Harm's Reach

66

The next day, Ren arrived into Safe Streets and threw her bag onto her chair. It missed and landed on the floor. She heard a clatter of plastic.

‘Please let that not be my new compact,’ she said.

Cliff was smiling up at her, but there was something sad in it. ‘Coffee?’ he said.

‘You know I love you,’ said Ren, ‘but you know you favor a weaker format.’

Cliff walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. ‘You can make your own. You’re coming with me.’

‘Out?’ said Ren.

‘Well... to the conference room.’

‘Okaaay,’ said Ren. ‘Have you got a stripper lined up for me, balloons, high-school friends I haven’t seen for years?’

They made coffee and went into the conference room and sat down.

Ren pointed to Cliff’s mug. ‘See, I worry when I see a translucent rim around the edge of coffee. I detect weakness.’

Cliff looked down. ‘I could do with some strength.’

‘Hey,’ said Ren. ‘How are you doing?’ You look shattered.

‘Ren, we got some bad news a couple weeks ago,’ said Cliff. ‘Brenda’s cancer is back...’

‘No,’ said Ren. ‘No. But...’ I thought she got the all-clear.

‘I know,’ said Cliff. ‘Nine years... we thought she was out of the woods.’

‘And... what have they said?’ said Ren. How can this be happening to you wonderful people?

‘Aw, sweetheart,’ said Cliff. ‘Don’t you set me off...’

He patted her hand. She grasped his hands across the table.

‘I am so sorry,’ she said. ‘How is Brenda holding up? How are you? How are the girls?’

‘The doctors are saying six months,’ said Cliff. ‘We’ve had a little time to bend our brains around it but, to be honest, I can only say this to you... it hasn’t made one bit of difference. I’m a mess.’ He broke down. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ said Ren. ‘It’s me, here.’

‘I’m lying to her,’ said Cliff. ‘I’m telling her I’m fine, we’re going to be fine, and I’m not... and we’re not...’

What can I possibly say to that? ‘If there’s anything you need...’

‘I’m going to take time out,’ said Cliff. ‘I’m going to go back to the Sheriff’s Office in JeffCo. I need to be more available for Brenda and the girls, I need to have a shorter commute.’

‘You’ll be working with Janine,’ said Ren. ‘She’ll keep an eye on you.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘I’m glad to hear that you were able to make arrangements that will hopefully make things a little easier.’ She paused. ‘I’m going to miss you so much. The office won’t be the same. You are such a huge part of why I look forward to coming in in the morning.’

‘Thank you, Renald. You too.’

Ren started to cry. She got up and hugged him. ‘I love you, Clifford James,’ she said. ‘This isn’t right.’

Everything’s changing.

No. No. No.

Trigger.

When Ren got back to her desk, there was an email from Gary to ask the team to gather in the bullpen at two thirty p.m. Ren had re-read the mail several times looking for clues as to subject matter.

To know whether I should feel nervous.

Zero clues. Damn you, Dettling.

Her phone rang. ‘Ren — it’s Gary — can I see you for five minutes before the meeting?’

Noooooooooooooooooo! ‘Sure, no problem.’

At two twenty p.m., Ren sat down in Gary’s office.

Minimalist, mahogany, monument to control.

I have spent less time here in the last five months than I have...

Too much math.

Gary was sitting back in his chair looking unnaturally relaxed.

Almost like he has no words of censure in mind.

‘You know,’ said Gary, ‘this is the first time at the end of a big case that I haven’t almost fired you.’

Do not mention meds.

‘I just wanted to say well done,’ said Gary. ‘How you’ve handled your treatment has been very impressive. I respect you a lot for that, Ren. I know it’s not easy. And I’m sure it seems like everyone is trying to spoil your fun, but, this is how it should be. You seem... content.’

Content: possibly the most depressing word in the English language.

Death. Knell.

‘Well, I’m glad you’re pleased with my progress,’ said Ren.

I’m glad you’re pleased.

Gary narrowed his eyes.

Fuck you, Gary, for your freakish powers of reading me.