Finding Audrey

MY SERENE AND LOVING FAMILY – FILM TRANSCRIPT

INT. 5 ROSEWOOD CLOSE. DAY

Dad is making a call at his desk in the study.

DAD

(into phone)

Yes. Yup. I’ll check that. (He taps at the computer.) OK, I’ve got it up now.

Frank barges into the room without knocking.

FRANK

Dad, I need to look something up for my geography homework.

DAD

You’ll have to do it later. Sorry, Mark—

FRANK

But I can’t do my homework till I look this up.

DAD

Frank, do it later.

Frank looks at him, wide-eyed.

FRANK

You always tell me to prioritize my homework. You always say, ‘Don’t put off your homework, Frank.’ But now you’re telling me to put off my homework. I mean, isn’t that mixed messages? Aren’t parents supposed to be consistent?

DAD

(sighs)

Fine. Look it up. Mark, I’ll call you back.

He gives way to Frank at the computer. Frank taps a few times, looks at a website and scribbles something down.

FRANK

Thanks.

As Frank leaves, Dad redials and summons up his document on the computer.

DAD

Sorry, Mark. So, as I was saying, these figures really don’t make sense—

He stops as Frank comes in again.

FRANK

I need to look up the population of Uruguay.

Dad puts his hand over the phone.

DAD

What?

FRANK

Uruguay. Population.

Dad stares at him, exasperated.

DAD

Is this really essential right now?

Frank looks hurt.

FRANK

It’s for my homework, Dad. You always say, what I do at school will affect my whole life. I mean, I would do it on my own computer, but . . . well.

(He looks sombrely at the floor.) That was Mum’s decision. We’ll never know why she did what she did.

DAD

Frank—

FRANK

No, it’s OK. If you want to put your phone call above my education, then that’s your decision.

DAD

(snaps)

Fine. Look it up. (He gets up.) Mark, we’ll have to do this much later. Sorry.

FRANK

(at the computer)

It should be on histories . . .

He summons up a page entitled ‘Financing Your Alfa Romeo’.

FRANK

Wow, Dad. Are you buying an Alfa Romeo? Does Mum know?

DAD

(snaps)

That is private. That is nothing—

He breaks off as he sees Frank tapping at the keyboard.

DAD

Frank, what are you doing? What’s happened to my screen?

Dad’s bland, seaside wallpaper has been replaced by a leering graphic character from LOC.

FRANK

You needed a new wallpaper. Your one was rank. Now we need some new sound settings . . .

He clicks the mouse and ‘Boomshakalaka’ blasts from the computer.

Dad completely loses it.

DAD

Stop that! That is my computer . . . (He gets up and stalks to the door.) Anne? Anne?