Inflame

Chapter 22

Present, December 2013

Kale

LETTING OUT a deep breath, I sit up slowly and grab the bottle even though I know in the back of my mind that I need to slow it down. I’m going to be a walking dead man tomorrow, but it’s been so long since I let myself remember that day, and now that I have, all I want to do is forget.

Clumsily, I gather everything up and start to set it all back in the box with as much care as I can muster in my drunken state. I don’t ever plan on going through this again. Even with my alcohol-muddled mind, I think back on Xavier’s words and know I need to let it go. And maybe this is what I needed—a drunken breakdown to remember what I lost. But at the same time, it gives me even more reason to cherish what I have now.

Slowly, I finger each item, knowing that this is the last time I’ll ever lay eyes on them. With all the clarity I can muster, which isn’t much thanks to the bourbon, I say goodbye with each piece that I pack away. I almost miss the sonogram on the floor, but at the last second, it catches my eye and I pick it up, eyeing it warily. Even though this is what set me off, I feel a little calmer than before, and I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, the fact that I let myself relive that day, or the knowledge that this wasn’t it for me. For once, I can look at this sonogram and not feel like my one chance at true happiness has been washed down the drain. Placing it on top the blanket, I give it a drunken pat before I sigh as I close the box. My fingers rub the top, and I close my eyes, whispering a silent goodbye.

Sitting back against the couch, I clutch the bourbon as I stare at the box. Ever since I found out Lucy was pregnant, I’ve been the strong one. As scary as it seemed, I was thrilled. Sure, I panicked when she said she had to weigh her options, but ever since she let me in, I’ve been ecstatic, and it feels different than it did with Tara. The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get that I’m even making the comparisons.

Rising from the couch, I nearly fall over and have to brace myself on the coffee table. Less than graciously, I pick up the box and meander back to my bedroom, ready to put it away for good. Once it’s secure in my closet, I lean back against the door, a sigh of relief leaving my lips. Part of me knows that I needed to relive that, to see those things, but the other part of me wants to scream at the world, call Tara every name in the fucking book, and just get wasted beyond belief. Apparently the third idea sounds like the best, so I head to the kitchen, take out a large rocks glass, and pour the bourbon in it until it reaches the brim. I decide that’s not quite enough, so once again, I bring the bottle to my lips and tilt my head back, the liquid pouring down until I’m practically coughing due to the sting of the bite.

With a grimace, I pound my chest, willing the burn to go away. I place the bottle in the freezer then pick up the rocks glass. Just as I’m about to leave the room, my eyes spot Lucy’s note and the sonogram, both of which I swoop up in one blundering hand, nearly knocking them onto the ground before I can get a grip.

I head down the hall towards my room, walking as slowly as humanly possible so I don’t spill any of my drink, but it’s no use as my shoulder hits the wall and the amber liquid sloshes over onto my skin. Swearing under my breath, I finally make it to my room, and even though it feels like ages, I find myself next to my bed, where I set the glass down on my nightstand. I reverently place the note and the image on my pillow as I quickly undress until I’m in nothing but my boxer briefs. It’s a sweet relief, and I flop onto the bed.

It’s only at this point that I realize that my head’s swimming, and I lift it up and grab the glass, downing half its contents as if it’s some potion that will help me think more clearly when really it’s just going to do the opposite. When I lie back on my pillow, I feel the crinkling under my head. I shoot up and turn around, ready to combat whatever I just laid on. I laugh at my drunk self when I see that it’s just what I put there, and I swipe both papers up in my hand and settle back into bed, turning on my side.

As I’m lying there, I reread Lucy’s note through squinted eyes, and I wish she were here in bed with me. After tonight, I need her close to me. I need her wrapped around me. I need…her. I just need her. Setting the letter aside, I try to look at the other document, but my mind can’t process it. I hold it first in front of my face, then farther out, and then I bring it back in again. Finally, I blink a few times and it comes into focus. A huge, goofy-ass grin crosses my face, and I almost want to laugh, knowing I was in fucking tears just minutes ago. But this? This is exactly what I need.

I’m looking at my first picture of Sprout, and my heart couldn’t be fuller right now. It’s as if one look at him is already healing me, and I find myself wishing he were here with me right now. He and Lucy both. I never thought it possible, but I want them more than anything I’ve ever wanted in the world, and I will do everything in my power to keep them happy.

My eyelids start feeling heavy, and even though I’m not ready for sleep, I know I’m about to succumb. With one last look, I smile at my unborn child.

“I love you, Sprout,” I slur, and I know I’m grinning like a fool in the dark. “And don’t tell anyone this, but I think I love your momma, too.”

The admission surprises even me, and as I start to drift off, I realize those words are true. After everything I’ve been through and all the pain I’ve endured, maybe with Lucy I can finally start to heal.

Lucy

AFTER A fun girls’ night out, I find that I’m missing Kale. We haven’t spent a single night apart since we became official, and I’ve decided I don’t want to break the streak. Fortunately, with all of Kale’s pressure for me to move in, he gave me a key to use whenever I please—his words, not mine. It’s only a little after one a.m. and I expect to see Kale lounging on the couch watching Late Night, but when I open the door, the whole house is dark. I assume he’s just not home yet, and I grin to myself, knowing I can work this to my advantage. As I move through his house, I slowly discard pieces of clothing, leaving a trail behind me. I’m left in nothing but my panties, feeling brazen as I go to his room, ready to wait in his bed until he comes home.

When I walk in his room, I hear a soft snore. My heart falls at the revelation that he’s already home and asleep. Shrugging it off, I pull back the covers and climb in to bed with him, taking a moment to look him over. He looks gorgeous, peaceful, and as much as I want to wake him, I think against it.

My eyes catch something on the sheets lying next to his head and I lean closer to get a good look, not caring that my bare breasts are pressed up against his back. I can’t help but smile when I see that it’s the sonogram I left for him, and I melt at the realization that he brought it to bed with him. He acted kind of weird at the doctor’s office earlier and we didn’t get a chance to talk about it before we parted ways for the evening. I’m so glad I was able to sneak back in and leave the surprise for him.

I’m about to move the photograph when Kale turns, effectively catching me in his arms. He snuggles in close, pressing my chest up against his. The feel of his warm skin against mine is heavenly, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s dead asleep, I’d be making a play. Instead, I wrap my arm around him, just wanting to be next to him. He sighs, and my nose wrinkles at the smell. It’s as if he’s bathed in a bourbon factory, and before I can question it, he begins to murmur.

“Mmmm I’ve been waitin’ on you for a long time,” he mutters, nuzzling against my neck. His ticklish breath causes me to giggle, and I squirm, knowing he has no idea what he’s saying.

“I was only gone for a few hours. Plus, you apparently had your own fun tonight, babe.”

He huffs, and I study his face, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “No fun, Lucy. No fun without you. It was first the best night, then the worst. Then I saw Sprout and it was the best again. And now you’re here and it’s even better than the best. It’s the best times infinity.” I try not to giggle as he struggles to make out the word infinity through his slurring.

Oh, Kale. I have no idea what happened tonight, but my normally calm, cool, collected boyfriend is wasted beyond belief. I can’t help but wonder what set him off.

Running my fingers over his face, I whisper gently. “All my time with you is the best times infinity, Kale Montgomery.”

Even in his drunken haze, a pained expression crosses his face. I notice that his eyes slightly open, and he squints, looking at me. “I love when you say Montgomery. It sounds so sexy rolling off your lips. But if Sprout’s going to be a Montgomery, you’ve gotta stop saying it that way. Unless you’re talking about me.” He pauses, a frown forming on his face. “Sprout will be a Montgomery, right?” he asks in a panicked tone.

I can feel my eyes narrow even in the darkness, and I press myself into him, wanting to get as close as possible. “Of course, baby. As far as I’m concerned, he’s already a Montgomery.”

Kale lets out a long sigh, and his eyes close. He readjusts himself on the bed but ensures that we don’t break contact. His hand is on the small of my back, and our faces are merely inches from each other. I watch him with piqued curiosity. I have no idea what happened tonight, but I’ve never seen him this way. It’s unnerving, yet at the same time I’m intrigued. He looks so vulnerable, and all I want to do is cuddle up in his arms so I can enjoy his warmth all night. I’m about to close my eyes, ready to sleep, when he stirs, his arm tightening around me.

“Promise me you’ll never leave me. I need you too much.”

I’m breathless at the desperation in his voice. His words wash over me, and I swallow hard before responding. “Kale, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

He pulls me in closer, if that’s possible, until I’m practically on top of him. I feel his lips resting just beneath my ear. “If I lost you…I don’t think I could go on. Never, ever leave me. Promise me, baby,” he begs, a desperate plea in his tone.

My lips find his cheek, pressing gently before I pull back to look at him, but his eyes are closed. Something about this moment seems safe, and I work up the nerve to say what’s on my heart. Taking a deep breath, I decide that I can admit my feelings to a drunk-as-hell Kale. He probably won’t remember, so no harm, no foul.

“Kale Montgomery, I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to. You may have no idea, but…” I sigh, closing my eyes, willing the words to come out. I move down the bed until my head settles on his chest, and I can feel it rising and falling. “I love you. I’m in love with you, Kale, and I have been for so long. Who would’ve thought? You’re my best friend, and if I could share anything in the world with you for the rest of our lives, it’d be Sprout. Me and Sprout.”

My breath catches as he stirs until I realize he’s just settling into the bed. I have no idea if my words even registered or if he’ll remember them tomorrow, but I know them, and for now that’s enough. I do love Kale, and I realize now that I have for a very long time.

Kale

THE ANNOYING sound of a phone buzzing breaks me from my slumber, and I fumble to turn off my alarm, knowing that there’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to my routine Saturday morning sparring session at the gym. My head’s pounding as if there are a thousand angry drummers trapped in my skull, and I’m struggling to remember what the hell happened last night. Groaning, I realize I’m not alone and slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times as my eyes adjust to the darkness. Lucy’s cuddled up against my side, and I frown, wondering when she got here. I glance at the clock and see that it’s just a little after five a.m.

After slowly slipping out of bed, I try to quietly make it to the bathroom in search of some relief for the hangover I’m bound to have once the buzz wears off. Pretty sure I still have bourbon flowing through my veins, I quickly down a couple of aspirin before I make quick work of brushing my teeth, hoping to get this damn alcohol taste out of my mouth.

Once my mouth no longer tastes like the inside of a liquor bottle, I lean down and splash water over my face as the events of the night begin to flow back through my mind with more clarity than I would have expected for someone who nearly drank half a bottle of bourbon. Letting out a long breath, I study myself in the mirror. It’s been far too long since I let myself go back to that place. Now that I’m a little more clearheaded, I realize it was probably therapeutic to let myself have a moment to grieve, and while I’ll always miss what I lost, I vow to cherish what I have now. I know I need to look forward and let the past remain just that—the past.

Heading back into the bedroom, I’m about to climb back into bed with Lucy when my eyes spot the sonogram sitting on the nightstand next to my phone. I vaguely remember bringing it to bed with me. Sliding in next to Lucy, I lie back on the pillow and struggle to recall when she came in. I’m pretty sure I thought I was dreaming, not believing she was really with me. Suddenly, the rest of what I thought was a dream rolls through my mind and my heart starts beating wildly as the words repeat.

“I love you, Kale Montgomery.”

Closing my eyes, I let the memory of Lucy’s beautiful admission replay, and as if she can read my mind, she moves back in to cuddle up against me, her hand resting directly over my heart. I struggle to remain calm in hopes that she can’t feel my racing heartbeat.

I bring my hand up to stroke her face, and she sighs softly in her sleep. As I watch her, it dawns on me that maybe everything happens for a reason, and there’s no place I’d rather be right now. No one else I’d want to be with. Anything I felt for Tara pales in comparison to the emotions that Lucy brings out, and I realize that, although I’ve never said the words, I feel the same way, too.

My thumb slides across her lower lip, and I lean in, replacing it with my mouth in a soft kiss. “I love you, too, Lucy Dawson,” I whisper, and I only hope I have the courage to say the words again when she’s awake.

The feeling is short-lived because once I pull back from her, I watch as her eyes slowly flutter open, resting on my own. “Say that again when you’re sober and maybe I’ll believe you,” she responds, letting me know she heard every word.

She moves so she’s on her back and underneath me, and I slip my hand under her shirt in order to rest it on her belly. I can feel the small bump that’s starting to form, and I grin down at her. “I may not be entirely sober, but I’m clearheaded enough to know I mean it. Ever since the moment you looked up at me from that classroom floor, I’ve been a goner. It just took me a little while to realize it, but every second you spent in my bed, in my life, you’ve been working your way in to my heart, and baby, I just can’t help but love you. You make it so damn easy.”

Tears form in her eyes and she blinks rapidly as if she’s trying to push them away. “These damn hormones. I swear, all I seem to do these days is cry,” she says, sniffing as she gives me a sweet smile. “I didn’t realize in your drunken state you heard me. Speaking of, what the hell was that all about? A little too much with the guys, babe?”

I grimace, knowing this isn’t the time to talk about it. Xavier’s insistence that I tell her runs through my mind, but I quickly drive the thought out of my head. Turning on my side, I prop up on my elbow and continue to run my fingers across her stomach. “Yeah, something like that. But don’t try to change the subject. I just poured out my heart to you and that’s all you have to say?”

I watch as a small grin forms on her face, and I wish I could read her mind. “You’re pretty easy to love, too. We were fooling ourselves with this whole friends with benefits things, weren’t we?”

“Apparently, but I don’t mind. I’m a fool for you, Lucy. Always have been, always will be.”

Her hand slides over mine, interlocking our fingers, and she holds them still. She turns her head to look at me, our eyes locking. “I guess that makes me a fool for you, too. It’s just… at the same time, I’m scared. It’s only been a month since we found out about the baby, and it’s been a whirlwind. Are we doing this too fast? Is the excitement of starting a family getting in the way of us thinking rationally? I don’t want to be an obligation, or have you wake up one day resenting the fact that I got pregnant. From the moment you saw the positive pregnancy test you’ve been nothing but sweet, gentle, and understanding. I guess I’m just terrified that once everything settles, you’ll realize this isn’t what you want.”

Her words are sobering and in an instant, my mind is completely clear of all haziness. I’ve never felt like she’s an obligation and I want this, her, more than anything in the world. Sitting up, I turn the bedside lamp on, and then move back in to settle beside Lucy. I want her to see me as I try to reassure her. She’s staring up at the ceiling, so I gently grip her chin and turn her face towards me. Our eyes meet and hers are wide, watery and full of apprehension. “Lucy, we’ve been dancing around our feelings for over a year, and if you recall, I told you I wanted more with you while I was gone.”

“But…” she opens her mouth to protest, and I bring a finger to her lips to silence her.

“I know what you’re going to say, and it’s not true. I didn’t say that just because you were with someone else. He was just the catalyst that made me realize I was an idiot for not telling you how I felt. And then when I got home, you were ready to swear off relationships again. Trust me, when I walked into that classroom after my deployment, I had every intention of telling you just how much you mean to me, and why any other guy would be wrong for you. I just never got the chance because you weren’t ready, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to push you at the risk of losing you. So I took what I could get. If I couldn’t have all of you, I was okay with settling for whatever part you’d give me.”

“Kale, I had no idea…” she whispers, trailing off as if she’s trying to put the pieces together.

I give her a smile that’s laced with disbelief. “Yes, you did. You just didn’t realize it. Or you were too scared to admit it, but if you think about it, babe, once I came back, things were different. We were different.”

She stares at me for a few beats, then nods her head. Finally, I’m getting somewhere. “I guess you’re right. I just didn’t notice. Things have always been so easy with us, so comfortable, and it was just normal—like no other relationship I’ve ever been in. The whole time I was falling in love with my best friend, and I had no idea.”

“I think you knew. We both did, but we were too chicken shit to admit it out loud,” I tell her before reaching over to grab the ultrasound off the night stand. “Not until this little guy came along to give us the push we needed. Lucy, never, not for a second, think that I’m here out of any sort of obligation. We may have done things out of order, but I loved you before you got pregnant, and it’s only increased since then. We may not have known it at the time, but he was created out of love, and I pray I can love you both for the rest of my life.”

Lucy’s eyes start to water as she looks at the sonogram, tracing the outline of our unborn baby. “Thank you, Kale,” she whispers, and I wrinkle my brow at her. She smiles softly and my heart squeezes at the sight. “For him. For us. You’re everything I never knew I wanted, and you’ve given me the greatest gift love has to offer. I trust you. I trust us. And you’re right. This was a long time coming. He just helped out a little by showing up earlier than expected.”

Hearing that she trusts me brings upon sudden relief, and I hope I’ve done enough to alleviate her doubts. Leaning down, I place a searing kiss on her lips. “It was all my pleasure, baby,” I respond. “And maybe some of yours, too.”

She giggles against my lips, and then lets out a big yawn as I pull away. I turn off the light and lie back down, pulling her into me so we’re chest to back. “I’m probably going to feel like ass all day, so let’s try and get some extra sleep. All this serious talk has sobered me up too quickly, and if I don’t get some more shut eye, you’re going to be dealing with one hell of a grump.”

“Sounds good to me. The girls wiped me out last night and a few more hours of sleep sounds perfect,” she pauses as I feel her relax against me. “Love you.”

Wrapping my arm around her tighter, I smile into her hair. “I love you, too.”

And I mean it. Every single word.