Honor and Betray

Chapter Seven

I needed to feel some semblance of normal after receiving my second chance with Emma. I told her to get dressed and made my way out to the living room. I grabbed my phone, looking back at the door to make sure she wasn’t coming before I tapped out a text to Stephen.

You should not have done that.

After a minute, a reply came in.

I was looking out for you. Your judgment is clouded.

You should have looked out for yourself. You hurt her.

I slid my phone into my pocket as Emma came out of the bedroom. I suggested she find something to watch on television as I fixed us something to eat. As fucked up as I had made our lives, it was moments like these, peaceful boredom in the midst of chaos, that I lived for. I craved the feeling of normalcy as much as I craved control.

I made us cold cut subs while I watched Emma relaxing on the couch as the television screen flashed through the channels. She settled on the news, and I watched as J’s face took up the screen its entirety. I ran to Emma, pulling her in my arms. No matter what I did to shelter her from the world, it found its way to her. I grabbed the remote from her shaky hand and changed the channel before dropping it beside me and turning my attention back to her. I stroked her hair as I tried to console her.

“Shh…it’s okay.”

“I can’t do this.” Her words cut through me. I tried to ignore the pain in my chest. I kept her tightly in my grasp.

“I’ll help you through this.” She did not pull away, and I forced myself to relax. It wasn’t me she was trying to escape. “Nothing can hurt you anymore. I won’t let it.” I let my hand slide down her back as I rubbed it soothingly. She relaxed, placing a small kiss on my neck.

“Thank you.” I pulled back to look her in the eye as a tear ran down her cheek. I wiped it with the pad of my thumb. Her hand shot up to hold it against her face as her eyes fell closed. She trusted me completely, and I would not let her down.

“Let’s get you something to eat.” I stood, keeping her hand in mine as I pulled her to her feet. I led her to her seat at the island and grabbed our plates from the counter, placing them in front of her. She grabbed a chip and popped it into her mouth.

“Thank you,” she said as she brushed a crumb from her lip.

“It’s not my best cooking, but I figured you had to be hungry.” Before Emma, it was nearly impossible for me to empathize with others’ pain. She had taught me how to care again, even if only for her.

I ran my hand through my hair and took the seat next to her.

“No, I mean for everything. Thank you for being there for me.” She smiled. I tipped her chin up to look her in the eye, still unable to trust the love I saw in them for me.

“I’m not going anywhere, Emma. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” I laughed. Truer words had never been spoken.

“Why would I want to get rid of you?”

The smile fell from my face as I shook my head and returned my attention to the plate in front of me.

“Eat. You need your energy.” I refused to let myself think about all of the reasons Emma should turn her back on me and run as fast as she could. I didn’t need to remind myself of all the wrong I had done, because I was all she had left. I had to keep my past a secret now or risk her being completely alone.

“You have barely touched your food.” I gestured to her plate. She had only taken a few bites, and I had eaten my entire sub.

“I’m not really that hungry.” She set her sandwich on her plate.

“Eat.” I wasn’t asking. Emma still needed discipline and guidance. Something she had never gotten growing up.

“I’m really not that—”

I narrowed my eyes, and the words caught in her throat. “I’m not asking.” I grabbed my plate and took it over to the sink. I didn’t need to turn around to know that she had resumed eating. This was the one aspect of our relationship that ran flawlessly. I needed to dominate, and Emma needed someone to keep her in line and protect her.

I washed the few dishes in the sink as I tried to decide where we should go next in all of this. We were almost free to live our lives like a normal couple. But nothing about this would ever be normal. I wouldn’t be able to give Emma the things in life she really wanted. I could never give her children. It was fucked up enough that I pulled her down into my world—but never a child. I put the plates in the cupboard and grabbed a soda from the fridge. I placed it in front of Emma as she put the last bite of food in her mouth.

“Good girl.” I traced the curve of her jaw with my fingertip. Her face turned pink under my touch, and I couldn’t help but grin. I turned back to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. I grabbed a few tumblers from under the island and sat them between us.

“I don’t know about you, but it has been a long day, and I could use a drink.” I smiled down at her.

“Thanks.” I poured her a double shot and slid the glass closer. She picked it up and smelled it, making a face of disgust as she set it back on the countertop.

“Don’t ever hesitate. You just have to go for it, or you will talk yourself out of it.” That was how I went through life and got what I wanted. I slid the glass closer to her. She took a deep breath and drank it down, her face twisted in disgust as she chugged a gulp from her soda. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Again. This time, no chaser.” I refilled her drink as I watched her eye it cautiously. “Drink it.” I said slowly. She picked it up and drank the contents without a second thought. I drank mine as I watched her cough.

“Good girl.”

She smiled widely at my praise.

“More?” I held up the bottle between us. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. I didn’t want her to get wasted, but I needed to help her take the edge off. I poured another round, and we both drank.

“Woo,” she called out as it burned down her throat. The mood had lightened significantly, and I took satisfaction in being able to ease her discomfort, even if my methods were fucked up. She slid her glass back over to me.

“I think that’s enough for now.”

She pushed out her lower lip in a pout and I reached across the island, rubbing over her mouth with my thumb. “Let’s go have some fun.” I cocked my head toward the elevator and raised my eyebrow. She blushed, looking down at our empty glasses.