Harm's Reach

48

Ren and Janine sat in Woody’s. There had been no real food, just snacks and beer. Ren checked her watch. It was close to midnight.

‘I have to call Ben, just give me two minutes.’

‘Say hi from me,’ said Janine.

‘I will,’ said Ren.

I am lucky to have a man like Ben. I am so lucky.

Ren went outside onto the sidewalk and dialed Ben’s number.

‘I will preface this by saying I have not been drinking at all,’ said Ren.

‘So, you’re hammered,’ said Ben.

‘Exactly,’ said Ren. ‘Janine and I are drowning our sorrows.’

‘What sorrows?’ said Ben.

‘Well, poor Janine has been tipped off that the cold case unit is about to be cut.’

‘Not Janine, no way,’ said Ben. ‘Tell her I’m sorry, send her my love. Idiots.’

‘I know,’ said Ren. ‘I will. And my sorrow is about becoming homeless. Annie Lowell’s trip around Europe has come to an end. I have to hand my, slash, her home back...’

‘What?’ said Ben. ‘No. When?’

‘She’ll be back in Denver next month,’ said Ren. ‘It’ll be so lovely to see her, but I can’t bear the idea of leaving the house.’

‘You could move in with me,’ said Ben.

Ren paused. ‘Um... you live in D.C....’

‘You know what I mean...’ said Ben. ‘I could apply for a transfer to Denver...’

Can. Not. Breathe.

‘What?’ said Ben. ‘What are you thinking?’

‘Literally I had no thoughts on that,’ said Ren. ‘None.’ I was too busy trying not to pass out.

‘Could I ask you to have some?’ said Ben.

Ren smiled. ‘Yes. I’m... I will think about that.’

Aaagh.

‘I meant to ask you,’ said Ben, ‘are you supposed to be drinking on those meds you’re taking?’

Well, fuck you, Ben.

‘Ren? Are you there?’

Fuck you.

‘Ren?’

Fuck. You.

‘What?’ said Ren.

‘I’m just asking...’

‘Yeah, well don’t ever ask me that again,’ said Ren.

‘Hey—’

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Janine had ordered more drinks.

Wonderful, unwise move. I love you.

‘Ben sends his love, and was sorry to hear your news,’ said Ren.

‘He’s a sweetheart,’ said Janine.

Hmm.

‘I got some good news on Jesse Coombes while you were outside,’ said Janine, holding up her phone. ‘Well, not for him, but for us. His cover’s been blown at the ranch, a tabloid’s gotten hold of the story. Now that it’s in the public domain, we shouldn’t have a problem gaining access to him.’

‘Not if Howard Coombes can help it,’ said Ren.

‘Well, he’s more than welcome to sit in,’ said Janine.

‘Won’t that be fun?’ said Ren.

Janine tried to smile.

‘You’ll get through all this, Janine Hooks,’ said Ren. ‘We will focus on, in the wise word of Charlie Sheen, “winning”. You’re a strong lady. It’s what first attracted me to you.’

‘I have a confession to make,’ said Janine. ‘Speaking of attraction. I might have a spot soft for someone...’

‘Ooh,’ said Ren. ‘Who?’

‘Robbie. Your Robbie.’

Oh, shit.

Janine stared at her. ‘What?’ she said. ‘What? Define that reaction!’

I caaaan’t.

‘I say this with great heaviness of heart,’ said Ren, ‘but I wouldn’t go there, if I were you.’

‘What?’ said Janine. ‘Why?’

And now I’m the one sending wind from sails. ‘He’s just not in a great place,’ said Ren. ‘I don’t want to betray a confidence, but... I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship. You’re my best friends in the world, you know I adore you both, but... I don’t want you to be hurt in any way.’

‘What?’ said Janine. ‘Robbie wouldn’t hurt a fly.’

‘I know,’ said Ren, ‘but, please, just trust me on this. He wouldn’t mean to hurt you, obviously. He’s just... he’s got family stuff going on.’ Not porn stuff. Nothing to do with sex addiction. ‘He hasn’t been himself,’ said Ren, ‘and I just don’t want to see you get caught up in anything. That’s the most I can say. And I mean it with no disrespect to either of you.’

‘This sounds really serious,’ said Janine. ‘I’m thrown...’

‘Look, I’ve been in your shoes, years ago — I was warned off someone... not that I mean I’m warning you off Robbie... but anyway, I ignored the advice. And I wish I hadn’t. You’re more sensible than me. I’m hoping this will work on you.’ She smiled.

‘I’m not bending my brain around Robbie hurting people,’ said Janine. ‘Sorry.’

‘I know,’ said Ren. ‘It’s... complicated.’

‘Well, I’m surprised... I thought we’d really connected. Maybe I mistook his...’ She shrugged. ‘Maybe I mistook some kind of vulnerability for openness. I thought it meant he liked me.’

‘No — I’m not saying you didn’t connect!’ said Ren. ‘I’m just saying...’

One month ago my reaction would have been the exact opposite. Go for it! Yay!

‘What?’ said Janine.

Oh, I am a destroyer of dreams.

‘I just don’t want you to be hurt. I mean, of course he likes you...’

Can we please stop talking about this? Though, this is my fault. Who gives me the right to say anything or to stop anyone doing anything? If I had never been born and Robbie and Janine met in a bar, they could have gotten together, she would have to take on whatever issues he had, he may have told her, he may not—

‘I guess,’ said Janine, ‘it’s like — meeting a nice guy like Robbie... it doesn’t happen to me every day. Every year... It’s all right for you.’

‘What?’ said Ren.

‘Well, you’ve got Ben,’ said Janine, ‘and possibly that cute guy over at the bar you’ve been smiling over at for the past half hour...’

Ouch. ‘I’m not smiling smiling.’

‘I don’t think he sees it that way,’ said Janine.

‘I don’t care what way he sees it,’ said Ren. ‘I don’t even know the guy.’

Silence.

‘It’s just... you’ve got someone,’ said Janine. ‘So I just don’t think it’s particularly fair that you stop me from going near Robbie. I thought you’d be cheering me on.’

‘I’ve got someone because I met him, just like this, at a bar, just like you could meet someone here tonight.’

‘Yeah, if you weren’t...’

Weren’t what? ‘I’m not stopping you going for it with Robbie,’ said Ren. ‘That’s your decision. I’m sorry I said anything. I was trying to—’

‘I’m sorry too,’ said Janine. ‘Let’s agree to disagree.’

‘I really was only—’

‘It’s OK,’ said Janine. ‘I can’t just unlike him, though.’

Ren nodded. ‘I know.’

‘I’m going to the ladies’.’ She left.

Shit. I totally screwed up.

The cute guy at the bar smiled over.

Well, hello, there. Yes, I’m quite the catch. I’ve just hung up on my boyfriend — yes, I have one! — I’ve pissed off my best friend, and I am nuts.

Ren buried her head in her phone until Janine came back.

‘I guess we should be heading home,’ said Janine.

‘Yup,’ said Ren. She got up and started putting on her coat.

The cute guy made a sad face.

Ren smiled at him.

Consider yourself lucky.

Like one of Aileen Wuornos’ surviving johns...