Finding Audrey

MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY – FILM TRANSCRIPT

INT. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY

The camera approaches the door of the study. It edges inside. Dad is sitting at his desk. His eyes are closed. On his screen is a different Alfa Romeo car.

AUDREY (VOICE-OVER)

Dad? Are you asleep?

Dad jumps and opens his eyes.

DAD

Of course I’m not asleep. Just working here. Getting some work done.

He moves his mouse and clicks off the Alfa Romeo car.

AUDREY (V.O.)

I’m supposed to interview you.

DAD

Great! Fire away.

He swivels his chair round to face the camera and gives a cheesy smile.

DAD

The life and times of Chris Turner, accountant to the stars.

AUDREY (V.O.)

No you’re not.

Dad looks defensive.

DAD

OK, accountant to several medium-sized firms, one in media. I do get tickets to concerts.

AUDREY (V.O.)

I know.

DAD

And you all met those TOWIE people, remember? At the Children in Need event?

AUDREY (V.O.)

It’s OK, Dad, I think your job is cool.

DAD

You could ask me about my rowing at college.

He casually flexes a bicep.

DAD

Still got it. Or you could ask me about my band.

AUDREY (V.O.)

Right. Yes. The . . . Turtles?

DAD

The Moonlit Turtles. Moonlit. I gave you the CD, remember?

AUDREY (V.O.)

Yes! It’s great, Dad.

Dad has an idea. He points at the camera, almost speechless with excitement.

DAD

I have it! You want a soundtrack for your film? I can give you one, free of charge. Original music, performed by the Moonlit Turtles, one of the most exciting student acts of the 1990s!

AUDREY (V.O.)

Right.

(pause)

Or I could choose my own music . . .

DAD

No! Sweetheart, I want to HELP. This way we work together. It’ll be a family project. It’ll be fun! I’ll buy the software, we’ll edit it together, you can choose your favourite songs . . .

He has called up a playlist on his computer.

DAD

Let’s have a listen now. Tell me your favourite song – we’ll put it on, play around.

AUDREY (V.O.)

My favourite song of all time?

DAD

No! Your favourite song by the Moonlit Turtles. Your favourite song that your old dad performs in. You must have one? A favourite?

Long pause. Dad looks at the camera expectantly.

DAD

You told me you listened to the CD over and over on your iPod.

AUDREY (V.O.)

(quickly)

I did! All the time. So. Um. Favourite song. There are so many.

(pause)

I think it would have to be . . . the loud one.

DAD

Loud one?

AUDREY (V.O.)

The one with the . . . um. Drums. It’s really good.

The camera starts to back away as a heavy rock track powers through the room. Dad is nodding his head along.

DAD

This one?

AUDREY (V.O.)

Yes! Exactly! It’s great. So good. Dad, I have to go . . .

The camera retreats out of the room.

AUDREY (V.O.)

Oh God.