Harm's Reach

31

Conor Gorman shifted in his seat. ‘I don’t know why I didn’t do anything,’ he said. ‘I was freaking out. I... she was dead. There was nothing anyone could do... I mean... I was covered in blood. What if someone thought I did it? I was... getting treatment for anger issues... I didn’t think any of that would look good.’

They waited for him to continue. He didn’t.

‘You said earlier that you were aware of the possibility of destroying evidence,’ said Ren, ‘so you must know that as time passes, evidence is also compromised.’

‘Yes,’ said Conor. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight. I... just... I can’t believe it now, even.’

‘Do you know anything about the car that was burnt out at the ranch that morning?’ said Ren. ‘Someone made a call about it at twelve thirty p.m.’

‘No,’ said Conor. ‘I heard afterwards, but just that it was an accident.’

‘Conor, did you steal the car from the ranch to get to where you were meeting your aunt?’ said Ren.

‘No,’ said Conor. ‘I didn’t. I told you. I got dropped off by the bus. You can ask the driver.’

‘OK,’ said Ren. ‘Conor, can you talk to us about why you were sent to The Darned Heart in the first place? I’d like to hear your side of things.’

‘I was causing trouble,’ he said. ‘The atmosphere had gotten really bad at home. I was convinced they were all, like, planning something or trying to get rid of me. I found out at rehab that that was probably because of all the dope I was smoking. It makes you think stuff like that. And I’d been doing a lot of it, and a lot more drinking, sneaking out, staying out late. I totally believed that Aunt Laura had regretted taking me in after my mom died and that I was embarrassing her, so by the time Robert was sending me here, I was kind of OK with it. Until I got here. I didn’t like it. I tried to run, but Kenneth caught me before I even left the building. It didn’t matter... I didn’t want to be there, everyone knew it and, luckily, the Princes said I could come back and spend New Year with them and Laura in the Hamptons.’

‘And when did you go back to the ranch again?’ said Ren.

‘A couple days after that... after I crashed Robert’s car. It was bad. I knew I could have died. Aunt Laura begged me to sort myself out, told me she couldn’t provide for us without her job, and that we were lucky to have the Princes and that I wasn’t to do anything to rock the boat. Obviously, now I know she was pregnant by then too, so... it was probably even worse for her. I didn’t want to mess things up... it was my mom’s anniversary and it just hit me hard — she wouldn’t have wanted this for me. There was no way that she did everything she did, worked so hard, to have a son who was a loser. Like, she was doing all this for me, and then I grow up and be a druggie or a drunk? That was it for me. So I agreed to go to the ranch and to do my last semester there and stay through the summer.’

‘Who chose The Darned Heart?’ said Ren.

He shrugged. ‘Robert, I guess. I mean, he was paying for it. They were able to get me a place quickly... I know there’s a waiting list because it’s so out of the way — it’s not one of the famous ones that the paparazzi stalk. And the staff doesn’t leak information. There are some seriously famous kids here.’

Ooh. Like who?

‘Conor, if you were happy and ready to go back to the ranch right after New Year, why did you leave only a few days later?’

His eyes darted left and right. Short, sharp, didn’t see the question coming.

‘Uh... I just... wanted a drink,’ said Conor. ‘One more drink. It was dumb.’

‘How did you get to Golden?’ said Ren.

‘I went through the abbey grounds, got a lift with some guy that was volunteering...’

‘Do you have his name?’ said Ren.

‘No,’ said Conor. ‘I’ve no idea who he was.’

‘That night, you got into a fight,’ said Ren. ‘What happened?’

‘Just, I got really drunk, there were a bunch of students in there from the college, one of them was being an asshole and I lashed out, punched him in the face. It was just drunken stuff... The Sheriff’s Office came, took me away. Then they called Ingrid, she came and picked me up. She brought me back to the ranch. She made me see that that was the right thing to do.’

‘The students you got in a fight with... were they local?’ said Ren.

‘Well, they were from the School of Mines,’ said Conor, ‘so I guess so.’

‘Did they know where you were from?’ said Ren.

‘They guessed I was from New York,’ said Conor, ‘but they didn’t know I was staying at the ranch.’

‘And have you seen any of them since then?’ said Ren.

‘No,’ said Conor. His eyes were fixed, again, on the floor. ‘I know I’ve let myself down,’ he said. ‘I’ve let everyone down.’

‘You made some mistakes,’ said Ren. ‘You know better now.’

He looked up. ‘Thank you.’

Ren stood up. ‘And thank you for your time. Mr Bergin, could I speak with you alone outside?’

‘Sure, of course,’ he said. He closed the door behind him.

‘I’d like to ask you about a Cease and Desist you sent to a journalist in Butte, Montana, called Jonathan Black,’ said Ren.

Bergin processed the information. ‘Yes, he was about to write a defamatory article about the Prince family. I was instructed by my client to put a stop to that.’

‘Were you aware that Jonathan Black died shortly after that?’ said Ren.

‘I was not,’ said Bergin. ‘What happened to him?’

‘Officially, an accidental overdose.’

Bergin tilted his head. ‘And do you have an unofficial theory?’

No, but I have a stare... a long meaningful one. ‘No,’ said Ren. She shook his hand. ‘Thank you again.’

Janine and Ren walked to Ren’s Jeep.

‘Did you see what Kenneth Faule wrote on that sticker?’ said Janine. ‘I saw you writing.’

‘I thought I was being subtle,’ said Ren.

‘To them, you were. You didn’t write it until halfway through the conversation, and you wrote it up the side of the page.’

‘How did you know that’s what it was?’ said Ren.

‘Because it was a number that neither of them had just said. I knew that much.’

‘It was 96226.’

‘Are the kids inmates now?’ said Janine. ‘They just have numbers?’

‘Well that kind of conflicts with the Faules’ trusting ethos, doesn’t it?’ said Ren. ‘Though it does tie in with the whole confidentiality thing.’

That night, Ren lay on Annie’s sofa, curled into Ben Rader’s arms, her back pushed up against his chest. The room was dark, except for the glow of dying candles on the stone hearth.

I don’t want you to go.

He kissed the top of her head. ‘Your hair smells like cloves.’

‘Interestingly... so does my shampoo.’

He took her arm and held it up to his nose. ‘Your arms smell like ginger.’

‘I’m aiming to be fit for human consumption at all times.’

‘You’ve hit your target.’

She laughed. She turned around to him. They kissed.

‘I wish I didn’t have to go,’ he said.

Me too. ‘At least we have tonight.’

He kissed her again. ‘So, what are we going to do?’

‘What do you mean?’ said Ren.

‘I mean, you and me, traveling between D.C. and here...’

Nothing? ‘Traveling doesn’t bother me,’ said Ren. ‘Does it bother you?’

‘No, but... it’s getting harder to leave you.’

Oh, God. ‘Aw...’

‘It’s more than “aw”,’ said Ben. ‘I miss you when we’re not together.’

I don’t deserve you missing me like that.

‘I miss you too,’ said Ren.

‘I hate going to bed without you.’

‘Me too.’

I don’t deserve any of this. Because I am lying to this man. I am lying and he is wonderful.

‘Ben, I’m just going to come out and say this,’ said Ren. ‘I’m... I’ve got... well, it’s like...’

I can’t do it. I cannot bear saying this out loud. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop. Make it go away.

‘You’ve got what?’ said Ben. She could feel him feel the tears on her cheeks. He sat up. ‘What is it?’ He pulled her up to sit beside him. He had taken her hands in his before she even realized it and was drawing her into his arms.

‘Ren, what is it, baby?’ He held her head to his chest. He stroked her hair.

This man is a saint.

‘Don’t cry, honey. Please, what is it? Are you OK?’

No. I never was, and I never will be. Ben took his seat for The Sane Show. He doesn’t need to see the coming attractions. It wasn’t funny the first time. I laughed, but it wasn’t funny. And this is not funny. This is real life. This man is a good man and I am a piece of shit. I can’t do this to him. I can’t not.

She looked up at him. ‘I’m... bipolar.’

Dun. Dun. DUN.