Inflame

Chapter 26

Lucy

“AS MUCH as I adore our friends, I thought they would never leave,” I tell Kale as we settle into bed for the night. Once Xavier showed up, the guys just had to start up a game of poker, so the girls and I spent the night creating Pinterest boards for both baby things for Lexi and me and wedding planning for Charlie.

It was a blast being able to look at strictly items for baby boys, but it’s still daunting how much stuff out there that they suggest you get. Kalli texted me earlier to remind me to start a registry for the baby shower, and I decided that Pinterest could totally market that because they have some of the coolest baby gear. Not to mention, Charlie has about fifteen different wedding favor ideas on her board, and we had to stop her from adding any more. As fun as it was, when everyone left at nearly two in the morning, I was more than ready for bed. But now that I’m settled with the baby name book in my hands, I feel a renewed energy and want to get a head start on this list making. Like Kale said, as much as I love Sprout, I’m ready to give my sweet baby boy a name.

“Sorry, baby. I could’ve ended the game early, but I needed one last hand to wipe out Knox’s stash,” Kale says apologetically as he climbs in bed beside me.

I hand him a pad of paper and a pencil so he can jot down any names we like. “It’s fine. At least tomorrow’s Saturday. If your six a.m. alarm goes off for you to go to the gym, I’m probably going to kick your ass.”

He immediately grabs his phone and shuts it off. “If you want to sleep in, we’re sleeping in. We had a long day today, so I’m at your mercy tomorrow.”

“Perfect. Okay. Now, are you ready to do this?” I ask, knowing that this isn’t going to be an easy task.

Flipping to the boy name section, I start with the A’s. Kale sits up against the headboard and holds his arm out so I can cuddle up against his chest. As we flip through the pages, we make it to the D’s without seeing anything we like. All of a sudden, Kale points to a name.

“This is perfect! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that,” he says, almost to himself.

Peering at the name, I shake my head when I see it. “I am not naming my kid Dawson. For one, I’ll be hearing that annoying theme song from the show in my head. And secondly, that’s my last name. I can just see me introducing myself to his kindergarten teacher. ‘Hi, I’m Lucy Dawson and this is my son Dawson Montgomery.’ Sure, it’s a cute idea, but that’d just be weird!”

Kale moves his arm so my back’s now on the headboard. He slides down the bed and places his head on my belly. After tapping it with his finger, he pulls my shirt up to give my bare skin a kiss.

“Don’t listen to her, son. She doesn’t know what she’s saying,” he whispers gently, smiling against my skin. He turns to look at me, a bright smile covering his face. “Lucy, you’re not going to be a Dawson forever, you know.”

My heart leaps into my throat at his insinuation. We’ve talked about forever before, yet the subject of marriage has never actually come up. I’m not sure if it’s the high of the day or what. This is the first time he’s ever mentioned it, and I try to calm my racing heart.

“Is that so, Montgomery?” I ask, using his name for emphasis. My hand comes down to rest on his head and I mindlessly play with his hair.

Shifting, he places his chin on my stomach as he looks up at me with soft eyes. “That’s so, Dawson. I plan on making an honest woman out of you one of these days. Knox just stole my thunder. Asshole.”

I know he’s teasing, but at the same time, I hear the honesty behind his words.

My fingers tangle in his hair, and I pull a little less than gently. “It’s 2014, Kale. There’s no such thing as an honest woman anymore.”

“Ouch. Dammit, baby. You’ve been working on your grip.” He gives me a mouthwatering smile, and I melt. I watch as he sits up, and he lifts my chin as his lips hover just above my own. My breath quickens as his eyes gaze into mine. “Lucy Dawson, I love you. More than I’ve ever loved any woman, and more than I’ll ever love anyone else. In a few short months, you’re having my son. Sometime after that—and I don’t know when—I’ll ask you to marry me, and I’ll stand at the end of an aisle as you walk towards me to make me the happiest man alive. Which kind of seems impossible because I’m pretty sure I’m that man already. But one of these days, you’re going to take my name. And I can’t freakin’ wait.”

Before I can respond, his lips brush against mine in a soft, slow kiss. When he pulls away, he settles in beside me again and picks up the book from my hands.

“Now, where were we?” he asks as he flips through the pages. “What about Gage? That’s kind of a badass name.”

Wrinkling my nose, I try out the name. “Gage Montgomery? Hmm. Mark that one down as a possibility.”

“Awesome. He’d be the baddest kid on the playground.”

“Oh yeah, that’s exactly what I need. A little badass you. That’s not a frightening thought at all.” I continue to look through the pages for names that stick out. “Oh, how about Jackson? I love that name for little boys.”

Kale shakes his head vehemently. “No way. Jackson Montgomery was Erica Kane’s, like, fifth or sixth husband. I am so not naming my son after a soap opera character.” He pauses as I cock my eyebrow up at him, and I try to stifle my giggles. “Babe, we’ve been over this. I grew up with three women. I know every single storyline on All My Children until 2003. I hate to admit it, but even I was gutted when Leo died.”

“Okay, okay. Scratch Jackson off the list,” I tell him, and we continue to go back and forth with names until we get to the Z’s, where I quickly nix his suggestion of Zeb.

Closing the book, I look at the list in his hand and see that we have about twenty names to choose from. Not too bad for the first run-through. Setting the book on the night stand, I curl up under the covers. Kale turns off the light and pulls me into his arms. Resting my head against his chest, I feel his rise and fall with his breathing.

“Hey, Kale?”

“What’s up, baby?”

“Just so you know… Some day in the future, I’ll say yes.”

His chest stops moving for a beat and then I feel him let out a deep breath. “Good to know, Lucy. Good to know. Now get some sleep.”

“Love you, babe,” I say, cuddling in closer.

“And I love you.”

Kale

I’M IN the bedroom trying to put together a bassinet for Lucy when the sound of the doorbell breaks my concentration. Even though we have the whole nursery set up, Mom advised me that, even if she doesn’t know it now, Lucy will want the baby in our room for the first couple of weeks, so when Lucy left with Charlie to go do some wedding shopping, I went out and bought one so I could surprise her. Looking down at my handiwork, I’m satisfied with a job well done and can’t wait for Lucy to get home to see it. I set it in the corner by her side of the bed and head down the hallway to answer the door.

“Uncle Kale!” Lily exclaims as she barrels through the door, wrapping her arms around my legs.

“Hey, Lil,” I tell her, bending down for a hug as I give Xavier a nod and motion for him to come in.

“Hey, man. Thanks for being down to watch her at the last minute,” Xavier says.

“Not a problem. Lucy abandoned me for the day anyway, and I never mind spending time with my favorite girl.”

Lily giggles then suddenly starts digging through her book bag. She pulls out a stuffed animal and hands it to me. It’s an old Winnie the Pooh that’s clearly seen better days. “This is for the baby, Uncle Kale. I’m getting too old for stuffed animals, and since you gave it to me, I thought it would be neat for him to have.”

“Don’t worry. We washed it,” Xavier chimes in.

Looking at Lily, I give her an appreciative smile. I’m touched by the thoughtfulness of this nine-year-old, but she’s always had a sweet heart, so I shouldn’t be surprised. “Thanks, Lily. I’m sure he’ll love it, and so will Lucy.”

“Okay, Lil, I’ve gotta run. Be good for Kale. Love you,” he tells her, giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

“See ya, Daddy,” she says flippantly, and Xavier rolls his eyes.

“She’s getting way too old.” And I nod in agreement. “You kids have fun.”

Once Xavier leaves, I turn to Lily and ask what she wants to do for the day. Naturally, she wants to explore the nursery, and she tells me at least three times how much she wishes we were having a girl. When I show her the bassinet, she decides that it’s the perfect place for Winnie, and I have to agree. After she inspects nearly every baby item, toy, and article of clothing we have, she finally gets bored with it.

“Let’s go play outside,” she suggests, and I’m happy for the warmer late March weather we’ve been blessed with this weekend. I’ll do anything to keep her entertained.

We head to the backyard. As I look around, I realize that it’s pretty empty. Making a mental note to check out outdoor toys for kids, I turn to Lily. “Well, what do you want to do?” I ask, and she mulls it over.

“Let’s play catch,” she says, and I grin as she pulls her small mitt and softball out of her backpack. She’s definitely her father’s kid.

“Sounds good. Just give me a second to get my glove,” I tell her, running inside to get it.

We spend time throwing the ball back and forth, but as much as she tries, we end up chasing the ball more than either of us catches it. I don’t mind though, and I imagine doing this same thing in a few years with my son. I can’t freaking wait.

“I suck at this,” Lily huffs after she misses another catch. “I don’t even know why I play.”

I pause and give her an encouraging look. “Hey. You keep playing because it’s fun. And if you quit, you’ll never improve. Plus, I’ll let you in a little secret.” She eyes me warily. “When Kalli was your age, she couldn’t ever catch the ball. Ever. So you’re already doing much better than her.”

Lily giggles and I smile, knowing that I helped put her at ease. “Kalli’s good at everything though.”

“Everything but playing catch. So keep at it, kid, and you’ll be catching and throwing like a champ in no time.”

She sighs heavily but then gives in. “Okay. I’ll keep trying.”

The next pass I throw to her is way too hard and it sails over her head and into the front yard. “I’ll get it,” she yells as she runs around the side of the house before I can stop her.

“Lily, wait!” I yell as I run after her. When I round the corner, I see the ball rolling across the street and Lily following it without looking. “Lily!”

“Don’t worry! I’ve got it!” she yells back at me without looking.

She darts into the street at the same time that a car flies down the road, and I feel like my whole world stops as I watch it hit her. In what feels like slow motion, she’s launched into the air, and I feel like I’m having a flashback to the explosion. My breath stops as I remember the aftermath and I struggle to believe what I’m seeing. With a loud crash, Lily’s body lands on the pavement, and even from twenty feet away, I can tell she’s not moving. My brain kicks into overdrive and I sprint to her.

I let my basic Army medical skills take over as I make sure she has a pulse and is still breathing, and I let out a sigh of relief when I feel her breath on my cheek. She’s unconscious, and a small trail of blood is oozing out of her nose. Giving her a once-over, I can’t see any broken bones, and I silently thank God for that small triumph. I tear off my shirt and ball it up, slowly lifting her head to place it under her. When I pull my hand away, I’m frozen as I see the sticky crimson liquid covering my fingers.

The driver, a young male, gets out of the car. “Man, I didn’t see her. I swear to God I didn’t fucking see her,” he repeats, and right now, I don’t care. All that matters is Lily, and without knowing the extent of her injuries, I know I can’t move her.

I turn to look at him, and I can tell he’s scared out of his mind. “Call an ambulance!” I shout, and he scrambles to his car get his phone. I vaguely register him explaining to the 911 operator what happened.

Time seems to stand still as I kneel next to Lily, my goddaughter, my saving grace, and the thought of losing her is overwhelming. Running my hand along her forehead, I whisper encouraging thoughts to her, but every minute that passes without her waking up, I become more and more afraid that I’m about to lose the one thing that kept me together for all these years.

Sirens sound in the distance, but I don’t move until I feel hands pulling me up from her. A paramedic starts asking questions as two others slowly, carefully, transfer Lily to a stretcher.

“Sir, can you tell me what happened to your daughter?” the young woman asks, and I have to choke back a cry as I pick up the shirt that has been a pillow for her. It’s speckled with her blood, but I don’t care.

“She’s…she not my daughter. She’s my goddaughter.” Clearing my throat, I struggle to continue as I watch the crew load her in the ambulance. “We were playing catch and the ball went into the yard across the street. She ran out into the road to get it before I could stop her. And then, she was hit.”

“Did she lose consciousness right away?”

As we climb into the back of the ambulance, I tell the paramedic everything that happened after she was hit, but I can’t take my eyes of Lily. She looks so pale, so lifeless lying on the stretcher, and as I watch one of the paramedics wipe away the blood from her nose, I realize what that could mean. Closing my eyes, I lean my head back and beg the Lord that Lily will be okay. That Xavier isn’t going to lose her. And that it didn’t happen on my watch.

Once we pull up to the emergency room, I hop out quickly and follow behind as they wheel her into the hospital. I try to follow, but a nurse stops me in the waiting room before I can go past the doors.

“Sir, you can’t go back there right now. I assure you, she’ll get the best care, but for now I need you to help her by filling out these forms so we can properly treat her.”

My eyes races to meet hers as I sink into a chair and take the clipboard. “You’ll keep me informed on her condition?”

“Are you the father?”

“Yes.” The lie rolls right off my tongue, and I know I should take it back, but I can’t sit out here without knowing what’s going on.

“Then of course. Now please fill out the paperwork and get it back to me as soon as possible.”

Swallowing hard, I nod and begin to fill out everything I can. Having known her all her life, I know most of the answers, but there are some that I need Xavier for. Panicking, I realize I haven’t called him. After setting the clipboard down, I grab my phone and head outside, ready to make the most dreaded phone call of my life.

I’M ABOUT to start pacing the waiting room when Xavier runs in. “Where the fuck is she?” he demands as he grabs my shoulders, looking at me with wild eyes.

Just as I’m about to admit that I don’t have any information, the doors open and we both turn towards them. A doctor consults with the nurse and she points to me. He makes his way over and holds out a hand to me. “Mr. Cruz,” he begins, and I clear my throat.

“This is actually Lily’s father. I’m just her godfather,” I admit, and he doesn’t bat an eye as he turns to Xavier.

“As I was saying, Mr. Cruz, I’m Dr. Simon and I’ve been assigned to your daughter’s case. Upon initial x-ray, we can tell that she has a couple of broken ribs, most likely from the impact of hitting the ground. At this point, what we’re concerned with is traumatic brain injury. We don’t know how hard she hit her head against the pavement, but she does have a small hairline fracture on her skull, with a pretty deep gash, indicating there was some force when she landed. We’re going to take her for a CT scan so we can check for any brain swelling or hemorrhaging. Once we’re done with that, I’ll have a nurse come out and get you so you can see her.”

Xavier closes his eyes and swallows hard before reopening them. “Thanks,” is all he says before he turns around and slides down in one of the chairs.

The doctor gives me a tight smile and then turns and walks away.

When I sit next to Xavier, he leans forward, placing his elbow on his knees. “I can’t lose her, man. She’s all I’ve got.”

Guilt flows through me as I place a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, that’s not going to happen. She’s going to be fine.”

He turns to look at me, and I can see the fear that mirrors my own in his eyes. “You don’t know that, Kale. What if she doesn’t wake up? She’s my whole world. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s everything to me.”

As I sink back in to my chair, I have no idea what to say. No words of consolation will ever be enough. “I’m so fucking sorry, Z. I should’ve had the gate shut or been watching her better. I’m so fucking sorry.” I can barely choke the words out as the guilt creeps in and wraps around my heart like a vise.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking blame yourself for this. You told me what happened, and it could’ve happened with anyone. It’s not your fault, and don’t make this harder on yourself by feeling like it is.”

I have no idea how he can be rational about it, but I appreciate his words, even if they do little to assuage my guilt. After handing the unfinished paperwork to Xavier, I watch as he loses himself in filling it out, and I’m thankful for the distraction. Once he finishes, he makes his way to the nurses’ station and hands it over.

I don’t know how long we sit in silence, both of us nervously shaking our legs in anticipation of hearing some news, any news, about her condition. Out of nowhere, Dr. Simon approaches and we both quickly jump to our feet, eager to hear the news.

“Mr. Cruz, the results from the CT scan show there is a slight swelling in Lily’s brain.” I hear Xavier’s sharp intake of breath as my heart starts rapidly beating. “That being said, it’s a minor cerebral edema, and we’re treating it with painkillers and corticosteroids. It doesn’t appear to be severe enough to require surgery. She has a concussion, but she is awake and appears to have full function of her motor skills. She’s been asking for you,” he tells Xavier.

“So, she’s going to be okay?” Xavier asks for clarification.

“Well, brain injuries can be tricky, but it appears that Lily’s going to be just fine. She’s going to be sore for a while, and like I said, we want to monitor the swelling, but all in all, she’s a lucky little girl. It could’ve been much worse. Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you back to her.”

“You comin’?” Xavier asks, and I shake my head, not sure I’m ready to see her. To see what I did to her.

“You go ahead. I’m going to call Lucy and tell her what’s going on. Whenever Lily’s ready for more company, I’ll be out here waiting.”

He gives me a perceptive nod then follows the doctor, and I watch as they disappear down the corridor. I head outside, not wanting anyone to hear me freaking the fuck out as I call Lucy to tell her the news. That Lily’s in the hospital and it’s all my fault.