Honor and Betray

Chapter Ten

We had decided to hold the service at Jacoby’s Funeral Home just down the road from my place. Taylor Jacoby was a frequent visitor of the club.

As we pulled up outside of the modest brick building, I squeezed Emma’s hand, bringing it to my lips for a kiss.

“I’ll be there with you. You don’t have to worry about anything.” She nodded in understanding, and I reluctantly released her hand and got out of the car. I made my way to the passenger side and held out my hand again for her to take. I needed to have the contact with her. I needed to know that through all of this, she was not doubting us. That nagging voice in the back of my head replayed Stephen’s words, and I knew he was right about how selfish I was. But he was wrong about love. This had to be it. I planned every detail of the funeral, making sure Emma agreed with my decisions. She looked so small and frail, and I wished I could have left her at my place while I took care of everything. Death was not an emotional experience for me. People died, some peacefully and some violently. In the end, we would all die, and the world would continue to turn.

Emma was nothing like me. She would carry around the pain, the guilt. I knew she was probably blaming herself for not having had a better relationship with Judy. And although we hadn’t spoken about it, it was more than obvious Judy had not been a saint on the night she had died. Luckily, the police seemed convinced that her nudity was unrelated to her sudden demise.

“Let’s get you back home.” I pulled her body against my side as I walked her back to my car. As soon as she was safely inside, she cranked up the radio and stared out of the windshield, her expression blank.

I turned the volume down slightly as I watched her.

“Do you want to talk…about anything?”

I watched as her expression changed, but she quickly shook her head and reached for the radio to drown out her thoughts. I tried not to take it as a personal slight. It was difficult for most to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, even if that person was less than loving. It made people question their own mortality.

I sped home, just wanting to hold her in my arms again. As we pulled into the first floor of the old warehouse, she pushed open her door and took off for the stairs. I had to take the steps two at a time to catch her. She stood with her forehead against my door, eyes closed. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body and pulled her into my chest. I fumbled with my keys and unlocked the door to the apartment behind her back.

I lifted her and carried her inside, setting her gently on the couch.

“What is it?” I asked as I brushed a few wisps of hair from her face.

“I’m going to lose you, too, aren’t I?” I wasn’t sure if she meant that I would one day die or that I would leave her. The thought of ever being separated from her made me sick to my stomach.

“Never, Emma. You are my everything. I could never leave you. You would be impossible to forget. Why would you even think that?” My fingers slid into her hair, gripping the strands as I searched her eyes. She nodded, not responding to my question.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too. So much.”

“Wait here.” I placed a small kiss on her forehead and forced myself to release her. I wanted normal. I grabbed a Yahtzee box from my closet and brought it out to her. A smile flashed across her face.

“What is that?” She laughed as she cocked her head to the side.

“This, my dear, is a distraction.” I sat down in the center of the living room and motioned for her to join me. She quickly joined me, folding her legs under her body.

“Yahtzee. Really?”

“What? You were expecting Parcheesi?”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the dice. We played for hours and forgot about all the things that haunted us. Emma put the impending funeral in the back of her mind. I focused on trying to please her without gaining something in return. Just seeing her smile made me feel better, and I didn’t know if it were truly possible to be selfless. I was still gaining something from her.

She yawned as she stretched her body out across the floor.

“Quitting already?” I asked as my eyes travelled down her body. She propped herself up on her elbows as my eyes finally found hers again.

“Thank you…for everything.”

I winked and pushed myself to my feet. Did it matter that I enjoyed making her happy? I was still doing something for her, and wasn’t that what love was about? I held out my hand to her, and she slipped her slender fingers into my palm. I pulled her to her feet, and her body slid against mine.

“One more day to go.” I kissed her on the top of her head. As long as Emma was in my arms, I knew there was hope for me yet.