, glaring at the therapist. "I want the nightmares to stop. I want the flashbacks to stop. I want the fucking pain to stop!"

"So what are you going to do to change that?" Jenny asked, nonplused by the outburst. "What changes are you going to make to make the pain stop?"

Crystal turned away, clenching her jaw and refusing to answer.

"I told you this wouldn't be easy," Jenny said. "No one else can do all the work. It's up to you to make the tough choices and change the way things are for yourself. You're not that lost fifteen year old anymore."

"Now I'm a lost twenty-five year old," Crystal muttered, still refusing to look at the therapist. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?" "No, I think that's what you're trying to tell me," Jenny said gently. "I think this is a good stopping point for today."

"But" She looked at her watch. "I still have five minutes."

"Enough time for us to talk about some more of the rules."

"Oh yippee." Here it comes.

"I knew you'd like this part."

Crystal rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrow at the brown haired woman.

"First, no drinking or drugging before you meet with me. This is serious work and I won't waste my time with someone who can't be serious as well." "Fine." I'll just make sure I schedule the appointments in the morning.

"Second, there's a proper and an improper way to deal with anger. I told you this room is a safe place and you can yell all you want, but" The therapist raised her finger. "The only things you can throw or hit are the pillows." Crystal nodded in agreement. "And I don't just mean here," Jenny added. "At home too. Get yourself a beanbag or an overstuffed pillow."

"Fine, anything else?"

"Get a spiral notebook, a thick one. I want you to write in it each day."

"You want me to keep a diary?" Are you nuts? Write it down so someone can see it? She shook her head. "No way."

"Way. You write in it whenever you want but at least once a day."

"What about?"

"Whatever you want. How you're feeling, what's going on in your life, anything you feel like writing about." Jenny stood up and took the book from Crystal's hands. Finding the correct page, she handed it back. "You still have a few minutes left. Today's topic is self-worth. Read it now and again at bedtime. Read tomorrow's when you wake up and again in the middle of the day. Find yourself ten to fifteen minutes three times a day to read the meditations and think about them."

"And this is going to help, Doc?"

"Remember what I said about taking baby steps. Read the meditations three times a day for the next week and we'll talk about them." They walked to the door and Jenny rested her hand on the curved handle. "Usually my clients get hugs when they leave."

No way. Crystal backed up a step. "I'm not the hugging type."

Jenny put her hands up. "Okay. Just know that hugs are always allowed." She put her hand on the handle again. "One last thing. What I said out our personal and professional relationships, I meant it. We can talk about things in here but if you come to the softball games or I'm hanging around with Laura, we're just Jenny and Crystal, got it?"

"That mean you won't rag on me if I grab a few drinks after the game?"

"As long as you behave responsibly and don't drive or put yourself in dangerous situations." She opened the door. "I'll see you here next week." Next week. She did it. Jenny had agreed to help her. She paused at the doorway. "Hey Doc?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks." Crystal forced a smile to her face. Inside she was both thrilled and scared. "I

I don't know if I can do this but I'll try. Just don't get too disappointed in me if I can't, okay?"

"Crystal" Jenny's hand reached for her shoulder. "I told you this wouldn't be easy. I don't expect perfection and neither should you. What's important is that you learn from your mistakes and try again." She guided Crystal to the receptionist's desk. "Catherine, would you please schedule regular appointments for Miss Sheridan?"

"In a hail of gunfire" Laura furrowed her brow. "In a hail of gunfire

" Shaking her head, she pressed the backspace key repeatedly. "Sounds like something out of a forties gangster movie." Her back was beginning to ache from sitting in the same position so long but the deadline was too close for comfort. "Bullets fell like rain upon no no no no." Sighing heavily, she deleted the sentence and stared at the screen. I hate writing action. Give me a good dialogue scene any day. "The police opened fire, drowning the terrorists with a hail of bullets." Yeah, that works. "Then what?" The cursor tauntingly blinked at her as the seconds passed. "Fine." She began typing. "The police opened fire" Why would they open fire without knowing where the hostages were? She rubbed her face vigorously and blinked with disbelief when she saw the time on the screen. "Grrr." I can't believe it's so late. The pronounced yawn confirmed what her eyes told her. It was closer to morning than midnight and if the page count at the bottom of the screen was telling the truth, she had very little to show for her prolonged effort.

The seconds turned into minutes but no more words appeared on the computer screen. The writer's block that had plagued her for the last several weeks was rearing its head once again. Frustrated, Laura pushed away from the keyboard and leaned her head back, seeing only the ceiling. "All right, let's think about this," she said aloud, as if hearing the words would help bring things into focus. "The hostages are in the subbasement but the police don't know that. So where do the police think they are when the gunmen come out shooting?" Do they even need to be at the warehouse? If they're not there, where do I put them? Do I even need hostages? Why are they robbing the bank in the first place?

"Oooh, I hate this!" Sitting up in her seat, Laura moved herself in front of the keyboard again. The pressure to get the scene done and finish the required chapter on time was doing nothing to help her creativity. All right, just let me think for a minute. To her surprise, the front door closed, announcing Crystal was home from work. She listened as the refrigerator door was opened, then shut again, reminding Laura she meant to speak to her roommate about using the last of the milk and not marking it on the grocery pad. Heavy footed steps ascended the stairs, pausing at the landing.

"I'm awake," she called, wondering what caused Crystal to stop instead of heading straight to her room.

"You're up late." the voice on the other side of the door answered.

"Deadlines will do that to me." She rubbed her eyes and leaned back. "How was work?"

"It was work. Night."

"Night." What's wrong? The defeated tone in Crystal's voice concerned her. Laura opened the blinds and slid the door open, leaving the screen in place. Just in case she wants to talk, the writer told herself.

Several minutes passed and Laura had all but given up when she heard the glass door slide open and Crystal step out. I knew something was wrong. Shutting off the computer, she walked out onto the balcony. The orange glow of the cigarette was the only light in the near pitch darkness on Crystal's side. Goosebumps sprang up Laura's arm as a cool gust of wind blew by. "Brrr, I didn't realize it was so cool out here tonight."

"Uh huh."

"You up for company?"

"I'm not much company tonight," Crystal said dejectedly.

"That's all right, I'm not much either." She pulled out a chair and sat down, groaning as she did so. "I just can't take looking at that screen anymore." "Screen?" The stripper looked at the sliding door. "What's wrong with the screen?"

You think I mean

She forced herself not to smirk at Crystal's confusion. "Not that screen. The computer screen. I'm battling writer's block." "Oh."

Laura watched as the head of the cigarette flared, then dimmed as her roommate took a drag. You weren't kidding about not being in the mood to talk. While debating about trying to strike up conversation again, she was surprised when Crystal spoke.

"Can you go on the internet with that thing?"

"At fifty-six K when everyone in town isn't online," she said proudly.

"Uh huh."

You don't have a clue what I'm talking about, do you? "So yes, you can go on the internet with it. Why, are you in the mood to go surfing?" "Surfing?"

"Searching around, looking at the different sites." Laura mentally chastised herself for not thinking. "Looking for something specific?" "Um, no do you have to pay to use it?"

"I pay a monthly fee and have unlimited access." Well now. It was the first time Crystal had shown an interest in anything she liked. Laura sat up and rested her arms on the table, her eyes adjusting enough to the darkness to see the outline of Crystal's face. Think I'll pick up some table candles next time I go shopping. "You can use it if you want, just don't download anything."

"Naw, I was just curious. I don't know how to use one anyway."

"Well, you have to learn sometime. Why not now?"

"I don't know," Crystal said hesitantly. "It's late and you're probably tired."

"If I go to bed now, I'll grind my teeth all night. Really, I'm wide awake."

"Maybe you could just show me and I could go to the library and use theirs." Crystal stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray and stood up. "I won't be interfering with your writing or anything, will I?"

"Hardly," Laura snorted. "I'm lucky if I got two paragraphs done tonight." She rose and opened the screen door. "Come on, it'll be fun." Once inside, Laura tugged her foot locker over to the computer desk and sat on it. "Help yourself," she said, gesturing at the chair. "I don't know anything about this," Crystal said as she looked over large monitor, tower and printer. "This is the mouse, right?" "Yeah, it's set for lefties, though. You press the right button to click on something."

"Is it supposed to be on the other side for right handed people?" She gingerly moved the mouse over the smooth surface of the mousepad. Her hazel eyes widened as she watched the pointer on the screen mimic her movements. "I dunno. Seems just as easy to use it on this side."

"It is. It's just how you're taught, I guess. My mom is left handed too and she always made sure to accommodate me in that regard. Let's get online and I'll show you how to search the net." Lifting up slightly, Laura reached between her legs and grabbed the handle of the footlocker and tugged it closer to Crystal's chair. "See that yellow globe near the top of the screen? Click on that."

"So I move the pointer thing up there and click this button?"

"Yes, you have to double-click it." Watching the cursor move drunkenly about the screen, Laura tried hard not to smirk. It took Crystal three clicks to open the program.

"What did I do?" the stripper asked nervously when windows and programs began opening by themselves. This time Laura couldn't contain her mirth.

"Nothing. I have it set to open all the necessary programs when I log in."

"You could have warned me," Crystal said with a non-threatening glare.

"I could have," she admitted. "But it was more fun to watch you jump out of your seat." She reached over and took control of the mouse. "See this button here?" One click and the screen changed. "Okay, type whatever you're looking for in the box." Laura sat back and waited for her roommate to type in the information.

Crystal poked at the keys with her index fingers. "Damn. How do you erase on this thing?"

"Use the backspace key, top right side just below the F12 key."

"Where? I don't see anything marked backspace."

"Oh, the lettering wore off." She leaned over to point out the key. "I use backspace and delete often."

"Make a lot of mistakes?"

"I prefer not to think of it as making mistakes so much as refining," Laura said, feeling more relaxed with her roommate. "Actually I tend to rewrite a scene several times before being satisfied with it."

"Sounds like a lot of work," Crystal said, her eyes darting over the keyboard in search of the proper letter.

"It is," she said, pointing out the location of the N key. "But it's also a great deal of fun."

"What kind of stories do you write?"

"Mostly mysteries and thrillers, but I've been known to do the occasional short story for magazines when money gets tight." Which is most of the time, she silently added.

"Okay, now what?"

Laura looked at the search words. "New York State Board of Education? What exactly are you looking for?"

"Just looking," Crystal said, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Someone said I might be able to get some information about something."

Oh yeah, that's real clear. "Well perhaps if you told me what you were looking for, specifically, I might be able to narrow your search down." "Someone told me I could find out how to get a GED without having to go back to school." Suddenly Crystal found an intense interest in her cuticles. "They said there was a way to study for the test on the computer."

"Hmm, I'm sure there is." Duh, makes sense. How old was she when she ran away? "There might even be study guides that you can print out. I have plenty of ink and paper," she offered. "Um can I ask you something?"

Crystal shrugged. "I guess."

"When you ran away, how did you manage to survive? You would have needed working papers in order to get a job anywhere and then of course there's always the worry about the truant officer."

The younger woman hesitated before answering and when she did, it was while deliberately looking anywhere but at Laura. "You really want to know the answer to that?"

What would Jenny say? "Um, if you feel like telling me." Good nice safe answer, Laura told herself.

"Let's just say some jobs don't require working papers or ID."

"Oh." The writer shifted uncomfortably and now it was she that was unable to maintain any eye contact. She did say stripping was a step up. "I see, well

" Shaking her head, Laura quietly admitted, "I don't know what to say."

"Nothing to say anyway," Crystal shrugged. "I did what I had to do." She wiggled the mouse. "So what next?"

It took Laura a second to shift mental gears and turn her attention to the information on the screen. "Put the pointer over Search and click it." She looked at the top matches and shook her head. "You'll have to scroll down."

"In English?"

She smiled at the error, pleased to see a like one on Crystal's face. "Sorry. I keep forgetting. It's just part of my vocabulary. I'm not used to people not knowing what I'm talking about." She explained how to navigate around the screen, finding to her surprise that Crystal was a quick study and she rarely needed to explain things more than once. Within minutes they found a site offering a self paced study program. "This is perfect," she said. "Look at this." Excited by the discovery, Laura thought nothing of leaning in and taking control of the mouse. "You can work on each topic until you're ready and then take a self-test at the end. That'll make it easy. Here." She clicked on a link. "Look at all the modules available."

Crystal's eyes widened. "I'll never be able to learn all that."

"Of course you can. It's not as hard as it looks."

"Easy for you to say. You have a college degree. I didn't make it through the ninth grade."

"Hey, I wasn't born with that degree, you know. I had to learn everything too." She clicked the mouse again. "You don't have to learn everything all at once. Try doing one of the modules. What subjects were you good at?"

"I dunno. I didn't really ever pay that much attention to school." Crystal shrugged in the now familiar gesture. "I'm surprised I only failed one grade." She pushed the chair back, propping her left ankle on her right knee. "I'm not stupid or anything, it's just that studying and homework weren't that important to me then." She interlaced her fingers and rested them on her lap. "I bet you were the honor student. Got straight A's and all that."

"Well, mostly A's," Laura admitted.

"Uh huh." Crystal said knowingly. "Where'd you go, Harvard or Yale?"

"Neither," she replied. "I was supposed to go to West Point but ended up going to Colgate."

"West Point? Oh, that's right. You're an Army brat. So why didn't you go there?"

"It's a long story." Seeing the expectant look on Crystal's face, Laura jerked her chin in the direction of the balcony. "Let's go out there. It'll be more comfortable."