Finding Audrey

MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY – FILM TRANSCRIPT

INT. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY

From the door of the kitchen we can see Dad and Mum, having a low-pitched fight.

DAD

He needs his own computer. We can’t share any more. I’ll end up murdering him.

MUM

He does not need a computer!

DAD

He needs it for his homework. All the kids do.

MUM

Rubbish.

DAD

It’s not! You know they take notes on laptops these days? They don’t even know what pens are for. They think they’re styluses which are somehow leaking a weird substance. I mean, they can’t write any more. Forget writing.

MUM

What are you saying? That children need computers? That it’s physically impossible to learn anything without a computer? What about books? What about libraries?

DAD

When did you last go to a library? They’re full of computers. That’s how people learn these days.

MUM

(outraged)

Are you telling me that in the African scrubland, children can’t learn to read unless they have a computer? Are you telling me that?

DAD

(baffled)

African scrubland? When did the African scrubland come into it?

MUM

Do you need a computer to read great literature?

DAD

Actually, I’m really getting into my Kindle—

He sees Mum’s face.

DAD

I mean, no. Definitely not.